I am 23 and just found out on Monday that I am pregnant. It really shouldn't have come as that big of a surprise. My husband and I have been fairly lazy about the birth control since month after month seemed to go by with no consequences. Still, seeing the second line put some real horror into my brain and heart. I thought my adrenal glands would blow up, there was so much adrenline at that moment.
I immediately thought that I wanted an abortion, and with good reason. Though I have a BA, I am currently unemployed and my husband, who is also 23, is still going to university. I was going to go down to the unemployment office and try to apply for benefits and see if they could find me something constructive to do with my time, pregnant or not. Right now, we live in a studio that is no bigger than most people's bedrooms, because it is cheap, in a nice area, and utilities are all inclusive. If we had a baby we would defintely have to move out to somewhere that probably costs around twice what we are paying now. Not only that we would have to buy various things for the baby, like a crib, clothes, bottles, etc. Though we figure we could get it most from flea markets and ebay, it is still not cheap. Another problem is that since I have moved here to Germany from the US, I currently don't have any health insurance. We have no idea how we would pay for an abortion or have to it either way. We live entirely off of savings and selling things on ebay. Fiancially, I can hardly see how we can have a kid. We could go onto government asst for awhile, but I would really prefer that the both of us be working and bringing in our own money. Right now though, I am having trouble finding a job, even though I have a degree and experience. My husband can only work jobs during his semester breaks or on a 400€ basis.
The soultion should be pretty obvious. However, I just don't feel that having an abortion is the solution to the long term problem my husband and I have with birth control. I have been on Depo (Gained 82 lbs) and on BCPs (non-stop migranes from hell). I refuse to take any more hormonal birth control. I REFUSE. I also really don't like condoms and I can easily see how six months down the road we will get lazy about it again. IUD seems creepy. It is strange enough having this embyo in my uterus. Spermicdes give me yeast infections. I really want to be sterilized, but the problems with that are obvious if I have the abortion then do that. I think that I want to have this baby and then be sterilized and done with it, because I do want at least one kid, but I am really, really not too interested on having anymore than that. I also really don't want to have to deal with this situation again, and even though tubals have a slight failure rate, I will at least be consuled by knowing that I went to extreme measures to prevent it and this is just what happens sometimes. My husband doesn't like the idea of sterilization period, I think partly because he isn't ready to shut the door on any more future children. I just am at wits end about BC though.
I also am a little iffy on other parts of the future. I mean, what if something happens in the future so that we aren't able to have kids on our own and we flushed away our only chance to have one? I think I would feel like a real idiot should that happen.
I also am afraid that I might not be able to go through with it if I discover at the doctor that it is an otherwise normal pregnancy without even minor complications. Feels like I am just throwing something in the trash. It seems all pretty irrational to me. I can't fully articulate that thought to myself, but I feel it. I also feel interesting to myself and curious about the pregnancy.
My husband thinks that we should have the abotion. Like me, he feels that he would be otherwise fine with continuing the pregnancy if we had a more stable financial situation. However, if I chose to keep it, he would also support that decision also, even though he doesn't think it is for the best right now. But I don't want to push him into something he doesn't want to do.
I guess I will just have to wait and see what information I can find out from the unemployment office and from the family planning clinic. If they can find me some work, I probably would not have an abortion. If not, I would probably have to go through with it. :/
- BirchBog
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Unplanned pregnancy stream of consicousness
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23 comments:
Welcome Birchbog! Welcome from our hearts to yours. We all feel what you are going through. It's difficult to keep focused on one thing when your mind runs like the energizer bunny not to mention all the hormones that are raging through your body. It is a wonderful knowing that you have your hubby to support you. He sounds like a good man. The adrenaline rush, I can relate to that one. I have an 11 year old daughter so I had some idea as to the changes in my body including my urine. I knew I was pregnant before I took the test. When the little blue line changed to a positive line it confirmed what I already knew but the adrenaline was almost over powering. I had to take a second test because subconsciously I did not want it to be true. Now as I sit and write this I am no longer pregnant and all of this happened in a matter of weeks.
To me it sounds like that the only reason you want to abort is due to financial reasons. There are always resources out there and for you to look into them is a good thing. I have no clue as to what is available to you in Germany but I am sure there has to be something. Bringing a child into a loving two parent household is an experience that is indescribable. By the sounds of it you would like with all your might to experience this and I am glad that you have not completely closed the door to this.
Raising a child is the hardest thing to do in the world. I was married and brought my daughter into this world with the both of us to raise her. For many reasons my marriage did not work and I was left to raise her on my own. Her father is still in her life, but I am the main parent. Although there are many times of worry, concern, frustration, etc. the times of happiness, joy, glee, genuine unconditional love, the sense of accomplishment in being a good parent, seeing life through a toddlers eyes definitely out way the not so good times by ten fold. I was and still am financially screwed. I am also unemployed. I just wanted to let you know that there is always a way to work things out if that is what you decide. My thoughts are with you always.
LUV MJ
Thanks for the welcome, WTD. I really don't have anyone else to get this out to in IRL. I feel kind of embarrassed that I got myself in the situation in the first place and don't feel like announcing it to any friends or family.
Before I got pregnant, I always thought without a doubt that I would get an abortion. But now that I am actually faced with that choice, it is a lot harder to make, especially since I am not privy to the status of my pregnancy: If it is viable or not or if there are serious abnormalities that warrant termination. There is still also a significant risk of miscarriage until the 12th week even if I decide to keep it, so I also have to keep that in mind.
I feel that the choice is now one I want to make only after I have all the facts about what kind of aid we can get, about how much it will a baby cost all and all, where I can get health insurance, what is the status of my soon to be fetus and overall pregnancy, and what does the unemployment office think it can do about my work situation and if whether or not I can draw unemployment. It is a lot of stuff I need to find out and consider. Right now, I am probably 5 weeks and some days (I took the test 4-5 days after my period was due, and that was monday) and I have until 20 weeks to decide.
Tomorrow, my husband and I are supposed to go down to a family planning office to get information about most of these questions (insurance, gov't programs, abortion costs) and referred to a ob/gyn for a medical evaluation. We'll see what they say there and work from there. :ummm
Hello there, welcome! I want to congratulate you. A baby born in a loving relationship is the greatest blessing of all. Hope all goes well at medical eval. Remember that deformities and severe complications tend to be the exception, not the rule. Also, if your hubby supports the abortion decision, make sure he is as enformed as you will be...i.e. pain factors, possible complications, long-term side effects (PAS, breast cancer link etc.) Will he really want to encourage you to go through all those things for the sake of convenience? Anyway, no matter what you decide, we are here. My friend Nicole grew up in Germany and maybe she will know of some financial/practical resources for you. Also, i could identify when you said it felt strange having the embryo inside you. If at all possible, ask to see the ultrasound. it will show the heartbeat and movement and it is the most incredible feeling in the world! The 1st time i saw my son's heartbeat, it was then that he became more than the "product of conception". He was my baby and I would do anything to ensure his healthy birth. This also helps if you do decide to abort (i have done that once also) that way if you see the baby, you have something to grieve for, something to focus on during the healing process. Too many women i have talked too, refused to see the ultrasound in denial and regretted it later...they wondered what exactly they had "thrown in the trash". Was it an embryo? was it a fetus? or was it a baby? every woman has to decide that for themselves...Good luck and we are glad you visited.
Hi Birchbog :) Welcome to the boards!
It sounds like all of your concerns are financial. These are certainly valid concerns, but since your heart wants to keep this baby I would strongly encourage you to follow your heart. Like they say "where there's a will there's a way." We can certainly help you find help, and provide you with the emotional support you need to get through this...either way.
Your housing doesn't need to change right away...you have until the baby is about 6 months before you might want a bigger place. As a newborn though - they don't require much room. Is your family in Germany? Anyone able to throw you a shower? You can get a lot of stuff from a shower. Also, babies don't need much - a car seat, a place to sleep (which can be your bed if need be), food (breastmilk is free), and clothing (hand-me-downs, shower gifts, used clothes, etc). Diapers can be cloth or disposable (cloth are cheaper in the long run). Sure toys are great - and you can get some cheap stuff. But I remember my daughter's favorite toy were the tags on her blankets for the longest time...lol. Forget the other educational toys she had...she could flick a tag back and forth all day...lol. So some money on toys is fine - but no need to go crazy if you don't have the money...and certainly no reason to have an abortion when you don't really want one. Okay?
I'm not sure what the health insurance laws are in Germany...do they have prenatal care like in the states? Here it is free. I know it's a big question - but is there any possibility of moving back to the states? If you'd like me to research the health care regulations in Germany - let me know. You might already know a lot though and I don't want to tell you what you already know...lol. Keep in mind also that a pregnancy center might be more knowledgeable about help for women who want to continue a pregnancy than a family planning clinic will. A family planning clinic is a big help with contraception and abortion, etc...even medical care. But a pregnancy center exists to help you if you'd like to continue a pregnancy. Some times pregnancy centers can even find temporary work (I know here there are businesses that want to help out pregnant women if it will enable them to carry the pregnancy...so check that out too). I can help you find a pregnancy center if you let me know where in Germany you are. ;)
Don't worry about abnormalities or complications. Like a pp said...those are the exception to the rule. Do you have reason to think something is wrong? Most likely things are perfect in there right now. ;) Remember that our bodies have been doing this for years just fine. There's no reason to think you would have problems.
I know you don't want to push DH into something he doesn't really want. But remember that you don't really want an abortion. It sounds like you're leaning more toward keeping this baby. This will be something you'll live with forever regardless of the choice you make. DH, if you abort, will be more likely to move on and never look back. But you might be left with sadness, etc. So keep that in mind - don't be ready to do something that you don't really want to do because DH wants you to. You're too important for that. :wink
Birth control issues...well we'll cross that bridge when we have to. One major hurdle at a time...you don't need to worry any more than you need to right now. There is a board here about contraception and fertility in case you want to post there for more info though. Just as you thought that you would always have an abortion if you were pregnant - you might have this baby and then want more...lol. You just never know! Being pregnant, and having a baby, changes your outlook about a lot of things. You can't make that decision without experiencing it first IMO. :biggrin
Anyway, hope to hear back from you! ((((Hugs)))) You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Rose
Hello. Welcome.
Sounds like you are experiencing the usual concerns we moms face when we find out we are pregnant,plus our hormones go crazy-adjusting to nurture the baby and prepare us for hands on parenting after birth.
I was born in Germany to American parents:biggrin
I was also an unplanned pregnancy. Whoo:exclamation
My Dad was pretty upset at first. He was not trying to be a father yet. Of course he warmed up to the idea as I grew older and by the time I was born he was excited.
Rose is right about the need for space and a baby. We actually did fine with our first son in our room until he was two and a half. You need not worry too much about moving yet. It sounds like you have what you need.
I would love to help you locate assistance in Germany. Where are you?
It does sound like you really want this baby. Your hubby's reaction to your child is normal. Most dads freak out because they go into this "provider" mindset. Remember that if you abort for him it will most likely become a source of tension in your relationship. This has to be because you really want an abortion. Otherwise you could distroy the very relationship you were hoping to build if you abort to please someone else-or because of pressure to do so.
OK. Well, I'm sure you are looking at all your options and sorting through your feelings and circumstances right now. Let us know how we can help you.(((Hugs)))
No, we would defintely have to move out. We only live in a room. It would be one thing I guess if we had at least a small apartment with a bedroom but we don't even have that. It costs 190€ a month, with utilities, if that gives you any idea. We would have moved out already, but everything even with just 2 ROOMS (read not bedrooms, just rooms) costs at least 350-500€, doesn't include utilities and is in crappier places in the city. If we are able to get some rent assistance, maybe it would be an option, but I don't know if we are eligible yet. Besides, we live in a house primarily for uni students. I don't think a screaming infant would really fit into that. :whistling
We were supposed to this morning to the clinic, but DH told me that the appointment was at 2pm when I asked. When the alarm clock went off in the morning, I thought it was for him to go to class in an hour or two and didn't think anything of it to roll over and go back to sleep. When I woke him up an hour and half later, he started freaking out that we had missed the appointment, blah blah blah. Asked me if the alarm clock went off. I was like 'Yes, you turned it off yourself. You told me this was at 2!' and he said no, that was when I had to go to class(you can't screw up FPC with University unless you weren't listening in the first place /me slaps DH)! :crazy . So I still have no idea when we were supposed to be there this morning. We called them back and they cannot see us until next Wendesday.
Now he is all freaking out and wants me to go see a doctor no matter how much it costs. It really doesn't matter to me because we can't do ANYTHING until we at least go see these family planning people (German law requires before an abortion, if we choose that, we have to go see these people first). In the meanwhile, I am kind of pissed at him for screwing this up. Time really is of the essence. Oh well.
Heh, if we have this kid it will be born to one American and one German which will have all kinds of fun legal implications. Right now, I am just trying to eat things with more folic acid and so forth in them in case we decide to keep it. I should be in about the middle of the 5th week so the neural structures are being developed or getting ready to be developed.
The problem for me when considering my DH's opinion for the abortion is the difference between something I know I for sure have and something I only have the potential to have. It is something I still need some more time to think about. The difficulty is also that if I push him into doing this that he will resent me, in the same way that I might resent him otherwise. Seems like a lose lose situation. We'll see.
Well, the moving part is up to you...I'm just saying that when my daughter was born we literally stayed in one room for a long time. We slept either in bed together with DH or I slept on the couch with DD in her bassinet next to me. I think you'll find that if you get a 2-bedroom apt before your baby is 6 months, it will only be a place for dust to settle...lol. But I can understand your desire to plan beforehand. :wink
Bummer that you missed the appointment! And that they're going to make you wait a week to get back in! :sad That's a long time! I wonder if you could go ahead and get the medical exam at a doctor now and start on some prenatal vitamins until you decide. The only thing you need the FPC for is regarding abortion. If you decide to keep the baby, you'll need to go to the doctor anyway - may as well get started now just in case. You said you were worried about problems anyway - maybe you could get an appt now so you can get some answers? (You never answered why you were concerned though?)
Did you want me to find you a pregnancy clinic too? I only see 4 in Germany...let me know if any are near you, okay?
Absteinach/Odw.
Bad Homburg
Essen
Kaiserslautern-Einsiedlerhof
(I hope I spelled those right...lol.) I can give the full addresses if you let me know if you're relatively close to any of these.
I can understand your feelings about DH and the potential for a baby. Just remember your feelings...that's what is important to me...that you do what your heart is okay with. As for whether DH will resent you if you have the baby. I have never met a man, who was in love with his wife beforehand, end up resenting her for having his child...things might be tough, and he might say that it would've been easier if you'd not have gotten pregnant...but I really doubt he'd wish that you'd have aborted the child once it's here...kwim? Resentment doesn't come from having kids...tiredness does. Resentment does come from abortion...sometimes.
But you are doing wonderfully right now! Eating the folic acid and doing your best to nourish this baby in case you do keep it, thinking about your options carefully, and trying to find answers to some concerns (housing, money, etc.). I am so proud of you for thinking this through and realizing that your feelings are validated if you want to keep the baby! Hang in there hon...and let me know about the pregnancy center, okay? I really think they'll be able to help.
Love,
Rose
So you missed the appt.:blink
Well, it gives you another week to think about things anyway. It sounds like your boyfriend is kind of panicky. Sorry to hear that.
As for your baby developing more- they start their heartbeat this week. All experts seem to agree that before 6-7 weeks there is no possibility of them feeling pain from an abortion so maybe that helps?
I think that aborting because of pressure from your boyfriend could really backfire on both of you. I have seen this so often. Make sure that any decision you make is based on your feelings and desires. Then if you regret anything you will not have anyone else to blame...KWIM?
I know as an American it probably seems impossible to have a baby when you live in one room. I have traveled quite a bit and seen many families in this situation though. It really can be done:smile
But if you want to find a bigger place I totally understand. In Germany you get your healthcare paid for right?
I understand you are required to go to counseling that encourages you to look at choosing life before you can get an abortion. Do I understand correctly that this is allowed only during the first trimester(12weeks)?
Who do you talk with about help with housing costs? Have you heard any more about employment opportunities? Let me know if i can help you with any resources. Meanwhile, just hang in there. Eat well. That is wise. Your baby is pretty much fully formed in the past and next few weeks so nutrition is important:wink
Your baby has duel citizenship until 18 years old right?
That's pretty cool. Why are you in Germany now? Student? Just living abroad? (((Hugs))). What ever you need, I'm here. Even if you just wanna vent:crazy
Keep in touch.
The FPC here has knows of resources for pregnant women who decide they want to keep their babies. The law requires that women know all their options before they can have an abortion. The clinic is partially funded by the government who has a pro-breeding stance which encourages people to have children if at all possible in an attempt to save the deteriorating social benefits system. For many reasons, I believe this stance is foolish, but I won't go into that here. Anyway, just know that their only purpose is not just to provide birth control and numbers of abortions providers (they themselves do not perform abortions).
In Germany, I assume once I get on the state given health insurance system that most everything related to this will be almost 100% covered. In the past, it was reliably 100% covered, but the system is breaking down under the burden of high unemployment and huge numbers of retiring people. Now they have instituted co-pays. Still, what they provide here is much better and cheaper than what is available in America. I also found out yesterday that sterilization surgery is one of the things covered 100% by the state insurance. Yippee! My DH tried to argue with me the other night that no one would cover it because it was like getting a nose job or something. :plain
Thanks for the support to stay in this room, but we really can't. There isn't even any room for half of our stuff. Most of it is in the basement or outside our room. There is barely enough room for us to walk through our room. Imagine stuffing a kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, and living room into a 17sqm space, and you have our living quarters. It is a stretch that our landlord allows us two to live here in the same room. It MAY be possible to rent out another room. The rooms are too small even for most German students who live alone, and they just stay here until they can find a 'real' apartment, so there usually is something available every two or three months. Still, screaming baby + what is basically a student dorm? I don't really know about that.
Still trying to find out about the unemployment stuff. They were busy on the phone and were only recieving calls for one hour today. Zzz.
The dual citizenship thing is neat for the kid. Has the best of both available worlds.
Thanks to everyone again for the support. Feels so good to be able to get all of this out. I also think the hormones have gotten to my brain. It is very difficult for me to be or stay angry, even when it is totally justified. I just feel good all the time, even with this decision hanging over my head....Go figure.
Hi there --
I have a friend (an American) living in Dresden with her German husband. She is also pregnant and facing some of the same stuff you are facing.
Let me email her and find out what she knows and if she can help you. What do you need to know about unemployment?
Whatelse would you like me to ask her about?
Best regards,
Mary
I'm so sorry. I referred to your husband as your boyfriend! :pinch I hate when people do that to me. Please accept my apology.
I know the laws in Germany are quite strict regarding the protection of human life at all ages- not as strict as some countries:wink It can be difficult once you open the door to allow the distruction of a group of humans to shut it. Germany has had to learn that the hard way. I think that has alot to do with the restrictions.
I know what you mean now by your room being small. :rolleyes When we were in Romania with our son we were in a small room too and it was VERY crowded. We were only visiting friends for a month but it would have gotten frustrating real quick:wink KWIM?
I just think that alot of times as Americans we don't understand how our supersize mentality affects our understanding of our own needs. Living in Europe, I'm sure you know what I mean. 20oz coffee:whistling NOPE.
How are you feeling this week? Any word yet from the unemployment folks? Does the govt help new moms financially? I know in some countries you get a small salary to help you through the first year...
In the beginning it sounded like you were hoping to find solutions to be able to parent your baby. Are you still hoping to parent? Are you leaning more in one direction than another? Keep us posted about how you are doing.:biggrin
Hiya hon :)
I went to that website you gave...but I can't understand it. :tongue Is it the site for your FPC? It's great that they are able to help a woman if she decides to parent - I guess I'm used to it here...where they help you with contraception, medical care, and abortion. I hope they'll be able to help you find all the resources you need. :biggrin
Would renting another room there be cheaper than getting a bigger place elsewhere? If so...go for it! Your baby isn't going to be "screaming" that much...lol. Babies sleep so much - they hardly ever need to cry if you're there to care for them, kwim? So don't worry about everyone else's convenience...worry about your own hon. :wink
I hear ya regarding the hormones...I was a pile of mush when I was pregnant...lol. Happy, sad, crying, happy...maternal, "house-wifey," etc. It was disgusting...lol. It's great that you feel good though! It's so much worse to have to deal with this decision facing morning sickness and fatigue. At least it seems that pregnancy "suits" you, huh? ((((Hugs)))) Are you leaning one way more than the other by now? Have you checked out the online workbook here? That might help. We're here for you hon.
Hi --
Here is what my friend in Germany says about resources.
--If her husband is German, there is no reason for her to not have health insurance. That's almost automatic. All he has to do is tell his health insurance provider that he wants to include his wife on his insurance, and it won't cost any more than what he normally pays. Even if he is a foreign student, this should be possible. In fact, if he is indeed a foreigner, he had to show proof of health insurance before he was given
a visa. If she is married to him and living in Germany legally, she has the right to be on his health insurance. End of story.
They obviously have no idea what kind of money they can get from the State. First of all, they should go together to the German Catholic Services, whatever it is called here. They want to save little German babies, so they've got all the information this couple will need about the financial benefits
she'll be awarded by having a child in Germany. Absolutely everything. Once the child has been born they'll automatically get "Kindergeld" (a family allowance) of 154 Euros per month. She will automatically get "Erziehungsgeld" (a kind of income for the mother) for the first 6 months to the amount of 307 Euros per month (unless her husband has earnings of over 51130Euros for the next year). If they are really financially hard up, which students usually are, they can receive
Erziehungsgeld for up to 24 months, but they are not allowed to earn more than 16470Euros per year.
They will probably also be able to get "Wohngeld" (money from the State to pay part of the rent) and some sort of subsidy to pay for GEZ (yearly television and radio tax) and either a nanny or daycare. On top of that she is allowed to work a part-time totalling 400Euros per month tax-free.
Forget about the unemployment office giving her either work or money. She is entitled to zero benefits unless she has been at least 1 year in a full-time job. They can help look for a job, but she'd probably end up as a cleaning lady. She should stay off her feet, take care of herself and make a trip back home to visit her family.
The only reason I know any of this is because I have a lot of
girlfriends who are single moms. It's not like this strait
across the board. Age and social status also have a big part to play in determining whether someone gets all of the benefits. Kindergeld and Erziehungsgeld is valid for everyone.
Hope that helps.
Mary
Wow! Thanks for all that information Mary! (And thank your friend for us too!)
Birchbog - how does this make you feel? Does it set you at ease a bit more? (((Hugs)))) Thinking of you hon.
Love,
Rose
Mary,
That's what I thought. Many countries help new parents to adjust financially.
How are you doing birchbog? Which way are you leaning? How can we support you?
Are you still out there hon? Have you made a decision? Found out any more about financial help? I'd love an update when you can. :wink
Love,
Rose
When my first son was conceived, my husband was unemployed and what I was making was not much at a data entry job. But we had felt from the beginning of our marriage that if God provided us with a child He would provide the means to provide for us. By the time the baby was born he still didn't have a job. But God did provide. Baby showers at our church and my work provided clothes, blankets, and other essentials. People we knew gave us used things--a crib, high chair, changing table, diaper pail, etc. We didn't have to buy one piece of furniture, toy, piece of clothing for our son until he was 7 or 8 months old--and by then my husband had a job. We didn't even have to buy diapers for the first few months. And all that without taking government assistance (which I found out later would have been available to us because of how little I was making at the time).
People surprise you--I expected some help from family and stuff, but never so much, a lot of it from people I'd just considered aquaintences.
If you decide to keep the baby, let people around you know, because I bet you'll find a lot of help out there.
Well, I figured I should update this. :)
I did end up having an abortion. We just could not imagine dealing with a baby so soon into our marriage and without any resources to take care of it. The abortion itself was quick and painless, done at 8.5 weeks. I was given general ansesthetic, which was quite nice. The only thing that was really bad was the sawdust lungs I had from the breathing tube. Blech.
When I got home from the abortion, I found an email in my box telling me to call a potential employer about a part-time job. I did and I got it. I finally have started to feel useful! A few days after the abortion, we got some health insurance for me, and I went and started having my wisdom teeth removed. I was sure glad I wasn't pregnant then. They said that they weren't too keen on putting pregnant women under for that surgery. Later, I had all the rest of my neglected dental work done. This took nearly 2 months of appointments once every week. That's how bad my teeth were from not having insurance in America.
After Christmas, we found out that our landlord wanted to raise our nebenkosten. We finally decided that it was too expensive for the space we had at 19sqm or 204sqf to live here. In March, after my husband's semester ended, we started looking seriously for new apartments. Eventually, we found one that was very nice for the price. This one is bigger than our old closet at 62sqm or 667sqf. It will be nice to finally have seprate rooms after living for 8 months in only one. Not to mention, nice to have a bathtub, a REAL kitchen, a place to entertain friends... We will finish moving in at the end of the month.
For the near future, I hope that husband and I can do a little traveling this summer to some open air festivals. As for getting pregnant, I am pretty paranoid about it right now. I don't want anything to happen in that department until after our one year anniversary and preferably into the late fall/early winter.
Right now, I can say that I don't think we would have been ready for a baby in July. Lots of things have changed for the better since November, but still, I think it was for the best to wait another year for even the possiblity. Then my husband will be close to graduation, if not already done so, we will be settled into the apartment, had time to save up some money, etc.
Thanks for you alls' input. Thanks for the information on German childrearing resources, we will keep them in mind for next time, because I am not going to have another abortion. Once was quite enough. Also, it was also nice to be able to work out my feelings about it by writing it all out. :)
Welcome back Birchbog. Thanks for the update and here is huge ((((hug)))) just for you. I am so happy to hear that things are going well for you. Keep it up and strive for happiness each and every day. :biggrin
LUV MJ
It's good to hear back from you. :biggrin I always love followups.
I'm glad to hear that you're doing well, and it sounds like you have a lot of good plans for your future. That's great!
We're here if you ever need us, just keep that in the back of your head. ((((Hugs))))
Love,
Rose
Birchbog,
Thanks for stopping by and updating us. It was good to hear from you. It sounds like you're well and you've got a lot of good things going for you. Keep your chin up and stay strong.
Love,
Lahela
Hi,
I am 23 and I am a single mother of a 3 year old. I am living on my own with not college degree. I have just a regular job. It is difficult but I am making it. My family was very unhappy with me in the beginning but they came through. A child changes everything. I am living off of no money really with little support. i live in Chicago and believe it or not I am finding it hard to get any kind of government support. I pay $400 a month on childcare and that is with support. I can barley buy food for the 2 of us. I am now moving back in with my parents so I can save up some money. It is really difficult to have a child with no money but I am making it. A child is the best thing that has happened to me. I just had an abortion this past weekend. It wasn't as bad as I thought. it was pretty much painless. If you do not find a job I wouldn't recommend having this child.
Hi Reesespieces! Welcome to CTLW. :wink
I'm sorry to hear you are struggling right now, and I wanted you to know that we're here for you as you recover from your abortion. If you need to talk about it, please do hon. There's a post-abortion support forum here just for you. :wink
Also, would you like us to help you find some additional assistance where you live? If so, you can go to www.choicetolivewith.com/statelinks.html and fill out the form. Lots of times the pregnancy centers will offer assistance to those with little ones too, if needed. There are also social service centers, food banks, etc. Let me know what you need. We are here for everyone - not just those who are deciding, okay? ((((Hugs)))) Hang in there sweetie.
Love,
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