hi, i just found out i am pregnant; it's been about five weeks since my last period. i am twenty years old and already a single mother of a young child. the father is the same as before, however we are currently not in any type of a relationship but still love one another. i dont think either of us are financially able to care for two kids. i am currently in school, actually almost through. i always wanted more kids, so does my child. this is just really bad timing. i was researching medical abortions and was wondering if anyone could give some insight. adoption is not an option, as it would upset my child to know about the baby but not have a sibling. thanks
- caligreen
Monday, July 11, 2005
help, please
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Hey sweetie and welcome to the board! If finances are your only worry, then I wonder if that will be a strong enough reason to terminate. You should consider how you would feel after it is over. There are many resources and programs designed to help young moms. Having 2 babies is not really any more expensive than having one (in my oppinion). Did you save any of the items from your first baby? Garage sales, resale shops and even Crisis Pregnancy Centers can be a great source of cheaper things. Wink I was a young single mom and I chose to abort my 2nd pregnancy. I regret that choice now, but cannot speak for anyone else. Had I been able to overcome my fear back then, things would be a lot different today. If the baby's dad is is loving and supportive and you do want more kids, why not go ahead? School being almost through is a bonus also. You would not have so much to worry about there. These are my initial thoughts but post again and let us know what your other worries, fears and concerns are. Medical abortions are relatively safe but there are risks as with any other surgical procedure. Rose has a whole section on this site for analysing feelings, risks, etc. that you might find helpful.
Hi Cali, welcome to CTLW! Glad you found us here...I hope we can help.
What sort of information would you like about medical abortions? I have lots of good abortion information on the site, and clicking on "Abortion Procedures" will let you read all about what happens in a medical abortion. book
How old is your child? And what are you studying in school? How exciting that you're almost done! That feeling has to be great! thumbleft Will you be finished by the end of the year? Or are we talking another year to go yet? Are you on any state assistance to help you and your family? We could help you find that information if you'd like. Wink
I guess, depending on what the school timing is like and how you feel about being pregnant right now - I know you said the timing is bad - you might want to take some time to think this through, and I'm sure that you were planning on doing that anyway. Wink If you want another child and school is almost up, would an abortion sit right with you? How have you felt in the past about it? These are all questions that only you can answer hon, and I hope you'll be able to explore those answers here with us. coffee2 In the meantime, ask any questions that you have about the abortion procedure you are thinking of, and we'll do our best to answer them! Are you thinking of RU-486 or methotrexate?
((((Hugs))))) Hope to hear from you soon! hello2
hi again and thanks for the replies. my child is five. there are other worries besides finances; the fact that i dont want to spend the rest of my life with this man; i dont want to put another child through daycare all day; there are also issues with my roommate that are very complicated. i do know of the government aid programs and i am on a lot of them. i know that at this point in my life having another child will only take away from the child i already have; i am already extremely stressed out about money, which is a burden that no one my age should have to carry; i feel like i am so close to being able to relax financially that a baby would just start me all over again. i have 2 more years of school left that seem impossible to complete with two kids. basically, i feel that an abortion would be best for me but i am still scared and dont know which route to take as far as medical vs. surgical
thanks
Hi Cali,
Well, each procedure has different things to consider. Many women like that a medical abortion is not as invasive, while others like that the surgical is done and over with quickly. Some think that a medical abortion will have less pain, and this generally differs from woman to woman. What are the pros and cons of the procedures that you see? Voice some concerns or questions, and we'll try to help you through them. You mention being scared - are you scared of anything specifically? There's a page on the site concerned with "I'm Afraid of the Procedure" - maybe that would be a good place to start?
((((Hugs)))) Keep talking hon. wave
its me again; well its been a couple of days and i think its finally sunk in. i still think the medical abortion is the best option but am having problems with money (once again). i am definately favoring the RU486 drug, it seems to be more effective, etc. i know that there will be regrets either way, i just hope that this way will cause less problems along the road. as for a surgical procedure, i am really scared of it. i watched the videos and it just looks so cold and lonely and invasive. if that was the only option and there was no pill i dont think that i could do it. i know that there is a chance that even with the medical abortion i could still have to have a surgical one; if i decide to do it i really hope that that doesn't happen. thank you sykorose for the message, i read your story and could definately relate. thanks for the advice and more would be greatly appreciated. does anyone know of any serious side effects besides your usual cramping, bleeding, etc.
thanks
"Regrets either way" Have you made a list of pros and cons for both parenting and abortion? I find that many girls I talk too like having something on paper/screen that gives them a visual. Having been down both roads, I have to say that my regrets about the abortion far outweigh any of the problems that parenting can entail. That's just me though. If you are IN ANY WAY uncomfortable with the idea of an invasive surgical procedure then I would hesitate on the RU-486. If it isnt done within a certain window of time, the effectiveness is iffy at best. The later you wait the more risk of needing a backup procedure. Also, research the potential risks of the drugs used in chemical abortions. What have been your feelings on abortion in the past? If you have always been pro-choice then the aftermath should be easier for you. Girls like me who go with their head and not their heart often have a much harder time dealing later on down the road. Also, have you considered rather or not you will tell your older child about the potential sibling in the future? Or how you would react if he found out about it later from someone else? Those are issues I have to face and am not eager to deal with. Not sure if any of this helps but one sister to another, I just want to say be strong, follow your heart. It will never steer you wrong.
Well, with RU-486, you have up to 49 days after your period to start the abortion, so you have a week or so to scrape the money together if you decide that is what you want to do. What are the benefits to the pill as you see them? Have you read through the abortion information on it here: http://www.choicetolivewith.com/RU-486.html ? What kind of regrets do you believe the abortion will bring versus parenting? This page might help you sort through what might cause less problems for you down the road: http://www.choicetolivewith.com/AbortionConcerns/concern2.html
I think the biggest complication that I've seen the most often is prolonged bleeding/hemorrhaging after the pills are given. This most often results in a surgical abortion needing to be done, sometimes emergently (if it's a hemorrhage), sometimes after bleeding for quite some time (if it's an incomplete abortion). Anyone else have a relatively common one?
Would you like to explore the financial options in your area if you were to decide to parent? I wasn't sure if that option was still open or completely shut...let me know.
Big, big ((((hugs))))) to you hon. Keep talking through those fears. Christine gave you some insightful things to think about too. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
It sounds like you've already decided on abortion and that's fine. We just wanted to make sure that you knew of the resources available if you were at all considering carrying to term. It sounds like you're deciding which type of abortion to go with, surgical or medical. Well, as pointed out by the previous posters, there are positives and negatives to each. I recommend doing a positives and negatives list with each type and take a look at each one realistically. By balancing the positives and negatives of each, hopefully it will help you in deciding which method to go with and it will ease any worries or fears you may have. But please don't hesistate to ask us questions. Also, to take into consideration is that while abortion affects you physically, don't forget to consider your emotional wellbeing as well. Where is your heart leading you to in this decision? What feelings do you have when you think of abortion? What are some of the emotions you think you might have afterwords? There is a lot to consider and I know you're limited on the time available for you to have a medical abortion, but it's absolutely important to think this decision through completely. We only have your best interests in mind.
Caligreen,
We haven't heard from you in a few days? How are you doing?
hey everyone
i have decided to continue my pregnancy and have the baby (i just really hope its not multiples! Very Happy ) i have gotten 100% support from family/friends and am very happy with my decision. i am going to go to the ob later this week so i will write back and let yall know how it went. thanks for the support. i is/was greatly appreciated!!!!
Cali -
Hi, haven't met you yet, but I have followed along (I have been sick).
Excited for you and your baby. I wish you the best and glad your family and friends have backed you up with such support! Good luck w/ your pregnancy, and please stick around so I have another pregnant gal to chat with. I am here and there, but moved to the pregnancy board.
Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Congrats!!!!!!! Very Happy :thumbright: Love, 32kim1
Hi Cali - thanks for the update! What a big change from your last post! What happened to change your mind?
I hope you'll stick around on the pregnancy board. Smile ((((Hugs))) Do you need any help finding assistance or support locally?
Hi Cali
I have not responded yet either, but I have been reading all along and thinking of you and the situation you are in.
Quote:
i have gotten 100% support from family/friends and am very happy with my decision.
Even though I can't hear the tone of your voice, the tone of your post is so much better than your first post. This is so great and the 100% support seems to be the proof you needed that this decision is the right one for you. wav We are all cheering for you and want to keep hearing from you. The ladies here are so great and have such a wide range of life experiences. Don't be shy about asking anything b/c someone will be able to help. help
You said you had two more years of school. What are you going to school for? Is there anyway you could continue to take classes on-line. I know quite a few people are taking classes this way b/c it works out the best for their schedules. Just a thought Think
Please keep us posted and congrats on your decision. You sound so much happier. You have been down this road before and you know it's not easy but it does go by fast Very Happy
Love, Ruth
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