So confused

Hi everyone,

I have been reading most of the posts written here this morning and have decided to drop in myself. I have a very similar situation as mommyof2 however, I have three children now not two. I'm married, 32 years old and I have a stepdaughter who is 12, my son is 7 and my daughter is 4. My husband and I just found out I am pregnant again about three weeks ago. This has been the hardest three weeks of my entire life.

My husband did not want it immediatly, I didn't know what to do. He has always told me that if I got pregnant again it would have to be aborted. I had an abortion once when I was 20. I was young and naive about it and really didn't know what I had done until it was over. I choose the route of blocking it and pretending that it didn't happen. Bad choice. I have always regretted it in ways and still think about it 12years later. I always told myself I would never do it again. Now, here I sit faced with this unexpected and yes unwanted pregnancy and I am torn. I did not want anymore children because well.... I just didn't and we struggle very much now as it is.

My husband was very angry with the way I felt. Keeping it was my only option and he really really didn't want to. I did not force him into it and even thought I would have to leave because he was so against it. That is when the fear gripped me like no other. The idea of raising 3 alone freaked me out for sure. The thought of welfare, never having money, my kids being teased over there lives, them growing up angry at me for the hardship of thier lives, etc. This way of thinking sends me into a tunnel headed towards not having it everytime but then my heart begins to break all over again.

At first my husband turned away from me and shut down. I thought for sure we were over because of this. However, he began to see the torment I was going through daily with crying and depression and feelings of not being able to go on or cope. I have struggled with depression most of my life and was on meds while pregnant with my daughter. I have since gone off them but I really should be on them. He told me this will change him and not for the better. He has come to a point in his life where he is done with raising young children. He had his first at age 20 and was not ready. THen we had our daughter 4 years ago and she is his pride and joy. He told me he does not want this child and that scares me to. Is it fair to bring this child here with a parent who doesn't want it? I know I would not be that way but I'm not sure about him. Anyway, he want's to live his life now. Go out have a kicking social life and not have to worry so much anymore about money. Well, we have always struggled in that area and I don't see it being any different. He doesn't want to put his life on hold for this. His main concern though was how we would do it financially. I have been home with our daughter for about a year and a half but I was planning to go back to work because we need it very badly, how do I do that now? Who will hire a pregnant woman?

We just recently moved to TN and are living with family at the moment. It has been very hard for us as we lost our home in Florida to a forclosure and had to file a BK last year. Our credit is very poor and this is making is hard to get back on our feet. My husband works but I really need a full time income to make it easier on him. Our daughter starts kindergaten next year and we thought we would be finished with the daycare expense. Well doesn't seem that way now.

I have gone back and forth with this choice and always seem to end up back here at having the baby. I think my husband is ready to just die since I am so wishy washy. My fear is holding me in a bad place and I feel very alone. I have not told anyone in my family and therefore have had no one to reach out to at all. I have an appointment to abort this child on the 14th. I have cancelled and resceduled twice already. I guess that tells me a lot. I don't want to go through it but I feel like if I don't I am ruining everyones lives. I have seen a lot about helping find the assistance needed in whatever areas and I would be interested in finding out more about that too. I live in TN and that state is not hypelinked.

Thanks to anyone and everyone with support!

- Faith

|

scheduled for sept.10th

I recently found out I am pregnant. Which is actually a pretty weird thing to say since I've only said it once when i told my boyfriend, otherwise I've been completly boycotting the word. I know I can't have the baby. I don't really have a choice. I'm only 19, I havn't even graduated from highschool yet, I'm still one credit short (which I'll hopefully have by november). I couldn't support a baby financially right now I make minimum wage which is barely enough for gas. I know if I told my parents they would be so disapointed, this was the only thing I hadn't done yet to disapoint them. They hate my boyfriend, or the fact that hes black. My mom once told me that she would rather I had an abortion than have a black baby. I don't know what my dad would say about it, hes catholic. But i can't see him wanting me to keep it either cuz he already said I was going to end up on welfare with a baby and my boyfriend. I keep thinking I dont want to get fat either. I do want to have a baby, I just dont think this is the right time. I want to do it when I can plan it and have money for it and not go drinking the week I'm expecting my period and find out I'm pregnant a few days later. My boyfriend supports whatever decision I make. Although it makes him sad, I know he wants me to keep it deep down, but he knows its not the right time either. I just want to be sure I am making the right decision, I can't really talk about it with anyone, because to me the fact that I let myself get pregnant and i'm having an abortion is too embarassing to let anyone know. I've always wanted to start my own family, sometimes i feel like i want to do it right now. I just want someone to tell me what im doing is the right thing, its whats best.

-sleepychick

|

Just found out 36 hours ago

I will be 46 next month, and my husband is 50. We had gotten a little sloppy with the birth control (with the obvious results) b/c I didn't think that I could get pregnant, what are the odds, right? There was a little ambivalence, honestly, and maybe that led to the sloppiness. But I have never been someone who wants children, I'm not one of those people who likes holding them, etc. I'll be polite w/other people's kids and ooh and aah but I think it's boring. And now, here we are. Anyhow, I'm feeling pretty bummed, like my first thought today was "I hope I miscarry". That would actually be my #1 thing b/c then I wouldn't have to make the decision. I'm already really queasy, have lost 3 lbs. since found out b/c can't eat. I just forced myself to eat now, though. Tired already, nipples hurt. We are also having layoffs at work (I have only been in this new job - transferred from another one in the company) and tha is a source of stress. Any thoughts would be great...

I feel like a part of me could be amped about this, but it's the fake Ozzie & Harriet part. I need a lot of space and get really freaky if I feel crowded, and my husband knows that. But I will either need space & keep abandoning the kid, or just get trapped and show up for the kid all the time & be depressed in a living death. I was in a relationship like that in my 20s.

I am just so bummed and freaked.

- moorik16

Confused

I don't know where to start... I am 25 years old and a recent college graduate. I am heavily in debt but so is the man of my dreams. We have plans for children but not in the near future. We have been together for almost 3 years and living together for almost a year. I took a pay cut in order to get started in the banking industry. He has a great paying job but we have bills to pay. We will probably relocate in three months because of his job. That means I have to look for a new one.

I was on the pill and took it no matter what. No problems there. We even used condoms a good 75% of the time. I don't know what happen but I missed my period which had never happen and found out I was preggers.

I didn't believe abortion was an option. It is the woman's choice and she can do what she wants. I just never thought it was an option for me. I come from a poor family and college was my way out. My boyfriend and I plan to be together for the long run. I just didn't think this would happen because I was on the pill and we were careful. My current and future financial problems are bad for at least a year or more. My heart says it is wrong but my head says I have to consider it.

I didn't plan on this. We just finished school so I was looking forward to losing the college weight and starting a career. I finally got a job that I really wanted. We are able to send more time together and focus on life not school. I was looking forward to getting out of debt and relocating to a new area. This was our time to grow together.

I think about it constantly now. I am the type of person that wants to adopt anything that is being mistreated or hurting. I want kids but I don't want to have them when I am strapped for cash. I also wanted to be married and plan it. My mom had me out of wedlock so I don't want to have mine out of wedlock. We plan on getting married but can't do it right now because of our finances. We really want to get out of debt. We hate living paycheck to paycheck. We don't have much of a savings and don't want to have a child come into chaos.

I don't want to adopt because it is my child and if I carry it to term then I will take care of it. I am considering the medication abortion but that is it. I wouldn't have an abortion otherwise. I have the first appt at planned parenthood tomorrow for the ultrasound and question session. I am torned. I know that if I have to do this then I can but having a choice makes it difficult. My boyfriend wants an abortion because we can't afford a child. I agree with him but it is hard and it has been hard for him too. I don't even have medical insurance. I haven't told anyone but him. I just wanted to talk to someone.

Thank you for reading this.

-mae

How do I cope??

I’m new to this forum and like many others, I’m sure, never ever thought I would be here.

Three nights ago I found out I was expecting and I’m still having great difficulty accepting that it’s true. Yesterday morning, I made an appointment to terminate the pregnancy and now I’m having a meltdown.

I’m 35 years old, am emotionally and mentally stable yet the range of feelings I’m experiencing is frightening …. at the moment I feel like I can’t breathe and there is no way out. The father (wow, that’s the first time I’ve referred to him as that .. tears are really flowing now) is the same age as I and is also stable in life. We are unmarried and have known each other for the past two years.

I have always been careful (actually, paranoid is a better word) about birth control so I was shocked to learn I was expecting. I knew from the moment I found out that I didn’t want this pregnancy, but I was terrified to admit it to the father (let’s call him ‘MB'). He is Catholic and although we have never discussed abortion, I know his views on several other ‘controversial’ topics and would have guessed his opinion on this would be vastly different from mine. When he found out I was pregnant, he was very supportive, keeping his opinions to himself until I told him that I didn’t want to see this through or to have a child. Only then did I learn he feels the same way, which was an incredible relief to me.

We talked about where we are in life, what we want for our futures and we are in complete agreement about the only possible outcome of this situation. Why then am I feeling so distraught and like I’m about to lose my mind?? I’m guessing that my feelings are completely normal but I can’t seem to get it together. I couldn’t even bring myself to go to work yesterday and today I was there in body only.

My feelings of guilt and shame are overwhelming. I can’t bear to face friends/co-workers/ family right now because I feel like a fraud. I feel that if they knew about the scheduled abortion, they would lose all respect for me. The night before last, I had dinner with my mom (wanted to cancel but couldn’t). I couldn’t look her in the eye because I was so certain she would see right through me and tell me what a horribly selfish person I’m being. I feel like a terrible disappointment as a daughter.

I have no one I can confide in except for MB but I’m also sensitive to the fact that he is dealing with his own feelings and I don’t want to burden him. I’m sure that when this is resolved, he and I will lead our respective lives and our current friendship, which is so precious to me, will come to an end. To be honest, I think that’s actually my preference as looking in his eyes will be a constant reminder of what we have done. However that’s the least of my worries right now - I’ll deal with that when the time comes.

I don’t for a second doubt my decision – I just don’t know how to handle the feelings inside. I can’t stop crying and I want to lash out and scream and vent. I know that won’t solve the problem – I just don’t know how else to cope. My conscience is killing me and I’m trying to reconcile the fact that there is a life growing inside of me and I’m making the decision to end it. Who am I to play God and will I ever be forgiven?? Do I even deserve forgiveness?? The pain I’m feeling is overwhelming and I can’t help but believe that it’s God’s punishment for me and that I deserve to suffer for my actions.

March 27th is the date this pregnancy will be terminated. Two weeks seems like an eternity to me and I don’t know how I will last without going insane. In fact, for someone who earlier in this message professed to be mentally stable, I feel anything but right now. In a very short amount of time, it seems like my life has fallen apart and I’m really struggling to get through each hour.

I guess the reason for my post is to (A) have an outlet to write candidly about how I feel while maintaining my anonymity; (B) to share my experience and not feel so alone (hopefully my post will do the same for others); and (C) perhaps get advice/support from someone who understands.

My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone on this site.

-SOS2007

What do I do?

I am 28, have been married for 7 years, and already have 2 children. They are 3 and 9 months old. Last Thurs. I found out I am preggo again. This is devastating! My husband NEVER wanted another baby. He asked me to get my tubes tied when I had my c section with our 2nd child. I did not do it because I was unsure. So he said he would get a vasectomy because he absolutely wants no more kids. He had trouble with keeping an appointment because of finances to pay for it, getting time off work etc., and just plain old procrastination. In the mean time he kept telling me how angry he was that I didn't get my tubes tied to begin with. Now because we weren't diligently using the condoms, I am pregnant. I have not been to the doctor yet, but they estimate by my last period that I am 10 weeks. My husband says this is THE worst thing that could ever happen. He wants me to have an abortion. I don't want another baby, and don't feel equiped to deal with one, especially so soon after the last. But I can't see myself going through with an abortion. When I think about it, I just see myself killing my baby, and never being able to forgive myself for it. On the other hand, I am already struggling with what I got. I have a history of depression, and have suffered with bad postpartum depression with both. I am still not pulled all the way back together from the last one. Right now I am so depressed that I can barely make it through the day. There is no solution that seems ok. I can't see myself taking care of another one. I know I will be very depressed and non functional. I would have a new baby, a 1 year old and 3 year old to care for. I have no real support system. My husband was not very helpful or supportive after the other 2 and we wanted them. He has already said that he will probably end up hating me so much that he will ultimately leave me if we have this baby. So I will end up alone and depressed with 3 small children. I know I can't earn enough money to take care of them alone, I never finished my education. Even if he stays with me we cannot afford them. Our cars will not fit them, nor will our house. We have so much debt, and struggle financially already. We have bad credit too. We would have to buy at least 1 new car to fit 3 car seats, which seems imposible. And our house will be so overcrowded. What am I going to do????
I wish I could feel ok about having an abortion, because it would make things easier for me, my husband and our marriage and family. But I cannot get past the negative feelings about having an abortion. I don't think I would get past it. I think I would always be angry at myself for it, and feel guilty. I honestly wish I would have a miscarriage, so I would not have to make the decision. I would feel bad, but not to blame. I am going to the doctor Wed. where they will probably give me an ultrasound to determine how far I really am. I would be releived if they told me there was something wrong and the baby is not going to make it. I just feel like whatever happens, I am alone and will have to deal with the outcome alone. I am not going to commit suicide, but do not feel like living right now.

-mommyof2

Will I always regret this?

Hi everyone. This is going to be a long one! I am new to this board and looking for some help!!! I am a 28 yr old single mom of 3 children. I have a 12 yr old and 9 yr old to my ex husband... and my first "whoopsy" is now going on 4. Her father and I lived together for 2 yrs. He then became really abusive.

I have been dating a man (quite older than myself) for about a yr and a half. I love him and everything about him. A little background on his life... He just came out of a 26 yr marriage. He was literally raised in the church - son of a preacher. His divorce took a major toll on him. We have worked together for 6 yrs. When I found out he was getting divorced, I pursued him like you would never believe. I was so determined to date him and then become serious with him. He was (and sometimes still is) hesitant. I just wouldn't let up.

We talked about children. We both knew where each other stood. His youngest is 20 and he, at the age of 47, doesn't want to go back to "baby days". Me, having 3 already and struggling day to day as a single mom don't want anymore either!

In January, I had my anual gyne exam. I schedule to have my tubes tied on Jan. 29th. The dr. office called me and said I would have to hold off on that surgery because it was elective and I had an abnormal pap. I had my biopsy done in the middle of the month.. and schedule a LEEP (minor sugery of the cevix) for FEB. 21st.

I was all prepped for surgery and the nurse came to me and said 2 urine tests showed I was preggo! I wanted to DIE! I took my birth control pill every single day. DID NOT MESS IT UP! Pulled the pill pack out of my purse just to show everyone and then cried and cried. Dr. said I was that 1 out of a 100!!!!! Needless to say they could not do surgery that day considering I am now pregnant.

I scheduled an appt. to see a dr. that would both tie my tubes and perform an abortion at the same time. It is scheduled for Tuesday at 3:30.. which is less than 2 days. Now, I am so beside myself. I don't want to do this. I want this baby. However I know what is best for myself, him and my children. I am just having a lot of trouble coming to terms with and accepting what am I about to do.

I did have an ultrasound. I will be 7 weeks 6 days when I have the procedure done. I am just so afraid I will never forgive myself.

-MumOf3

faced with a difficult decision

Hi there,

I spent most of the afternoon today looking over this website and reading messages from all of the women who have been ina similar situation as me. First, I just wanted to say that no matter what, it is comforting to know I am not alone. But here is my situation (maybe someone will be able to help me understand what I am feeling):

I am 8 weeks pregnant by my boyfriend of a year. We have had a very rocky relationship, and have been on again off again for a while now. We were pretty much on the verge of breaking up when I found out I was pregnant. It came as a huge surprise to both of us, and we were both back and forth at first about the best thing to do. After the initial shock wore off, he said that he would definitely want to have the child if we were going to be together (he has been talking for a while now about wanting to settle down and have kids soon). But he thought that if we couldn't work things out between us, it would "be better for the child to not grow up in a broken home," so in that case we should have an abortion. But then we talked about it more, and I told him I thought the main thing for a child was that it felt loved by both parents, whether or not they were together, and he agreed, saying he thought the right thing to do would be to have the baby. So we had decided (or so I thought) what we were going to do. Over the past few weeks though, we broke up and got back together twice, and last weekend we got into a huge fight, and he told me he wants me to have an abortion because neither of us are fit to be parents. My problem is that even though I'm not really ready to be a mother, I think I could get ready and be a really great parent. My family would be very supportive also. But I am concerned that he would make my life, and our child's life, a living hell. Plus, even though I'm finished university (I'm 24 and this is my first pregnancy, by the way), I don't have a well paying job, and I don't know how I would do it financially on my own. I want to, but I'm thinking maybe it's selfish to have a baby that I can't care for properly, and one who would be harmed by the dysfunctional relationship between my boyfriend and myself. I've been very depressed about it all, and neither decision seems like the right one. And even though I think adoption can be a very good choice, i know that if I carried to term I would keep the baby.

-alana

37 and terrified!

HI all... new to this community, i need to vent and get some advice!
As i said, im 37. Ive been with the same guy for a year and a half. Yesterday i found out i was pregnant. All along he has told me that if this had ever happened, we would get thru it and be together. Today he has told me that he is not ready for this. Does not want people to look down on us for being pregnant, doesnt want to hurt my feelings, etc. etc. etc. And also had researched all day on my computer (saw it in the browser history) about abortions. When i found out, i was not freaked out like i thought i would be. A little part of me was happy. But after telling him and getting this response i am torn. Should i have the abortion? i REALLY dont know what to do. I told him today that if i had the abortion, it would be over for us. And that if i DID choose to have the baby, it would be over too. I do not want this man to be part of my life if he cannot accept this and deal with it with me. Do i sound unfair? too demanding?? im terrified to have this baby ALONE! i do not have alot of support, but i am an adult, and i fear that if i terminate, this will be my last chance to have a baby. I dont know why i feel that way but i do. Im soooo confused, and really hurting right now with no one to talk about this with! Sorry for being so long winded! any advice would be great!

-susan

i really really really need advice for my girlfriend and i..

hi my name is eric, im 23 years old. for the past few weeks my girlfriend had been feeling sick and had wierd eating habits and what not. she is also a very slender girl and was getting a little belly on her. we joked a few times about her being pregnant, but never believed it. she has endometriosis, and that causes her cramps from time to time and swollen breasts and such. well last night she started to throw up and we decided it would be smart to finally take a test. she took one and it was positive. we waited a day and she took another, also positive. i called the help line her in grand rapids and the woman referred me to this forum. heres the deal. neither of us are ready for a kid. i dont feel abortion is right, but im just not financially ready, or mentally ready for a child, neither of us are. were highly considering abortion, id say basically decided on it but im scared. im planning to propose in july, have been planning it for awhile, so im not scared for our relationship but her health. we believe she is 5-6 weeks pregnant. what are the risks here? i understand the mental risks, living with it and everything, but what about the physical? and how common are these bad things to happen?

-jdmfastdc2

Only acceptable option for me...

I just found out Wednesday that I'm pregnant. Thankfully, I found out early. I'm only in my fourth week at most. I already have my first appointment scheduled at Planned Parenthood for Monday morning. My mom's offered to go with me (I'm 20 and a college student, just for reference). I know this is what I have to do. I can't afford to take the time to have a baby - nor do I want to, because even if I did, I couldn't keep it. So this is what has to happen.

But...I used to hang out on a very vicious abortion debate forum about a year ago. It was nasty there, people flinging insults right and left and lumping all women who have abortions as selfish sluts, etc. I guess...there's still some part of me that hears that every time I think about this. I'm having a hard time thinking of anything else.

I know I'm not going to change my mind...but there's still that twinge of guilt. Does that ever go away?

-Nikaia

not sure what to do

hi...im a married mother of 4 and just recently found out I was pregnant again although i had not had unprotected sex. Me and my husband were both very upset about it and i have not decided what to do. He doesnt want me to have the baby because of the financial hardships we know its going to cause and he already works very hard to support four. I also have health issues that he is concerned about ( i have severe dyplasia of the cervix that is borderline on being cervical cancer and was supposed to have a leep procedure in june to remove all the abnormal cells) He really does not want me to have the child. Im afraid if I dont go through with an abortion that i will lose my husband. But whenever i even think about having one it really makes me almost sick to my stomach..Ive always believed that abortion was wrong for me but thought that it was each womans personal decision. Im afraid if I go through with it that i wont be able to live with the guilt.We are already so finanically strained that we cant barely make it and my husband thinks that if i have it that it will ruin the rest of our lives and that we will never be able to get anywhere. My problem is that I do want the baby even though i know its very bad timing and that we really dont need another child. I just dont know what i should do. When i got pregnant with my last child my husband wanted met o get an abortion too but i didnt and we have raised her and he is a wonderful father to her and the 3 children i already had before we got married. I also had a miscarriage on my birthday in 2004 and i still to this day wonder what the baby would have been like and I didnt even know I was pregnant when i had the miscarriage. THis is a very difficult time for me and im just not sure what the right thing is too do.

-syndi

Still Deciding: Tough Decision

I found out a few days ago that I am pregnant, unplanned, two home test confirmed it and I got a blood test today (results pending). I'm not sure if I want to continue with the pregnancy or not as I'm still quite young and my partner doesn't want children.
My partner and I have been together for 2 years, living together for 1, in a very loving and stable relationship. His views on abortion are different to mine and he wants me to get an abortion as we are both not ready to be parents and he is worried that because it is not his choice he will feel negatively towards the child or even me.
I am against abortion but I am very scared about parenting. I don't know if I could go ahead with an abortion but at the same time his support means everything to me. I could adjust my plans or put them on hold, and we are not stuggling financially so to me our situation does not fit the circumstances that I would feel acceptable to have an abortion.
If I am going to get an abortion I would need to make that decision soon. Everyone says that parenting is such a wonderful experience and the only stories I've heard about people having abortions are heartbreaking.

-EuphoricFirefly

TORTURED MY STORY

Hello everyone, I found out I was pregnant on Tuesday. I'm 10 weeks and got pregnant on Yasmin birth control. I am a 36 year old divorced professional with the means to care for a baby. I met a man soon after my divorce and we became friends and lovers we had both been thru similar situations. Our spouses left us for another person. We were both devasted but found comfort in the other. Our relationship grew over the last 4 years. We are very close. However, I knew he had been seeing another woman the whole time and I choose to stay there anyway. I dated other men but when I did Bruce drew me in closer and well I fell in deep like with him. He said he cares for us me & the other woman very very much but we have created a mess. I'm pregnant, he's a 46 year old business owner who thought he would never be a father. at this point. His ex wife would never have kids. He wanted them badly 10 years ago. He tells me he's terrified and doesn't want to be a dad at this point in his life. He is desperately trying to persuade me to have an abortion. I don't belief in abortion and I can't do it but I have been tempted to do it for him. He paints this rosey picture if I do it for him and this doom and glom picture if I don't. I told him he didn't have to be a part of the baby's life and that I wouldn't tell people who the father is. He said no he couldn't choose that. SO I've sat here is agony and pain for the last 5 days and tried to make a decision. I have emailed Rose but need more help. I'm just so hurt and I don't want to make a mistake. I'd be a great mom. I've been around kids my whole life. My side career is teaching ballet & yoga to preschoolers. I love kids. I always wanted kids in the right situation but what do I do? I have an appt for Tuesday but I just made it for him. I am supposed to give him my decision Sunday night and told him I promised to make an intelligent clear decision but I am petrified. Please help. Valerie

-val819

What should I do!!?? Scared and Lost

Hi everyone,

I am 21 and found out I am pregnant about 3 weeks ago. at first I was happy, a little nervous, but still confident that keeping it was the right choice. Let me just say that I have had two abortions in the past. the first was the best choice of my life and I never looked back. The second was with the same guy I am with now, and I was a mess afterwards. I promised myself I would never do it again.
Now I am terrified. terrified of never being able to go to university like planned, back pack europe and all the other things I still want to do. Being a mother terrifies me! I don't want to lose friends and become the boring one. I hate the thought, all of a sudden, of having a baby.
I don't know what to do, adoption is definitly a no for me.

Abortion used to be a no but now I am leaning towards it. I am scared, though, that I will damage myself somehow and tempt fate by having so many.
Oh, let me say aswell. My boyfriend is 28, has a steady job and loves me to death as do i to him. He was ecstatic when I told him, and can't wait. Now I feel like maybe I am only having the baby becuase 1) I don't want to lose or dissapoint him and 2) I have a history with depression and maybe felt like this would make my life better somehow.

Please, if anyone can help. I don't know what to do. I am so lost.

-TiffanieToronto

Follow-up post: http://choicetolivewith.blogspot.com/2006/02/hey-everyone.html

How do I tell the Father?

I just found out earlier today that I am pregnant, about 7 weeks along. I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year and a half. I'm young, only 20, and in my 3rd year of college. I love my boyfriend very much, and i know he will be supportive in my decision, whatever I do decide, but how do i tell him?

We constantly talk about how after i graduate we want to buy a house and get married, but we both dont want children for a long while yet.

How do I tell him I am pregnant? This news is going to crush him. Is there any advice out there that can make this conversation easier on me and on him?

-Lilly16

I'm in a mess

Hi,
I've just found out I'm pregnant and am totally freaking out. I've been contemplating leaving my boyfriend for a while now, and I really don't need a baby to complicate matters.
When we first started going out he was so lovely and kind, but now he treats me really badly; he puts me down in front of others (including my family and friends), he says nasty things to me especially after he's been drinking and the rest of the time he ignores me, or uses me for sex. I haven't wanted to sleep with him for a long time due to the way he makes me feel (fat, ugly), but he puts a lot of pressure on me so eventually i give in and sleep with him (very reluctantly). Now I'm pregnant with his baby, and I'm so desperate to get rid of it.
He doesn't know about the baby, and I know he won't be happy or supportive. I'm thinking about having an abortion without telling him. I can't have a baby with him. I'm not financially secure at the moment, and I don't have the strength to have a baby on my own, or with him.
My emotions are all over the place. I've been so ill since I found out, and I don't know what to do.

-Maddie

Follow-up post: http://choicetolivewith.blogspot.com/2006/04/cant-believe-ive-made-it-this-far.html

Can't seem to make a decison

I found this site last night and it was a comfort to read posts and literature and it is the first site I have found that I didn't feel as if I was being swayed in one way or another.

With this said...I need advise and to be able to talk my situation out with other women who have been in this situation.

I am a 26 year old divorced mother of a beautiful, smart, amazing 5 year old son. I am a social worker who works with children who are in foster care. I have been dating (although fairly casually) a great guy who is fab with my son for less than 4 months. Well needless to say I just found out that I am pregnant. I thought origionally that I was only 4 weeks (last week when I found out) although since last months period was only 1 1/2 days it is quite possible I was 8 last week.

Anyway...I have always been "pro-choice" and do agree with the idea that abortion should be left for the individual women to decide. Until I became pregnant I thought that I would be able to have an abortion if I was ever faced with an unplanned pregnancy. However now that the choice is infront of me I am having an insanly hard time with the decision.

The father is very clear that he is "not ready" to have a baby-both financially and emotionally. He is generally a very supportive person, although has disappointed me greatly by his lack of support of any other option other than aborion. While he admits that he does believe abortion is morally wrong--it appears he is able to over look it--while I am having a significantly more difficult time with it.

I am raising my son with financial support from his father, but zero emotional support and my son does not know his father at all. I am worried that giving birth and keeping this baby with total freak out the father and make him take off and provide no support (emotional especially.) I am also worried about the effect that an additional child would have on my son who is used to be the only child and having my complete attention.

However I am having a lot of problems with the concept of having an abortion and on the PASS checklist I checked 22 out of the 50.

HELP!!

-mb23601

Any advice... anyone?

Hello everyone,

I will start with the beginning, to help you get an idea of where I'm coming from or what I'm thinking. I am 27 years old and I just found out I'm pregnant a few days ago. I currently live on my own away from my family (about 4 hours) and work 2 jobs.

When I was 18, I was diagnosed with endometriosis and told I may not have children. I had 2 surgeries (between 18 and 21 years old) and have been on all types of meds for it. Over the past 3 years, it hasn't been an issue.

The father is someone I dated for a short period of time and someone who will not be in my life, or involved in any way.

I grew up with my parents divorcing when I was 8. My father wasn't involved in my life at all after that and that has totally affected me and my beliefs today.

This all brings me to where I am today. I am not sure what decision to make, abortion or keeping the baby. Those around me that know support me either way and I will decide for myself what is right. I am leaning towards abortion for a lot of reasons. I am single, no father, high chance of complications, no where to live (if I kept it) when not working, no financial contribution from the father, I'm not feeling happy about being pregnant, and I've thought I'd never have my own children for the past 9 years. If I kept it, the father wouldn't and can't have any involvement or support, I'd be totally on my own, this situation doesn't feel entirely right. I'm at a 70%/30% split between these two. I've always felt that being a single parent for myself wasn't the right thing, and that a baby needs both of it's parents.

I really feel torn about this and really appreciate any help or comments anyone has.

-Aquariangirl2005

Help...!

I'm a 17 year old student from Toronto and just found out that I'm pregnant. I'm so confused and lost. I don't know if I want this baby. I mean I love kids...but I think that it might just be too hard to love this innocent life. I was at a party in the beginning of August and I only remember having half a beer and then I put it down and picked it up a second later...then the room started spinning and I thought that it was because I hadn't eaten anything in a while. So I went to lay down and the next thing I know there's this stranger on top of me and he was raping me...I don't remember much else...it's all really fuzzy...and now I'm pregnant and don't know what to do. I'm so scared! I haven't told my parents or any of my friends and I...I don't know what to do. I feel like this is all just a bad dream...but I can't wake up. I think I need some advice...

- Kaitlin2541