I don't know where to start... I am 25 years old and a recent college graduate. I am heavily in debt but so is the man of my dreams. We have plans for children but not in the near future. We have been together for almost 3 years and living together for almost a year. I took a pay cut in order to get started in the banking industry. He has a great paying job but we have bills to pay. We will probably relocate in three months because of his job. That means I have to look for a new one.
I was on the pill and took it no matter what. No problems there. We even used condoms a good 75% of the time. I don't know what happen but I missed my period which had never happen and found out I was preggers.
I didn't believe abortion was an option. It is the woman's choice and she can do what she wants. I just never thought it was an option for me. I come from a poor family and college was my way out. My boyfriend and I plan to be together for the long run. I just didn't think this would happen because I was on the pill and we were careful. My current and future financial problems are bad for at least a year or more. My heart says it is wrong but my head says I have to consider it.
I didn't plan on this. We just finished school so I was looking forward to losing the college weight and starting a career. I finally got a job that I really wanted. We are able to send more time together and focus on life not school. I was looking forward to getting out of debt and relocating to a new area. This was our time to grow together.
I think about it constantly now. I am the type of person that wants to adopt anything that is being mistreated or hurting. I want kids but I don't want to have them when I am strapped for cash. I also wanted to be married and plan it. My mom had me out of wedlock so I don't want to have mine out of wedlock. We plan on getting married but can't do it right now because of our finances. We really want to get out of debt. We hate living paycheck to paycheck. We don't have much of a savings and don't want to have a child come into chaos.
I don't want to adopt because it is my child and if I carry it to term then I will take care of it. I am considering the medication abortion but that is it. I wouldn't have an abortion otherwise. I have the first appt at planned parenthood tomorrow for the ultrasound and question session. I am torned. I know that if I have to do this then I can but having a choice makes it difficult. My boyfriend wants an abortion because we can't afford a child. I agree with him but it is hard and it has been hard for him too. I don't even have medical insurance. I haven't told anyone but him. I just wanted to talk to someone.
Thank you for reading this.
-mae
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Confused
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4 comments:
Hi Mae!
I'm glad you found us here at Choice to Live With. Right now I'm thinking you are in shock over finding out you are pregnant - especially when you were being so careful. You should really take some time to let the shock wear off and be able to think things through before making a concrete decision.
A couple of things in your post concerned me regarding you rushing to get an abortion. You said: "I didn't believe abortion was an option. It is the woman's choice and she can do what she wants. I just never thought it was an option for me." and "My heart says it is wrong but my head says I have to consider it." Those are red flags that you really should not ignore. If you feel that strongly that you don't want an abortion (or never would have considered it before) then you should not proceed in that direction. Right now, I know that you are in shock, probably a little scared, wanted to be financially set before having a baby, but if you are open to exploring other options, you may see that this could be a possibility for you. I have never known anyone to regret having a baby, but have known many who have regretted having an abortion. Usually, these are the people who never thought they would have one, or people who rushed into it due to fear or pressure from others. I would hate to see you in that category, which is why I suggest that you explore all your options and take your time making your decision.
First, you were on the pill, and using condoms most of the time and you got pregnant anyway. What happens if you have the abortion, and then get pregnant again? You would still be faced with the same choices.
"My current and future financial problems are bad for at least a year or more." - most people are in debt to some degree - if everyone waited until they were financially stable to have a baby, no one would be having babies. You can still have a baby and pay off your debt - it might just take a little longer than without the baby.
"I didn't plan on this. We just finished school so I was looking forward to losing the college weight and starting a career." - of course, you can lose the college weight and re-start your career after the baby is born.
"I don't even have medical insurance." Now that you are pregnant, you will probably qualify for some assistance. I know that's not an ideal situation, but it can be temporary (until you get med ins) and if you've ever worked, you've paid into the system and should not feel bad using some of that money you paid in.
Anyway, I'm not trying to sway you from your decision, but wanted to give you some things to think about. The most important thing, no matter what you decide, is to make sure that you've considered all options so that you know whatever you decide is the best decision for you!
Keep posting, talking things out - that usually helps!
Marnie
Hello and welcome, Mae.
(((HUGS))) I'm sorry that you find yourself in the position to have to make this decision. It's definitely not an easy one, so please give yourself some time before making the final decision. It's a great idea to go ask some questions and get some information. Just keep in mind that you might feel a little pressure from them to make the decision right away. They may try to convince you that abortion would be the best decision for you. They may not do that, but just be prepared that it might not be completely neutral.
I completely understand your hesitation in having a child when you're strapped financially. The thing I've learned is that if everyone would wait until they're financially ready to have children, not many people would actually do it. There always seems to be something that you still need yet before you're ready. If abortion is not for you, you will be able to work it out. It sounds like you and your boyfriend both have good jobs, so you may not qualify for much government assistance, but that shouldn't stop you from checking into it. There are usually pregnancy centers that are willing to step in and help, too, in situations like that.
The thing you need most right now is time. Let this sink in a bit, let the shock wear off, get the information you need and give yourself a couple weeks to make the decision. In the mean time, get some rest, and take care of yourself. You've come to a good place for support during this. I hope you'll let us know how things go at the appointment tomorrow. I'll be thinking about you.
Hi meg,
I guess I can only say so much since I don't know the nature of your financial difficulty or how much in the hole you are, but if that is the only reason you are considering ending this pregnancy, I would suggest that you think it over for a while and see if there is anything you can do to make things better in that area. Pregnancy can be expensive without medical insurance, however, some doctors will accept payments and some will work with you if they know you are strapped for cash. I didn't notice in your post if you said this or not, but do you live with your boyfriend? If not, you might be able to qualify for health insurance through your state. Chris is right in saying that with the two of you working, you probably won't qualify for assistance in that area, but if you live on your own and can claim only your income, you might qualify for something. The guidelines for pregnant women are higher than they would be for a single adult wanting state assistance. You might be able to squeak in there. I didn't have health insurance with my last pregnancy and didn't qualify for any kind of assistance, so I know how stressful that can be.
You do have some time (at least a few weeks, depending on how far along you are right now) to make a decision, so try not to make a quick decision based on where you are right now.
Your financial future will almost definitely get better as time goes on so I wouldn't base my decision on that entirely. You definitely need to make this decision based on what you feel you need to do, so don't let anyone pressure you into making a "now" decision. A lot of times, people regret "now" decisions later on...so take some time to think it through!
Take care, and let us know how your appointment goes!
Hi Mae,
Can you give us an update about your appointment and how you're feeling? I'm sure this is a very confusing time for you hon, and we're here to help and to listen. You've gotten some great advise so far, and I'm just eager to hear more of your thoughts! ((((Hugs)))))
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