Hi hon...I just wanted you to know that you're in my thoughts. I hope that you're recovering well after the abortion, and that you'll feel free to share your thoughts - positive or negative - here with us. We're still here for you.
((((((Hugs)))))))
Saturday, October 23, 2004
Whattodo?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
36 comments:
(((hugs))) thanks ever so much Rose. How come it is so much easier to accept help from complete strangers than to ask the people we know?
Well the internet has such anonymity to it. I'm not "in your face" day after day. You can ignore me when you want, and come back when you need it. LOL :biggrin
I figured I would jump over to this site considering I have had the abortion even though it's not complete. The ultrasound showed a normal fetus on my first visit. After the insertion of the other meds nothing else has happened. I have only spotted and had an upset tummy but that is all. I have to go back on Monday to see what is going on. Knowing my luck I will be in the percentile of women where they don't complete the abortion. Last night I just emotionally lost control. My daughter was at her girls meeting and I did not feel very good about myself and where I am in life so I just let it loose. I felt better afterwards but my eyes sure didn't. LOL
Somedays a little thought will creep in about the decision I had made to abort. I know it was right but I still feel sad. I feel sad because at this point in my life I am and was not able to raise another child on my own. I also feel anger towards myself for having to even make such a decision. I write, I cry, I read, I walk. I was thinking of making a little something to symbolize James, Warren. It would only be for me because no one else knows. Is that a weird thing to do?
The little part about my bp - in Alberta Canada the province had secured all adoption records. I was able to obtain my non identifying info and that was all I was entitled to up untill late Sept. I was reading our community paper and it had an ad stating that as of Nov 1, 2004 all records would be accessible. An adoptee can access all identifying info including names, birth dates, etc. unless there is a veto in place. If that is the case then you cannot have access to any identifying info.
To sum it up I may have enough info to seek out my bp in approx 10 12 weeks. If this is going to happen I will a complete wreck. If it does not happen I will just have to continue to heal my broken life. I ask myself every day "what else is going to happen?" I have been through soooooo much in the last 2 years that I don't know how much more I can take. That's it that's all.
((((MJ)))))
It must've been so hard to find out that the abortion had no effect on the baby! What are you going to do if things are just fine at the next appointment? You'll be "whattodo" all over again, huh? Remember that it is still up to you hon.
I'm so sorry to hear you had a breakdown hon...but I'm glad you were able to..especially without your daughter there...kwim? Feeling it was right but having it be sad can cause some major conflict within you! Matters of the brain and matters of the heart don't always agree...and it's just ends up being what speaks the loudest. If you listen to your brain you're left with a broken heart...if you listen to your heart you're left with a difficult life sometimes. It can be really hard to deal with those "abstract" things like sadness, depression, etc...especially when you're not really allowed to talk about or grieve an abortion.
It's not at all weird to do something to commemorate James. If you'd like to talk about it here...please do. Or there's a whole other board called "Steps to Healing" where you can write about stuff like that.
Wow...the adoption stuff is a lot to deal with! If you're not emotionally ready to deal with all of that...remember to take care of yourself first. It can always wait another month if it needs to, kwim? (((((Hugs)))))) Please keep us posted on that - I'm sure it's weighing on your heart pretty heavily.
my heart really goes out to you sweetie. I know that this is probably not what you are expecting to here on the post-abortion board but here goes. If the baby is indeed normal on the next visit will you actually be able to follow through with another procedure? Knowing that your baby is such a fighter??? He is clinging to life and in your heart you must know this. It is really unusual for this to happen...Surely there is a purpose, and maybe, just maybe you should reevaluate your choice and embrace him as your son...Save yourself from going through all this heartache. If he is normal, it isn't too late! We all will support you no matter what, you know that already, I just have a feeling as I type this that there is more to this situation than what you can see right now...Don't ask me why I feel this way. I don't even know you. Just take this for what its worth ok? I have a fav verse and i would like to share it with you. Hope you don't mind... Isahia 40:11: He (GOD) shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arms, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young." I don't know if this will speak to you in any way, I just felt led to share it with you. We love you. I am praying for you every day.
(((((BIG SUPER TIGHT HUGS)))))
I'm thinking of you and your family. Let us know how we can support you.
Thank you all so much for your support. Somedays it is real hard and coming here and reading the support and knowing that there are others feeling the same way....... well its a good place to be.
I think there is a little confusion regarding the ultasound. The injection worked I double sure asked when I went for my second ultasound. I am just waiting for it to be completely over and so far it is not happening. My apologies, I guess thats where talking face to face would be much better to eliminate confusing. In some repects it's a relief but in the end it is sad. I read somewhere of a women feeling empty. I felt that way because I could feel my body changing. Strange how emotions get to you at the oddest times. Thank you all. That's it, that's all.
LUV MJ
Ohhh...yes I must've been confused - sorry about that. :wink
It's normal for there to be no bleeding for up to 21 days following the misoprostol...and then it is recommended that you take another dose of the misoprostol and wait some more. So rest assured that so far this is normal for a methotrexate shot abortion. (Not that that helps I know.)
The empty feeling is very normal hon. I'm sorry that this has been so hard for you. Keep talking about it whenever you need to.
I know you probably mentioned this in your other thread, but why did you choose this particular procedure? It would drive me crazy waiting for it to get finished.
If you ever need to vent or talk to someone who has aborted feel free to email me anytime! Remember, the baby feels no pain and you should not ever put yourself down. We will stand by you. If you would like some post-abortive resources, support groups in your area etc. either Rose or myself would love to hook you up. Take care hon. luv, Christine openarms_2@hotmail.com
It is driving me crazy! At first I was so frustrated and scared, but now I just wait for whatever to happen. I keep myself busy (or try to) and spend more time with my daughter but still I am frustrated. I think I know what to expect if and when if happens. Each woman is different. The stats that they gave me sounded pretty darn good, I was hoping I was in the higher percentile of having it complete right away....... obviously not. I choose this kind of procedure due to some not so good stuff happening in my life. Yes another hurdle to get over. I am working on it though. The big guy only gives you what you can handle or so they say. Well I think I am way past due for some good things to happen. LOL
I must say I am thankful for all of you and your support. As said before and will say again, it is a huge comfort. That's it, that's all.
(((((Hugs)))) to you sweetie. We're glad you're here, and please vent as often as you need...daily if you need to, okay? The waiting has to be difficult. We're here for you.
To make a long story short it's over. I reminisced about the pain of giving birth for about 1 min 30 sec. It was that painful.
I feel relief that it is over. Another chapter in my journey of life has ended and now I will anticipate the next chapter with hopes of having a good thing happen.
I told my daughter that my period was coming and that because I was getting older my body may be changing and that is why I was having cramps and not feeling well. I know it was a lie but there are some things children don't need to know. I may tell her one day, but not today.
The doctor (female) and nurses were excellent, they were very comforting and informative. I also called my SIL to let her know because I know she was concerned. As usual she was very sympathetic and wanted to be here for me. I told her that just being able to confide in her and not be judged was more than helpful.
Today I feel ok. My body is feeling like a truck ran it over and I have a little cramping but other than that things are ok. Mentally I feel relief and hope for the future and what may come. Somedays I think what would it have been like if I had not aborted. The fantasy is of course it would have been wonderful and things would have worked out great. Reality is of course is it would not that simple because I am already living it with my daughter. I suppose it is a normal thing to have thoughts like that once in a while.
I am 100% confident I made the right choice and now I will concentrate on a good future for myself and my daughter.
I shall never forget though.
Oh, ((((HUGS))))
What a relief that must be for you! I think you were right to keep this from your daughter. It could be very hard for a child to understand.
So glad you have your SIL. Do you have any other people to help you through the recovery?
Let us know how we can help. :smile
Are you still journaling? Are you going in for another appt soon or did you have one today? Just hoping you are healthy and on your road to recovery.
Sounds like it was really painful and then to be so long and drawn out- that sucks. I don't think I could reccomend that to anyone:pinch
I'm glad you are feeling better now.
What a bittersweet time, huh? I'll bet you're feeling both relief and sadness. That's normal, but it's an odd mix. It's also normal to wonder about what could've been. That's hard.
You're right about not telling your daughter for now. She doesn't need to be worried about you or what an abortion is just yet. Maybe when she's all grown up. :wink
Are you taking it easy today? I hope you're able to just lie around the house in your PJs. Big gentle ((((((hugs)))))).
*hands you a big bowl of chicken soup*
I hope you like chicken soup! It's home-made (computer-made, actually..=P)!
Glad it's over with and you're at peace with yourself. :rolleyes (aw that smiley is just too cute)
I'm so glad my abortion didn't really hurt that bad. Ugh. I get my fair share of menstrual cramps, though...yech.
I am still bleeding and considering my periods have alway been very light I am not liking this tooooo much. I am also releasing a little bit of "clots" or something and I am a little concerned with that. I am not bleeding that much to go to the docs that much I am sure of. When ever I phone the clinic to ask questions the receptionist are not very informative. I wish they were RN's or docs.
On a good note I got a temp job. I started bright and early this morning. I am exhausted! My tummy started having little cramps around 3 today and that usually means something is happening. Sure enough I got home and there was a little "clot" that is why I am concerned. Maybe I am just a worry wart.
Thanks for the soup it was very yummmmmyyyyy. How did you know chicken soup was my fav.
Hi. Congrats on the job first of all:wink
ok. Onto the clotting...What are your concerns? Remember that the body of the fetus/baby is going to bleed out. Don't be too alarmed.
Are you feeling real dizzy or vomiting? Are you bleeding so heavy you can't keep up with the pads? These would indicate problems. Otherwise, it sounds like you are having a "normal" experience with this kind of abortion.
How can we help you? Do you need more info? Just someone to listen? Whatever you need, you got it:wink
(((Hugs)))
*gives you more soup*
Don't worry, the computer makes me an infinite amount. :wink
I had little clots too; I think they said if the clot is bigger than your thumb you should worry. But then again, you didn't have the vaccum procedure so your clots might be bigger.
Hi there :)
If the clots are bigger than a quarter...that's when you'd worry and call the doctor. Otherwise this is normal for a medical abortion. Surgicals are cleaner since most of the lining is vacuumed out...but with a medical your own body has to do it, and that can be painful and it can bring on lots of bleeding and clots too. Like a PP mentioned, you could also see bits of the gestational sac/embryo...so make sure you're ready for that. Although by this time you have probably already passed it.
Big (((hugs)))...and congrats on the new job! Kind of like turning over a new leaf, huh? Good for you dear!
Hey Ladies I wanted to vent a little so here I am. LOL My bleeding has gotten lighter and the "clots" are not coming anymore (thank goodness). I did not think of "my body doing all the work". That makes complete sense when you think about it. I am one of those women who's body demands that it get fed and I have not been doing alot of that lately. That may be part of the tummy getting cramps. Yes I know "take care of yourself". For the most part I do, sometimes I just forget to eat. LOL It will get better.
Today was a good day at work and I felt almost back to normal before any of this happened. I am not as tired as I was the last two days. Guess it helps when a person falls alseep on the couch till 3 am then carry themselves off to bed for the rest of the night. Sure wish I could have a long hot bubble bath. With candles of course. At this point all I can do is dream till I go to the docs on Mon. I am confident that will be the last time I will ever have to go see them. Wish me luck LOL. The abortion does not pop into my head too often these days. I know it was the right thing to do.
The father does not pop into my head too much anymore either. They say the heart grows fonder when two people are not together. Well that is definatley not the case here. Perhaps that statement is for couple who are actually together. HAHAHAH I do find myself bitter and not caring if I ever have someone in my life. I don't want anyone to touch me, hug me, hold my hand etc. Except for my daughter of course. Then there is tons of love to go around! That's it, that's all. Gosh I like venting.
LOL...venting is fun, isn't it?
Glad you are continuing to heal! I hope it will be the last time you have to go back to the clinic. I'm sure that will be nice. Do start eating though...you have to take good care of yourself. :::Takes off mother hen hat::::
I agree with the absence makes the heart fonder thing...you'd have to be in love to feel that way...otherwise it makes the heart grow happier. ;)
I know how that whole forget-to-eat thing is. I find myself doing that a lot. I'm just so busy!
Glad you're doing better and are getting over the father. Isn't it fun to be bitter for a while? It's nice to get all of it out of you so you can feel happy again. :rolleyes (sorry, I really love that smiley..)
I went for my follow up this morning and had the old ultrasound. I was extremely relieved when the nurse confirmed that the tissue and everything had been expelled by my body. I feel like a new chapter has begun and I like the feeling. Ya hoo! I told the doc and the nurse "no offense but may I never see you two again in this circumstance" they completly agreed considering it has been a long haul for
me. They also reminded me that they are there if need be. I also got "the morning after" perscription. The way I feel at the moment I won't be needing it but it's always a good thing to be prepared. I don't want or need another male species to touch me. I feel like I am going to grow old and gray all by myself and suites me just fine. LOL My job is going well and my daughter is doing ok so hey life is not that bad at the moment.
I want to say "thank you" to all of you from my heart to each and every one of yours for being there for me through the dark times. I honestly don't know what I would have done if it had not been for the support and comfort from you all. Big huge ((((((hugs))))) to you all.
I'm very glad that this experience is over for you...that's good news! I'm sure the doctor is used to not wanting to be seen again...lol.
A lot of women feel the way you do about men after an abortion...and after being treated the way you were of course. It might wear off...and it might not. Only time will tell.
((((Hugs))))) We're here too if you ever need us. And please feel free to lurk around and offer help and support to others in the same situation.
I will certainly offer support where ever I can Rose. You don't realize how supportive this board has been for me and if I can offer any comfort to other women who have to make this choice let alone go through it I will be there for them. Treat others as you would like to be treated. I live by that.
I got a call from the almost father yesterday and he left a message wondering how my situation is and if I would like to talk to him "as a friend" (so he says). I called him back saying yes I would like to talk and that I would meet him the next night. I was going to give him rem his a-- out wondering what kind of friend is he truly when he deserted me I needed a friend the most. After speaking with a true friend the suggestion was made that "don't see him in person just phone and tell him that you don't want to ever see or talk to him again" because that way I have control over the situation. I gave it some thought and decided to do what was suggested. Even now several hours later I am angry. The almost father does not realize the hell I have been through and I want him to know. I want him to know how much I hurt and how much agony it has been this past month. I want him to hurt as much as I do. He does not comprehend the magnitude of aborting a baby and how much I cry. I want him to cry and feel pain.
James Warren was a part of me and I am denying that the baby even existed. I hide it by keeping busy and not talking about it. I just keep it hidden inside and cry when I am totally alone. Does any of this make sense?
Gosh yes it makes sense! Anything you feel makes sense...don't ever deny your feelings, okay? Remember that I'm always here - through email or the boards...even the Livesupport chat on the website...that will put you straight through to me...especially in the evening when I'm online. I hate to think of you crying alone. :crying There's no need to do that...we'll cry with you.
I think it's a good idea to stay away from your ex. Look at all the frustration he causes you. You are not ever going to make him feel the way you do hon. He will not be able to fathom what an abortion is like. That will only frustrate you more. But do what you feel is right...please give us an update of course.
Oh my. a real winner this guy is:angry
You are better off away from him and so is your daughter it would seem. That has to be so hard. Men are so insensitive sometimes. I think only a parent who has lost a baby can really understand your pain.
You can cry with any of us. :wink You should not have to cry alone.
Your feelings are completely normal and you may fluctuate emotionally day to day. Just make sure you allow yourself enough time to grieve and heal.(((Hugs)))
How is the job going?
Hi ladies:
Thought I would give you all an update. I am doing very well. My job is going well. The ladies are wonderful. It gets frustrating at times because I have not done this kind of work before but I do ok. My daughter is doing ok considering considering she has mono. At times it's difficult cause she wants to do so much. Another hurdle to over come in life LOL As for James Warren I have decided to get a little tatoo of angel wings and a little pair of booties. That way he will always be a part of me where ever I go. Including when I meet him at heavens gate. I still think about him but I don't get sad too much. Life has been too busy for to think to much. I must say that I am glad that The Big Guy allowed me enough time to deal with this before my next chapter in life began.
Thank you all for your past support and comfort. You all were and are my lifeline when it comes to this part of my life and for that I am grateful. That's it, that's all
Hey :) Nice to see you again!
I'm glad things are going pretty well! (Although I'm sorry that your daughter has mono :cry that must be really hard!)
I really like the idea of the tattoo...anything that feels right to you is always a good idea after an abortion. ((((Hugs)))) I hope the next chapter in your life will be better hon, and if there's ever a time when you flip back to this one and get sad, be sure to stop by and let us give you some (((hugs))). :wink
Hey there hon, I just wanted to let you know that you are in my prayers. (as is your daughter, hope she gets well soon) After my abortion, i wanted to murder the father. No torture would have been good enough for him, no pain enough to redeem what i had done to my baby. I agree with Rose though, being around him will only rub salt in an already open wound. He will have to come to grips with his consience one day and he will ultimately have to live with his guilt. Focus on loving yourself and your daughter. If it helps, try writing a letter to your baby or a poem. Also, it is a little extreme but I have even contemplated erecting a memorial one day when my other children are old enough to understand the meaning of abortion and why mommy had to do it...this may not be right for everyone, but it gives tangible evidence of a life now in heaven. and a place to leave flowers, vent, cry, pay respects, whatever...I love you and hope you continue to heal well inside and out. God loves you too sweetie!
Christine: I love all of those suggestions. Unfortunatley only but a few know about the abortion and to have an monument as you suggest I don't think would be good for me. Because of this reason that is why I have decided on the tatoo thing. I encourage you to do all that you can to help ease the pain for yourself though. I may at some point write a poem in my journal or something along that line but for now I'll stick with the tatoo. As for the almost father well............ I told him that I did not want to see him and for him not to ever call me again. Now that felt GOOD! So far so good even though I know he works in the same town as I live in. I think that if I ever saw him on the street I would rip his head apart and use is for toilet paper. LOL Ok so perhaps I am a bit bitter LOL It was his loss, he lost the best three things he ever had in his life. Me, the baby and my daughter. I know in the end he will get his own because the Big Guy is certainly not done with him.
Thanks for letting me vent that felt real good.
Christmas came and went and I thought I would share with you the fact that I bought and pair of wings for my tree in dedication to James. Looking at all the ornaments brought back some sad feelings, but even to this day I know it was right and some day when God decides to take me I shall see him and all will be well again.
Awww...that's a nice idea. When I had my miscarriage, we bought an angel ornament in memory of our little Hannah. Now we can remember her every year. It's bittersweet...but a nice way to remember.
((((Hugs)))) Good to hear from you again BTW!
Hello everybody and Happy New Year to you all :biggrin I have a question regarding menstration. How long does it take the body to get back to being "normal" for mentration? I had my first period last month and it was approx 1 wk later than the "ususal" time. Now I am waiting again for it to arrive. I used to be so predictable and now I find it frustrating that I am waiting - again. How can a woman gage her ovulation when using the body method while she is patiently waiting for her menstration?
On a good note I am scheduled for a tubal January 27, 05 and I am certainly looking forward to that. On another good note my daughter is turning 12 on the 6th. Yes time sure does fly I tell ya.
Quote:How long does it take the body to get back to being "normal" for mentration?
I would give it about 3 cycles before things should be back to normal again. Your body went through a pretty large shock and needs some adjustment time to figure out what happened.
Quote:How can a woman gage her ovulation when using the body method while she is patiently waiting for her menstration?
Good question! :cool Why don't you pop over and read the threads under Fertility & Contraception for starters. Are you having any hormonal symptoms? Maybe you could post over there with specific questions - there are definitely ways to figure out what's going on. You'd just need to provide as much info as possible. :wink
Great news about the tubal...a lot of women really think it's a great thing. :biggrin And a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY! to your daughter! 12 years old...ugh...I hope time slows for you. Teenage-hood is just around the corner. :crazy Hopefully my daughter will just remain 2....lol. :wow
Love,
Post a Comment