So confused

Hi everyone,

I have been reading most of the posts written here this morning and have decided to drop in myself. I have a very similar situation as mommyof2 however, I have three children now not two. I'm married, 32 years old and I have a stepdaughter who is 12, my son is 7 and my daughter is 4. My husband and I just found out I am pregnant again about three weeks ago. This has been the hardest three weeks of my entire life.

My husband did not want it immediatly, I didn't know what to do. He has always told me that if I got pregnant again it would have to be aborted. I had an abortion once when I was 20. I was young and naive about it and really didn't know what I had done until it was over. I choose the route of blocking it and pretending that it didn't happen. Bad choice. I have always regretted it in ways and still think about it 12years later. I always told myself I would never do it again. Now, here I sit faced with this unexpected and yes unwanted pregnancy and I am torn. I did not want anymore children because well.... I just didn't and we struggle very much now as it is.

My husband was very angry with the way I felt. Keeping it was my only option and he really really didn't want to. I did not force him into it and even thought I would have to leave because he was so against it. That is when the fear gripped me like no other. The idea of raising 3 alone freaked me out for sure. The thought of welfare, never having money, my kids being teased over there lives, them growing up angry at me for the hardship of thier lives, etc. This way of thinking sends me into a tunnel headed towards not having it everytime but then my heart begins to break all over again.

At first my husband turned away from me and shut down. I thought for sure we were over because of this. However, he began to see the torment I was going through daily with crying and depression and feelings of not being able to go on or cope. I have struggled with depression most of my life and was on meds while pregnant with my daughter. I have since gone off them but I really should be on them. He told me this will change him and not for the better. He has come to a point in his life where he is done with raising young children. He had his first at age 20 and was not ready. THen we had our daughter 4 years ago and she is his pride and joy. He told me he does not want this child and that scares me to. Is it fair to bring this child here with a parent who doesn't want it? I know I would not be that way but I'm not sure about him. Anyway, he want's to live his life now. Go out have a kicking social life and not have to worry so much anymore about money. Well, we have always struggled in that area and I don't see it being any different. He doesn't want to put his life on hold for this. His main concern though was how we would do it financially. I have been home with our daughter for about a year and a half but I was planning to go back to work because we need it very badly, how do I do that now? Who will hire a pregnant woman?

We just recently moved to TN and are living with family at the moment. It has been very hard for us as we lost our home in Florida to a forclosure and had to file a BK last year. Our credit is very poor and this is making is hard to get back on our feet. My husband works but I really need a full time income to make it easier on him. Our daughter starts kindergaten next year and we thought we would be finished with the daycare expense. Well doesn't seem that way now.

I have gone back and forth with this choice and always seem to end up back here at having the baby. I think my husband is ready to just die since I am so wishy washy. My fear is holding me in a bad place and I feel very alone. I have not told anyone in my family and therefore have had no one to reach out to at all. I have an appointment to abort this child on the 14th. I have cancelled and resceduled twice already. I guess that tells me a lot. I don't want to go through it but I feel like if I don't I am ruining everyones lives. I have seen a lot about helping find the assistance needed in whatever areas and I would be interested in finding out more about that too. I live in TN and that state is not hypelinked.

Thanks to anyone and everyone with support!

- Faith

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Just checking in

Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. But life has been busy.

Eliana is going to be 3 on Nov 14th. In my last post I had expressed some allergy issues. We found out that Eliana does have allergies to dairy, wheat, gluten, corn, potatoes, corn, white rice and has an intolerance to sugar. And these allergies were dismissed by the ER and the pediatric gastroenterologist.

Eliana also has reflux, delayed gastric emptying, food aversions and asthma. She had 15 months of speech therapy. 12 months each of occupational and developmental therapy. She was evaluated 2 months ago and is now academically 6 motnhs ahead.

I'm SO proud of her. We deal with her health issues on a daily basis. As she gets older then are more non existant then before.

Right now I'm taking a photography class online and in real life. I just got a new camera a week ago today. It i awesome and can't wait to get some more photos to share with you. I had 2 photo shoots this week but rescheduled due to rain. We are 30 inches behind in rainfall this year. But figures when I need to be outdoors it rains LOL.

Well, Eliana needs my attention so I need to run for now. Hope everyone has a good weekend!


Jeannette
Gracious Sun Photography
http://gracioussunphotography.photoworkshop.com/ - Taken with my old camera. Will be getting photos with my new camera up soon.

Continuing pregnancy after failed methotrexate abortion

I frequently get questions about my statistics on failed medical abortions. I'm going to start addressing those questions here so that everyone has access to this information. I'll start with methotrexate, since I just got a question from Anna about this over the weekend.

The information I have on the website regarding methotrexate exposure was based on research that I did on the internet. First of all, it's very important to understand that the majority of studies that were done on embryos and fetuses were done when the woman was undergoing regular methotrexate treatment for rheumatoid arthritis, cancer, or other conditions. That would mean repeated exposure at high doses. When evaluating the potential risk to the fetus, we need to consider if the exposure was repeated or a one-time thing. A medical abortion with methotrexate uses a small dose given one time.

A couple of other things to mention first...you might see a lot of abortion clinics on the internet warning against continuing a pregnancy after methotrexate (MTX) exposure; however, it's important to remember that they are trying to prevent lawsuits should a deformity occur. You'll read a lot of differing advice on the internet, and it's important to note that no one can guarantee that a baby will or will not be affected.

It's also important to note that during the first 2 weeks after conception, the embryo is not susceptible to teratogenicity (http://www.fda.gov/cber/gdlns/rvrpreg.htm#iii - scroll to "timing of exposure"). Methotrexate abortions should only be done in the first 7 weeks from the first day of your last period.

• http://www.motherisk.org/prof/commonDetail.jsp?content_id=215 This is the main article I based my research on. It has a significant amount of research done, but this research was done for cancer treatment, meaning high, repetitive doses.
• http://faculty.uml.edu/mark_hines/81.452/media/vail.pdf#search=%27methotrexate%20abortion%20dose%27 Particularly the "discussion" section here is helpful
  
• http://www.medicationabortion.com/methotrexate/ Particularly the "side effects and complications" section here
• http://www.prochoice.org/pubs_research/publications/downloads/professional_education/medical_abortion/early_med_abortion_overview_2002.pdf Particularly page 25
• http://rheumatology.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/content/full/44/5/698

Most of these articles point to the fact that 'yes,' methotrexate can cause anomalies at any dose at any time given, but it is considerably less likely that a baby will be born with anomalies after a failed methotrexate abortion because (1) the dose is much lower than that given in cancer or for arthritis treatment and because (2) the dose is not repeated.

If you are having a continuing pregnancy after a methotrexate/misoprostol abortion and you want to remain pregnant, you do not have to have a surgical abortion. The clinic cannot make you have one. Please contact an OB/GYN or a maternal-fetal medicine obstetrician for guidance. Ultrasounds can be done to check for any abnormalities that may be present.

I hope this clears up any questions that anyone may have about a failed methotrexate abortion. Please reply to discuss this further if you would like.

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help for a friend

I had an abortion about a year and half ago, and now have a friend that is almost in the same situation. She came to me for help even though she had no idea that I had had this experience. I've been able to support her, but she has one big decision that I didn't deal with... which is whether or not to tell her partner. I did, right away, and he was with me through everything. We actually just broke up around six weeks ago, and its been really rough. She is afraid to tell her boyfriend, I think because she is afraid that he will not want to go through with the abortion. I really think she needs someone to help her(she's really sensitive) and I have a traveling job, so I can't be there with her. I'm afraid she'll feel guilty for not telling him and that it might cause some problems.

Any advice would be great... thanks!

- Chantelli

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scheduled for sept.10th

I recently found out I am pregnant. Which is actually a pretty weird thing to say since I've only said it once when i told my boyfriend, otherwise I've been completly boycotting the word. I know I can't have the baby. I don't really have a choice. I'm only 19, I havn't even graduated from highschool yet, I'm still one credit short (which I'll hopefully have by november). I couldn't support a baby financially right now I make minimum wage which is barely enough for gas. I know if I told my parents they would be so disapointed, this was the only thing I hadn't done yet to disapoint them. They hate my boyfriend, or the fact that hes black. My mom once told me that she would rather I had an abortion than have a black baby. I don't know what my dad would say about it, hes catholic. But i can't see him wanting me to keep it either cuz he already said I was going to end up on welfare with a baby and my boyfriend. I keep thinking I dont want to get fat either. I do want to have a baby, I just dont think this is the right time. I want to do it when I can plan it and have money for it and not go drinking the week I'm expecting my period and find out I'm pregnant a few days later. My boyfriend supports whatever decision I make. Although it makes him sad, I know he wants me to keep it deep down, but he knows its not the right time either. I just want to be sure I am making the right decision, I can't really talk about it with anyone, because to me the fact that I let myself get pregnant and i'm having an abortion is too embarassing to let anyone know. I've always wanted to start my own family, sometimes i feel like i want to do it right now. I just want someone to tell me what im doing is the right thing, its whats best.

-sleepychick

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A Mother is Born

This is a beautiful email I got a long time ago right after I had my DD. It makes me tear up every time I read it.

A Mother is Born (By Regina Phillips) My first child, a daughter, was born on July 27th, 2000, and I found I was completely unprepared. I thought I was ready for her birth. I had read my books and articles on childbirth and baby care, I had bought everything on my shopping checklist, the nursery was ready for use, and my husband and I were anxiously awaiting her arrival. I was prepared for wakeful nights, endless diapers, sore nipples, crying (bother hers and mine), and the feeling that I can’t get anything done. I was prepared for sitz baths and hemorrhoids. What I wasn’t prepared for was the way the entire world looked different to me the minute she was born. I wasn’t prepared for the fact that the sheer weight of my love for her would reduce me to tears on a daily basis. I didn’t know that I wouldn’t be able to get through my first lullaby to her because I wouldn’t be able to sing through my tears. I didn’t know that it would seem like a new place had been created inside of me, just to hold this incredible love. I had no idea what it would feel like when the nurse wheeled my daughter in to me saying, “She’s looking for you” and the way the image of her deep blue eyes looking right at me would be seared in my heart forever. I didn’t know that I could love someone so much it literally hurts, that a trip to Wal-Mart would make me feel like a protective mother bear guarding her cub or that my first trip to the grocery store without her would break my heart. I didn’t know that she would forever change the way my husband and I look at each other, or that the process of giving birth to her and breastfeeding her would give me a whole new respect for my body. No one told me that I would no longer be able to watch the evening news because every story about child abuse would make me think of my daughter’s face. Why didn’t anyone warn me about these things? I am overwhelmed by it all. Will I ever be able to leave her and think of anything but her, or see a crust in her eye or spot on her skin that doesn’t make me nervous? Will I ever be able to show her and express to her just how deep and all-encompassing my love for her is? Will I ever be able to be the mother I so desperately want her to have? I have heard it said, and I now know that it is true, that when a woman gives birth to her first child, there are two births. The first is the birth of the child. The second is the birth of the mother. Perhaps that is the birth that is impossible to prepare for.

If you give a mom a muffin

Saw this and thought it was cute (and very true!).

If you give a mom a muffin, she'll want a cup of coffee to go with it.

She'll pour herself some.

Her three-year-old will spill the coffee.

She'll wipe it up.

Wiping the floor, she will find dirty socks.

She'll remember she has to do laundry.

When she puts the laundry in the washer, she'll trip over boots and bump into the freezer.

Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan supper.

She will get out a pound of hamburger.

She'll look for her cookbook. (101 Things To Make With A Pound Of Hamburger.)

The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.

She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow.

She will look for her checkbook.

The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two-year-old.

She'll smell something funny.

She'll change the two-year-old.

While she is changing the two-year-old the phone will ring.

Her five-year-old will answer and hang up.

She'll remember that she wants to phone a friend to come for coffee.

Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.

She will pour herself some.

And chances are, if she has a cup of coffee, her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.