I found out that i'm pregnant on June 2nd 2005...and my first impression was "Oh my God".
I told my boyfriend of 3 years that the test came out positive. He was in shock...but i really was not all that surprised. After that day, i noticed that he was sad, or more like worried, and i asked him well what is wrong and he said " How are we going to survive"? When he said that it really got the best of me...i did not know what to do. After all he already has 4 kids from a previous relationship. :!:
I have been pregnant before and i had an abortion... I dont regret it because at the time i was not ready at all. Now i feel like i am but sometimes i dont feel ready. Abortion has crossed my mind. And i know that my boyfriend will support me on that. But he is not supporting me on the other end... I do want to keep the baby.
But he is not happy at all, and he looks missrable, and he is acting rather diffrent.
Is this going to change my life for the worse or.... not. I need help, advice, diffrent points of views. What am i going to do. Im only like 4 to 6 weeks pregnant, and i know that time could be runnig out...I just want to be able to give my baby everything, and i want my boyfriend to be happy.
I want us to be happy with the decision that we make, and i know that i could not live with the fact that i had another abortion so that i wouldnt have that responsibility. But I REALLY DESIRE THIS PREGNANCY. To bad im the only one that feels this way....
HELP PLEASE
-
Tuesday, June 7, 2005
Im so confused
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15 comments:
You are the only one who needs to want the baby. You need to do what is right for YOU. You are the one who will have to suffer the consequenses, should you have any regret about the abortion. How are your family and friends for support? Would they be helpful or do you feel like you'd be going it totally alone if you chose to keep it? Don't worry. You don't need to be in a hurry to make a decision. Look at all your options and seriously consider them all before you rush into anything. A rushed decision could be something you regret later, but a well-informed and well thought through decision, you probably wouldn't. Talk it out here. We're more than happy to listen and toss ideas around here. I know you want things to be perfect for your BF and baby, but that doesn't happen most of the time. You need to listen to YOU right now and figure out what YOU want and what's best for YOU. We'll do our best to help you figure out what that is. (((HUGS)))
I do have my sister, she has been there for me through everything,
and I must say that she is more exited then my BF.
I have not told my grandmother yet just because she is not to crazy
about my BF. My sister wants what is best for me and to think that I'm
the oldest that I should be telling her what is best. But overall she has
the only one there for me...Ohh and my co-worker Wendy; she has
there for me too.
I went to the hospital yesterday ( June 6th ) because I had some weird
cramping on my lower abdominal, and got really concern so I decided
to first call a nurse at the clinic where I usually get my birthcontroll pills,
and explained to her what I have been feeling. So she told me to go the
ER becuase It can be dangerous. I might have an Ectopic Pregnancy;
wich I dont want to have. So I called my sister and asked her is she mind
coming with me to the hospital, and ofcourse she said yes... but then she
said you should really ask Bj my (BF) If he wanted to go since he Is apart
of this. I called my bf and he seemed like he did not want to sit in the ER
for 10 hours wich did not happend. But we end up going anyways and we
sat there for only 2 hours. Got registered, and ect... Then the doctor said
can you please tell me what has been bothering you, and I told her that I
have been getting this weird, sharp cramping on my lower obdomin. So
she did an vaginal ultrasound and at first she had a hard time looking for
the Embryo, but then shortly after she found it. She then said well I can
only see the sack...and that really scared me...but then again im really
early...I mean I can only be from 2 weeks to 6 weeks. She said that
sometime you can have a sack on your Uteris but still have an Ectopic
Pregnancy. So now to make matters a little more complicated I dont
even know if everything is ok.
So I have to wait 48 hours to know about my Hormones Level..to see If
It's high or low wich i dont know what that means really.
All I know Is that I want to have this baby, and that I want us to be an
happy family. You see I was not raised by my mom nor my dad. So this
is the # 1 reason of me desiring this baby. I dont want to go through
another termination, but is this the right thing for me to do? My BF Is
trying to put things In my head ( negetative) things to maybe make me
think about termination.. I just dont like using that word ( abortion).
Also he has already 4 ( four) kids. What am going to do then. His ex is
very demanding despite the fact that we have been together for almost
3 years in November. She stops at nothing. He left her to have a life
with me. They did end things on bad terms you know, now things are
really hectic with him trying to see the kids. She does not let him see the
kids on a regulary basis. (No Way). SO when she finds out that I'm prego,
she is going to go crazy, and maybe even prevent from BJ my (bf) to see
his kids for good. That is what I think is bothering him at the moment.
We also have lack of communication...wich really sucks because when we
try to have a conversation of any type, some how It ends up into an argu
ment. I dont know how. He is saying that I complian to much, wich I pers
onally think It's a lie, sometimes but not like he claims.
I just want what Is best, and I wonder If I did have to raise my baby on
my own " will It be difficult?" I'm sooo scared dont know what to expect
in motherhood.
I really appreciate you for listening, responding back. I want to have a
positive outlook on the whole situation.
I'm open to receive any positive or negetive advise.
Thanks Much,
SAD!!!
Hello there, nexysanchez, and welcome to this board! There are many helpful women here, speaking from experience, they've definitely helped me keep my head on in a tough situation!
I am so sorry to hear that your boyfriend is being so unsupportive. That is one of the last things you really need right now. Try to take a breath and get yourself oriented, panicking isn't going to do much good now.
You say over and over again that you don't want to give up this pregnancy (though if it is ectopic, there isn't much choice). Ultimately, this decision is going to impact you the hardest, I actually recommend the same thing that was recommended to me: write out a "pros and cons" list to see where you really stand. I might even recommend writing one by yourself and then do one with your boyfriend. He seems to be trying to pressure you into something you really don't want to - and that is very unfair. You also say that he already has four kids. Does this mean that he doesn't want to have anymore, regardless of your feelings? He is just coming off quite selfish.
As far as his ex is concerned, there is no way she can legally prevent him from seeing his children unless he has officially relinquished his parental rights. You don't mention whether or not he has, though from your post, it sounds more like he hasn't. There is legal aid available in most cities that can help sort out custody problems such as this, so he need not worry about "never being able to see his kids again."
In the end, though, it all comes down to one person: you. What do YOU want? You said that you want the baby, and the curiosity as to whether or not you are ready could be part genuine concern, part excitement, or even part hesitation due to your boyfriend. You say you want to give this child the upbringing you didn't have....it really sounds like you want to keep this child. Whatever you do, DO NOT do something for him, or even your friends/family. Do it for yourself, because again, you are the one who will bear the weight of any decision. Just remember that there is always help available in many forms, whether it is counceling, monetary, or just advice.
We're all here to help, just try to keep your chin up!
Thanks so much for your support.
I couldnt ask for anythig better. To answer your question..NO he has not
given parental rights, and he does not want to either.
So that is a relief that she wont be able to prevent him to see his angels.
I have another question: His kids, he has 2 girls and 2 boys.
There ages are 10yrs, 8 1/2 yrs, 5 1/2 yrs and 3 yrs going on 4 yrs.
When they learn that there dad is going to have another baby with another
woman that is not there mother...How are going to react.....?
Will they be able to take as a good thing or bad? YOu see that is another
thing that is worring me. I shouldnt be stressing is not good for my sweet
pee. Its amazing how i bond so quickly with a little thing. :wink:
I mean I feel like I already know this little Guy/Girl... Is that normal?
I think I'm almost deceided on what I'm going to do...this is the scale:
___________________________________________________________
75% I want to keep the baby Smile 25% I dont know what I want. Mad
Well again Thanks For All the Help You Have Offered I'd Love To Have the Guidence To The End From You Wonderfull Women And Angels OF God.
YOurs Truly
Nexy
HI Nexy,
I just got done reading your posts and I can see how strong your feelings are towards this baby.
Quote:
She then said well I can
only see the sack...and that really scared me.
If you really wanted to have an abortion I think you would have been relieved when she could only find a sac.
Follow up with any appt's neccessary and let us know what you find out.
As far as your boyfriend goes the quote below sums it up quite well.
Quote:
I called my bf and he seemed like he did not want to sit in the ER
for 10 hours
His girlfriend of three years and his child she is carrying aren't worth taking to the ER??
Nexy, please don't let him make any decisions for you. You deserve more than this.
Take care of yourself and write back to let us know how you are.
We will give you all the support we can from here. ((HUGS))
First of all, there is a hormone that is present in your system when you are pregnant (not sure what it's called). The further along you are, the more of it there is, so when they do those blood tests, they're trying to see if there is more of that hormone present when they do the 2nd test. If so, things should be fine. So...let us know how it goes.
You want to have this baby. So, my feelings are that, given how attached you are already, you may have a very difficult time coping if you chose to terminate. Will it be difficult to keep it? Yes. Especially if you are on your own. Though I'm glad your sister is such a positive support for you. There are, however, people and places that can assist you with anything you might need....food, clothes, housing, finances, etc. There is a form to fill out on the website if you click on "Find Assistance" and we can help you find things in your area, if you need them.
As far as your BF's other kids....it's up to him to tell them, and hope they take it well. I know it would be nice if they were happy, but his ex and his kids are for him to deal with.
It is normal to get attached to it....especially when you want it as badly as you seem to. :wink:
Keep your chin up! We're here for you!
Hi, Nexy,
It sounds a lot like you are settling on having this baby, and considering your entries, it is what sounds like might be the best idea for you. Your heart really sounds like it has begun to invest in this baby. Your "25% undecided" will probably wear away in the near future.
I agree with Chris, it is your boyfriend's responsibility to tell his children, but it doesn't necessarily have to be a negative experience/news event for them. One of the the best ways to ease them into the idea of having another sibling is to try and include them in the process as much as possible. My parents did this with me when I was much younger. I'm nearly 8 years older than my (only) little sister. Though my familial situation is different than yours, most kids will feel more comfortable with the idea of a new sibling if you include them throughout the process, making them feel like they are important, too. (Which they are!) This can include something as simple as helping to come up with names (my parents actually named my sister something I had suggested!), giving them "gifts from the baby" (something small, no need to bee too extravagant), or even helping to decorate the baby's room. Kids love being helpers when it comes to new babies, it is an exciting time for them!
Please keep us informed as to how all of your appointments go, we're here for you!
Hi Nexy,
Glad you found us here! I hope you feel supported enough to be able to make the choice that you so obviously want to make. We're here to help you figure out how this can be done, so if you would like to fill out the form Chris was talking about, the first place to start would be a local pregnancy center to look into what kind of help you can expect.
I know it's hard not to want to micromanage every aspect of this - from BF's response, to the kids' response, to the ultrasound, to your past and future, etc, etc. But take a deeeeeep breath. Let's focus on the key issue here, and that is that you want to have this baby. Your main mission, therefore, should be to let your BF know this, and then to find a way with or without him to let this happen.
The best way to deal with pressure from your BF is to tell him, without reservation, that you are going to have this baby and that you cannot have an abortion. Let him freak out, but eventully he'll either start to move forward, or he'll decide this isn't for him and leave.
In any case, I'm glad you're here, and I hope you keep us posted as you move forward! (((Hugs)))
une 8th 2005...
I went to work today and I deceided to call the hospital and talk to the
Doctor and ask her how my results where. Well she said Ms. Sanchez
your hormone levels are a little high then above average. So I got a
little worried, again I am not sure what that meant. So she said that she
needed me to come in today to get more blood work done. I took a little
time of work, again I call my boyfriend, and he happens to take his friend
to court, NOW WHAT....I'm stuck with no transportation. I called the
hospital, spoke to the Doctor; I explained to her that I did not have
transportation...but she tells me that I have to get there ASAP. So I
thought about It and then I called my sister, like always she is always
there for. I got mad because he did not leave his stupid friend behind and
went to pick me up. He said well theres Is nothing that I can do now
because I'm stuck at the court house, sure It's nice to know that you dont
mind taking your friend to court, but when It comes to your girlfriend of
3 years I like S*** I dont want to spend 10 hours In the ER.
And that right there proves my point that he really can give to S*** about
me. ( that really hurts) Crying or Very sad
The Doc did another vaginal ultrasound, and saw the sac again but no
embryo? Hayyyyyy...what to do..... Sad
She said that everything look In place but that theres not embryo...can ]
someone tell me why? Maybe because Im still to early In the pregnancy?
So she told me that I would have to come again the 15th of June and have
another one done. What for really If your not going to see anything....
That was my impression. So now I have to wait and see what is going to
happen.
Another thing that Iwanted to express to you wonderfull ladys Is that It
has crossed my mind again.. Termination!!! Crying or Very sad
I think I'm going to do It... These are my reasons why I have changed my
mind :
1. My boyfriend is not happy
2. I'm stressed half the time, because of him
3. We are arguing all the time.
4. I'm afraid
5. I dont think that Ican be abel this on my own
6. Im thinking about the future and I dont see a decent live with my angel
My sister is going to be devastated... I'm going to be devastated!!!
Once I metion that to my Bf...haaaaa, he started to understand!!!
Unbelieveble....I need his support on wanted to have this baby, but then
when I deceided to maybe have a termination...he Is totaly on my side.
What is up with that? Geeeezzzzz. Men.
Well lady's I need your advice... I mean now I'm quite certain on what to
do ( termination) You think that God is going to punish me. Or that maybe
He is blessing me with this child? and that he will not give me this
opportunity again.
To be honest with you...everytime that Bj and I argue It makes me not
want this anymore, more like It's your fault the reason why we are arguing
Those are the feeling I am getting right now.
They will probably change...but who knows. I'm confused ass hell.
and who know's what is going to happen tommorow!!!!
Well my angels...must go now..have to figure out how I'm going to get my
car back...since It got towed this morning while my BF was hanging out
with his friends right after he spend quality time at the court house.
Love always,
Quote:
Well she said Ms. Sanchez your hormone levels are a little high then above average. So I got a little worried, again I am not sure what that meant. So she said that she needed me to come in today to get more blood work done.
That's really odd. There really aren't any hormones that can be "too high" during pregnancy. High hormones (HCG and/or progesterone) usually indicate a healthy pregnancy.
Quote:
The Doc did another vaginal ultrasound, and saw the sac again but no embryo? Hayyyyyy...what to do..... She said that everything look In place but that theres not embryo...can someone tell me why? Maybe because Im still to early In the pregnancy?
That's pretty normal before 5-6 weeks from your last period. Usually they wait til 7 weeks to do an ultrasound, so again, I'm a little unsure as to why they'd haul you in for another u/s when they knew they weren't going to see anything.
It's up to you what you want to do hon, and if you decide to abort that is your choice. No one here is going to talk you into or out of anything. I will tell you not to do it for your boyfriend...whether it's because he wants you to or because you think your relationship will be easier if you get rid of the baby. You need to answer your own questions - do you think God wants you to have this abortion? Do you think He thinks this is a blessing in disguise? Will your relationship be fixed if you have an abortion, or will there still be arguments?
(((Hugs))) We can help you think this through, and then we can support you once the choice is made, but we can't make this decision for you hon. I look forward to hearing from you again. Wink
NO, God will not want me to terminate this child. If anything he would
want me to be a strong person, and know that he would be by my side
when everyone else Is not.
I'm just so scared...what is it going to be like when all this is over?
I dont have any support from the people I needed It from. Instead I get
the support from people far away...that dont even know me. It show's me
that there are still people out there that really care for other people.
( That is amazing ) :wink:
I want to thank you guy's again for being so supportive, and under-
standing what I'm going through right now...
I'm going to have to get on my knees, and ask God for guidence... Confused
Well my friends...I will keep you guys updated !!!!!!
Anonymous wrote:
NO, God will not want me to terminate this child. If anything he would want me to be a strong person, and know that he would be by my side when everyone else Is not.
Well then, the next question is are you comfortable making the opposite decision that you feel God would want you to make?
Quote:
I'm just so scared...what is it going to be like when all this is over? I dont have any support from the people I needed It from. Instead I get the support from people far away...that dont even know me. It show's me that there are still people out there that really care for other people. ( That is amazing ) :wink:
Well, depending on your choice it'll be different for different reasons. Wink Are you talking about parenting or abortion? People like us, and people at other pregnancy organizations exist to help you through a difficult time, so by all means - use us. Wink Can you do it all alone? Probably, but it helps to have the support of people who care behind you. Keep in mind that you haven't told anyone you're pregnant - have you? You really don't know who will support you and who won't at this point then.
Quote:
I'm going to have to get on my knees, and ask God for guidence... Confused
I think that's where He likes us. Wink Let us know what you come up with.
Well my lady's...
Yesterday my boyfriend and I broke up..due to issues that we have.
Not sure If we are going to get back together. All I know Is that Im
going to stand strong, and go through with this pregnancy.
I really appreciate the support that I received from all. I am going to
continue with my life, and hope for the best. So my friends wish me
good luck, becuase the journey of mother hood just began.
Thanks Again,
It sounds like you did what was best for you right now. You don't need someone around who's just dragging you down. Congratulations on making a decision. We'll be here to support you through the pregnancy, too.
How are things going Nexy? We'd love an update - feel free to post on the Pregnancy board any time you'd like.
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