Hello:
I am 37 yrs old and I am 5 weeks pregnant. I told the father(whom is living commonlaw with someone else) October 13, 04. So far he has stayed clear of me and will barley talk about the situation. He drowns the situation away with beer. I am trying to decide what to do because in the end I know that it will only be me. I have already raised one child on my own with no financial support or emotional support. I don't know if I can or want to do it again. I have no family support, no friends to count on, and recently became unemployed. Being a single parent has been the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I don't regret being a single mom to my 11 year old daughter. Knowing how much of a financial struggle it has been, dealing with issues and problems all on my own, giving birth on my own. I don't know if I can or if I want to do it again. I am considering having an abortion. My emotions are extremley overwhelming at the moment and I feel lost as to what the best choice would be for me. Boy it sure feels good to be able to get some of this out.
Thanks for listening.
MJ
Thursday, October 14, 2004
what to do?????
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33 comments:
Hi MJ, I'm glad you found us here. I hope you find the support and encouragement you need.
I'm sorry to hear that the father is being less than supportive. I think you are absolutely right to make this decision on your own, without concerning yourself too much with what he's thinking. It will be you that will live with the choice to parent or abort, and therefore it should be something that you want in your heart.
I'm certain this came as a major surprise, given your age. I also know that your age brings special concerns to this decision. Please feel free to explore them as much as possible here. Have you done the decision-making workbook here? How about the post-abortion stress assessment? These might be good places to start. How have you felt in the past about abortion? Do you have any "gut" instincts about what you should do?
No one here can tell you what you should do, and I know you're not asking that. You mentioned that single parenting was rewarding - what is it that you are thinking might not be as rewarding this time around? Do you have questions about abortion we could help you with? You mentioned not having any support...we can definitely support you, but some real life help would be nice too, regardless of your choice. Could I help you find some support in your area? Pregnancy centers offer assistance if you continue your pregnancy, and they also provide post-abortion support as well.
((((((Hugs)))))) Take a deep breath. You have some time to explore your options, okay? I know it seems overwhelming, but you are approaching this the right way...taking the time to figure out what is best for you and your family. We're here for you hon.
Hi MJ--
I too am sorry to hear that the father is being such a rat. Sounds like you are a little scared right now and I do feel for you even though I'm not in your situation. Please know that you and your unborn baby are important valuable human beings worthy of care, support and love.
Just a few thoughts on my end for you to consider -- Why not look to adoption if you feel like you can't single parent again. It seems to me that this gives mothers the best of all worlds -- the child isn't killed and the mother doesn't bear an unwanted financial or emotional burden. On the other hand, aborting a child can result in guilt, depression, anxiety, and an instense grief/sadness that can last a lifetime. It seems to me that abortion just replaces one problem with another.
Another realization is that at 5 weeks your baby has a heart beat and has his/her eyes, spinal cord, nervous system, thyroid glands, lungs, stomch, liver, kidney and intestines at 24 days. Abortion is truly a horrific procedure and these precious little ones do feel pain when aborted. Many women have said they wished they had known this before they had made the decision to abort.
So.....your question "What to do?" I guess if I could say one thing to you it would be this -- You are not alone, there is hope and help, and it is possible to can carry this baby to term without it putting you in a financial and emotion downspin. You have my support and prayers and I can refer you to a pregnancy center in your area that can give you some help in-person. Let us know where you are located or shoot me an email.
God bless,
Mary
Hey sweetie, sounds like you are indeed having a rough time. I am sorry that life has dealt you this hand again...I have also been there and done that. I will not list all the pros and cons of each decision you could make. I will just say that I have personally chosen all three options in three different situations in my own life! If you need to talk to somebody who has done it all, email me. Also, check out my site www.openarms.homestead.com This will tell my story in detail and maybe help you feel not so alone...Luv, Christine
Thank you kinds persons for the encouraging words. All have been taken to the heart. I have not heard from the father in 4 day. No I won't call him and lower myself to being a needy, emotional, pressuring women. I am better and stronger than that. True colors shine in due time and I guess his colors are shining through and through. I have written out the pros and cons, I have stayed awake till all hours of the night, I have researched and I have asked myself many questions. I also spoke with my sister in-laws and she was very supportive in what ever decision I make.
As for adoption that in completely out of the question. Along with all the other situations in which God has handed out to me I am adopted and it was not pretty and I still struggle with it. I hypothetically talked to my daughter about "what if mom had another baby." It sure made my heart fill with hugs and kisses. Her replies were of an 11 year olds mind which of course was funny at times. At times like this when she is so sick (going on 7 days now) I think "can I do this again?" Is it ok to make a decision when feeling angry? When I think of terminating I don't have a queasy tummy, I don't get dizzy or anything. When I think of the future I get all of those and more. What's up with that. Probably scared right. That's it, that's all for today. Again thank you all.
I had an abortion, and I am neither guilty nor depressed about it. I knew in my heart that bringing that baby into the world would only make my life miserable, which would reflect back onto the baby.
The way adoption goes, I would never put a kid through that. I would feel more guilty knowing my child was alive somewhere, possibly getting abused, than it is for me to know my embryo (that's right, at 6 weeks its not a fetus yet) felt a second of pain before dying. Everyone has to die; I'd rather not make my child suffer first.
I hope you make the decision that satisfies you the most, MJ. I just thought you should know that abortion isn't a "horrible" procedure at all; the anaesthesia they inject you with makes you forget the entire procedure.
I would wait a few days (but not too long, then it might be too late) and then decide. Give yourself some time to cope with the prospect of either having yet another mouth to feed, much less being pregnant while trying to take care of a preteen alone, or cope with the idea of aborting and possibly saving yourself much hardship.
I wish that we could help you make this decision, can you share more about what you're thinking both ways? If you feel comfortable, maybe you could share your pros/cons list...that way we could comment and help with some of the cons to each option. Just a thought though. :rolleyes I'm sure you've also done the workbook on this website? If you'd like, you can submit your answers to me, and then you can receive personalized advice based on your answers.
Is it okay to make a decision when angry? I would say no to that. The anger will cloud your decision and you may make it for the wrong reasons (revenge, pressure, etc.) I encourage women to set aside their angry feelings and do something that feels good to them.
As for why you don't get nervous when you think about abortion, that could be because you don't know what abortion is like. You do know what raising a child is like...and that makes you nervous. Despite what other posters have said, no choice is easy. Abortion can be very hard. So can parenting. So please don't feel like your feelings about being afraid of parenting are not validated here.
I hope you'll be able to share more about what you're going through. And I really commend you for taking so much time and putting so much effort into thinking this through! You are a very strong woman! :wink
Skye,
The women who come here are unique individuals, each with a different abortion experience, some good and some bad. Regarding your comment on twilight sedation anesthesia, the method and dosage of anesthesia a woman is given depends on personal preference, her medical history, and any medications or street drugs she may be taking. This is best determined by a physician. Each woman is an individual with a different situation. There is no one "right" experience for abortion. Please keep that in mind when posting on a board which is so diverse.
MJ,
We can't predict what you're life will be like if you choose a particular option; however, we can help you work out your feelings, experiences, and beliefs regarding your options. If you emotional support, we'll be here regardless of your decision. If you need material assistance carrying to term, we'll help you find resources in your area. We're here for you.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come off as "You're wrong, this is how it was for me and it wasn't like that...etc."
I just wanted to share that my experience wasn't bad, so that might help her decide what to do, because sometimes it helps to hear good things about one side of a decision.
Sorry for any misunderstandings. =)
Good Day Everyone:
I want to say that this board has been the most comforting, supportive place I have been on the net. Thank you each and everyone of you for your thoughts and support, I appreciate it very much. After much thought, tears, anger, sadness, loneliness, worry, and asking myself a whole lot of questions I have booked an appointment for Friday. This decision did not come easy considering I know I am a darn good mother to my daughter. I know that I am a good person who is worthwhile and who can forgive herself but never forget. Yes I can change my mind, however I believe this is the right decision for me. Thank you all for being here and I will keep you posted.
We will support you no matter what you ultimately decide to do. I ran across a website that you might want to consider before going into the clinic though...www.justthefacts.org It shows some compelling pics and videos of life in the womb at all stages. There are no graphic abortion pics or anything like that. Just beautiful evidence of a new and innocent life full of potential. Also, there is a country song called "I hope you dance" By Leeanne Wolmack that really helped me when I was in your shoes. (((hugs))) love, Christine
Candieapples: No sweat hon...I just think we need to be careful telling anyone that something will be easy, know what I mean?
MJ: Big (((((hugs)))))) dear! Were you able to put that anger that you mentioned behind you in order to make this decision? What sort of procedure will you be having? Do you have childcare lined up? Who will take you? And who will be supportive after?
I'm sure you have thought and thought and thought some more about this decision. Please don't stop thinking now that the appointment is made (I'm sure you probably couldn't if you wanted to though). I'm a little concerned for you, since it sounds like you really enjoy being a mom and because you seem to be anticipating sadness after the abortion. I have seen abortion affect the parent/child relationship before. Please be aware of this, and if you are going to have this abortion, make sure you have support lined up after (this board will be here for you of course).
Remember that if you would like me to find you financial support or material aid and even emotional support, I can do that for you. You are a "darned good mother" to your daughter - and if there is any part of you that feels that an abortion would impact this image, please talk about that here as well.
((((Hugs)))) I wish I could be there to give you a hug in person. My heart really goes out to you hon. You're in my thoughts and prayers. I am glad you have been able to find support here...and please please please give us an update when you can.
Dear What to do,
I sent an email to you through ezboards. It should be in your "in" box. Please feel free to email me back if you would like to talk more outside of the boards.
Best Wishes,
Dear MJ--
I don't want you to think that I didn't hear you the first time or am ignoring your concerns but adoption has changed A LOT in the last 37 years.:exclamation Even though you've had a bad experience with adoption I want to continue to give you hope for the future that things can be better.
Have you heard of "open adoption"? Open adoption is a very good option for people who want to make sure their baby is placed in a good home. You have control and knowledge about how and where your baby is placed. You get to interview as many adoptive parents as you want who tell you all about their plans and dreams for your child's future. They reveal their financial and emotional situation to you (many of them are infertile and just want a child to love.) Here's some links to web sites that can give you more information: www.adoptionhelp.org/
www.adoptionopen.com/
Single parenting must be so tough but it sounds like you are a great mom. Maybe that's why God has sent this blessing to you. I really liked what Christine said above about the pics and videos of life in the womb -- "beautiful evidence of a new and innocent life full of potential." --And you've been chosen!
Here is a link to some testimonies of women who've had abortions. They talk about their situations and how they came to their decisions. www.silentnomoreawareness...index.html
The "Silent no More Awareness" campaign is very good I think.
MJ -- Please know that there are many people praying for you now and as you go forward.
God bless,
Mary
If you decide to go through with it, know I'm always here to talk about it afterwards, if you think that would help any.
I hope that if you do decide to go through with it, you aren't too sad afterwards, and I will be thinking about you Friday and hoping everything goes well for you. =)
Wow you ladies really do rock! I read all posting over and over again and I can't believe how supportive everyone is. Thank you for sharing all of your stories, prayers and advice.
Chrisitine: that song that you refer to I have listened to often even before any of this happened. I cried then and I cry now and I am sure I will in the future.
Rose: The anger that I have has subsided, it was towards the father and his lack of responsibility. Before it rises up to haunt me along with the other emotions I hope I will have enough resources and have researched enough to know how to handle some of it in a positive manner. Speaking of the father I did get some phone calls from him recently. He does not know how to console me, and he certainly doesn't know what to say. He asks how I am doing and I tell him the truth, "actually pretty darn crappy." He is of the typical male species and his way of dealing with the situation is just to run and hide. That reaction and behavior I cannot change, I wish I could. I am going to have a medical procedure because the gestation time is less than 7 weeks and in Canada a women can make that choice if she wants. I have a huge problem with any invasive procedure including the yearly pap let alone a surgical abortion. As for child care my daughter will be going to her dad's for the weekend and if need be she can stay and extra day or two. During the week she is in school all day and I pretty much pull myself together by the time she gets home. I will attend counseling session during the day or what ever else if I find that is what is needed. I will write in my journal, I will take walks, I will read, I will pamper myself, I will find joy in all the little things in life. I will continue to post on this board, I will continue to research and find other like myself to support and send huge ((((HUGS)))) to. Medically if things don't go so well then I will call a girlfriend of mine (no she doesn't know and no we are not that close) to drive me to the hospital. Since every person is different and reacts different I have faith that I can take care of myself (after all I have been doing it all on my own for 30 years or so) and I am not afraid to use what ever resources are available. I took the PASS worksheet found on this site and I had a low score which is ok I guess. I am not sure what I am going to feel, but when the time comes I am positive it will be a full blown crying melt down. A girl needs one of those once in a while ya know. LOL I am not sure what you meant by the impact it will have with the image of being a good mother. Or the relationship between myself and my daughter. Could you clarify that for me a bit?
Mary: I checked out that testimonial site that you mentioned. Thank you very much. Although I am not a church going kind of person I still believe in the big guy in the sky. Over the past 2-3 years I have gotten to believe just a little more and I know he has plans for me and some-days those plans are crystal clear and others not so much. As for "open adoption" I know and believe with all my heart and all my soul that would never ever be an option for me. To all those women who do choose this I commend them for giving life to others who desperately want it.
As you can all probably tell I don't speak much of my feelings. That has never been one of my strong points (thanks to emotional abusing dysfunctional child bearing years) however I work on it each and every day. I am sure a time will come when I will speak of my feelings. You should see my journal. LOL I guess that is why I find this board so comforting because I can write what ever I want and no one will reject me if it happens to be not so good stuff. On that note I will stop my babbling (joke) Thank you all again, it is a huge comfort just knowing that you are all here.
Another note: Candieapple you are the first person who has spoken in a positive manner regarding feelings right after an abortion. Most of what you hear or read is of a negative nature. I hope that you continue to feel this way and not have it come back and bite you.
Musiclover: I have read your e-mail and when I figure out how to reply I will reply with enthusiasim. We have alot in common. That's it, that's all.
I'm so happy that you have given this all so much thought MJ...especially the post-abortion stuff. I hope that it is just a crying melt-down...not that those are easy or fun, but just because that sounds easy to get through. It does sound like you haven't been able to confide in anyone else in real life (not the virtual world...lol). It would be nice to be able to have a friend or family member there for you...but I know some times that's just not possible. Please know you can email me any time at choicetolivewith@comcast.net
I'm so sorry that the FOB is not being helpful or supportive. ((((Hugs)))) That has to be so hard. Are you thinking you'll continue this relationship with him after the abortion?
I am very sure you have read all about the abortion pill...but just in case you haven't checked it out here, here is the link. Abortion Pill There are some things to keep in mind as far as what the abortion may be like for you. Most likely, you'll want your DD to stay a couple of days, as you may not start to bleed until after the second dose of pills is taken...most likely on Sunday.
Quote:I am not sure what you meant by the impact it will have with the image of being a good mother. Or the relationship between myself and my daughter. Could you clarify that for me a bit?
Yes, I'd be happy to. Please realize that this may not happen to you. I am not suggesting it will. I have seen it happen though. And I'm only mentioning it to prepare you for the chance it does happen...I definitely don't want to scare you with it. Abortion can sometimes impact the woman's ability to mother. This is taken from a psychiatrist, obstetrician and abortionist, Dr. Julius Fogel:
"Abortion is an impassioned subject.... Every woman--whatever her age, background or sexuality--has a trauma at destroying a pregnancy. A level of humanness is touched. This is a part of her own life. She destroys a pregnancy, she is destroying herself. There is no way it can be innocuous. One is dealing with the life force. It is totally beside the point whether or not you think a life is there. You cannot deny that something is being created and that this creation is physically happening.... Often the trauma may sink into the unconscious and never surface in the woman's lifetime. But it is not as harmless and casual an event as many in the pro-abortion crowd insist. A psychological price is paid. It may be alienation; it may be a pushing away from human warmth, perhaps a hardening of the maternal instinct. Something happens on the deeper levels of a woman's consciousness when she destroys a pregnancy. I know that as a psychiatrist."
Some women, after having an abortion, no longer feel they are a good mother. Some feel that since they didn't "love" the child they aborted...it would be unfair to love the child that is living. Some might become overprotective. Some try to fill the loss of the aborted baby by getting pregnant again and favoring the new baby. Some try to become a "super-mom" (not the worst, huh? Lol). Some start to think in terms of living children being "choices" - like asking "what if I had aborted you...would things be different, etc." In extreme cases, there may be abuse or neglect because of depression (you remember hearing about Susan Smith for instance).
Maybe none of these will happen for you hon...I certainly hope they don't. But knowing about it before hand will help you prepare in case it does happen.
I'm so very glad that you have been able to open up here in such an emotional "apart-from-your-usual-self" way. :wink You're in my thoughts and prayers hon. Please keep us posted.
Hi MJ--I think we are just trying to help you through this as best we can. Thanks for considering the links I sent you. Can you tell us a little bit more about how you came to your decision?
wow you sound so much like me! I went through an emotionally abusive childhood as well and ended up self-sufficient almost to a fault! It is that independance that caused me to make a choice that I ultimately regretted. I too once had trouble expressing my deepest emotions. I have only recently begun to fully explore my darkest hidden memories. You also mentioned that you did believe in a higher power. Perhaps this is the way that He has chosen to reveal his love for you. In this awful situation, it may be easier to look up to him and ask for comfort and help. He is ready and willing to love you, when you are ready. I want you to know that I am not "religious" either. Religion is something that men came up with to control other people. It is about rules and restrictions. What I believe in is a personal relationship with the one who created me. He knows me better than anyone else ever could. He has gotten me through situations that should have killed me (literally). I don't know if any of this helps you or encourages you but either way, I am here to listen if you need to talk, cry or just vent rage. Love, Christine
whattodo: Thanks for the well-wishings about my feelings in the future! I don't think this will create problems later in life, but I guess you never know. =)
Dear MJ,
Thank you for your message. Sent you a reply :wink
MJ--
One other thought for you-- A good friend of mind who is a psychiatrist and who counsels MANY women for PASS (post-abortion stress syndrome) says one of the biggest issues she sees in her PASS patients is sexual dysfunction. It really messes up their sex lives. As she once said to me, "If you think you don't feel sexy after having a baby, you can't believe how you feel after having an abortion." Of course, some do swing to the other side and get totally promiscuous. Either way they all went through an initial relief phase and then went into a denial/emotional numbness phase after the abortion. Anyway...just another women's health issue for you to consider.
yup, i did this...got totally promiscuous. Didn't care if i lived or died. so glad i am over that now and have a loving non-judgemental hubby. Only by God's grace.
Hi MJ...I just wanted to know that I started a thread for you here under Post-Abortion Support. ((((Hugs)))) I hope you are well. Update us when you can.
You think, you analyze, you cry, you get angry, you decide. You prepare emotionally and psychically and the day comes. Well it has come and gone. You read, you listen, you sympathize but nothing can prepare you for what each individual women experiences when they have an abortion. Me well I am doing........ as good as can be expected I guess. I did tell my sister in law and she called last night just to see how I am doing. What I did not know was that it would take days before it was completley over. It was the right procedure for me that much I know, but it's the length of time that gets to me at the moment.
I did write the father a 3 page letter and said good bye to him. I deserve to be more than second best to his job and his other relationship. I say job first because that is and how he defines himself. In relationships of love whether it be friends or partners you should put all others aside and be there for that person especially in hardships. He was not here from the beginning and he never will be and I deserve alot more than that. Again my thanks for all the compassion and support.
It sounds as if this has been a bit emotional for you so far. Please feel free to vent here, okay? This is one place where you don't have to put on a happy face if you don't want to.
One of the biggest complaints about the abortion pill is that it takes so long for the abortion to occur. I think there is an image of taking the pill and starting your period. That's just not the case physically or emotionally though. (((Hugs))) Have you started to bleed yet? You're probably going to take the second dose of meds today (Sunday), right? How are you feeling about that? Some women find it really hard to take that second batch of drugs. If you are feeling that way, remember that you can still back out. For more info, see the RU-486 page. I only mention it because I want you to still be aware of your options.
I'm glad you were able to confide in your SIL hon. I'm sure that helps. And I think that writing your ex a letter was a terrific idea...I'm sure it helped to get it all out. Are you going to give it to him? Or was this more for you? It sounds like you are still very angry at him hon. You do deserve much better. ((((Hugs))))
I am sorry that this is hard for you. I feel for you. We are here for you. Love, christine
Today I feel a bit better physically that is. As for emotionally well lets just say that I don't feel too much. I realize that is a not so good thing. I feel more anger towards the father than I do about terminating the pregnancy. Yes I know that I am ignoring it and numbing out but I also know that I will deal with it sooner than later. Rose I did give the letter to the father. He spent last Weds night here and after he had gone to bed I wrote it and left it for him in the morning. I did not sleep in my bed that night because I did not feel like I could. Yes that is a good sign that I may have issues with physical intimacy because even now I don't like my body. "Putting on a face" wow that hit home. I have always put on a face. That's another issue though.
I live in Alberta, Canada and things are a bit different here. I got a shot called Methotrexate and physically my body had cramps from the swabs they took. I was nausea I think more from being scared and worried than the actual meds. I also don't eat when I am stressed so needless to say my body was also hungry for nutrition. I did not bleed or spot, so I guess that was good. You have to wait 4 days before you can insert the Misoprostol. That is the part that is the hardest to deal with. Considering my periods have always been very very light I am concerned that I may bleed profusely. On the other hand what if I only have light spotting, does that mean that it did not work? How would I know if it did work, would there be any evidence considering I was only 6 wks along? How much does a person bleed? I guess I will have to wait till I go for another vaginal ultrasound. That is hard to deal with as well. Having to wait.
I bought yet another journal and I wrote in it last night and released some pent up emotions, that was therapeutic. My SIL has been terrific. Although I can hear it in her voice that terminating a pregnancy would not have been her choice, she also said that a women could not make a decision such as this with out having to live it. She has not judged me and is very understanding and concerned. Your right I am lucky to have someone to confide in. I am also lucky to have this board to confide in. Thank you.
Hi MJ,
((((Hugs)))) It sounds like you are aware of your feelings - even if you're not ready to let yourself express them. I think you're right - in time you'll be able to deal with them...at least hopefully you will. It's common to feel relief after the abortion for a short period. After that, some women bury their feelings for years. Others want to grieve and heal right away. And then of course there are those who don't feel any sadness.
Did you read the Methotrexate Abortion information here? These abortions take a little longer than the RU-486 abortions do. Bleeding can occur between 4 hours to 21 days after the misoprostol is taken. :ummm That's possibly a pretty long wait. You can read more about it through the link.
You should be looking for a heavier-than-your-period bleed. There should also be more cramping as well. You may also see the gestational sac - so be prepared for that. If you only spot, then you have not completely aborted. When is your ultrasound?
I did read that article long before I had the procedure done. It was very informative but untill you actually go through it you're not completely aware. All I did was spot. I went for the ultrasound and it confirmed what I feared. The abortion is not complete so now I have to insert the pills once again except this time I am taking one more to up the rate of completion. Unfortunately at the moment my body does not want to complete the abortion. That is hard to take. If there is anything to I can do to aid in the completion I will certainly do it.
I did buy another journal and have started to write in it. That has been helpful. I also named the baby and said "so long for now". I also gave my self and my body permission to complete the abortion. I hope that helps. Some days are better than others. I told a buddy of mine (whom is male) because I wanted someone to be there physically for me if and when I need it. He immediately responded by saying "that was the best choice you could have made" Needless to say he was very supportive. Most of my girlfriends I don't think would understand and I don't want to take the chance that they may lose respect for me.
I also find that I am not as angry at the father as before. Perhaps thats because I have not heard from in a week. I don't need or want that kind of person in my life. I would rather be alone than be with someone who lacks immense responsibility. I find myself analyzing my life and where I want it to go. Over all I am doing ok. Thanks for the advice and support it means the world to me and all the others that are here.
((((Hugs)))) It's still awfully soon for any bleeding to have started in a normal methotrexate abortion. Was there a heartbeat still on the ultrasound? Or was the baby dead but it just was not released? Methotrexate abortions don't work at all in up to 10% of the time I believe. So your body is not the only one that does not want to abort the baby. Remember that this is an unnatural thing to your body - even though there are no surgical tools, the chemicals still throw your body for a loop. So don't beat yourself up too much - your body is actually doing what it is designed to do...it takes a lot of force to get it to stop that.
What did you name your baby hon? If you'd like to share that - please do. But I'll understand if that is too personal. What did you have to do to give yourself permission to complete the abortion? I guess I'm a little confused/worried that you think that this is something your mind has control over - do you believe it is? That must put a lot of pressure on you...because that would mean that up until now, you hadn't given yourself permission to have the abortion, kwim?
Men seems to view abortion in a different light than women do. You see that in marriages too...although it seems that men can't be counted on much after the first week after the abortion...lol. Then they just figure it should be "done" with. On the other hand, while women tend to react more emotionally, we also understand the need to grieve more than men do, because we have maternal instincts too. So just file that away in the back of your mind. :satisfied
I'm glad you have released a lot of the anger toward the father. That has to help. All that negative energy can be harmful. Not to mention you're already going through enough!
Big huge bear ((((hugs)))) sweetie. You remain in my thoughts and prayers.
((((HUGS)))) back to you Rose. I did give myself permission to have an abortion. In my heart and in my head. It was a decision made without alot of hesitation. I did way the pros and cons and thought about what life would be like with another child. I gave my daughter's life and thoughts consideration as well. After the decision was made I did not have any hesitation what so ever. At this point in my life I do and did not want another child. Even now after the injection I don't have any regrets. I actually made an appointment to get my tubes tied before any of this happened. Unfortunately there is a waiting list and I could not get in till Dec 10. In the mean time.......... Everything was fine when I went for the ultrasound. Now I have to insert the other drug and wait for the abortion to complete.
I named the baby James Warren, after my father and my b last name. It is a sad time. Part of grief is to accept what has happened, I named him, now I will grieve for him. I don't write alot about the abortion because I find it difficult to name what I feel. I know that part of it is being sad but I also realize there is more to it than that.
Men well what to say about that. Even after everything that has happened I asked my self that if the father was to miraculously get divorced would I take him back? The answer to that would be no. There are toooooo many negative factors in the equation including being sluffed aside while I go through this.
As for myself, I find the night time the worst because you just lay there and your mind goes and goes like the energizer bunny. My sleep patterns have been so of erratic that I forced my self to get up extra early today in hopes of getting back to a almost normal sleeping pattern. My buddy stopped by yesterday and we talked. When he left he gave me a huge comforting hug. It was felt really nice to have one of those I tell ya.
Not only do I endure the struggles of life on my own, I am not done yet. Soon I will either get some identifying information regarding my bp or there will be a veto in place. Although I am a very strong women, I feel this info what ever it may be will test my strength to the fullest. Hows that for a double whammy?
I am not sure if I should keep posting on this particular board or if I am to move to the post abortion board. Please let me know what would be best.
Thanks again for all your support and for founding this board. It has been a God send.
Okay - I just wondered why you had just now given yourself permission to have the abortion - that's all. I'm glad you don't have any regrets or second-thoughts. If they do ever creep in...you know we'll understand that too. :wink
Quote:Everything was fine when I went for the ultrasound.
Does this mean that the baby was fine? Or that the methotrexate had stopped the heartbeat. Maybe that doesn't matter to you - I would think it would be a lot harder if it was still okay...that's the only reason I ask.
James Warren is a very strong, noble name. Thank you for sharing that with us. Naming him will help you grieve for him that's true. I lead a group online once a week...and that is one of the things that we all have to do...name them...discuss what they would;ve looked like, been like, etc. It is a major part of healing.
I'm sorry night-time is so hard for you hon. If you ever need to talk, I'm usually online late - you can click on "LiveSupport" on the website and get right through to me. If you have Yahoo, I am "chc2lvwth."
Quote:Soon I will either get some identifying information regarding my bp or there will be a veto in place.
What does this mean? LOL...maybe I'm just being dense today. I'm tired...lol.
You can post wherever you like - but the post-abortion board is where other women drop in to browse. It might help to see your messages there for other women who are post-abortive too...kwim? But either way is fine for me.
And you're welcome for the board...it's a Godsend to me too. :biggrin
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