Hi,
I'm a sixteen year old girl and I think I might be pregnant.
We had unprotected sex on 14th April, although I am on the pill. The reason I'm really scared is because I had been ill just a couple of days beforehand (throwing up) and I know this reduces the effectiveness of the pill. I was so stupid, I admit it. I just wasn't thinking. I was so ashamed that I couldn't even go get the morning after pill, as my doctor might tell my parents.
I had my period from 25th - 27th April although it was much lighter than usual and not nearly as painful as it usually is (I've been on the pill for 1 and half years because of really bad period pains, but despite this, my periods are always a little painful the first day or two - but not this time). Over the past 4 days or so, I've noticed my breasts are quite sore to touch, and they look slightly bigger. I know this is a symptom of pregnancy and now I'm so freaked out!!! I'm also feeling very tired. What will I do if I'm pregnant??
I have been going out with this guy for about 6 months and really care for him - I don't know if it's the forever kind, I'm so young and also because I move about so much (my dad's job moves all the time; although we're American, we live in Ireland right now). That's the other thing - if I choose to have an abortion I'm going to have to find a way to raise money and get myself to England or somewhere, because abortion is illegal here.
I feel so alone - I've told nobody, not even my boyfriend. I don't know what he'll do...
Please help me - do you think it's possible that I'm pregnant?
- Ally (Alison)
Sunday, April 30, 2006
I don't know who else to turn to...
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Well it is possible. Have you taken a test yet? I would do that using first urine of the morning, and if it is negative, wait until AF is late again and retest .Having sex on the 14th would have put you right about mid cycle and that does tend to be ovulation time Confused You seem to be very in tune with your body and that is good. Whatever the outcome, PLEASE PLEASE do not make life changing decisions without support and help. I know you think your parents will kill you, be devastated, have a heart attack whatever, but as a parent I would encourage you to to discuss this with them (if you are pregnant). What have you and your families beliefs always been about unplanned pregnancy, abortion etc? How do you feel about this potential baby? Is your first instinct to run and get an abortion hoping to erase this from your life? Have you done any research on potential after effects, risks, how the procedure works etc? Abortion is a valid choice, but logistically it would be hard for you. Have you given any thought to adoption either closed or open? You owe it to yourself to at least explore each option before diving into a choice that is irreversable. KWIM? I gave birth to my oldest at 17 and while it was no picnic, I parented and have been blessed beyond measure. He is now 7 yrs old. I didnt end up with his father but I do now have a wonderful husband who is my soulmate and who is raising my son as his own. So if that is a fear you have, being alone in the future, I can talk with you more about that. I also had an abortion at age 19. You can read all about that here on CTLW under the title Aborted Dreams or Poem for My Angel. I also placed a son for open adoption (my 3rd child). He is almost 5 now and is healthy, adjusted and I am thrilled to be able to be included in his life. I get pics, emails, and an occasional phone call from his mom telling me how he is, what he is up to etc. I made a lot of mistakes as a young woman and now being the mature age of 25 LOL Very Happy I want to encourage you to give this oodles of thought and prayer. We are here for you that's for sure! You are not alone. Isolation and denial are your two worst enemies right now. What are BF's feelings on the matter? If he is supportive will that effect your decision one way or the other? If he demands abortion will you be tempted to do it simply to make him happy? These are all very important questions to ask yourself. You need to make this decision based on your gut feeling and not out of fear or because you are pressured into it. Big hugs and do take a test so we can find out for sure.
Hi Ally - (((HUGS))) and Welcome!
I know it's easier said than done, but try not to stress out about it too much. That can also make AF late, and if you think you may be pregnant, your body can be "tricked" into acting like it is. Since you just got done with a period, you may have to wait until the next one is late, like Christine said. My feeling is that if you had a period, more than likely you are not pregnant, but like Christine said, it is possible. Just try not to put the cart before the horse. No sense putting yourself through a whole bunch of worry and what-ifs for nothing, right? I would do just as Christine said....take a test, if it's negative wait until the next period is late, then try again. In the meantime, try as much as you can to relax and not thinkg about it. Let us know what happens!
Hi Ally, welcome to CTLW.
The fact that your breasts haven't stopped being tender after the start of AF is a bit concerning. Usually the tenderness starts to go away and should be gone by now. Can you get a pregnancy test? Can you visit a pregnancy center perhaps and get one for free? That would be the next step before we start worrying about options. You could've just thrown your cycle off slightly. Please use protected sex from now on...it's not worth the scariness of a possible pregnancy. You never know when/if your cycle is going to be screwed up or whatever, and it's much better to be safe than sorry if you're going to continue to have sex when you don't want a child. (((Hugs)))
Will you update us about the possibility of a pregnancy test?
Hi Ally,
I agree with everything Christine, Chris, and Rose have said. Their advice is very accurate. I would like to ad that you have probably realized by now that the sex wasn't worth what you are going through right now. You are too young for any of this and you have so much of your future ahead of you that worrying over being pregnant every month b/c you had a few minutes worth of sex is just not worth it plain and simple. I recomend doing all you can do to abstain and your life will seem so much easier. If you can't then absolutely don't miss a pill and use a condom b/c STD's are easier to get than a pregnancy is. We want what is best for you and sometimes that means telling you things you might not want to hear.
Please take care of yourself and don't shut your parents out, they probably care for you way more than you realize.
Hi and thanks for your replies.
Well I know you're right, I know I need to do the test, but I'm so terrified of getting a positive reading.
My breasts are still tender and I'm sleeping a LOT! I feel so tired. I'ev also got a little ache in my lower abdomen, like very mild period pains. I haven't told anyone yet. I don't want to until I know for sure. So I'll do a test first thing tomorrow morning - that's a promise. It's easier to have anonymous people like you guys to "talk" to about this actually.
As for my or my family's beliefs about unplanned pregnancy/ abortion etc - my family are fairly pro-life but I'm VERY pro-choice. They would probably want me to keep the baby - I don't think they could ever let me have the baby adopted (if I am pregnant, that is - I'm trying to be positive). I know them well enough not to even approach them with this possibility that I may be pregnant - I have enough to deal with right now.
I guess I should do the test and find out for sure. I'll let you guys know how it goes. Thanks for your support and kindness.
Ally
Well if it makes you feel any better, your parents do not have the legal right to keep you from making an adoption plan for your baby. A legit adoption agency can even provide a "safe home" that you could live in if you felt that you were not safe living with mom and dad even. Just food for thought, but again, take the test so we can see if this is even something you need to worry about. Wink As for you being pro-choice and your family pro-life, out of curiosity, what makes your views differ so greatly from theirs? I am pro-woman, meaning I refuse to choose sides and i think women should not be pressured by society to choose between being a mother and enjoying their future. With a little maturity and careful planning they can have both. KWIM? I think the term pro-choice has been skewed a little by people with agendas...What I mean is that God gave us all free will, so to me that means pro-choice but not necessarily pro-abortion. Abortion is a legal, viable option when faced with an unplanned pregnancy. But it is not right for every situation, nor every woman. Abortion is forever, and is not a choice to be taken lightly, nor should a woman run out to get one simply because she is afraid or being pushed by the bf...That is not empowering women, nor is she excersising her rights to "Choice" at that point. If you are pregnant, please do not pursue an abortion without thoroughly researching the ins and outs of what to expect before, during, after etc. We are concerned for you and look forward to helping you through this time in your life. Good luck! Make sure to use 1st morning urine and be prepared that it might be too early and get a (-)...you will have to retest in a couple of weeks to be sure.
Hi Sykorose,
To answer your question regarding why my beliefs around abortion are so different to my family's - well I don't know why. I was brought up Catholic with my family, and as far as I can see, my family has just never questions the teachings of 'god'. I have. I don't believe in god and i don't believe in the bible/koran or anything else was written by men because I believe it is those people that have the hidden agendas that you mentioned. I have turned against these teachings (ie that being gay is to be "evil", and even to take the morning after pill, let alone abortion, is "murder"). So, I don't know if that answers your question - and I disagree that being pro-choice means being pro-abortion. I'm not pro-abortion.
I took the test - actually I took 2. The first was positive and the second was negative! I think I should try again tomorrow. My head is in a bit of a spin. I don't know which test is correct. I don't think I can write anymore, I can't think of anything else to say. I'll re-test I guess and let you guys know.
Ally
I didnt mean you were "pro-abortion". I only meant that usually when people think of pro choice, that is the first thing that comes to mind...I meant no personal disrespect. Very Happy As for the first test being (+) and the 2nd being (-) it could be because you emptied your bladder the first go round and got the accurate hormonal reading...If you did the 2nd one right after, or even within a few hours, the hormone would not have had enough time to replenish in order to be strong enough to show. KWIM? BTW, it is extremely rare to get a false postitive test. What are your feelings now that there is a distinct possibility that you are expecting? Also, is it possible that your last period really wasnt a period and you could have concieved prior to that? Light bleeding/spotting/cramping around the time of your normal flow is not unusual during the first month of pregnancy. It is however unusual for a test to show up this early before your AF is due, which leads me to believe you might be even further along than what you thought...Just a thought. Had you and bf been sexually active or engaged in sexplay b4 this incident that you mentioned? perhaps around a month or month and a half ago? Any time his cum or precum gets anywhere close to your passage, pregnancy can occur... I hope that you will stick around and let us help you as you sort all this out. How does bf feel about the (+) test? or have you told him?
I think you mentioned you did have your period, right? But it was lighter and didn't last very long. I would bet that you are pregnant. Take another test (tomorow if you can) and let us know asap. False positives are very rare.
It sounds like you want to be able to make your own mind up about a lot of things, and that's respectable. I think we all go through a rebellious phase. When I was 16, nothing my parents believed in was right either. Wink I would just really encourage you to not think of this in terms of rebellion. I know it doesn't seem that way to you, and perhaps it isn't, but I just get a sense of anger at what your parents have tried to teach you, and I don't want you to choose abortion because it's what your parents wouldn't want, kwim? It's so easy (at your age - I know you're rolling your eyes at that...lol) to leap to the other end of the spectrum and just know that you're doing the right thing. But just take your time. I'd suggest about 2 weeks from the time you know for sure to the time you make your choice. Let it sink in. Explore all the options even though some of them might not seem possible or desirable. You don't want this to come back to bite you when you're old like me (27). Wink
So, we're looking forward to being able to help you process all the thoughts you need to process if you are indeed pregnant. I'd encourage you to fill out some of the forms on the site to get started once you know. Write back soon, and post when you take that other test for sure. Smile ((((Hugs)))
Hi and thank you for replying,
Well I did another test first thing, and it was positive. So that pretty much confirms my worst fear. I have only told my friend, my boyfriend and I haven't been getting on too well lately and I don't think I want to be with him anymore. I know he won't support me, conversations we have had in the past have confirmed that to me. He's young and 'bloke-ish', he doesn't want a kid.
I'm sorry for taking you up wrong, Sykorose, I felt like I was being lectured (I hate that!!), so sorry.
As for being "rebellious", it's not about rebelling for me. It's about what I truly believe in, I've given the pro-life/pro-choice debate a lot of consideration. But as you may have guessed I'm an extraordinarily stubborn person, lol! It's certainly not a phase. I've read the entire bible (unlike most "Christians" I know) and I can poke holes in most arguments of religious pro-lifers. But it's not just about religion, for me it's the way I live, I'm a very passionate person and fight for what I believe is right. I'm mature enough to make up my own mind. I'm not some silly kid who is rebelling just 'cos it's 'cool', believe me! If you sensed anger at what my parents tried to teach me, well it's not because I'm angry at them, but because some of their beliefs (like being pro-life) seem to ignore women's rights, HUMAN rights, you know?
But I know my beliefs shouldn't cloud my judgement in this case (and just get the abortion because I believe it's my right), and I'm really considering what is best at this point.
Anyway, I've been talking to my friend and we're going to the crisis pregnancy clinic tomorrow. They offer counselling. I haven't decided what to do, but I'm leaning heavily towards abortion. The only thing that's stopping me is that I'm in a country where it's illegal and I have to find a way of raising the money to travel to England. There's also the lies I have to tell in order to get there (my parents won't understand). I don't like lying to them, but they'll never forgive me for doing it, and they'll be so upset. I'm thinking I could pretend I'm going to a festival/concert in England with my friend and that could give us the time we need to get there and have the abortion. It's also more difficult to arrange for an abortion from here.
I wish I was at home with my old friends right now. I feel very lonely.
I'll let you know how things go in the pregnancy clinic. Thanks for all your support, I do appreciate it. It's good to have you guys.
i was 17 when i got pregnant with my first child. I was unmarried scared and really confused. I was terrified to tell my parents and it was not a pretty scene when I did. They immediately demanded i get an abortion so i could go to college that fall. I didnt haven the abortion and decided to parent. My parents were so ashamed they didtn even tell anyone i was pregnant and although i qualified for the pregnancy to be covered at through my Dads insurance at the time from his work he didnt want anyone to know i was pregnant so he didnt allow me to use it. I ended up going into debt qutie a bit especially since she was born a month early and had respiratory distress which required extra hospital care. Being a teenager and pregnant can be terrifying but you really need to decide whats best for you. The guy who got me pregnant has barely even seen our daughter and she is 10 now (and is a wonderful child) so prepare yourself if you think the guy is immature. I dont regret having my daughter at all even though I lost a lot of friends when they couldnt understand that i couldnt go hang out and party anymore because i had a baby to take care of. Ive had to put a lot of my dreams aside but she has been worth it. She is now a beautiful , healthy, talented young lady. That i cant believe has turned out so well actually!! Its a scary time and i wish you the best
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I can poke holes in most arguments of religious pro-lifers.
I am proud to say I am neither religious nor one of those zealots who stop at nothing to get their point across i.e. picketing, threats etc. LOL I don't have enough free time for all that. I believe in a relationship with my creator rather than following a rigid religion that was created by men to control other men. I DO however think the Bible is very clear about how God feels about the unborn child and how important ALL lives are to Him. Every woman must sort that out for herself though, I cannot possibly expect everyone to always agree with me LOL.
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because some of their beliefs (like being pro-life) seem to ignore women's rights, HUMAN rights, you know?
I believe women should have the final say in deciding the future for themselves and their children. The only thing I ask is that you be fully aware and informed of all aspects of the decision before making it. You are right in that human rights should apply to all members of society and I think that many people get caught up in argueing about rather or not it should be ok for the mom's rights to superscede that of the potential child...I am not debating, just pointing out a flaw in our society. Ultimately this is your choice and a very hard one.
I never meant to sound as if I was lecturing, actually my goal is to make you feel comfortable and to know that I am NOT the judgemental type. Very Happy
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we're going to the crisis pregnancy clinic tomorrow.
Good move. This should help you sort out some of the conflicts. I will say a prayer for you that this will help.
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There's also the lies I have to tell in order to get there (my parents won't understand). I don't like lying to them, but they'll never forgive me for doing it, and they'll be so upset. I'm thinking I could pretend I'm going to a festival/concert in England with my friend and that could give us the time we need to get there and have the abortion.
This worries me the most so far. Your parents might be disappointed but I worry for your safety if you don't tell them what is happening. You will need to see a doctor for a post abortion followup to ensure that you are healing properly and that there is no infection. How will you arrange that if you have to lie and leave the country to get the abortion to begin with? What if there were complications resulting from the abortion procedure? Without knowing what you are going through, your parents would be powerless to help you. Please reconsider telling your parents. If you get the abortion, they should be with you. They don't have to like it, but for your own health some adult needs to a)go with you, or b) know what you are up to and be able to secure post op care for you. Do let me know what happens when you see the counselor k? Luv, Christine
Ally,
I am sorry you are under so much pressure and stress. But things are the way things are and now we need to help you move forward in the best way possible for you.
I agree with Christine that you really should tell your parents. Yes, they will be very upset and maybe even mad, but you are their daughter and that is only expected for parents. But and a big but , your parents are the two people in your life that will care for you through thick and thin. You have mentioned your bf is not very involved and that you are not getting along well. These romance relationships usually don't last. Please trust your parents and tell them you need their help. I would admit that you have made a mistake and that you are sorry, but you really need them.
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I've read the entire bible (unlike most "Christians" I know)
I have read through the Bible myself and I can only say that it has truly moved me with what a wonderful God we have. I would not say I am a religious person. I am a Christian. I know I am a sinner and I make many mistakes, but I also know that Jesus as a real human without sin died in my place, so that a way to heaven could be given to me. His love surpasses any human knowledge, but without it life would be so much more difficult.
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I don't believe in god and i don't believe in the bible/
I just want to say that God is real and very active in every second of everyday and He loves you and as Christine said, He cares about ALL life and that is you and your parents and your unborn child.
Hiya Ally,
How was it at the clinic? I hope it went well. I do agree with telling your parents, only because I'm a parent and I know I'd want to know, even if I'd be upset at first. One easier way is to write a note and stay at a friend's house for the night so that they have time to overreact before seeing you.
Let us know how the appointment went, okay?
Hi and thank you for your replies.
I wanted to tell you that I had my appointment at the crisis pregnancy clinic. I went with my friend and I talked everything through. I have decided that I'm going to have an abortion. I have made an appointment to have it done, and I'm happy with my decision. My parents have already given me permission to go away with my friend, although they still don't know that I'm going to have an abortion. As for follow-up appointments, I'll attend a doctor when I come home to make sure everything is ok.
My boyfriend and I have officially split up. I considered telling him about the pregnancy, but then I discovered he was cheating on me, and I figured he wouldn't care even if I did tell him.
Syndi, I'm really glad that things worked out for you with your little girl. It was very brave of you to parent alone, and without the support of your parents. I know the story has a happy ending for you, but I can't imagine it working out for me. I have lots of things I want to do before/if I have kids.
Christine and Ruth, I totally respect your own beliefs in God and the Bible, and I believe you have the right to your beliefs - as do I. I don't believe that "life apart from God is life in darkness" and i don't like the fact that you guys find this worrying. Please respect my own views on this.
Thanks for all your support.
I admire your strength and hope everything works out for you. Good luck !
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then I discovered he was cheating on me, and I figured he wouldn't care even if I did tell him.
What a jerk. You deserve far better.
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"life apart from God is life in darkness"
You must have confused me with someone else because I couldn't find this quote anywhere in any of my posts to you. While I did share my faith on the offchance it might be of help to you, of course I respect and acknowledge yours. This is actually what I said.
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I believe in a relationship with my creator rather than following a rigid religion that was created by men to control other men. I DO however think the Bible is very clear about how God feels about the unborn child and how important ALL lives are to Him. Every woman must sort that out for herself though, I cannot possibly expect everyone to always agree with me
All that being said, I admire your courage but what I did find worrysome was you not telling your parents. I hope that everything works out well for you and that you will come back and update us as you are able. Good luck sweetie and no hard feelings yah?
Hi there. Smile When is your abortion appointment? We'd love to be here for you in the meantime. I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend. (((Hugs)))
I do wish there was some way that you could tell your parents. We've had lots of discussions about this on this board it seems. LOL. If you've done much reading here, perhaps you've read them. Coming from the point of view of a parent, no matter what my daughter did/was going to do, and no matter how much I disagreed with it, I would still want to know so that I could be there to love and help her through it. I wish you'd reconsider not telling them, but it's certainly your choice, and we won't support you any less because of it or anything. Wink
I apologize that you were offended by something one of the other posters said, and I will remove that part of her post. You have every right to believe what you do, and we do respect that here. I hope that it won't stop you from coming back and sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. (((Hugs)))) Email me if you have more thoughts on this.
Sorry if I seemed a little abrupt in my last post. My head was all over the place the last time I came on this board, I felt really addled.
Christine, the quote I used was actually from another lady who posted - I guess I just felt that I'd made it clear that I'm not religious and felt annoyed that this issue of religion/what the bible says kept coming up. No hard feelings - I guess we should just agree to disagree on this LOL!?
Well, my appointment is scheduled for Tuesday. Much earlier than I expected actually. I'm really nervous. I'm worried that it will hurt. I'm having a manual vacuum aspiration which sounds really painful! I've read the information about this procedure on this website, which has been really useful in preparing me. I hate the thought of having my feet in stirrups, it makes me feel so vulnerable even thinking about it!
But I know this is the right decision for me. I know you guys are worried about me doing this without the knowledge of my parents, but you don't know them, or the situation, and it's just not so cut and dry, KWIM? I don't get on very well with my parents, I've never been able to tell them stuff like this. They never even talked to me about sex or boyfriends or contraception. All I know is what I learned from friends, books, magazines or from school. Lucky I like reading and am self-informed Anxious
We've moved around every couple of years with my dad's job, and that's been really hard for me. I miss my friends back in the States, but am happy I have at least one good friend here (the one who is coming to the abortion clinic with me). I'm also kinda in the shadow of my big sister (who is much more "mainstream" than me, much to my parent's delight!) and admitting this pregnancy and abortion would be another black mark against my name. There is also so much stigma attached to teen pregnancy and abortion here that they would be so ashamed.
I would love nothing more than to be able to talk to my mom, believe me. But it's not easy. Yes, it isn't easy for any kid to do this, but not every kid has my mom!!
My friend and I are flying out tomorrow night, and going to have the abortion first thing the following morning. I might check in with you guys before I go, but if not I'll write when I return.
Anyhow, I just wanted to keep you up-to-date. Thank you for your kind replies.
I wish you all the best sweetie and while you are not religious (which is fine Wink ) I hope you will not take offense when I say that you will most definitely be in MY prayers for a safe procedure and a speedy uneventful recovery. (((hugs))) Christine
Ally,
I hope things go well too. However, I would really recommend telling your parents afterwards at least. A secret like this is a horrible thing to carry around. Please follow all the instructions and after care the doctors give you. And please be more careful from now on with dating relationships.
You are worth waiting for and a decent boy will respect that.
I apologize for upsetting you with my last post. We care about the woman who come here and the young girls such as yourself. We think about your future and what might be best for you in the long run second maybe to the here and now.
Concerned for you,
Ruth
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