Hello, all. I happened across this site while searching for more information regarding abortion, more specifically the vacuum procedure that I am to undergo on June 3rd.
I found out last Wednesday (May 18th) that I am pregnant, and at this point today, am around six weeks. I can't quite describe how I knew before I even took the test, but I had just felt "off" for a few weeks before it was confirmed. Despite my precautions, (I have been on the pill, which I take religiously, for six years, he always wears a condom), I am pregnant, and thoroughly upset about it.
I have been dating the father, who is my boyfriend, for two years, and have been living with him for one year. He is supporting my decision, which is a topic that we had approached and discussed many times, adnauseum, since the begining "just in case." He has said that since I am going to bear the brunt of the physical and emotional burden, he is more than happy to bear the full financial burden, so he is paying for the doctor's appointments, etc.
I suppose what has pushed me to write is because I am outright nervous about having this done. I don't want kids, I am too young. (I am 23 and applying to law school.) I don't want to go through the pregnancy and then relinquish my own flesh and blood for adoption, either. (I've seen the previous posts, and am aware that this is an all too familiar song and dance.) I know that at this stage in my life, this is the best decision for me to make, but it isn't making it any easier.
I haven't told my family, I can't just yet. They are still, even a year later, having issues with the fact I am living with a man out of wed lock. They don't mind him in the least, they just object to my living situation. It has caused enough tension, however, that I have not seen my family since I graduated from college two years ago, and I don't want to pile this situation on them at this time. I know I will tell my family, I feel in many aspects that they have a right to know, now just isn't the time.
I am also having a lot of frustrations regarding the procedure. During the sonogram/ultrasound (I am not sure which it was they did), they couldn't find the baby. I was five weeks along, and they couldn't find it. The doctor pressed pretty hard to look, too; it felt much like I was punched in the stomach afterward. Since they couldn't find it, I have been forced to wait two weeks. In this two weeks, I am noticing the rapid changes in my body, fat growing around my middle that I have been working so hard to get rid of (and it had been working, too! I have lost around 20 lbs. in the past two months!) growing back.
I suppose that my questions stand thusly, for those who may be able to help: Does the procedure hurt too badly? I don't know for certain if it will be IV or just localized anesthesia, but I am pretty sure it is the localized. How long is the recovery, and does the uterus hurt for long afterward? And how long before this weight gain comes off? I have heard/read from some sources that it comes off much like "water weight" from a typical menstrual cycle. Any help is greatly appreciated, thanks!
-Deepwithin
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Pregnant despite precautions
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
24 comments:
Hi there and welcome! I was concerned as I read through your post. Have you yet had a quantative blood test? The reason I ask is that if they could not find the embryo via ultrasound, it is possible that it might not be there at all. A quantative blood test would show the normal increase in growth hormone that the baby produces as it develops. This number should correspond to the number of weeks gestation. If it doesnt' this would be a big red flag. The belly area growth that you describe is unusual for such an early pregnancy, particularly a first pregnancy. You should not begin to show until several weeks later. I don't want to scare you but I only mention this because i just got done reading an article about it and it might be worth looking into. Ovarian cancer has been known to produce the exact same hormone as pregnancy and causes the abnormal abdominal growth/weight gain. Other possible symptoms include bloating, excessive urination, etc. Before going through with the termination, I urge you to get a pelvic exam and or a transvaginal ultrasound used to confirm very early pregnancies. This could show either an embryo or a tumor. I read the article in the Feb 05 issue of Marie Claire...Better to be sure before proceeding with a termination that might not be necessary. You are young and have been on the pill which both lower the risk of OC but it just seemed odd what you were describing. Good luck and again, welcome!
Wow, thanks for the quick response!
No, I haven't had a blood test of that sort. The only thing checked with my blood was my iron count and my Rh-type. The doctor had estimated that even though I was just at five weeks (at that point) it could just be that the baby was still too small and hadn't implanted itself yet. He even inquired about whether or not I spotted or had some menstrual type cramping recently (as apparently 3 out of 5 women spot when implantation occurs). The cramps - yes, but not the spotting. When they couldn't find the baby, they actually made me take another test (which also came out positive). I will be sure to ask about OC when I go in, assuming they don't find anything.
As far as the early weight gain goes, it is minimal at best. Probably about 5 lbs extra or so - which is around my average gain for a menstrual cycle. Also, women in my family tend to gain weight immediately once they are pregnant. I can't exactly ask them for details right now due to the pre-existant strain, they'll jump to the (correct) conclusion and open a can of worms I don't even want to approach.
Hi and welcome to choicetolivewith,
I agree with Christine. You need to be sure of what you are dealing with before you deal with anything in anyway. Please let us know what is happening and if we can help.
Love, Ruth
Hi there...sorry it has taken so long to get back to you. Confused
First things first, we need to be sure that you have an intrauterine pregnancy before an abortion is scheduled. You could have a blighted ovum, an ectopic pregnancy, or, like Chrisine mentioned, an ovarian cyst. If you are 5 weeks along, you should have seen the gestational sac in your uterus. Did the doctor see that? It's standard procedure to wait a couple of weeks before checking again, but I'd suggest maybe a trip to a pregnancy center that does free ultrasounds to get a better look. Preferably one with a transvaginal ultrasound machine. If you need help finding one, fill out the form located under "Find Assistance" on the website.
Usually a vacuum aspiration is not done with anesthesia. It might help you to read about the procedure on the website as well as going to the Abortion Clinic Documentary and viewing what occurs inside the room as well as seeing how the girls react to the pain. The recovery time and the pain level is also covered on the website. It usually doesn't take long to recover, and it will most likely feel like bad cramps afterward. The weight gain varies...if it's water weight, it'll come off right away most likely, but if it's "real" weight it'll take a little longer.
Do you have any emotional concerns about the abortion? Or is it mainly the physical stuff you're worried about. It sounds like you were raised in a religious home - how does your faith tie into this decision, or does it at all? We're here for you hon, and while it sounds like you've made up your mind, you're welcome to put your thoughts together by filling out the worksheets on the site by going to "Making Your Choice," and you can also fill out the post-abortion stress assessment as well if you'd like to. ((((Hugs)))) Let us know how we can help, okay? And give us an update about the ultrasound when you get it.
As far as my emotional concerns regarding this pregnancy, I have a few. It is rather complicated to undergo a procedure like this without acknowledging what the act itself is doing - it does end a life. To be truthful, I was conceived shortly after my mother had a miscarriage. They had been trying for a child, but the first one died about six months into the pregnancy, though I am not sure why or how. When my mother discovered she was pregant with me, she actually began considering abortion, thinking that she might not be ready for motherhood, after all. My father made her sit down and really think things over and (clearly) she decided against it. Now that I am faced with this decision, it feels incredibly damning that I am going through with it.
Whenever abortion was actually discussed in my household (which to answer your previous question, I was raised as an Episcopal - "Catholic Lite"), I was taught that a life begins at conception, that aborting a child is no different than the governor not permitting a stay of execution for a criminal. I was also taught, however, that these are applicable to our system of beliefs, and isn't necessarily the right choice or belief for everyone else.
How do I take it, though? I have been talking to God quite a lot lately. Even though I was raised this way, I firmly believe that due to my current situation, God will still be able to forgive me. It will take me longer to forgive myself, but I stand behind my decision. I am not ready for this child - mentally, physically, or emotionally. I know that I will tell my parents one day, just not until
When I went to the clinic, they mentioned they would be using localized anesthesia (lidocane) during the procedure. Most of the girls who were in the recovery area after their procedure looked as if they were drugged, though it could've been the shock from the procedure. I wasn't sure as to what other people's experience has been like.
I actually counted out how long - from conception to abortion - I would be. I'll be 49 days into this when I get the procedure done (I actually know the conception date). I used the pregancy calculator just now, though, and it says that I am already 7 weeks, 6 days along. Am I to understand the calculator adds the week of the menstrual cycle as well?
I know Rose can explain it to you -- I'm not sure why but I do know that they always add two weeks to your pregnancy. Again, not sure why, I know Rose does.
I would caution you if you are struggling at all with your decision to abort. It is something you will have to deal with for the rest of your life. If you are unsure I'd hate to see you go through with it and possibly go through some emotional issues because of it. I want you to be totally sure if you are going to go through with it. ((hugs))
Hi again hon, how are you? I wanted to let you know that I have had an abortion also @ 7 wks and if you want to talk about it in more detail, what its like, the emotional aftermath etc. you can PM me or IM me. My screename is sykorose on both MSN and Yahoo. I really am concerned that you have so many clear feelings about abortion being wrong...I too was brought up in religous family and trust me, if you have strong beliefs against something you will most likely regret doing it even more. I know I did. Abortion is forever, nothing can undo it. That is why you have to be 110% at peace with it, all of it, before going through with it. Also, have you considered open adoption? Your parents probably would be disappointed at first that you got pregnant, but lets face it, you are living with your bf and parents aren't dumb. They already know you have sex and sex equals babies. LOL They would get over their disappointment and I am sure they would be joyful in the end. Adoption is a choice everyone can live with and it takes a lot of guts to even consider it. I chose to abort once because I thought it would be the easy way out, because it was so available, so easy to hide. I learned the hardest lesson of my life that day. You cannot hide from yourself. I was wrong and I would hate to see another young women make the same decisions without first knowing what it is really like. I don't claim to speak for all women, but I do speak as one who has experienced it. Others will tell you that it didn't bother them, that it was no big deal. However, it is my oppinion that every post abortive woman experienced some type of personal loss. It is up to the individual woman to determine what loss it is, a loss of tissue, a loss of life, a loss of potential. I don't know if any of this helps but it is from my heart. Keep us updated and we will stand behind you no matter what. I just want to make sure that you are going into this thing with both eyes wide open KWIM?
Try though my family has, I never quite saw eye to eye with them on the subject of abortion. I was brought up to believe that it is wrong, but inwardly, I always thought that a little too pragmatic. As I have gotten older, I have taken it into my views as being a choice to be made by each individual woman, whether it is the right choice for her or not. I knew that I would not truly know where I stood on the issue until faced with the matter more closely.
My best friend, oddly enough, went through this very same thing - she would be due sometime this month. Her circumstances aren't too dissimilar from my own: similar upbringing, unmarried, trying to come up in the world, rather young, etc. The difference is that she wasn't in a stable relationship with the father - he moved back to Trinidad a few weeks after her abortion. She has said that if faced with the decision again, she would not have an abortion, no matter whether or not she could afford it. She has outright condemned me for even thinking about aborting this child, citing that the fact I have a very stable relationship is reason enough to keep it. I disagree with her wholeheartedly. The fact that I have a stable relationship is what is keeping me together. She persists, though, because she is still suffering from the post-traumatic stress, as well as MANY unresolved issues between herself and the father.
While I do still have some remaining conflicting feelings, they are kept to as much of a minimum as I can. I don't really feel the "effects" of pregnancy, no nausea or anything of the like yet, and the fact that I have been sick for the past week anyhow (sore throat, fever, body aches, might be the flu) has kept me a little busy. When I do think about it, perhaps because I haven't actually seen it so it isn't quite "real" yet, I am rather....distant to it. I really have begun to view the embryo as an inconvenience and (dare I say?) a parasite to my daily life. Feelings such as this have me quite convinced that I am far from ready for this responsibility. In my heart of hearts, I cannot go through with the pregnancy, so adoption, open or no, I can't do it. By the time I would have the child, despite how I feel about it now, I wouldn't be able to part with after carrying it in my womb to term. By then, I would be too possessive.
As far as knowing what I am getting into, I am fairly aware of what I am getting into. There are agencies that will help fund a pregnant woman's expenses until she gives birth - clearly that money doesn't last forever. Open adoptions that let you have some visitation with your child, but if it is your own flesh and blood, I can't imagine handing it over to someone else. Whether or not I see the baby once a week or once a month, I would still question the parenting techniques of the adoptive home. I couldn't do a closed by the same token, because you are thereby omitted from the child's life. Abortion is forever, but so is a child and the responsibility it brings. I feel that at this time, an abortion is the right path for me to take. It all feels very "damed if you do, damed if you don't," just the same!
I'm trying to keep myself as positive as I can through all of this, it's quite stressful! Nonetheless, it's nice to know I have a support system such as this available to me to help me through it.
(Also, I'm sorry, but I am rather net-oblivious, what does "KWIM" stand for?)
KWIM = know what I mean? LOL Don't feel bad Rose had to tell me what it meant too. I am glad that you feel comfortable talking to us and please don't ever hesitate to share with us. I am sorry that your friend had such a rough time with her abortion experience. It is especially painful when the bf pushes you to abort, only to disappear and not be there to support emotionally. What a rat Mad ... Perhaps you should refer her here :wink: We have a post abortion support section that she might find helpful. As for your choice, I wish you the very best with it. When it is over, if you need to vent, share, cry or whatever, we are here ok?
I'm sure your feelings are pretty much all over the place right now regarding the abortion, and that is completely normal. I read your last two posts, and the first one I read about some reasons you might have a hard time with an abortion, but then the next post you seemed to push some of that aside. I think it's normal to put up a defense mechanism when you're faced with an unpleasant decision, but that doesn't necessarily make it a good thing. I'm not saying you're wavering in the decision, but rather that you definitely have some areas that might cause some issues later on, and I'd just really encourage you to acknowledge and work through them now rather than later...easier said than done, I know. But that's what we're here for. Very Happy
You're very right though - this is up to every woman...no one else can choose for her. It's up to her definition of right and wrong pretty much. I always say that the decision needn't be based on a current situation - since those can be so fleeting. It's true that money from agencies doesn't last forever, but it usually lasts as long as you have a need. Adoption, open or closed, is difficult...no question. But everyone I know that has placed said the same things you said about it...lol. I'm sorry to hear your friend is giving you such a hard time about wanting the abortion. Are you on speaking terms with her at the moment? (((Hugs)))
Regarding the pregnancy calculator, yes it counts from the first day of your last menstrual period. Although that's only a 6 day difference for you, and I'm not sure why. Did AF start 6 days prior to the sex you had?
(((Hugs))) to you hon. I hope you have a nice holiday, although I'm sure your mind is elsewhere. We're here for you...it must be so hard to wait for the next u/s! I remember when I was pregnant I had the same thing happen at 5 weeks (but they saw the gestational sac in the uterus) and I was so nervous for those 2 weeks! Of course, the situation was different. Wink But I can realate to wishing the 2 weeks would fly by!
Thank you all for your well wishing! Just a few more days now, and I will be going to the doctor's. It's this Friday at 10am, and I am very much ready for this all to be over with! My boyfriend is preparing the house for me, getting me all sorts of creature comforts (READ: Chocolate and heating pads.) I am thankful for his support as well as I am for yours.
This past weekend was a little frustrating, though. When my aforementioned best friend was a week away from her procedure, I drove the four hours to see her. She had said how she needed my support, being her best friend and quite sisterly, and I was happy to oblige. I even offered to drive back up to visit her the weekend she had the procedure done, but she had said no, that she wanted that weekend to herself to reflect. This past weekend was the weekend before my procedure, but she couldn't be bothered to visit me. She instead decided that she was going to go visit her boyfriend in Tampa for the Memorial Day weekend. I felt it rather inequitable that considering I took the time off of work to see to her just a few months ago, but when she had an "official" holiday (so missing work and not making money wasn't an excuse), she didn't even think twice about her plans. I feel quite insulted. Confused
Other than that, I think "morning sickness" has begun this week. More specifically, today. I've just had a general "ick" feeling in my stomach, and it doesn't seem to want to settle down, either. I'm not losing my stomach contents yet, so I am taking it in stride...I can handle the feeling of sickness for a few days. It worries me about what it will be like when I am actually ready to carry to term, though.
Hi Sara
Quote:
I have been talking to God quite a lot lately.
I was just wondering after I read your post where you said you had been talking to God quite a bit lately. What has God been saying back to you?
It's great that you have been doing that. I know for myself sometimes I forget to do that in the middle of a crisis. But I also know from people who are my spiritual giants (I call them) that they always wait patiently for God to speak to their hearts and let them know what He says.
Sometimes it's a thought and sometimes it's something else, but if we really listen it is always there.
I just wanted to share that with you.
Another thought is to write out on paper with your BF what life will be like carrying the baby to term and keeping it and what life will be like knowing you had an abortion. Things like finances, child care, watching your childgrow up together, post abortive stress syndrome, the feelings Christine told you about,
Quote:
I thought it would be the easy way out, because it was so available, so easy to hide. I learned the hardest lesson of my life that day. You cannot hide from yourself. I was wrong and I would hate to see another young women make the same decisions without first knowing what it is really like.
and being able get back to a normal life stuff like that. Make a list under each heading and just maybe this might make things a little clearer.
Just another idea.
Love, Ruth
When you go to the doctor on Friday, is it just for an ultrasound? Or is the abortion scheduled then too?
Please don't be upset with your friend hon. Remember, when you went to be with her, you weren't regretting an abortion. She's regretting hers now, and while that might seem selfish, I just don't think that you know what that's like unless you go through it. She's protecting herself from something that is very upsetting to her. If she were to come and help you, it would be like reliving and experience that haunts her now. I work with a lot of women who have regretted their abortion, and there's no way she could put herself in that position, and I don't think she should have to. (I'm kind of overportective of post-abortive women...lol...as I will be with you. Wink ) That's probably why she went on vacation - to get as far away from the situation as possible. Don't feel insulted, remember that she feels like you're walking into a disaster, based on what she feels. That doesn't make for a supportive friend. Wink
I agree wholeheartedly with Rose! Your friend has already made the choice to abort and it caused her great pain and heatache. It would be unfair to expect her to put herself in that situation again and unreasonable to expect her to endorse your choice now. She has learned from experience that abortion is not always the simple solution that it is often presented to be. While not all women will react the same way to the procedure it has been my experience as a CPC that most women show initial relief. However, negative feelings often surface much farther down the road when the life situations have changed, more maturity is gained etc... Have you sat down and asked your friend what specifically about the abortion made it so painful for her? Having someone's insight who has gone before you can be very helpful both in making the decision and for coping afterward. I am glad that you are sure this is what you want and not just making a knee-jerk reaction. I am also happy for you that your bf is being so supportive. You are very fortunate in that respect. Many men push for abortion then disappear. We will all be here for you when it is over and if you ever need to share, vent, cry (hormones can make you crazy Shocked ) you know where to come. Best wishes.
Hi Deepwithin,
Just checking in to see how you're feeling counting down. I remember those days (last week) & I was going & going, excited to get it over with.
Excellent that you have some support & I understand how disappointing friends can be in times of need.
Be sure you take care of yourself during this time, eat & sleep well. Journal if it soothes you.
Thinking about you,
Dawn
I want to preface all of this by thanking you all for your concern, well wishes, and advice, they have all been quite helpful throughout this process. It warms me to know that I have the support of so many women, all of whom are perfect strangers, and all of whom are understanding and supportive, as well as so willing to help. I feel so much gratitude for each of you.
To answer a few questions posed, my appointment for the ultrasound and the termination are tomorrow. This is, of course, assuming that it is indeed a pregnancy instead of a blighted ovary, I will be certain to keep you all informed as to my status.
While I am nervous about the procedure and the recovery, I know in my heart of hearts that I am doing the right thing. As I have previously stated, I have spoken to God much more than I had in the past, and it has helped. I am at peace with my decision, as well as with myself. I believe that He understands as well, and will aide me through this, just as you all have.
As this day has approached, Jay and I discussed our options again, in full, and - since we have had time to adjust to our current situation - with much clearer heads. We debated the "pros" and "cons" of every option, parenting, adoption, abortion....trying to find assistance through the pregnancy, looking for families to adopt, the recovery period and after effects of abortion. We still firmly believe that we are better equipped to handle the psychological, physical, and emotional aspects of abortion as opposed to carrying the embryo to term. I feel that I am better equipped to have an abortion.
I have even included my personal trainer in some of these discussions, partly because he needs to know so that I am not endangered before the procedure, as well as after. He, too, is supportive of me, and more than willing to help me get back into our normal routine once I am physically ready, all at my pace.
I also re-evaluated my attitude toward my best friend, and admit that was indeed being short-sighted in this matter. I hadn't even considered that she might have been re-living her experience if she had visited me, and it was quite callous of me not to do so. I appreciate being called out on this, truly, because it helped me open my eyes a bit more, though I admit that a tiny part of me is still a bit upset that she didn't at least call. It will be simple enough for me to get over, however, once this situation has past.
Otherwise, I am a bit nervous about going in tomorrow....the only way I can describe the feeling is the jittery feeling most people have when anticipating an appointment with the dentist (or when they recall the sound of the drill). This is all natural, I suppose, and anticipated. I am very much ready for this to be over with. I will be using the weekend to recover, and assuming I am feeling well enough, I will return to work on Monday and let you all know how I am doing.
Again, I very much appreciate your thoughts and prayers as I endure this. Each of you has affected and helped me in some way, and for it, I am grateful.
Warmest regards,
Sara
Sara,
After reading your post I was very impressed by the way you are handling yourself through this whole situation. You have thoroughly researched all of your options and made a level-headed decision that you think will be the best choice for you and your bf. As for the situation with your friend, you accepted that people stood up for her and realized how she might be feeling instead of feeling like these people were "taking her side". For that I commend you. Like I said, I have been pleasantly surprised by your reaction here. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow. Let us know how you're doing.
Chris
You seem like an incredibly strong woman who I think will come through this experience having gained a new perspective on life, friendship, and love. We are happy to be here to support you and I am so glad that your bf is supporting you too. You have been very responsible in researching your options, listening to us ramble on and on, and you know what you are doing. That is our ultimate goal, to empower women to make good choices that they can live with! I am also happy to hear that you are forgiving your best friend. Those are hard to come by and surely you know she does love you but is suffering right now. She will come around eventually and once you are done with this chapter in your life, perhaps you can even help her heal...You will have yet another thing in common. I wish you all the best and you will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow.
I'm glad you understood a bit more about your friend, and I hope I didn't come off as anything other than concerned for both of you. Like I said, I'm overprotective of women after they've had an abortion. I'll bet that your friend wanted to call, but she knows she would've just irritated you, and she didn't want both of you to get upset. I'd imagine she'll feel more able to talk to you after your abortion is over with, since "what's done is done," so to speak. I'm sure that if you talk to her later, you'll find that you were all she thought about while she was on vacation. Just my gut feeling anyway. Wink
I too am very happy that you did spend so much time thinking this through. At first I wondered if you were having a knee-jerk reaction to being pregnant, but it sounds like, through the pro/con list, you were really able to think about it in depth. I hope that you are equipped to handle the abortion, as you said. As you know, it's hard to know beforehand, but at least you know what you're facing. Wink
We're here for you if you need to vent between now and tomorrow. Do you have any questions about anything? It sounds like you won't have computer access, so just know that you'll be in our thoughts and prayers this weekend. (((Gentle hugs)))
You've been in my thoughts over the weekend hon. I'll be looking for an update from you soon. (((Gentle hugs))))
Good day, all! I am back after a rather slow weekend. (And you were right, Rose, I didn't have computer access over the weekend. I actually don't have internet at my apartment yet. :wink: )
I went into the doctor's office at 10am on Friday, and this time, they found the embryo. They said I couldn't be more than six-nearly-seven weeks since all that was visible on the ultrasound was a bubble. Once that was determined, the doctor asked me if I was sure that this is what I wanted to do, since we are absolutely certain that I am pregnant, and do not have a blighted ovum. I told him that I was sure, they sedated me (twice, lidocane has no effect on me. The second shot nearly put me out.) They talked to me to make sure I was conscious during the procedure, and not in any pain. Afterward, I was led to the recovery room for a half hour, got dressed, then left.
After the procedure, and after the sedation had completely worn off, I have to say, I felt much better. I felt more like myself again. A little stiff in the tummy, but still, myself. I wasn't nearly as traumatized as I had thought I would be, which really tells me that I did think this all through enough, and that I really had come to terms with my decision. I do, on occasion, get a small ping of sadness when I wonder "what could have been?," but I do not regret my decision at all. I am looking forward to getting back into my workout routine (doctor said to wait two weeks), and just getting my life back in order.
I have to thank you all (for about the 500th time, I know) for your advice, guidance, and prayers. I plan on sticking around this board so that I may able to help someone else, in turn.
Thanks for the update! I'm so glad things went well and you are feeling good, both physically and emotionally. Absolutely stick around! I'm sure there will be others who could benefit from your experience. Best of luck as you move on.
Hey sweetie (((hugs))) to you! I am glad you had a relatively smooth transition. Sometimes the hormones can really make you feel wierd. Do stick around and share. We are here for you.
Thanks for the update hon. Smile I'm glad to hear you're doing well. (((Gentle hugs)))) I'm glad to see you're going to stick around and help out, and let us know if you ever need to talk, okay?
Post a Comment