Just checking in

Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. But life has been busy.

Eliana is going to be 3 on Nov 14th. In my last post I had expressed some allergy issues. We found out that Eliana does have allergies to dairy, wheat, gluten, corn, potatoes, corn, white rice and has an intolerance to sugar. And these allergies were dismissed by the ER and the pediatric gastroenterologist.

Eliana also has reflux, delayed gastric emptying, food aversions and asthma. She had 15 months of speech therapy. 12 months each of occupational and developmental therapy. She was evaluated 2 months ago and is now academically 6 motnhs ahead.

I'm SO proud of her. We deal with her health issues on a daily basis. As she gets older then are more non existant then before.

Right now I'm taking a photography class online and in real life. I just got a new camera a week ago today. It i awesome and can't wait to get some more photos to share with you. I had 2 photo shoots this week but rescheduled due to rain. We are 30 inches behind in rainfall this year. But figures when I need to be outdoors it rains LOL.

Well, Eliana needs my attention so I need to run for now. Hope everyone has a good weekend!


Jeannette
Gracious Sun Photography
http://gracioussunphotography.photoworkshop.com/ - Taken with my old camera. Will be getting photos with my new camera up soon.

Continuing pregnancy after failed methotrexate abortion

I frequently get questions about my statistics on failed medical abortions. I'm going to start addressing those questions here so that everyone has access to this information. I'll start with methotrexate, since I just got a question from Anna about this over the weekend.

The information I have on the website regarding methotrexate exposure was based on research that I did on the internet. First of all, it's very important to understand that the majority of studies that were done on embryos and fetuses were done when the woman was undergoing regular methotrexate treatment for rheumatoid arthritis, cancer, or other conditions. That would mean repeated exposure at high doses. When evaluating the potential risk to the fetus, we need to consider if the exposure was repeated or a one-time thing. A medical abortion with methotrexate uses a small dose given one time.

A couple of other things to mention first...you might see a lot of abortion clinics on the internet warning against continuing a pregnancy after methotrexate (MTX) exposure; however, it's important to remember that they are trying to prevent lawsuits should a deformity occur. You'll read a lot of differing advice on the internet, and it's important to note that no one can guarantee that a baby will or will not be affected.

It's also important to note that during the first 2 weeks after conception, the embryo is not susceptible to teratogenicity (http://www.fda.gov/cber/gdlns/rvrpreg.htm#iii - scroll to "timing of exposure"). Methotrexate abortions should only be done in the first 7 weeks from the first day of your last period.

• http://www.motherisk.org/prof/commonDetail.jsp?content_id=215 This is the main article I based my research on. It has a significant amount of research done, but this research was done for cancer treatment, meaning high, repetitive doses.
• http://faculty.uml.edu/mark_hines/81.452/media/vail.pdf#search=%27methotrexate%20abortion%20dose%27 Particularly the "discussion" section here is helpful
  
• http://www.medicationabortion.com/methotrexate/ Particularly the "side effects and complications" section here
• http://www.prochoice.org/pubs_research/publications/downloads/professional_education/medical_abortion/early_med_abortion_overview_2002.pdf Particularly page 25
• http://rheumatology.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/content/full/44/5/698

Most of these articles point to the fact that 'yes,' methotrexate can cause anomalies at any dose at any time given, but it is considerably less likely that a baby will be born with anomalies after a failed methotrexate abortion because (1) the dose is much lower than that given in cancer or for arthritis treatment and because (2) the dose is not repeated.

If you are having a continuing pregnancy after a methotrexate/misoprostol abortion and you want to remain pregnant, you do not have to have a surgical abortion. The clinic cannot make you have one. Please contact an OB/GYN or a maternal-fetal medicine obstetrician for guidance. Ultrasounds can be done to check for any abnormalities that may be present.

I hope this clears up any questions that anyone may have about a failed methotrexate abortion. Please reply to discuss this further if you would like.

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print issues

I printed these pages and had some images run over/into the words (ie the human egg and human sperm and others), the margins were set incorrectly because the last 2 words were cut off from each sentence and some of the lines were cut from top and bottom. Did anyone else have these problems? It's such a shame because I finally found this great site from which to print very important info for my coworker and now I can't give it to her to read since so much text is affected.

I tried to edit my print options but still couldn't get the pages to print correctly. My coworker doesn't have a computer so I'm trying to help.

Any correspondence is appreciated.

Thank you very much.
Luisa

Abbreviations

Here is a list of the more common abbreviations you might see here:



AB - Abortion

AF - Aunt Flo (your period)

BC - Birth control

BCPS - Birth control pills

BD - Baby dance (sex)

BF - Boyfriend or breast-feed

BFN - Big fat negative pregnancy test

BFP - Big fat positive pregnancy test

BRB - Be right back

BTDT - Been there done that

BTW - By the way

CD - Cycle day

D&C - Dilation and curettage

D&E - Dilation and evacuation

D&X - Dilation and extraction AKA partial-birth abortion

DD - Dear daughter

DH - Dear (or darned) husband

DPO - Days post ovulation

DS - Dear son

EDD - Estimated due date, or expected date of delivery

FWIW - For what it's worth

FYI - For your information

HPT - Home pregnancy test

HTH - Hope this helps

IMHO - In my humble opinion

IMO - In my opinion

JK or J/K - Just kidding

KWIM - Know what I mean

L&D - Labor and delivery

LOL - Laughing out loud :lol

MC or M/C - Miscarriage

NP - No problem

O - Ovulation

O'd - Ovulated

OMG - Oh my gosh :eek

OP - Original poster

OT - Off topic

PBA - Partial Birth Abortion

PG - Pregnant or pregnancy

PP - Previous poster

ROFL - Rolling on floor laughing :rollin

SAHM - Stay-at-home mom

TIA - Thanks in advance

TTC - Trying to conceive

US or U/S - Ultrasound

Netiquette

There is basic etiquette that everyone should be aware of. While these are by no means rules, they should be followed to promote understanding and communication.

1. Don't write in all capital letters - this makes it appear as if you're yelling at the reader and it's also harder to read.

2. Don't swear or use obscene language.

3. Don't give out personal information. Your first name is fine, as well as your city and state.

4. Never offer to give money on the boards, and please do not ask for money. There are countless organizations that will help a pregnant woman, and our job is to put you in contact with them.

5. Lastly, if you are the original poster, please check back to see if you have responses. It can be very frustrating to give a lot of advice and provide a list of resources and then never hear back from the poster.

Love,

Rose

Privacy While Online

Lately, it's been brought to my attention a couple of times that people from this board are being found through search engines. This can definitely happen. Unfortunately, there is nothing that I can do on my end. I cannot block all search engines from "crawling" the board here. Some of them follow the directions I give to leave the board alone, and others don't.

Since this is such a very private issue, there are ways to make sure that no one finds you.

1. Use a new screen name. Don't use the screen name you use all the time on Ebay or on other message boards. Use a brand new screen name. This way, no one will know what to search for on Google.
2. Do not give away identifying information. You can probably get away with using a first name (unless your first name is particularly unique). However, if you're going to give out your name, your husband/boyfriend's name, your age, and your city and state, this makes it more likely that someone might "recognize" you.
3. Do not give your general instant messenger information. Yahoo, MSN, and AOL instant messengers are great to use, but I would advise signing up with a new screen name on any one of the IMs if you'd like to talk to someone here with them. Otherwise, someone can see your general Yahoo IM name if you post it.

Email addresses are safe. Your email address is not displayed anywhere on the site. So you do not need to set up a private email account for your emails from this board, but you're welcome to if that makes you feel more comfortable.

If you're reading this and start getting concerned about your messages on this board, you can email me to discuss options. I don't think this is a concern for everyone - rarely are you going to be "stalked" online, but for some, it is a major concern, and one that I certainly understand. I'll do my best to be sure that everyone is safe here, but being proactive always helps.

Thanks!

General Rules

This is a place for women to come to receive support in a loving and nonjudgmental way. Whether you are pro-life, pro-choice, or somewhere in between, your posts will be welcomed here providing that you follow a few rules:

1. Links to other websites are allowed and encouraged, but please give a warning to the readers as to what they will find there if there is a chance the site may be upsetting to some (i.e. graphic pictures, videos, or explanations). These sites can be helpful, but to some they are just too much. We don't allow links to political activism or public debate websites, as these tend to start arguments over political views (see rule number 6). A political activism website goes beyond just having a political opinion. A political activism website is defined here by participating in marches, public demonstrations and protests, engaging the public in debate, and lobbying for legislative changes.

2. Make your posts supportive, and take the time to write something meaningful. Also, please be respectful of other members, their feelings and their decisions. One-liners and statements without substance should also be avoided.

3. There will be no solicitation of babies for adoption. Please do not come here and ask for someone to give their baby to you. Posts of this nature will be deleted and the poster will be banned.

4. Be respectful and tolerant. A woman's decision needs to be respected even when you personally don't agree with it. Attempts to dissuade a woman from her decision by saying "X" is wrong or bad will be deleted. Abortion is a real option that is available to women. Having a bad attitude toward those considering abortion will not be helpful.

5. Members, please be respectful of other members, their feelings, and their experiences. No personal attacks will be allowed. That means no name calling, mocking, threatening, insulting, or violating another's personal privacy (giving out someone else's personal information).

6. There is to be no debating or discussions of political views anywhere on this board. This is not a judgement on the validity of your opinions or thoughts, this is simply what we have to do in order to keep arguments, debate, and non-supportive discussions from taking place. There are many debate boards out there, and this is not one of them.

7. Please do not put "spam" on the board. No advertising, chain letters, or soliciting members for surveys and studies will be allowed. If you're not sure if you can post something, email choicetolivewith@comcast.net to find out.

8. The rules for the board also apply to e-mailing other members of this board. We can't moniter what is said in these types of messages, so please report any violations of the rules to us immediatly.

If we all can follow these rules, things should flow relatively smoothly. We'll be following the 3 strikes and you're out policy. So you'll have 3 chances to get things right (unless you're spamming or soliciting - in which case you'll be banned right away).

I look forward to getting to know each and every one of you, and thank you for being here!

Dealing with the Issue of Abortion

These are general rules and guidelines that must be followed as you comment here. Pay close attention, because if you break a rule your comment will be taken down for editing, and the reasons for this will be referenced back to this post.

1. We all want to help the women coming here for help, support, advice, encouragement, etc. None of us want to intentionally hurt someone else’s feelings. When you post, ask yourself, “Could this hurt her feelings? Could I rephrase it to get my point across without coming off as condemning?” If you cannot...maybe it would be best not to post it – or to delete that part of your post so that it doesn’t offend and doesn’t get deleted.

2. We all care for the woman who is seeking help. We want her to feel safe in sharing her feelings here. Some of you are motivated to “save the baby.” It’s okay to have that as your motivation as long as you keep the woman your focus and concern while you are typing. The baby is not making this decision...she is. So be her friend...be there for her...help her...comfort her. Be pro-woman instead of pro-life or pro-choice...that will avoid a lot of problems.

3. There is a constitutional right to abortion in this country and many others. Some of you may not agree with this – but this is not the place to argue that point or to try to take that choice away from women. Acknowledge that right when you post. She needs to know that you understand and support her in any choice...even if you may not support or understand her choice.

4. Respect her decision to abort when it is made. That’s a tough one for a lot of people. Does this mean that you can’t offer alternatives? No. You can still offer alternatives – provided that you follow the other rules mentioned here, and that you do not openly dissuade her from choosing abortion. If you just cannot post without saying “Abortion is not right for you” (or the equivalent) – please refrain from posting. Envision it this way – you walk with her to the door of the clinic, you wait for her to come out, and you help her home. Be her friend in everything you say.

5. Don’t assume abortion will be good. Abortion is different from woman to woman and abortion to abortion. No two experiences will be the same. Yes, it is your job to tell her your experience...but don’t generalize. Say things like “might,” “could be,” and “may be” instead of “is,” and “will be.” Generalizing only opens the door to debate from those who have experienced the opposite.

6. Don’t assume abortion will be bad. Some women have sadness and depression following abortion but others don’t. Yes, it is your job to show concern for her – so you can mention post-abortion stress...but don’t generalize. Say things like “might,” “could be,” and “may be” instead of “is,” and “will be.” Generalizing only opens the door to debate from those who have experienced the opposite.

7. Be tolerant, respectful, and comforting no matter where you stand on the issue and no matter what she has told you or what she is choosing.. If you cannot be, then you should not be posting.

• Tolerant: 1: showing respect for the rights or opinions or practices of others 2: tolerant and forgiving under provocation; 3: showing broad-mindedness; 4: showing the capacity for endurance.
• Respectful: 1. To take notice of; to regard with special attention; to regard as worthy of special consideration; to care for; to heed. 2. To consider worthy of esteem; to regard with honor.
• Comforting: 1. To make strong; to invigorate; to fortify; to corroborate. 2. To assist or help; to aid. 3. To impart strength and hope to; to encourage; to relieve; to console; to cheer. Synonyms: To cheer; solace; console; revive; encourage; enliven; invigorate; inspirit; gladden; recreate; exhilarate; refresh; animate; confirm; strengthen.

8. Women who are pregnant should expect to hear different opinions – pro-choice, pro-life, and some neutral ones. Please understand that by posting here, you will receive different advice and different ideas - these are other people's views and feelings, use them as you decide what is the best answer for you and your life. We all want to help you. Just as you could expect from telling family and friends – you’re going to get varying opinions. Take what you need from each post, and leave the rest. It helps to know all sides of the story when trying to make a difficult decision. Even when you think you’ve thought of everything...someone might just give you something you hadn’t considered yet. So just because a post is from someone who is pro-choice or pro-life...that does not meant that their feelings and opinions are not valid and should not be taken into consideration.

9. If you think anyone has broken these guidelines, report it to me by emailing me at choicetolivewith@comcast.net. I will remedy the situation as soon as possible. Do not post back to the offensive post or your post will be deleted for inciting a debate and counted against you. Email me and tell me about it if you need to vent. If you're afraid what you want to say might break the guidelines, please email me, and I will work with you to help you say what you need to say with out causing problems on the board.

10. I will follow the three strikes penalty. Your offensive post (if it is deemed offensive due to the breaking of posted guidelines) will be removed, emailed to you for editing, and then you can post it again when it is fixed. If this needs to happen 3 times...and if I sense that you are not willing to work with me...you will be banned. I don’t want to have to do this though – so don’t make me. But the comfort of pregnant and post-abortive women are most important to me. I can’t jeopardize the safety of this board.

Thank you for reading this! I hope that this helps to foster a kinder, gentler environment here. Email me or post if you have any questions regarding these guidelines...I'd be more than happy to explain.

Surpise Child Review

A friend of mine has written a book on the topic of Unplanned Pregnancy, and I thought I would take a minute to talk a bit about it since I think it could be so very helpful to many of you in this situation.

The book is called Surprise Child. She has a website set up for it here. Her name is Leslie Leyland Fields, and the book is about her own struggles with discovering that she was pregnant (and then making that same discovery again later). Mixed in are examples of other women who were unexpectedly pregnant and not thrilled with the news. She discusses all the worries and concerns she and others have while experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, and she discusses various physical and emotional stages of pregnancy.

You can view the book here on Amazon. The cost is only $10.19, but the really cool thing is that she has audio available on her website. You can listen to a few chapters for free, and if you like what you hear, you can download the whole book for $10.

Here are several of the reviews on the book:

Pregnant and unprepared, scared, feeling trapped - if this describes you or someone you know, Surprise Child will powerfully speak to those needs. Author Leslie Leyland Fields, twice surprised in her forties, interweaves her stories with those of others - diverse women whose lives are radically interrupted, gradually transformed. I read it straight through today, could not put it down. With candor and warmth, Leslie talks us through pregnancy, page by page, month by month. She shares how she and the others weathered the fears, the guilt, the dreaded changes: in body and spirit, finances and family life, vocation and dreams and plans. Readers will find no judgments here, only hard-won insights, caring companions. Brief and compelling, Surprise Child features three sections, one for each trimester. Unfolding stories culminate in the epilogue. Unbelievable resources in the back offer more reasons to hope, more ways to cope. This is the book I needed years ago, the one I'll be giving to friends for, as Leslie says: "All of us are here in this book to say, yes, the tunnel winds and twists, but it does open into light."

This is a truly fantastic book for women in unplanned pregnancies.

Whether you consider yourself too young, too old, too poor, too sick, or too overburdened to welcome a child right now, or you have some other special circumstance (such as rape) that makes you doubt your ability to be a good mother, you will certainly find a story you can relate to in this book. It's one of the few resources I've found that encourages women to look at an unplanned pregnancy as an opportunity rather than as a problem to be solved.

Fields acknowledges how easily pregnancy can seem like an inconvenience, a stumbling block, or even a tragedy. She knows, from personal experience, the deep anguish women feel when they find themselves unexpectedly pregnant. And she understands the feeling of fear and depression that accompany unsupported pregnancies, or those that occur in less-than-ideal circumstances.
I only wish more people would acknowledge how common this type of pregnancy is. (According to the National Institutes of Health, about 60% of all pregnancies are unplanned--that's three million women a year.) We can safely assume that not all of those three million women were overjoyed to learn of their pregnancy. But that's not something we talk about much in our society, is it? That's why it's wonderful to hear Fields and the women profiled in this book being utterly and completely honest about how they were anything but happy to find out they were expecting.

Fields' main point is that what initially seems like a crisis and the worst thing in the world can ultimately transform into a blessing, as you come to realize you can handle what you have been given, and that you actually do want and love the child you are carrying. She believes that the transformation happens at different times and in different ways, but almost always happens. Sometimes the transformation means embracing parenthood, and other times it means choosing adoption (which is given a small amount of attention here--but the real emphasis is on parenting.) In both cases, the ambivalence felt early on begins to change as a woman struggles through the solitude and difficulty of the pregnancy. Eventually, it turns into an acceptance of motherhood and love for the unplanned baby.

Some readers with different beliefs may be a little uncomfortable with the Christian viewpoint espoused in the book ("the Maker of life doesn't make mistakes," etc.), but Fields is essentially gentle in her writing and doesn't force her faith on others.

I applaud this book for talking about a topic that we as women don't talk about enough.
We don't always get to choose the circumstances of our motherhood, but we can and should inspire each other to rise to the occasion. As Field notes, unplanned pregnancies can feel like a kind of death, but they have the possibility, and the probability, of changing into something joyful.

Leslie Leyland Fields did a wonderful job of getting to the heart of what women with unplanned pregnancies think about. I love the way that nothing was 'preached' in the book. Thoughts and negative feelings about unplanned pregnancies are normal, but yet, you're not 'supposed' to think that way, and it's unheard of to speak about. It's nice that this book sheds light on this and lets women know that it's okay.

Anyway, I highly recommend this book to anyone who is unexpectedly pregnant. Let me know what you think of it!