scheduled for sept.10th

I recently found out I am pregnant. Which is actually a pretty weird thing to say since I've only said it once when i told my boyfriend, otherwise I've been completly boycotting the word. I know I can't have the baby. I don't really have a choice. I'm only 19, I havn't even graduated from highschool yet, I'm still one credit short (which I'll hopefully have by november). I couldn't support a baby financially right now I make minimum wage which is barely enough for gas. I know if I told my parents they would be so disapointed, this was the only thing I hadn't done yet to disapoint them. They hate my boyfriend, or the fact that hes black. My mom once told me that she would rather I had an abortion than have a black baby. I don't know what my dad would say about it, hes catholic. But i can't see him wanting me to keep it either cuz he already said I was going to end up on welfare with a baby and my boyfriend. I keep thinking I dont want to get fat either. I do want to have a baby, I just dont think this is the right time. I want to do it when I can plan it and have money for it and not go drinking the week I'm expecting my period and find out I'm pregnant a few days later. My boyfriend supports whatever decision I make. Although it makes him sad, I know he wants me to keep it deep down, but he knows its not the right time either. I just want to be sure I am making the right decision, I can't really talk about it with anyone, because to me the fact that I let myself get pregnant and i'm having an abortion is too embarassing to let anyone know. I've always wanted to start my own family, sometimes i feel like i want to do it right now. I just want someone to tell me what im doing is the right thing, its whats best.

-sleepychick

|