Dealing with the Issue of Abortion

These are general rules and guidelines that must be followed as you comment here. Pay close attention, because if you break a rule your comment will be taken down for editing, and the reasons for this will be referenced back to this post.

1. We all want to help the women coming here for help, support, advice, encouragement, etc. None of us want to intentionally hurt someone else’s feelings. When you post, ask yourself, “Could this hurt her feelings? Could I rephrase it to get my point across without coming off as condemning?” If you cannot...maybe it would be best not to post it – or to delete that part of your post so that it doesn’t offend and doesn’t get deleted.

2. We all care for the woman who is seeking help. We want her to feel safe in sharing her feelings here. Some of you are motivated to “save the baby.” It’s okay to have that as your motivation as long as you keep the woman your focus and concern while you are typing. The baby is not making this decision...she is. So be her friend...be there for her...help her...comfort her. Be pro-woman instead of pro-life or pro-choice...that will avoid a lot of problems.

3. There is a constitutional right to abortion in this country and many others. Some of you may not agree with this – but this is not the place to argue that point or to try to take that choice away from women. Acknowledge that right when you post. She needs to know that you understand and support her in any choice...even if you may not support or understand her choice.

4. Respect her decision to abort when it is made. That’s a tough one for a lot of people. Does this mean that you can’t offer alternatives? No. You can still offer alternatives – provided that you follow the other rules mentioned here, and that you do not openly dissuade her from choosing abortion. If you just cannot post without saying “Abortion is not right for you” (or the equivalent) – please refrain from posting. Envision it this way – you walk with her to the door of the clinic, you wait for her to come out, and you help her home. Be her friend in everything you say.

5. Don’t assume abortion will be good. Abortion is different from woman to woman and abortion to abortion. No two experiences will be the same. Yes, it is your job to tell her your experience...but don’t generalize. Say things like “might,” “could be,” and “may be” instead of “is,” and “will be.” Generalizing only opens the door to debate from those who have experienced the opposite.

6. Don’t assume abortion will be bad. Some women have sadness and depression following abortion but others don’t. Yes, it is your job to show concern for her – so you can mention post-abortion stress...but don’t generalize. Say things like “might,” “could be,” and “may be” instead of “is,” and “will be.” Generalizing only opens the door to debate from those who have experienced the opposite.

7. Be tolerant, respectful, and comforting no matter where you stand on the issue and no matter what she has told you or what she is choosing.. If you cannot be, then you should not be posting.

• Tolerant: 1: showing respect for the rights or opinions or practices of others 2: tolerant and forgiving under provocation; 3: showing broad-mindedness; 4: showing the capacity for endurance.
• Respectful: 1. To take notice of; to regard with special attention; to regard as worthy of special consideration; to care for; to heed. 2. To consider worthy of esteem; to regard with honor.
• Comforting: 1. To make strong; to invigorate; to fortify; to corroborate. 2. To assist or help; to aid. 3. To impart strength and hope to; to encourage; to relieve; to console; to cheer. Synonyms: To cheer; solace; console; revive; encourage; enliven; invigorate; inspirit; gladden; recreate; exhilarate; refresh; animate; confirm; strengthen.

8. Women who are pregnant should expect to hear different opinions – pro-choice, pro-life, and some neutral ones. Please understand that by posting here, you will receive different advice and different ideas - these are other people's views and feelings, use them as you decide what is the best answer for you and your life. We all want to help you. Just as you could expect from telling family and friends – you’re going to get varying opinions. Take what you need from each post, and leave the rest. It helps to know all sides of the story when trying to make a difficult decision. Even when you think you’ve thought of everything...someone might just give you something you hadn’t considered yet. So just because a post is from someone who is pro-choice or pro-life...that does not meant that their feelings and opinions are not valid and should not be taken into consideration.

9. If you think anyone has broken these guidelines, report it to me by emailing me at choicetolivewith@comcast.net. I will remedy the situation as soon as possible. Do not post back to the offensive post or your post will be deleted for inciting a debate and counted against you. Email me and tell me about it if you need to vent. If you're afraid what you want to say might break the guidelines, please email me, and I will work with you to help you say what you need to say with out causing problems on the board.

10. I will follow the three strikes penalty. Your offensive post (if it is deemed offensive due to the breaking of posted guidelines) will be removed, emailed to you for editing, and then you can post it again when it is fixed. If this needs to happen 3 times...and if I sense that you are not willing to work with me...you will be banned. I don’t want to have to do this though – so don’t make me. But the comfort of pregnant and post-abortive women are most important to me. I can’t jeopardize the safety of this board.

Thank you for reading this! I hope that this helps to foster a kinder, gentler environment here. Email me or post if you have any questions regarding these guidelines...I'd be more than happy to explain.