Hi everyone, my name is Kaitlin and I found out that I'm pregnant at the beginning of the month. I'm 17 and was raped at a party, resulting in this pregnancy. I've finally decided to tell my Mom (who has been absolutely WONDERFUL and SUPPORTIVE!!) and tonight I'm telling my Dad...and I'm so nervous!! But what I'm more nervous about is that I'm only 17!! How can I be having a baby?!?! I don't have anything against teenage pregnancies, but I didn't ask to be raped and I didn't ask for this pregnancy. Thankfully, I found this site and have had a bunch of wonderful people help me to see that this baby is a blessing and not a curse! I'm just...I'm just so worried! I work two jobs, play soccer and go to school full time...I don't want to quit school, but I'm going to have to start making a lot of money if I'm going to be able to have some money saved up for the essentials for this baby. I know that my parents are going to try to help me, but my older sister is at university and my Dad is pretty sick, so their financial status is pretty bad. I want this to all work out, but I'm so scared! I don't want to end up on welfare if I can help it, but I also want to finish school so that I can get a better job to support my baby and myself. I'm sorry for rambling on but there are so many thoughts swimming around in my head that I'm having a hard time thinking clearly. Any thoughts/feelings/suggestions are very welcome. Thank you so much for taking the time to read about my situation and for offering some feedback.
- Kaitlin2541
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
I Need Your Thoughts/Opinions
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Hi sweetie! I was 17 when I got pregnant with my 1st son. 1st, DONT QUIT SCHOOL!!!!! Check into an alternative program that offers half day school, or even accelerated learning so you can graduate EARLY (that is what I did). As for saving money for baby essentials, before you panic research all your resourses. A local Crisis Pregnancy Center may be offer to loan/give you maternity clothes and other practical baby needs, WIC will give you food/formula for you and baby, and never underestimate Garage sales, thrift stores, and consignment shops! They are the best place to find adorable items that baby will only use for a couple of months anyway. Baby's are not as expensive as you might think. They need a couple of blankets, some warm, soft clothes, food and a place to sleep. That is about it for the 1st 6 months or so...LOL You dont have to go crazy trying to buy every new gadget and gizmo on the market...Perhaps you could work PT after your school...As for soccer, I would put that on hold until after your pregnancy. It is too easy for you to get hit or fall down...Not worth the risk. Is there an alternative excersise you could do? Swimming is wonderful, as is yoga or walking on a treadmill etc. I don't know if any of this helps but like I said, been there done that. Feel free to PM me anytime.
Sorry forgot one thing! Don't forget about your church or place of worship...if you go...They may have a lending closet or other such ministry where they match up needs to donors. Also, do you have a close friend or (mom) who can invite your friends for a baby shower? Take inventory of your gifts then buy only what you still need after the fact...Also, I was able to find a store (diaper service) that sold disposable diapers in these gynormous bags for really cheap!
Christine gave you some excellent advice! The thing a baby needs most is love. The other things - you can get by with very little. Just like Christine...been there, done that. It sounds like between you and your mom this baby will be getting all the love he/she could possibly want, and that's the most important thing. I think in these kinds of situations, the saying is true - where there's a will there's a way. It will all work out, you just need to do a little research. We can find places for you, by the way, if you fill out the form under find assistance on the website. Good luck, sweetie! I know you can do it - you're a very strong girl. Don't fear Dad's reaction too much - you'll have Mom there for moral support. My mom brought me to my dad and said "Tell your father what a terrible thing you've done." It was awful. Anyway, best of luck....let us know how it goes.
My whole world is falling apart right now! My Dad is really sick and they’re going to have to put him into the hospital. I’m so afraid for him!! I’ve only ever seen him like this once before and…I’m just so upset! I don’t know what to do for him! He’s become almost catatonic over the past 5 days…it’s like he’s giving up on himself. I was talking to him last night and told him that everything was going to be alright, but he just looked at me and told me that he didn’t think that he was going to make it this time. I don’t know what to do! It’s just so hard to see him going through this! I mean, he’s my dad! He’s supposed to be the strong one that knows what to do and can make everything alright. I know that that sounds like something a two year old would say, but that’s what I feel like. I feel like the news of my rape/pregnancy send him into a tailspin…I feel so guilty! I know that all babies are blessings, but if something were ever happen to my Dad over the next few days/weeks/months I would feel like it’s my fault. I’m trying to be strong for him and put on a brave face, but the reality of it all is that I’m terrified! I’m so scared right now! I feel like something really bad is going to happen and I can’t stop it. It’s like watching a car accident. I know that I'm probably not making any sense, but I don't have anywhere else to turn to...
Hi Kaitlin,
Slow down and take a few deep breaths. Could you explain what is wrong with your dad. Cancer, diabetes, infection, heart problems, ? What has made him so sick? YOU have also been thrown into a tailspin. Even if being at that party was not the right thing, what happened to you is absolutely not your fault and you are not to blame.
Quote:
He’s supposed to be the strong one that knows what to do and can make everything alright. I know that that sounds like something a two year old would say, but that’s what I feel like.
I am 42 and my dad is my second hero next to my husband. I still call him because he does help to make things right. That's what dad's are for and the good ones love to be there no matter how old their children get.
What have the doctors been saying about your dad's condition?
Is your dad a Christian? Are you?
Stress is something to think about when pregnant, but I know of many woman who have been under incredible stress when pregnant and they delivered healthy babies. Eat right, get enough sleep, drink plenty of water, and take prenatal vitamins. You mentioned that you play soccer and are active, those are all things that are in your favor. So relax, you seem to be a very healthy teenager.
Let us know how you are doing and how things are at home. We would love to help you talk through your feelings.
Sorry I haven’t been able to write in such a long time…I’ve been so busy between my two jobs, soccer, full time school and going to the hospital whenever I can steal an hour or two…I think I should probably explain. My Dad has been dealing with depression, paranoia, auditory hallucinations and has been off work on disability for almost as long as I can remember. I went through a phase three years ago and then again two years ago when I had to be hospitalized because I was severely depressed, paranoid and suicidal. I tried to kill myself at least three times that I can remember…I had a really rough time adjusting to high school…I did the whole “Girl, Interrupted” thing…restrained to a bed for days at a time…constantly having security to come and strap me to my bed and then the nurses coming and sedating me…it was a really rough time, but thankfully, after two years I had found the perfect combination of medications and I haven’t been back to the psychiatric ward since November of 2003. My Dad wasn’t so lucky. They have been trying to adjust his meds for almost 10 years…sometimes he would be somewhat okay for a few weeks/months and then he would crash to the point where he wouldn’t be able to get out of bed for weeks…then he started drinking heavily, but I was very persistent and finally got through to him and he cut down substantially to only two to three beers a day (compared to the one case a day he was consuming)…but he went off his meds a little while ago and he’s gotten really bad…almost three times as fast as any other time he was off his meds. Then he told my Mom that no matter what happened he wanted her to know that he loved her and always would…then I gave him a hug and told him that everything would be okay…and he said “I want to believe it, I really do…but I don’t think I’m going to make it this time,” then he said that it would “all be over soon”. That’s when I got really scared and called my Mom at work and got her to take him to the hospital. So he’s been in there since Monday…I’m just so scared for him! I know how absolutely terrifying it can be to be in a place like that…I think that sometimes it would be easier if he were physically sick because then you would actually be able to see him getting the help he needs…the human mind is so vast and complex that they haven’t been able top consistently help him in over 10 years…I hurts me to see him hurt. It really does. I’m just feeling so lost without him…he hasn’t been my Dad in over 10 years. I haven’t even heard him laugh in 6 months to a year…it’s so hard…
Okay, it does help to know what sort of health problems your father is dealing with. I had thought it was a terminal illness of some sort. This would be harder on some levels though because, as you said, there aren't any concrete answers really.
When your dad crashes, is it because he stops taking his meds? Or because he starts drinking? I wish I could help out, but I'm afraid I don't know as much about the mental health issues as I do the physical health problems.
How old are you? It sounds as if you have been thrust into growing up too fast. You have almost had to become the parent, and that is very stressful. Are you in counseling for any of this? I would really recommend finding a counselor where you can talk about some of your feelings regarding your dad. Your fears are very normal, and it's important to air them as much as possible.
(((((Hugs))))))
Hi Kaitlin,
Thank you for explaining your dad's illness. I have a friend whose husband has some of those things that you mentioned. This last summer he was hospitalized and they adjusted his meds an now he is doing better. Not wonderful, but definately better. They told her that sometimes with age and over time the meds don't work the way they should and they need to be changed or altered in some way.
I am sure you have probably explored all that but if you haven't maybe you could have your mom ask. Why did your dad go off his meds? Staying on those with absolute faithfulness is very important.
How is your mom through all this? She needs a hug too.
How are things with you and your pregnancy? Feeling ok?
Let us know any updates on things. We are here for you.
My Dad stopped taking his meds because of the paranoia. He thought that "they" (I'm not sure who "they" are...he refuses to elaborate on that) were trying to control his mind and poison him. So he went off his meds, but was pretending to still be taking them. Believe me, I know all about the importance of faithfully taking your meds, I've gone through a somewhat similar experience a few years ago and went off my meds more then a couple of times. My Mom is amazing! She holds it all together like a pro. I asked her how she was doing all of this and she just shrugged and said that she didn't know, but that she was going to get through this and that we (as a family) are going to make it through it. She's my hero. I'm feeling pretty good...having some problems getting my regular pants on...but I'm excited! This is the last week in my first trimester!! I'm so excited!! You have no idea!! I'm not sleeping much at night (too busy thinking about my Dad), but when I get home from school I usually try to nap for an hour or two. And to answer your question, I'm 17. I have to run now, my next class is starting soon. I should hopefully be able to finish this post later on in the day. Talk to you later.
Stopping meds is pretty common with people who have paranoia. I guess it would be important to have someone be sure to give him his meds and check to be sure he's taking them. Reminds me of the movie "A Beautiful Mind."
((((Hugs))))) Hope you have a great weekend hon. Good luck squeezing into those pants for a little while longer. Wink
Try the rubberband trick to get some extra milage out of your jeans. Loop a rubber band around the button, throught the hole and back around the button. This gives you at least an extra inch or two depending on the rubberband. Then just wear a long t-shirt to cover the gap. Wink
I don't know what to do. My Dad was discharged because his shrink is an idiot! I'm so angry! Why would they discharge him?! He's not safe at home alone! I had to stay home from first period because my Mom didn't want him staying home alone. And he's started saying his goodbyes. He's told my Mom, my sister and I that, "no matter what happens, I'll always love you and" that he's "so proud of us". I just don't want to come home from school and find him dead. I couldn't handle that. I'm trying really hard to be there for him, but he won't talk to anyone anymore...he's giving up and shutting down. And I'm so scared because that's exactly what I did when I decided on attempting suicide. That's what I did all three times, but he's given no indication on how he would do it, so that makes it even worse. I can't live without him. It would be too much to bear. He's my best friend and...if does that...I won't be able to forgive myself. I'm so scared! I don't know what to do...my Mom is trying to get him readmitted to the hospital, but they're giving her a hard time because his shrink thinks that he's "doing great". And he's so different...he's not even close to being like my Dad. I miss my old Dad. I haven't heard him laugh in at least 6 months. I'm not even exaggerating and he doesn't smile anymore...Does anyone have any suggestions? I have no idea what to do.
Thank you for the tip on the pants...I'll definitely do that when I can't squeeze into them anymore.
Is it a possibility to get a second opinion from another psychiatrist? It sounds like you and your dad need someone who will listen to how all of you feel like he's doing and do some more experimenting with his meds. I don't know what else to tell you, kiddo, but that's what I'd try to do. You and your family are in my prayers.
I will definitely say a prayer for your dad sweetie! Remember that, illness or not, everyone has free will. If he chooses to end his life you will of course be devastated but it will not be your fault! You can and will carry on no matter what, because you are a strong young woman. You wouldn't be carrying your child or posting here if you weren't. Hard times come to everyone but they serve two very important purposes. 1. To grow your faith/trust in God and 2. Help you learn patience. I have been through some really rough times when I thought I would die (literally). But God brought me through them and He will guide you also. Your father is being tormented by an illness that has destroyed him and I am so sorry about that. Sometimes we don't understand why bad things happen, but that is when we have to lean on the One who understands all things...He alone sees the bigger picture. *stepping off of soapbox* We luv you and will support you as much as we can. Sending you a virtual (((hug)))!
Thank you so much for all of your support!! My Mom took my Dad back to the hospital a few minutes ago and I'm feeling a lot better. Like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I know that he'll be safe and I'm very happy about that! I'm eating a lot of fruit and veggies right now...I feel like a pig Surprised ...I just keep eating and eating!! No wonder I'm not fitting into my pants!! I can't wait for my baby to start kicking. From what I've read I should be able to feel it kick in 4-6 weeks and I CAN'T WAIT!! What did your baby's first kicks feel like? I heard it's almost like when you feel like you have butterflies in your stomach...I'm counting the days.
Hi everyone. I hope you’re all enjoying your day. I am…mostly. I’m feeling pretty nauseous this morning…which is odd because I wasn’t sick during my first trimester… hopefully it’s a one time thing…but I’m happy. Things are going pretty good right now and I couldn’t be more excited. I can’t wait to meet this little life that slowly growing in my belly!! I’m already counting the days even thought I still have approximately 6 months to go. This waiting is killing me!! I’m going for another ultrasound soon and hopefully I’ll be able to see it!! My little nephew was asking about the baby and then dubbed it “Smallfry”, I thought that it’s a really cute name and so I’ve decided to start calling my baby “Smallfry” instead of “it”. I think that it’s a really cute name!! And my nephew is so cute!! He wouldn’t enter/eave the room without kissing my tummy and he had a whole conversation with Smallfry about what he was going to teach him (he seems to think it’s a boy) and my nephew is only 3!! What a doll!! I just want to kiss this kid whenever I see him!! He’s so funny too—he totally cracks me up, which is something that I really enjoy!! He could always make me laugh—even after I was attacked. He has a gift. Okay—it’s official; I’m rambling. I don’t know what it is today, but I’m feeling pretty good (aside from the nausea)…the pants are still shrinking and my shirts are feeling a little tighter, but I’m loving it. I’m learning a lot about my body and it totally fascinates me! I can’t wait to see what other new experiences my pregnancy will bring. Okay, I’m going to go…I’m sure that you’re all tired of hearing me go on and on about what must seem like little unimportant things. I just feel like, for the first time in a long time, everything is going to be okay. It's really reassuring.
It's okay to ramble here, we all do it sometimes. Smile At least you're happy. I'm so happy for you. You have taken an unpleasant situation and totally turned it around. That is something not everyone can do. I know I'm not good at it. You're amazing!
I'm glad your dad is back at the hospital. Keep us posted on how he's doing.
When my babies first kicked I was about 18-20 weeks. It does feel like a little flutter in your belly. It is the neatest feeling. Just don't be disappointed if it doesn't happen until at least that time. Sometimes with your first one it's harder to tell because you don't know what it feels like. It can feel a little like gas bubbles sometimes.
I'm so glad things are good right now. Very Happy
(((HAPPY HUGS))),
Hi hon,
I'm so glad your dad is back at the hospital. I don't like to hear you so upset and scared. Are you going to any counseling for what your father is going through? I really think that might be a good idea.
I felt my baby move at about 15 weeks, but I was really early. It felt like bubbles...almost a tickle...at first. Later on, it felt like pokes and jabs. It's a VERY cool feeling. Smile That's one thing I miss (if nothing else) about being pregnant. LOL.
I love to hear the rambling! It's good for you. Smile (((hugs))) to you and :::: bellyrubs :::: to Smallfry. Wink
I'm back again...with more ramblings. My Dad finally for a new psychiatrist who is AMAZING according to my Mom. They're playing around with his meds and will hopefully find the right combination for him. But I do miss him. I haven't been able to go and see him since he went back in...I've been so busy! But I send him little letters telling him that he has to hold on for his family and for his first grandchild. I'm just glad that he's safe and that feels like I can finally focus on getting ready for this baby and keeping up with school. I haven't told most of my friends about my pregnancy yet, but I'm sure I'm not going to be able to keep it under wraps for much longer. I think I'm going to tell those of my friends that are close with me...and the rest I don't really care how they find out. Some of them know that I was raped, but only one actually knows about the pregnancy. Hopefully that'll go well. The only thing I don't want from them is pity. I hate pity. It makes me feel weak and vulnerable and that's not a nice feeling. But enough with all the serious stuff!! I told my Grandmother last night and she cried, but she wasn’t angry with me…she was angry that I was attacked and then she started crying again and I asked her what was wrong and she said, “I’m not crying because I’m sad, I’m crying because I’m actually going to be alive to see at least one of my great grandchildren!” She told me to wait there and about 10 minutes later she called me into her bedroom and had the biggest grin on her face. Then she asked me if it would be okay if she gave me the rocking chair that was given to her mother by her grandmother and then from her mother to herself and then to my aunt. My aunt had given it back to my grandmother because it’s very sentimental to her. That’s when I started crying Crying or Very sad and said yes and then we had a good cry together…it was so nice! I felt so close to her in that moment! So I gave her one of the sonogram pictures and she put it on the fridge so that she could look at it whenever she wanted. I was so happy!! I didn’t think that my rape/pregnancy would go over well because she’s VERY Catholic and I was so scared that she would turn me away, not that she ever would, but I guess that that was just my mind playing tricks with me. I can’t believe how supportive my family is trying to be! I thought that they would hate me because in one way it was my fault for going to that party and putting down my beer…but they’ve shown me that it wasn’t my fault and I feel so lucky to have them. I honestly don’t know what I did to deserve such a wonderfully compassionate family! I’m almost in tears as I write this (hormones!! Anxious ), but I wanted to share that piece with all of you who have been so supportive to me! Thank you and I'll probably write tomorrow with more ramblings! Wink
Don't worry about people at school. Just be your strong self and let them know that you've moved past the ugly part of the situation and you don't need or want their pity. High school can be full of immature kids who don't know how to handle things, but don't let them get to you. I think you're smart to just tell your close friends and let the rest find out how they may.
It does feel great to have the support of your family, doesn't it. Of course the rape was not your fault. For them to think otherwise would not be putting blame where it is due. I'm so glad they're doing what's best for you. It sounds like your baby is going to come into a very loving environment. That's awesome! Maybe he/she will even have a positive affect on your dad. That'd be great!
Hi, I’m back. Smile Thanks for the advice! I’m sure that you’re right. It’s so funny, whenever I feel something move in my stomach I’m like, “is the baby kicking?!...or is it just gas?” Laughing LOL!! It’s so funny…I know it’s still too early, but I’m scrutinizing every little “movement” that I think I’m feeing. But I still can’t wait. I’m going to see my Dad today after I go and see my doctor…just a checkup, but I’m still worried. Sad Ever since I found out that was pregnant, I always get so nervous when I have to go to see the doctor. I’m just afraid that he’s going to tell me that something’s wrong with Smallfry. I don’t know what I would do if something ever happened to it. But I guess that that’s just the hormones talking…see? Anxious It just happened again. I’m sitting here typing this and my stomach’s doing flips and I automatically put my hand on my not-so-small-anymore stomach…hoping to feel something, but knowing that I’m not going to. And then I just laugh at myself. Embarassed I think that throughout this experience, I’ve gained a lot of perspective on life and the people in my life. I know who my real friends are ( Razz ) and those that aren’t ( Liar ). But I think that I’m a stronger person and that makes me feel a little bit more prepared for the beginning of May (my due date). But I’m still scared…but then again, who isn’t scared by the aspect of giving birth? I only want a happy and healthy baby. I hope that I’m going to get another sonogram picture…I love them! I get so excited because it makes it feel more real and not like I’m just getting fat. Wink My doctor wants to keep an eye on me because I had some bleeding early on in the pregnancy…not much, but he just wants to make sure that everything is okay. I’ve read that Smallfry is about the size of a lemon! I can’t believe that!! Smallfry is so small, but so big! Only 14 weeks into its existence and already so big! I bet it’s beautiful! I was reading about 3D sonograms and thought that it would be cool, but I also don’t want to ruin the surprise of seeing its face for the first time at its birth. Has anyone here ever had one? If so, what was it like to be able to see your baby before it was born? *groan* my breasts are sore today…and I’m tired…didn’t get much sleep last night…I was cramming to prepare for my midterms that are today and tomorrow…I’m trying to get as many credits that I can between now and when Smallfry is born. Hopefully, I’ll be able to do some online courses after its born and then throughout the summer...that way I will be able to keep on doing school without actually having t leave Smallfry in its first precious months. But I did have a dream last night that it was a girl…it was weird…it was like I watched someone else give birth and then someone said, “Congratulations! Here she is!” and handed me a baby…but I couldn’t see “her” face. I don’t know…I’m just being incoherent. Rolling Eyes I have so many thoughts and ideas that it’s hard to contain myself. Very Happy I just want to talk about Smallfry all day to whoever will listen. But I’m sure that everyone (including whoever is reading this post) is groaning wanting me to stop talking/typing…and I think I’ll do just that. I’m going to go and have some lunch…I’m starving! Talk to you later!
Actually I find your journal type posting to be very amusing Very Happy ...You remind me of me when I was 1st pregnant. Every new feeling, every miniscule change of the body, it was all facsinating to me. You are also very young so you have that enthusiasm for life that is sadly often missing from the more adult population Confused Don't worry so much about the dr. visits 8-[you are still pretty early in your pregnancy so it is mostly just to make sure you are gaining weight properly, and that the growth measures accurately...That's all. Post as often as you like, i enjoy reading them. Oh, BTW, about your friends at school, many of them may rally around you and support you...Especially if they know the (-) circumstances that led to your current situation. I had lots of friends in highschool that were suprised Shocked that I would keep baby but then became very excited about being "aunts and uncles" One guy even told my baby that he was "God"... Rolling Eyes
I love the "rambling" too. Smile You're the first woman to make the choice to have her baby and continue posting after that decision, so this is kind of nice. Wink
Does your nephew watch Jo-Jo's Circus? I have a 3-year-old too, and she was watching Jo-Jo, and one of the characters (a potato) has a baby brother, and they call him Smallfry. I wonder if that's where he got it from? It was cute. Smile
:::: Belly rubs :::::
Hi. Thanks for the feedback! I wasn’t sure if I should keep posting or not, but now I think I will. To answer your question, I don’t know where my nephew came up with the idea of the name “Smallfry”. He might watch “Jo-Jo’s Circus”, but I don’t know because his parents (my cousin and her husband) live in the U.S. and I only see him in person every once in a while when my cousin comes home for a week or two. But I do see a lot of them on the webcam…thank God for technology! Otherwise I would miss them sooooo much!! Over the past six months I’ve started passing out a lot…which is weird because I never passed out before that…but I fell down the stairs yesterday afternoon and got really scared!! Thankfully, I was already leaving to go to my doctor’s appointment where he told me that the baby was fine and very cushioned in my uterus…*whew!!*…needless to say, I’m not walking down any stairs by myself for a long time. I was so scared! So I have this big bump on the back of my head and a bruised elbow, but I’m just so happy that the baby is okay!! My doctor did a bunch of tests (a blood workup, checked my blood pressure, checked my heart, lungs, etc.) and is also sending me for a stress test, an E.K.G., an E.E.G and I have to wear a heart monitor for two days.…he said that everything looked okay, but that he wants to make sure. I’m just glad that he’s being through and pulling out all the stops. My Mom was so worried about me and the baby. It took me the entire care ride to convince her that I was okay…but I was worrying the whole way to the doctor’s office. I saw my Dad yesterday and he looks a bit better. His eyes were a bit brighter and he was somewhat coherent but he still has a long way to go. I’m just so happy that he’s safe and is getting the help that he so desperately needs. I’m going to get going…I have an English essay that I have to start. *sigh/groan* I’ll (hopefully) be able to post something on the weekend…and if not then I’ll write on Monday. Take care!
Ahhh yes....the fainting spells Confused ...Although wildly popular in classic movies as a sure sign of pregnancy, they can be very troublesome. I had this problem throughout ALL of my pregnancies. The 1st dr. told me it could be anemia and put me on a gazillion iron pills a week...that didn't help. Keeps ya all stopped up though Mad This last go round it was really worrisome as I ended up faceplanting into my mac salad at a local restaraunt Embarassed . The final diagnosis was low blood volume. If you do not drink water like a camel, you will inevitably pass out. The blood rushes to your lower extremeties leaving your brain high and dry!
HI Kaitlin,
You seem to be doing so well. I am so happy for you. We would love for you to keep posting even after the baby is born and we could help through those times too. Rose always does her work late or early and maybe the two of you will be up at the same time Very Happy .
Glad that your dad is doing better. I know with my friend it seemed to be a constant every six months or year or year and a half they would have to adjust his meds because his body changed or he didn't react to them the same anymore. It is a continuing battle but the meds that are out there do really help they just need to take very faithfully.
You seem to be a sweet girl and I wish you the best in this pregnancy and after. Our God is so great that HE can even take the most awful circumstances and turn them around for good. That shows just how very much HE loves us.
I had a fainting spell with my first pregnancy in church!!!! Stood up to sing a song and went down in a heap. Could have been alot worse though, I could have hit my chin or face on the pew in front of me. But boy do you ever get a lot of attention when you faint in church Embarassed
Yes keep drinking water even though you and a bathroom will need to be very close to eachother. The water is so good for you.
Sorry to hear about the fainting. I hope they'll be able to figure out what's going on. It's been going on before you were pregnant, right? Maybe it's low blood sugar? I dunno...keep us posted.
The baby is very protected in there. S/he is in a big sac full of water, and any pressure won't even cause waves...lol. I loved learning that when I was pregnant.
I had to do the heart monitor too, and let me warn you to take a shower right before it gets put on, because you can't for the duration of the test. Razz
Glad to hear your dad is improving slowly.
What's your English essay about?
Thanks for the posts! The fainting has been happening for about 6-7 months and it isn't low blood sugar because it has happened both before and after I eat, but it is such a great relief to hear form someone else that Smallfry is safe in his/her temporary watery home!! Very Happy It definitely decreases the worry...*whew!!*
My English essay is on "Hamlet"...I love English class so much!! Books are such a fantastic retreat when the world seems to be too much. I love reading! All my friends tease me because I always have a book on me! lol!!
I'm a stomach sleeper and I'm finding it a bit difficult to fall asleep and stay asleep because of my growing belly... Confused Hopefully I'll adjust soon because late night T.V. sucks!! Razz
I'm also finding that I'm ALWAYS running to the bathroom all the time!! And it always happens in the middle of a lecture and I'll be sitting there like, Anxious and then I'll start to get up and my teachers usually smile or laugh. I feel like that's all I ever do now!! It an ongoing joke with my friends. Embarassed Ha ha ha!
I saw my Dad yesterday and he looked a bit tired but his eyes had a little bit more of a sparkle. They're still playing around with his meds and we're all hoping that they find the right combination. Pray
I've decided to stop playing soccer, but I'm still going to all of the games and the team is making a big effort to keep me involved. We go out for dinner every week or two to catch up and I'm going to be sitting on the bench to cheer them on. I figure that if I can't get my soccer fix by playing then I might as well get it from sitting on the bench cheering to my hearts content. Laughing My Mom is so excited about the (distant) arrival of Smallfry that she's started planning a baby shower 4 1/2 months in advance!! lmao!! laughing4 rofl She's too much!!
Speaking of my Mom, she's turning 50 at the end of the month and she's always wanted a family ring...she's been asking for one ever since I can remember so my siblings and I have decided to get her one and we've put in the order for one and I can't wait to see her face when she sees it!! She's going to cry...and then I'll cry...and then everyone else will cry....it's going to be so great!!
But I was wondering if you guys could tell me about your pregnancies/births if you don't mind because I would like to hear about them. Those stories fascinate me...and will hopefully start to prepare my mindset for when the even takes place. I've read the ones on this site, but I'd like to hear about your experiences...but only if you're comfortable sharing.
I'm going to run to the bathroom (for the second time since I started writing this Shocked) I'm looking forward to your posts!! Talk to you soon!!
I was always a stomach sleeper, too. That is a huge adjustment. I've only now started sleeping on my stomach again. I got out of the habit for so long! (My twins are 3.)
It's great that your mom is so excited! I'm glad to hear there's a bit of improvement with your dad, too.
I guess I'll share my 2nd pregnancy with you. The first one I did not take care of myself AT ALL, and the third was twins, so the 2nd is probably the most comparable to yours. Really everything went great and it was all normal. I had no problems except gaining too much weight Wink . I was due at the end of July, but she was a week late and was born Aug 2. It is miserable being extremely pregnant during the hot summer with no AC. Finally, a week late, I woke up that morning with what they call "bloody show". I was able to do my last minute things, grocery shopping, etc., before the contractions got too bad. We went to the hospital around 10pm. The doctor broke my water and gave me an epidural (highly recommended) around 1am. About 2:30 I started pushing, pushed 3 times and she was out. It was very easy. Not everyone has such easy labors, but mine were great. I felt like giving birth was the best part of the pregnancy Smile . I know that's probably not normal, but that's how it was for me. My other deliveries were easy, too. I hope it goes that way for you, but everyone's experience is different. Maybe someone else will share a more "realistic" experience with you.
I'd recommend taking a birthing class through your doctor or hospital. Being prepared for what you should do, what you want to do and what you should expect is very helpful. I took it twice and I'm so glad I did. I felt like I knew what was going to happen, and how I wanted to handle it. Make sure you have a coach that can go with you to the classes and the birth.
Okay…today was “exciting”. Rolling Eyes I got school and had an appointment with my guidance councilor and just after morning announcements an announcement came on instructing the staff to “initiate lockdown procedure”. Then a V.P. came running into the guidance office almost screaming for everyone to get into the back room. We were in lockdown for almost an hour and a half with the warning bell ringing the whole time. Apparently a teen was shot at Chinguacousy Secondary School ( Sad ) which is right down the street from where I go to school. Can you believe it? I wasn’t scared though…because what are the odds that the shooter was (a) at my school, (b) near the Guidance Office and (c) was going to find me and shoot me. I’m not saying that the idea doesn’t scare me, but I’m being realistic. Maybe that’s what made it less scary…If you want to read a brief excerpt on the story go to: http://www.canada.com/national/nationalpost/news/toronto/story.html?id=b51c9653-ddea-4e2b-ab2d-59f7925f6184
I’m also the talk of the school because someone saw me when I was getting out of my jacket and before I could put my school sweater on. pregoo She then proceeded to tell anyone that would listen that I’m pregnant . And the rumor mill started and then as I was walking down the halls people were looking, whispering and pointing…I’m not upset that anyone knows that I’m pregnant but what bothers me is that everyone was perfectly content gossiping about me and not one person came to ask me what the story was…And when I went to my locker and someone had written “slut” and “whore” on my locker. All of this probably because this girl thinks that I stole her boyfriend because he was interested in me and I told him that I wasn’t interested, so he broke up with her and asked me out again because he thought that the reason that I said no was because he was dating this other girl…so now there’s been “bad blood” between the two of us…I hate how immature people are! bandhead And it’s not just high school kids—everyone gossips and it just frustrates me. My parents have always made sure that I never gossiped because they told me that it was wrong and how I could hurt someone’s feelings. I’m SO thankful that they taught me that! Pray I’m guess I’m just having a hard time keeping my head up today…I just want to go home and crawl into bed for a little while. Sad
I’m wearing the heart monitor today…It was put on last night and it’s probably going to have some strange results because of the lockdown and stress with my whole situation here today. Anxious I’m just frustrated and hurt…some of my “friends” have already turned their backs on me…I was expecting this to happen, but it still hurts a lot. Crying or Very sad
But enough about my bad day…my team has a game tonight at 10:00 pm, so wish me luck!! I’m glad that I have a game tonight…it’ll give me a great excuse to scream all my frustrations out. angry9
I think I’m going to need to find new pants for school and home…I can only fit into my only two pairs of sweatpants Embarassed and I want some more variety…lol!!
I’m going to go. Just wanted somewhere to vent my frustrations/pain. Thanks for listening! It means more to me then you can ever imagine!
(((HUGS))) You're right. People can be mean. And it's not nice to gossip. It does hurt. I can't speak for everyone, but when I was first pregnant, I had the same thing. It does hurt. I'm so sorry that you are being treated that way. Do your friends know the circumstances? If so, I'm really surprised they're not speaking in your defense. I guess you'll learn who your true friends are, too. We'll be here anyway, even when they're not. Keep your chin up. If you don't let it get to you (or don't let them see that it does) they'll get tired of talking about you. I know it's hard.
(((HUGS))),
Most of my friends don't know how I got pregnant, and I would like it to stay that way. I would rather have people gossip about me and talk behind my back any not know then to find out that I was raped. I don't want their pity. That's the one thing that I DON'T want to come out of all this. I hate pity. At least this way I'll have my privacy and I'll find out who my real friends are. But thanks again for listening. I don't know anyone else my age pregnant/with kids so it's kind of lonely...thanks again!! I'll write another post tomorrow.
I'm sorry to hear about your "friends." Kids that age can be so snippy. You'll probably find yourself moving toward friends that have kids, which is good - it helps you to learn how to be a mommy. Do you know of any mommy or mommy-to-be groups in your area? Perhaps your local pregnancy center knows of one?
((((Hugs))))) for all you're going through. And no, that's not pity...just genuine concern. Wink Hope that your team did great the other night!
Hi everyone. I’m feeling a bit better since my last post. I went home from school yesterday morning after first period because I was feeling like crap. My head was killing me and my stomach was determined to reintroduce me to my breakfast...puke_r…so I went home and crawled back into bed for a couple hours sleepy1 and then got up to do some stuff around the house…The situation at school is about the same, but I have told two other close friends about the party and subsequent events and they were so shocked. jawdrop They couldn’t believe that that had happened to me and that I was actually pregnant. But now they know and insist on touching my stomach all the time and making weird noises to Smallfry. It’s too cute!! love7 I’m not wearing the heart monitor anymore (it felt SOOOO GOOD to have a nice, long, hot shower!!!!!) But I still have some adhesive on me from the electrodes…grrrrrrr!! Any suggestions on how to get it off? I can’t believe that I’m only 15 weeks…Sometimes I feel like I’ve been pregnant forever and other times I feel like I just found out…it’s weird. But my body is totally fascinating!! I’m just watching it grow and change and I’m in awe. I don’t know what else to say about it. It’s crazy!! I got two pairs of pants. One pair is grey dress pants (for school) and the other pair is jeans. I love jeans and they’re nice and comfy!! For now my sweater is still big enough, but it’s getting a bit tight. I feel like all of the sudden my stomach is protruding so much!! I’m having a “fat” day…I feel like a beached whale…and I’m only 15 weeks. I can’t even imagine what I’m going to be like at 36 weeks!! We lost our game on Wednesday night, but it was really close!! It was the best game that they have played as a team!! I’m so proud of them!! Razz Very Happy Talk to you later! Take care!!
Hi hon...sorry I've been so long to write back. I don't have tips to get rid of the adhesive. Hopefully by now it's almost gone. I know that drove me nuts too.
I'm glad you were able to get some comfort from the friends that you did tell and happy to hear you have some comfy clothes!
All-in-all, things sound good! That's wonderful! yahoo
Hello again, sorry it’s taken me forever to write again…things have been crazy!! doh2 On Saturday there was a fist fight on the field that resulted in two red cards (the first in the women’s leagues history.) Someone made a comment that I was a slut and that I was having a “bastard child” because I was sitting on the bench wearing my (shrinking) jersey to support the team. I lost it and started yelling at the girl to mind her business...argue …and then things got very heated on and off the field. I was getting a ride home from my friend/coach and while we were in the parking lot three of their players came out of no where and said something to the effect of, “I’m going to kick your ass!!” Anxious Shocked So my friend stepped in front of me and one of the girls said that if he touched her she would charge him with assault…so here we are standing in the parking lot three of them on one of me…and I was so angry!! I wanted to fight them (which is something that I’ve never actually done…hormones I guess), but I was also really worried about Smallfry, so I tried to diffuse the situation, but they were having none of it. Then they made a triangle around my friend and I when I heard running. I turned around to see three of the players from my team come running to stand beside me. Then one of my teammates said, “You want a fight?? Fine! But you will NOT beat up on our pregnant friend. You want to take a swing? Aim it at me!” angryfire angry9 Then the three of the other girls paled and practically ran away saying that it “wasn’t over”…I’ve never been so happy to see anyone in my entire life!! woohoo We went out to dinner afterwards to talk about the game…it was a great finish to a crazy day!! Then I worked all day Sunday which was a lot of fun!! I love my job!! My Dad’s doctor has adjusted his meds and he’s doing phenomenally better!! He might be coming home today and I have a great sense of hope instead of the usual feeling of dread that I’ve had for the past couple weeks. School is crazy too…loads of homework…I feel like I’m drowning in assignments…but that’ll be over in about a week…soon midterms will be over *whew!!* I can’t wait!! I have to run now…the bell is going to go and I have to “waddle” (that’s how I feel when I walk lol!!) to my next class. Take care!!
Hi Kaitlin,
Good to hear from you again. It sounds like your friends are really being good friends after all. That's awesome! And your dad is doing well....sounds like things are going okay all around!
By the way, if you haven't gotten the sticky stuff off yet, try Goo Gone. It's worked for me on almost everything. I even used it to get gum off my daughter's chest after it fell in her shirt and she rubbed it in. Rolling Eyes Anyway, it worked, and it didn't bother her skin at all.
Hello, hello
I do have really great friends/teammates...which is odd because I only met them about two and a half months ago. If only my friends at school were half as understanding/caring...but I'm not letting their ignorance get to me. It's their choice and they've going to have to love with it, right? Think But I'm making a lot of new friends through soccer and it's really great because most of them have kids and are telling me all about their pregnancies/births which is really helpful. Plus they are VERY non-judgemental which helps me to feel like I belong somewhere and not like I stick out like a sore thumb.
But I’m dying for a smoke right now…but I haven’t had one since I found out I was pregnant, pregoo but I still get that craving sometimes…
My Dad was discharged from the hospital…the doctor thinks that he’s going to make a good recovery…but it’s going to be a long and hard road for him. I just hope that I’ll be able to help him through this struggle… Pray
Ironically; I have to do “The Marriage Project” where I get a budget and have to create my wedding…which is going to be funny when I have to go and see the priest for some information. He’s going to take one look at me and probably kick me out lol!! I don’t actually think that he’s going to kick me out if I tell him what happened, but I don’t want him to make a big deal out of it.
The thing is, I haven’t been to church in a very long time. I stopped going when my best friend was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia and died an agonizing death…I watched him go from a fun loving kid who loved to joke around Dancing to a broken shadow of his former self dontknow …I remember asking him if he believed in God and he looked at me and said that he wasn’t sure, but he’d let me know…then he fell asleep and as I was putting my jacket on…his heart stopped and he died…and I stopped believing in God and stopped going to church. He’s was the sweetest person that you could’ve ever met and he was always smiling and making things better…and then he got sick and it was one of the hardest things to do…I watched my best friend die…I’m going to go now…I have to stop typing about Luke…it’s too hard and I’m too emotional right now…I’ll write a little bit later.
Hi there hon. Smile
Glad to hear that life is being good to you...even though it's without cigarettes. Razz I had to deal with that when I got pregnant too, but it's healthier without them.
I hope that the priest won't kick you out - he shouldn't...just remind him that Jesus wouldn't. Wink I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Luke. Sad That would be a very difficult thing to experience, and quite often, things like that tend to impact the way we see God and understand Him. Do you still feel the same way now about God that you felt then? I don't want to make you talk about anything that upsets you though - so feel free to not answer. Just remember that doubting God is normal, and He even expects it. Wink
Talk to you soon I hope.
Unfortunately, I'm still upset with God...I don't mean to offend anyone that might read this, but I just can't bring myself to believe in someone/thing that would allow such a great person to die such a horrible death. Luke was the sweetest person that you could ever meet. Honestly, he would give you the shirt off your back even if it was -30 C outside...and the way he died...Crying or Very sad...it was so slow and painful...and people say that bad things happen to good people because God created them good but that they turned out bad, but God should be able to know who is going to be good and...make life fair...I'm not making any sense, but this is a very confusing/touchy topic. I'm glad that some of you have a higher power to believe in and I'm so thankful for all of the prayers and positive thoughts that you have sent me, but I personally am having a bit of a problem with the concept of "God" at the present moment...even though it's been almost two years...I'm still trying to sort it out.
This weekend should be pretty good because I don't have much to do except go to my soccer game and work on Sunday. I can't wait for December though...I'm going to the Dave Matthews Band concert and then the Gwen. I love the month of Christmas!! I can't wait for it!!! It's my favourite holiday santa Dancing thumbleft ...all of the love hand happiness...the lights and songs...everything it symbolizes: family, friends, wav joy, etc. It makes me so thankful for what I have!!
I re-read some of my posts and my life sounds like a soap opera:doh2:...lmao!!! Honestly, I wish it would just settle down and bit for me to prepare for this baby, you know? Hopefully it will.
Thanks again for the response! And yes, it's a lot healthier no smoking...but I do still get those cravings for a smoke and a drink when I'm at a friends house and everyone is drinking...drunk...but I have to think of someone other than myself and I think I'm making the right choices so far!!
Talk to you later!! Enjoy your weekend!!
I went through an agnostic type phase for a while too. I think of it this way that perhaps your friend was such a good person that God thought it would be better to promote him to angel status. Losing someone hurts but God (for me) is still God even when life hurts. I was not strong enough to carry on without Him. Don't always feel like you have to be "nice" when you talk to God either. He is like a Father to me and that is exactly how I address HIm. When I am angry, or frustrated becauase I don't understand why things are the way they are, I express that too him in whatever words come to mind...He knows all things anyway so why try to sugar coat it Wink When I was sad, I cried out to Him..etc...etc... It is tough and being pregnant doesnt help with the emotional confusion either..I will continue praying for you. It is ok to have doubts and unbelief, but ultimately who do you believe is the author and finisher of life and faith? If you ask God to reveal Himself to you, He is usually happy to oblige Wink Big (((hugs)))
Hi Kaitlin,
Sounds like you are very busy. I think that's a good thing. Helps to take your mind off things and makes time go faster.
Glad that your dad is doing better too. The meds they have now a days are so wonderful. We can be so thankful for modern medicing.
Giving up smoking is one of the best things you can do along with the drinking. I encourage you to make this a longer committment that just the time of pregnancy. Your baby will need you stay healthy now and after he/ she is born. If you decide to parent your baby, you will need to be responsible and one of the best ways is to stay away from those things. They usually lead to trouble. Also the financial the cost is something important to consider.
The best thing you can do is get back into a relationship with God. He loves you. I know that!!! We don't understand why bad things happen to good people. I have that too. All of us see it all the time. But we can't understand God b/c we are only human and He is God. His plans are perfect. Faith is believing even when we don't understand. I can't imagine life without Him. Knowing that HE is God and all the troubles here on earth are but just a very short time compared to eternity. I encourage you to start talking to Him and ask Him to reveal Himself to you just like Christine said and I promise HE will!
Hi again! How are you guys? I’m okay…I was just walking down the hallway and saw this girl with her newborn son and I keep on thinking how that’s going to be me in about five and a half months!! I can’t wait to meet this little person!! It’s going to be so exciting seeing him/her for the first time and every time after that!! I’m definitely showing now…I can’t hide it anymore, so I’ve decided to embrace it instead of fear it!! A lot of my friends are very supportive of me and are helping me to go out and get prices for the essentials that I’ll need!! I’ve decided to shop slowly but steadily over the next few months…that way I won’t be totally tapped of money…So I went out and bought a crib with my Dad…and it was so cute!! He kept on asking about the current safety standards and all of the important questions that I would have totally forgotten to ask!! He’s really moving along! The combination of meds that he’s on is really starting to help and I couldn’t be more grateful!! So We’ve cleared out my sister’s room (because she’s away at school) and we set up the crib…it’s the centerpiece of the room at the moment because it’s the first major thing that I have for the baby…I’m really getting into the whole nesting thing…I want to prime and paint the room a nice shade of yellow and get things moving so I won’t have to be doing it when I nine months pregnant. I was thinking that if I have a boy I might name him Luke. I really like that name and I think that it would be a really nice way to remember him. It’ll be a great namesake. What do you think?? Gotta run, the bell just rang for my last period class and I think that I’m going to be late (because I have to run to the bathroom…yet again!!)
Hi Kaitlin,
Great news on your dad. And the purchase of a crib. Shopping slowly is a great idea. Watching for items on sale helps too. Do you have second hand stores in your area. Those are great places to pick up items for really inexpensive prices. Some of these things you are only going to need for just a few short months so you may not want to spend a lot of money on those. For example a bounce seat is only used for about six months and a swing about the same. A walker too is only used for about the same amount of time.The crib, highchair, and carseat are items you use for a couple of years so getting good quai lity is important there.
Keep us posted as to how you are doing. And the name Luke is very nice.
Hi Kaitlin,
I think your friend Luke would be honored to have your son named after him. (If it's a boy.) It's a wonderful idea.
I am thrilled that your dad went shopping with you for your crib. You and Ruth are right...slow and steady is the best way to shop for baby items. Ruth is right about second hand stores, too. You can often find great items for really cheap. Usually people just don't need them anymore, not that they're in bad shape, if you go to a good store. Some stores just sell junk, but a good store should have good quality stuff. It sounds like your family is totally embracing you and Smallfry - that's awesome! He/she will have all the love a kid could possibly want! What a blessing!
Keep us posted.
I totally agree with you! I'm getting a lot of secondhand clothes from family, but I'm also getting a bunch of new clothes for the baby from my excited friends/family/coworkers, etc. I was doing to research on carseats and they (the experts) were saying not to buy a used car seat because the safety protocals are changing all the time so it's just better to get a new one. Thanks for the suggestions though...sometimes I just feel so scattered brained!! Hahaha!! Oh! By the way, I've taken up swimming at the local pool because I find that it's totally relaxing and is a great workout. And the best part is that the next day, I'm rarely ever sore. I don't like not being active, so since I stopped playing soccer I've taken up swimming and walking! Gotta run, I'll write when I get a chance! Thanks again for the post!!
Swimming is great excercise for pregnant mommies! I know several people who kept in shape with swimming and/or water aerobics while pregnant. Good for you!
I'm playing catch up...sorry that I haven't been around to reply as much. doh2
It sounds like the subject of God is still very confusing for you - I can sympathize with that. I went through similar struggles when I was your age. I don't think bad things happen to good people because people are bad or do bad things. I could see how thinking that would make you very angry at God. Luke wasn't a bad person. Anyway...I'd love to talk more about this with you, but it's such a personal thing. Email me if you get a chance to, will you? My email address is choicetolivewith@comcast.net. You definitely need time and space to come to your own conclusions about this, but some exploration might be good now, being pregnant and all. Wink It's nice to think through these things before the "Why?" questions start from the kids. binky
How exciting that you have your crib! And I'm so happy to hear that your dad is doing so well. Smile It sounds like things are going great right now, and I'm so thankful for that.
Write soon!
Hello again!!
Well this past weekend was pretty good!! I worked Smile most of the weekend which was a lot better because it kept me busy!! (I hate sitting still!! It makes me feel like I’m going to crawl out of my skin!! Shocked) Everyone at work (and even some customers) were coming up to me and wanting to touch my stomach…which was fine when my coworkers and some women wanted to do it, but when some random guy comes up and starts touching your stomach…it gets weird fast Embarassed Confused that was me!!-->helpme !! Lol!! And then I was sitting out back (behind the store) to get some fresh air after I finished my dinner and this 40 year old man with no teeth came up to me and grabbed my waist and started walking away with me!!! So I screamed jawdrop pale and told him to let go of me and he just held on tighter!! I was so scared for little Smallfry!!! Thankfully, one of the guys was stocking the back room and came running out and pushed the guy away and took me inside…and then I found out that there is a halfway house right across the street…I was so angry angryfire !! After the shock wore off I was really mad! And the thing that made me the angriest? There were tons of cars around and no one person stopped to ask if I needed help!! And since I was in my uniform you could really tell that I’m pregnant pregoo (the shirt is getting pretty tight, but usually my apron covers my growing belly) and NO ONE stopped to see if I needed help!! Sure they all looked, but then they continued to drive away!! AGH!!! I felt like screaming because I was so frustrated!!
(*deep breath*) Sorry! I’m better now…I’m letting it go. Just have to vent it to someone and I didn’t want to freak out my family/friends…that’s all they need lol! d'oh!
I’m also loving the whole swimming thing!! It makes me happy and I actually feel like I’m exercising, but its fun (just like soccer!!!)
I also think that my bladder is now the size of a grape from the amount of times that I have to run to the bathroom in a day!! But then again, I drink tons of water because it’s supposed to be good for the baby…and Now that I know who my real friends are they’re being so great!! They are willing to make the endless journey to the washroom with me and my teachers have been great too! I stayed home from school last week because I was so nauseous puke (which thankfully was one of the few times throughout my pregnancy that I’ve had morning sickness) and I handed in my assignment late and my teacher didn’t take any marks off which was so kind of her!!!
I keep on thinking that the baby is kicking, but I’m not sure if it actually is the baby, or if it’s gas or just my imagination!! doh2 I can’t wait for that first kick!! I’ve been waiting since the doctor told me that I was pregnant!! I’ll let you know when I’m positive that I’ve felt it!!
Okay, I should go and get lunch and get ready for my last class…then I’m going home and then Christmas shopping. I’ll write later on when I have the time. Thank you for the posts!! They’re always so great to receive!! Cheers! drunk
Yikes...what a scary day at work! Be safe from now on hon!
Try to relish those belly rubs...they won't happen for much longer, but yes, it can be strange...lol.
I'll bet you are feeling the baby move around. How far are you? Like 15 weeks, right? By then they are popping around in the uterus, doing flips, kicking, punching, etc. So when you first feel it, it won't feel like a jab...it's going to feel more like a tickle. That's why some say it feels like a butterfly or a bubble. Later on, those movements get more distinct as the baby gets bigger and has less room to move. Then you'll start feeling pokes and jabs. It really is a lot of fun! I loved that feeling.
Hope you had fun shopping!!!
OH MY GOD!!! IT JUST HAPPENED!! (I think...) I was reading your message when my stomach did a bit of a flip!!! I was like...sort of like...butterflies!! Then I started freaking out (I'm in the library right now) and a teacher came over and was like, "WHAT'S WRONG?!?!" and then I just started crying (stupid hormones!!! Anxious ) and I finally managed to tell her and then we were both laughing!!! That was..AMAZING....INCREDIBLE...PHENOMENAL...EXTRAORDINARY...(I'm running out of words here!!) But you know what I mean?? WOW!! I can't believe it!! I'm going to go!! I''ve gotta call my Mom ( woohoo yahoo ) I'll write later!!
Hi Kaitlin,
How exciting to feel your baby kick for the first time. I remember that feeling too. Even though it was a lonnng time ago. Embarassed That is a great sign everything is going well. Just wait til those butterflies turn into real live kicks.
I would love to talk more but the kids are coming home from school so I had better go.
Sounds like you are doing great.
Okay—these past few days have been amazing!! My sister came home to celebrate her birthday and my Mom’s (they have the same birthdays)…since I had to work we went out for dinner afterwards…and you should have seen my sister’s face when she saw me!! Her jaw hit the ground!! She couldn’t believe how big I was and immediately started rubbing my belly!! It was so cute!! And her boyfriend couldn’t believe his eyes either. I know that I’m big (for 18 weeks) , but I guess I don’t really see as much of a difference as the weeks go by because it a gradual change…plus, my sister hasn’t seen me for about a month so it must have been a big change from the last time she saw me!! And when my Mom opened her gift and saw her family ring she started to cry…and then the next thing I know there were tears running down my cheeks!! And as soon as my sister saw my Mom and I crying she started crying and then we all just laughed!! I got a lot of belly rubs on Wednesday night…but I think that my whole pregnancy is freaking out my brother a little bit!! He’s 15 (so he goes to the same high school as me) and he knows that I was raped at a party and that resulted in Smallfry, but I don’t think he wants to know many more details than that!! But I think that if I just give him some time then he’ll be okay with it. This week end my Mom is taking me to get a massage with her…there’s this lady that she always gives raving reviews to and she thought that maybe I could use a stress reliever since exams are coming up in a month…it’s going to be great!! I’m also going for an ultrasound on Monday…so I’ll let you know about that on Tuesday. I can’t wait to go and see Smallfry!! I’ve been feeling him/her kick a bit…and every time I either cry or freak out (in a good way) because of how incredible it all is!! Well—I gotta go. I have this HUGE presentation next period and I need to go over all of my information one more time. I’ll write back on Monday. I hope to hear form you again!
I'm so glad things are going so well for you. Isn't it great having your family be so supportive? Your brother will come around, too. My brother was 12 when my daughter was born, and he was a little weirded out by the whole situation, too, but now he's an awesome uncle!
Let us know how the ultrasound goes....are you going to find out what it is? They will probably be able to tell at 18 weeks.
I can't wait to hear about your ultrasound!
I'm glad you had so much fun with your sister and your mom. Smile
Hey Kaitlin,
What a wonderful dinner you had with your family. I just found out something that FAMILY stands for a month or so ago. it stands for Forget About ME I Love You. Isn't that so neat. Guys usually do get uncomfortable when the woman in their family start to cry. Telling him that he is going to be a big part in this babies life as the uncle will boost his ego. Cool All 15 year old boys like to have there ego boosted whether they need it or not. I know I have a 15 year old boy.
By the way how is your dad doing. I hope things are going well. Keep telling him you love him and need him. People with depression problems need to know they are needed and important.
Let us know how the ultrasound goes. They are so cool. You could just lay there and keep watching for hours. But I guess that would upset the next patients.
hey kaitlin.
how are you going?
how did the ultrasound go?
haven't heard from you in a couple of days?
Sorry I haven’t written in such a long time!!! This have been crazy lately…So much to do (school wise) and getting ready for Smallfry…Wow…things have been crazy!! Smallfry has been jumping and doing flips in my stomach…I swear it’s got A.D.H.D….but the coolest thing happened!! Yesterday while he/she was sleeping my Dad dropped a bunch of pots and pans and Smallfry jumped!! Can you believe it?!?! I couldn’t stop laughing!! But then it got it’s revenge by being awake ALL NIGHT!! I don’t think that I’ve been this tired in a REALLY long time!! Needless to say all of my clothes are getting smaller and smaller by the day…Sometimes I feel like a beached whale…I’ve never really been big I’ve been lucky to have never needed to watch my weight, so this weight gain is really weird to me! Don’t get me wrong—I love it, but it’s still odd when I do things like bending over and tying my shoes…and my whole centre of gravity is off so I’m off balance a lot now…which is also weird because I used to be an Irish Dance r (think Riverdance) and never had a problem with my balance. But I’m loving it!! It’s so cool!! And all of my friends and family have been really good to me. They call more often now and ask for updates!! I thought that I had the ultrasound on this past Monday, but I must be having “baby brain” because it’s actually next Monday…lol!! I hope that you all have a really great weekend and I’ll write on Monday if I have the time!! Take care!!
P.S.--> The D.M.B. concert was PHENOMINAL!!! It was the absolute best concert that I’ve EVER been to!! And tonight I’m going to see the Gwen Stefani concert!! Lol!!
i used to be an irish dancer too! right up until i got pregnant with anjali and taylor! What a coincidence! good fun isn't it? Very Happy
Feeling the baby kick is the most exciting thing! I dont thnik it's ever what you expect though! (i've never had a singleton, sure must be roomy in there for smallfry!) you wait until smallfry gets hiccoughs! That's even more hilarious!
Usually the baby is lulled to sleep by your movements during the day (this is what i've heard) and become active when you lay down! very strange hey?
lol about the ultrasound....gosh i used to say things all the time and i felt like i was constantly lying...but it wasn't on purpose!!
Good for you with the concerts! Sounds like fun, and go to them while you still can (remember to drink heaps of water though!)
I remember when Evie got startled and jumped inside...oh it was so cute! I'd hug my belly and comfort her. Razz That's how they'd wake her up at the doctor's office for my nonstress tests...they hold a loud bell to my belly and ding it. Poor baby.
Can't wait to hear about the u/s!
Hello again!
Well....let's just say the the ultrasound was...interesting...I usually drink a lot of water throughout the day, so I went to bed on Sunday night around 11:30 and tossed and turned for about three hours (don't you find that frustrating?!? I kept of thinking, "I'm going to be SOOOO tired tomorrow!!") and finally fell asleep. But my head doesn't seem to be connected to my body because I didn't turn on my alarm clock, so my brother woke me up really late and I just had time to get dressed, brush my teeth and hair and run out the door (as much as I can run...lol!!) I didn't even have time to go to the washroom...So when I got to school I went across the street to get a muffin and juice and then went to my friend's locker to hang out. I went to first and second period and then started drinking by 3 bottles of water within the alotted hour. My Mom came and got me and we went to the hospital and sat down in the waiting room...That's when Smallfry decided to use my bladder as a trampoline and I thought that I was going to lose control of it!! =S Thankfully, they called my name and I went in and the first thing the O.B. said when she started the ultrasound was, "WOW!! Your bladder is REALLY full!!" All I could say was, "Tell me about it!!" Then I got to see Smallfry and it was amazing!! It always is!! Smallfry was doing a little dance and it was amazing to watch and feel...it took my breath away!! And then the O.B. asked if I wanted to know the sex and I said no...I want that to be a suprise!!
I can't wait to see my family's faces when I come to their Christmas shindig...it's always so funny to see their reactions...and there are lots of bellyrubs!! Ha ha ha!! My little cousin gets a bit weirded out with the whole situation, but she is the most interested!! She asks lots of questions and it's always fun to ask her thoughts/opinions on certain topics!!
But right now things are going well...I did a bunch of Christmas shopping and felt like if I heard one more Christmas carol I would strangle someone...I like Christmas music for the first 2-3 songs...but Christmas carols for 2 hours straight...I start feeling a bit insane!!
I'll talk to you later!! Cheers!!
I'm glad that the ultrasound ws so much fun! I loved all of mine. Smile I always wished that I could've had a portable ultrasound machine at my disposal any time. Wink
I can't believe you don't want to know the sex. Confused Oh well...lol. I guess I'll just have to wait too. Wink
Hello!! I'm back!! How is everyone?? How were your holidays?? We're good!! We had an amazing Christmas with both sides of my family. There were so many cute baby gifts!! I now have most of Smallfry's room set up. It's a pale yellow with little clouds blending into the roof which is white. I have a rocking chair (from my Grandmother), a changing table, crib, dresser, tons of supplies (thanks to my aunt!!) and more stuff than I have room for. So it's all ready for Smallfry...I can't believe I'm 23 weeks!! I'm growing and growing...and getting kicked a lot!! Ha ha ha!!
On New Year's I went over to my friends and we made daquaries (I have no idea how to spell that...lol!!) Mine was plain and theirs was spiked. But I had a sip of beer to toast the new year...but that's it and I know that wouldn't hurt Smallfry.
And then I almost gave my friends a heart attack at around 3:30 a.m....we were watching "Fight Club" in the dark and I was on the couch with a couple friends when Smallfry gave me a swift kick to the ribs ( Dancing <--Smallfry in my tummy...guess it was a little bit late with the New Year's celebrations...ha ha ha!!)and I jumped and gasped hyolding my stomach...All the sudden my friends had shut the T.V. off and turned the lights on (which blinded me Laughing) It was pretty funny to see them all freaking out...but when I told then what had happened they were hysterical laughing4 laughing1 Then my friend Nicole felt Smallfry move for the first time and she cried (crybaby Crying or Very sad)...it was a really great moment...then we finished watching the movie and finally crashed around 9:00 a.m....got up at 10:00 a.m....ate breakfast..went home and slept for almost 10 hours!! Hee hee hee!! It was great!!
Today was my Grandmother's birthday, so we went down to ther house and had a little get together with my family...
I guess I should get going, but I just wanted to check in and let you all know that we are doing GREAT!! I'm sorry I didn't write any sooner...but we've been sooooooo busy!! I hope you all had a good Christmas and an even better new year!! Good luck to you all in the year to come!!
Kaitlin & Smallfry
Hey there Kaitlin! Sounds like smallfry gave you quite the fright! i know my two little dumplings do that all the time! there is just not enough room in there for both of them so they seem to fight for it lol!
you be careful with that sleep! you needs lots remember!?
Are you hoping for a girl or a boy? or dont you mind? i wanted a girl but i got both Very Happy lucky me.
It sounds like you have great friends....and lots of fun! Don't be a stranger now...we love these happy updates. Smile
::: Bellyrubs:::
Hello again!
I'm sorry I haven't written in a while...How are you?? What's new in your lives?? How are your kids??
I just wanted to send a quick hello! Things are good right now...busy with exams and all...but good. I can't wait for this semester (at school) to be over...especially now that it's "crunch time". It seems like all we've been doing is eating, sleeping, going to school, work, homework...there doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day, you know?? Things are getting a bit cramped right now...I'm finding it difficult to bend over...it also feels like since my centre of gravity has shifted I feel very off balance...but I'm taking my time with things...Although...I do feel HUGE!!! It's as if Smallfry is totally stretching out in there...but it's almost over...a few more weeks to go (that's what I keep telling myself..hee hee hee!!)
Thanks for keeping an eye on my "updates"...there always very comforting to hear...I'm pretty scared about these nest few weeks...but it's so hard to believe that this is almost over...I'm 26 weeks...jeeze!! But I've really enjoyed this whole pregnancy experience. It's been such a good way to deal with the rape and all.
But these hormones are killing me!! I got in a HUGE fight with my folks and ended up leaving in the middle of the evening and sleeping on a friends couch (not nearly as comfortable as my big, comfortable bed) but there were lots of pillows so it wasn't too uncomfortable.
I've already done two exams....and they went well...but the next two are going to kill me....they are English and Math...English is tomorrow and Math is on Monday...so I'll be spending my whole weekend studying...ICK!!! But I'm always so...frustrated while I'm trying to study. I can never find a comfortable position to study in and as soon as I find one Smallfry decides that he/she doesn't want to study and starts nudging me in the stomach/ribs/kidney/bladder/anything within reach (which is pretty much everything)...
My parents got me a cell phone that I have to bring with me wherever I go. Both my parents have one that stays on whenever they are not with me. It's because of my age that I'm more likely to go into labour early...so they're being ready...it's really cute!! Hee hee hee!!
Okay...enough with the study break...I've got to get back to cramming... help puke_r Shocked doh2 (<--all of those are me...lol!!) I'll write back when I can find a spare minute! (Which may not be for a few days...sorry!!!)
Kaitlin & Smallfry
Glad to hear things are good for you so far! Also good to hear back from you! Do let us know when he arrives! So excited for you and again, may I remind you just how awesome and courageous a young woman you are!
Ditto to what Christine said. You are a wonderful, brave, courageous young woman who deserves so much credit and happiness for what you are doing and what you have been through. I am so proud of you.
Good luck with exams. I hope all goes well. Keep us updated, and, of course, let us know when the big day arrives! Best of luck. You're in my prayers.
Hiya hon! Good to hear from you again! It sounds like things are very hectic right now for you. I hope that things settle soon.
Things are only going to get more cramped! (((Hugs))) for you! Talk to me at 33 weeks. Anxious LOL
Good luck with the exams. Post when they are all done and let us know how they all went!
kaitlin,
I give you my sympathy as far as exams go.
My kids just got done and I think I was just as glad as they were. One studies his brains out, the other is distracted by dust Shocked , and the other one reads and reads but doesn't retain anything it seems.
Anyways it is done and they all passed.
Are you going to the doctor more often now? How are things going with friends? Your parents seem to be handling this as well as they can be expected too. Being a parent myself of teenagers, I can understand their concerns for you.
Hi....I dont know it anyone else has been wondering about Kaitlin, but i sure have! I know she's due PRETTY soon, so jsut keeping her in our prayers i guess! Have you heard from her Rose?...hmm i miss her and i pray she's doing well and reading for the birth of her baby (i have a feeling it's going to be a boy...how about you guys?)
I just sent her an email, so we'll see. Smile I haven't heard from her. I hope she's doing well and getting excited!
Hello everyone!!
Sorry I haven’t written in so looooooooong….but things have been crazy!! I'm sorry if I worried any of you!! I’ve been doing all of these preparations for when the baby comes…I have a bit of time to write, so I thought I’d give you an update. As you can all probably imagine, I’m HUGE!!! I thought that I was big a few months ago, but now I know that I’m huge because friends/family/customers/random people are always like, “wow! You’re huge!! Are you due any day now?” and I just shake my head and tell them that I’m not due for almost a month…Which, at this point, seems like forever. My feet and hands are swollen, mostly my feet though. Smallfry isn’t moving around as much because I’m sure that there’s no more room for him/her to dance, but that doesn’t stop him/her from sleeping with an elbow/foot/hand/knee pushing against my ribcage. I try and massage my belly to make it move, but that doesn’t really work. I just get more pressure on my poor ribs. I’m going to have to give it a good talking to. I’ve decided where I’m going to have the baby and have gone to check out the Maternity Ward to make things a bit less stressful (because I have an anxiety disorder…L) So I’m keeping my fingers crossed and am hoping that everything goes well. What can I say? I want this baby to come out A.S.A.P. so that I can finally meet him/her, but I also don’t want him/her to come out because then that means that my pregnancy will be over and that I’m going to be a single mom…
Guess what? I met a guy, Mike, and he’s so sweet. We’ve been friends for a long time, so “met” probably isn’t the right term, but as soon as he found out about my rape/pregnancy, he’s totally changed. He’s become very overprotective of Smallfry and I and he’s been so involved in my pregnancy…I was really resistant towards him at first because I’m fiercely independent, but I started letting him in about the time that I stopped writing you guys and he’s just…perfect. He’s taken me to all of my appointments whenever my parents couldn’t drive me. He just wants to be there for Smallfry and I, even though he has been getting a lot of comments from his friends. But he’s started to see who his real friends are, just like I did all those weeks ago. He even bought me some things for the baby and told me that if I ever need anything to call his cell which he leaves on all the time for me, which I think is sweet. I asked him to be there in the delivery room with me. And at first I felt kind of freaked out about asking him to be there, but as soon as the words left my mouth he said yes without hesitating for a second. He’s just the kind of guy that movies are made about. But what I love the most about him is that we just hang out at his place and watch movies and he’ll rub my feet or back if I’m sore or get things for me…he doesn’t want me doing a lot of physical stuff. He’s so sweet and he doesn’t want anything from me which is such a refreshing change from some of the other people around me. He even held my hand when I really cried about my rape. I finally told him about and then I cried…and I hate crying…but he just held my hand and made comforting noises to me. Now that I know that it’s like to have a friend like him, I don’t know what I’d do without him. My parents really like him now, too. They liked him before, but now he’s family. He comes over and just walks through the front door and says hi to everyone and makes himself at home. I like that. So I’m rambling, but I get to ramble because I’m pregnant and pregnant women tend to ramble.
I woke up on Sunday morning in a total panic!! I thought I was in labour (again) because I was having contractions…so I woke up my Mom and called Mike…my Mom was timing the contractions when Mike came over and then he took over so that my Mom could throw a bag together in case I really was in labour…thankfully after about an hour of irregular contractions they subsided and of course I couldn’t sleep, so Mike and I chatted while my Mom made some breakfast. I know that I probably sound like every other delusional pregnant teen, but Mike isn’t trying to be my “lover” or the father of this baby, just the best friend a girl could ever ask for….and sure I have feelings for him, but he hasn’t pushed me to do anything. He never has pushed me to do anything that I didn’t want to…except to study hard for my exams. He took time out of his studying to help motivate me to get a move of my work and stop procrastinating. But he was forgiven for that when I got my results. My average was a 91%....which is the highest average that I’ve ever had.
I’ve been told that I’m having a girl by the shape of my stomach and the way I’m carrying the baby…but I think that it’s a boy. I know that this sounds cliché, but I don’t care as long as the baby is healthy. Honestly, everything else falls by the wayside.
Well—I’m going to go and take a nap for a little while….I’m beat!!!! I hope to hear from you soon!! I missed “talking” to you guys. I’m sorry that I haven’t written in such a long time. I hope all is well in your lives!! Take care and I’ll (hopefully) write again soon.
Smallfry & Kaitlin
P.S.--> I promise to write again soon....not like last time. Sorry!!
Hi Kaitlin,
Thanks for the update! As I'm sure you know, we've been thinking about you and wondering how you're doing. Almost a month...hang in there, kiddo, you can do it. I think it's a good thing that having a baby is a little scary. That's the only thing that makes you able to deal with staying pregnant that extra month. Smile
I'm so happy to hear about your friend Mike. He sounds like a great guy. I remember it being so nice that some of my guy friends would be protective of me and really want to take care of me even more than my girl friends. Maybe it's a guy thing to be protective. It feels good to have someone take care of you like that, though. I'm glad you have him. And it's an added bonus that you're family likes him, too. How awesome! It sounds like things are really falling into place for you, and I'm so happy for that.
Will you be able to finish the school year? Or will you miss the last few weeks. How will you work that out? Great job on your exams, by the way! I was never that motivated, even when I wasn't pregnant!
Keep us posted, we love hearing from you. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Very glad to hear from you...Was worried. Sounds like you really have it all together now and are excited about having your baby. This guy sounds like he has real potential for "something more" later on down the road. Don't worry about that though. Just focus on having your your baby and being a good mommy. Everything else will fall into place on its own. (((hugs)))
So good to hear from you again! Smile I'm glad everything is going so well for you, and it sounds like Mike is being very good to you, and you deserve that.
Please do post again soon to let us know how you're doing. You don't have long now, but I know that last month drags on horribly. (((Hugs)))
Wow!!
Thanks for the amazing responses. I thought that you would have forgotten all about Smallfry and I since I didn't write in such a long time...It really does make things a bit better knowing that I have somewhere that I can go and vent/rant/talk, etc. Thanks for being there over the past eight months. I know that without your help and guidance I wouldn't have made the same decisions that I did. And I'm so thankful because I know that what I'm doing is the right thing and I'm at peace with all of the decisions I've made.
But you're right Rose, this next month is going to be a loooooooooong one!! lol!! I already don't think I can grow any bigger...but I seem to keep getting bigger and bigger (to my horror and amazement...) My brother calles me "Duckie" because (according to him) I waddle like a duck. But what do you expect when I look like a transport truck?! Hee hee hee!!
And I realize just how blessed to have Mike...and there really is definate "something more" potential there...but not for a while. I'm focusing on Smallfry.
I'm not in school this semester. I think that it would be WAY too much for me at the moment. But I've decided (after much persusation from Mike and my friends) that I will go to prom with them. I wasn't sure...I mean, I'm going to have a tiny baby at home, but I don't want to miss this. It's a "once in a lifetime" thing and I'm looking forward to it. I've also decided NOT to kill myself to lose all the baby weight because it's probably not the healthiest thing to do and also because I just want to enjoy being around the baby...I'm in no hurry.
Alright...I'm going to get going. I've gotta take a shower and then I'm going to bed (how pathetic is that? Oh well...) I'll talk to you all soon. Thanks again for remembering us!! 'Night!!
You should go to prom. It was a miracle that i was able to attend mine and even though it totally sucked, I didnt have to wonder...I can always say I went. I went with a friend and even though it was far from romantic, i am glad that i did go.
Kaitlin
I say go to prom too! Enjoy yourself and be a teenager with limits of course Very Happy
Hey guys,
I just wanted to give a quick shout out to all of you before the baby comes.
I can’t believe it…my due date is this Saturday…I think I’m a bit shell shocked at the moment. I have my bag packed, I have another one with stuff for the baby that my Mom is going to bring after the birth of Smallfry. I’m so scared. I know that everything will work out, but…I don’t know….I just have no idea what to expect. Will the baby be healthy? Will I have to have a C-Section? Will I be able to do this? Will Mike be able to be there? Will I be able to handle a baby? Am I ready for this? How will I feel looking at my baby for the first time? Will I see my rapists face every time I look at him/her? Will I be a good mother? Sometimes it feels like I have a hurricane going on inside my head. I can’t make heads or tails of my thoughts.
Mike is keeping his phone on all the time now, even in class. His teachers are the best. They know Mike and I, so they don’t care. Mike’s parents got his this old, ugly car so that he’ll be able to get to the hospital anytime (I thought that that was sweet.) I went over to Mike’s house because I had to get out for a little while (I‘ve been going a bit stir crazy) and his Mom was completely shocked to see how huge I am. So we sat down and chatted for a while about the births of her kids (Mike and his younger brother) and it comforted me. His whole family loves me and I love them all so much too. Once they found out I was pregnant, they didn’t pass judgement or anything. They treated me the same as always. Not like I was an irresponsible slut or anything like that. And then they heard about my rape from a friend of Mike’s and didn’t treat me differently. They didn’t pity me, they didn’t look at me with sad eyes and that’s all I’ve ever asked of anyone. But what I love the most about my house and Mike’s house: they still treat me like a member of the family. I still have to put my dishes away, help cook dinner once a week, change my rabbit’s cage, etc. They won’t let me lift heavy things or exert myself, and if I’m too tired to make dinner or clean my rabbit’s cage, they’ll do it for me. I am trying to pull my weight in the house and they’re letting me do it. It may not be much to some people, but it really matters to me.
Mike asked me to the prom and I said yes. I made up my mind to go…so I’ll let you know how that goes. OH!! And guess what?! Two Saturday’s my sister came home from school to take me out for lunch for my birthday, but when we got to the restaurant I nearly went into labour. All of my friends, family, co-workers, etc. were all there for a baby shower/18th birthday party!!!!!!!! I couldn’t believe that I have no idea at all. I always thought that I would know, especially since I’m home all the time, but I had no clue whatsoever!!!!! It was amazing. My grandfather (the one with Alzheimer’s disease) found a bassinette that he had made back in the 1940’s for my aunt. (Well…I think my Mom found it for him and suggested to my Grandfather to give it to me…lol!!) And I cried when I saw it. My Grandfather was amazing at wood working. He’s made tables, chairs, dressers, etc. and this bassine5tte was his best work that I’ve seen. It’s a beautiful golden brown colour that took him 6 moths to hand carve. It was absolutely phenomenal!! I have such a great time!! It was so good to see all the people I know and love all come together for me!! It was one of the nicest days f my life and I’ll never forget it as long as I live.
Okay, I’m going to go. I’m having some mild (but irregular) contractions. I’m keeping my fingers crossed. If you don’t hear from me for a while, then I’ve had the baby. =S I’ll try to write later. I’m going to try and have a bath or something to make the contractions go away. And if they are still here in an hour then I’ll call my Mom at work. We’ll see. Wish me luck!!
Woohoo! I'm so excited! I hope you don't post tomorrow...you need to have that baby!
Trust me - those fears are so normal. Once you see your little one though, maternal instincts kick in, and (for the most part) things come naturally. I think you're going to be a great mother - you have what is needed most...love. It gets rough at some points, but it sounds like you have a lot of support around you, and that will help tons.
Post soon - but not too soon!
Good luck, kiddo! We'll be thinking about you! I'm so glad that everyone around you is being so supportive. That is so awesome! Don't worry too much about the birth...you'll be fine. Just do what the doctor says and you'll do great. When I had my first, I was a little scared to hold her because she was so tiny. It was not a planned pregnancy and I had really mixed emotions. It doesn't take longer than 1 minute, literally, and you can't fathom how you could love someone so much. Although my situation was slightly different from yours, I also worried about her looking like the father. I think God has a wonderful way of protecting us that way. (At least for me He did) I have not once thought that I saw any feature of his in her. She is totally 100% me. Although now that she's 8, sometimes I'd like to be able to blame someone else for certain traits of hers...lol. Anyway, I wouldn't worry about that, either. Your baby is an innocent little individual, his/her own little self, and you will love him/her unconditionally anyway.
So cool about your shower and the bassinette. That is so awesome! I always think those are the best gifts! And prom....have fun! When is that? Far enough away to give you a little recovery time I hope!
Anyway, I wish you the best, I'll be thinking about you and saying prayers that everything goes well. Tiny hugs and kisses to Smallfry and a little welcome into the world. Give Mike a big hug, too, for being such an awesome guy! He deserves that! Update when you can - I can't wait to hear your news!
Okay…that was yet ANOTHER false alarm. I’m tired of those. Rolling Eyes I want the real thing to happen A.S.A.P. because as much as I’m scared about Smallfry coming…I’m pretty uncomfortable…okay…A LOT uncomfortable, plus my balance seems to have left me completely. I feel like a beached whale. I’m sooo big that I’m having a hard time doing much now. I have a bit of a hard time catching my breath…I can’t get my rings on…but whatever. It’ll all be over soon (hopefully!!). I can’t imagine being overdue…A friend of the family was TWO WEEKS overdue and then had a THREE day labour. Ouch!
But you’re right. Mike is one of the best things to happen to me since my rape. We were always friends before…but he’s totally changed. He’s so caring and protective. Very paternal. You should have seen his face the first time Smallfry kicked. His eyes were the size of saucers and his mouth was shaped like an “o”. Then he broke out in this huge grin and laughed…it was so sweet.
And to answer your question Chris, prom is in about a month and a half (whew!!). So that’ll be enough time for me to bond and get used to Smallfry and it’ll probably be my first “big” outing after the birth.
This Saturday afternoon coming up my best friend’s brother is having a party at a hall to celebrate his Confirmation…and I’m going to go (provided that Smallfry doesn’t arrive before then). But don’t worry because the hospital is literally two minutes away (a lot closer then my house ) This way I’ll have something good to look forward to either way. Smallfry’s birth, or a get together with a lot of close friends and family. I’m going to wear this amazing black dress (because it’s really nice…and the only one that I can still fit into comfortably). It’s the beautiful, stretchy black fabric that goes to just below my knees with spaghetti straps…just a plain black dress…but it looks really elegant. And I have these amazing strappy sandals that are sooo comfortable with a tiny heel. It’s going to be tons of fun. But I doubt that I’m going to be standing for much of it. Lol!! My parents weren’t sure that I should go, and Mike was completely against it, but I told them that I would let them know if I wanted to leave at anytime or if I started having contractions. Plus, I kept telling them that I would be closer to the hospital then if I had been at home, so they finally relented. But I’m going to bring my bag so that (if by some freak of nature) I go into labour, I’ll have everything that I need with me. Mike is going to be my date for the evening, so I’m looking forward to this party…It’s going to be tons of fun. woohoo yahoo Something to do to try and occupy my mind….because sitting around the house isn’t doing it for me.
My Mom and I finished all of the last odds and ends for Smallfry’s arrival which made me feel more at ease. I put the final touches on the nursery…but I still find myself in there a lot. Thinking about things in my life…and there are lots of things to think of. But I’m feeling some inner peace with myself and all of the things going on around me. Everything is falling into place now, which is really nice.
Sorry about getting your hopes up about Smallfry’s almost birth. I was really hoping for it to time. Oh well. Smallfry is already taking on some of my personality traits…especially my stubbornness. Lol!!! Take care and I’ll keep you posted on everything. Thanks again for all of your help, support, prayers, thoughts, opinions, love and advice. It means the world to me. Take care and hopefully, the next time I talk to you I’ll be able to tell you what Smallfry looks like and how the birth went. (I’m keeping my fingers crossed!!)
Love, Kaitlin & Smallfry
P.S.--> Does anyone know how to naturally induce labour? Just in case I can’t wait any longer…lol…I’m so impatient now! bandhead Ha ha ha ha ha!!
I hesitate to mention it but just for giggles, sex will sometimes knock baby loose LMAO Laughing I wouldnt recommend asking Mike to volunteer for this though Wink 2 things YOU can do to try to bring on labor are riding in the car on a bumpy road and doing nipple stimulation. This releases a natural hormone that can produce uterine contractions (not unlike an orgasm). Might want to talk to your doc b4 trying the nipple stimulation as it has been known to trigger quite strong contractions. Best of luck sweetie Very Happy
When I was pregnant, I tried all the old wives' tales on trying to induce labor. I tried driving down a bumpy road, jumping on the bed, and I even tried castor oil (YUCK! don't do this - it doesn't work and it just tastes nasty!!).
One thing that helped me was to remember that the baby would come when it was ready to, when it was healthy enough to live outside the womb, and no matter how uncomfortable I was (and I was!!) every day inside me made the baby that much healthier when it came out. Try to be patient (I know that patience is a virtue, but it's definately not one of MY traits!! LOL) and enjoy the peace and quiet. Life happens so fast as it is, don't rush it Smile
I look forward to hearing that Smallfry is here Smile
Thanks for the tips...but Smallfry STILL isn't here. Jeeze. Confused I'm still hoping that I'll be one of those rare cases where I actually have the baby on my due date...lol. *sigh* Embarassed but oh well...I guess I'll have to develop some patience. Anxious But I don't know how much longer I'll be able to wait. Seriously. And I'm sorry for conplaining so much, but I'm having a hard time sleeping, eating, sitting, standing, walking, and pretty much anything else that I try to do. Neutral I'll talk to you later...thanks for the input!!
awww you poor thing! I can't imagine! I only made it to 34 weeks with the twins and that was unbearable! You are definately in my thoughts and prayers....and i'm pretty sure you had smallfry today Wink lots and lots of love to you and that little one and i hope we dont hear from you in a little while!! (but dont be a stranger now!!!!)
Well…I’m getting ready to either cry or laugh. Smallfry STILL isn’t here. So I started going for long walks (“started” isn’t the right word…more like “continued”), have eaten spicy food (which I made after my walk and loved…(but didn’t do much other then causing some mild heartburn…) tried acupressure (to roof of my mouth and in between my fingers), drank cinnamon stick tea and actually consumed castor oil (which was SO disgusting!! Ick!!! That is something that I will NEVER try again…I don’t care if I’m overdue by three years…) But Smallfry seems completely determined to stay in there as long as possible…even if it means hanging onto the placenta for dear life.
But I’m past the point of caring right now. I figure it’ll come in his/her own time. I’ll just be waiting as a mammoth-sized blimp until then…an extremely uncomfortable, irritable mammoth-sized blimp…but waiting nonetheless.
Say a prayer for us please…for Smallfry…but especially for my sanity. I don’t know how much longer I can wait. My OBGYN says it’ll be any day, but he isn’t the one carrying 27 pounds on his stomach…oh well.
The confirmation party was a blast too. We all went on Saturday…had a great time. I even got up to dance…figuring that it may be able to help shake Smallfry loose. It was so much fun!! I laughed so much that I’m sure I will probably have abs by the end of the pregnancy. It was amazing seeing everyone there…but they were all in shock at (a) how big I was and (b) that the baby wasn’t here yet. All I could think of was saying, “Yeah, you’re telling me!!!!” And then there were wagers as to when I’ll go into labour, how long I’ll be in labour, the time of the birth, the sex of the baby, and all that other good fun. I don’t care as long as it’s soon.
Well—I’m finished rambling now…I just had to get those frustrations out there so that I don’t snap at anyone….again. lol!! Thanks again for your prayers and for listening to me yet again.
Kaitlin & a very reluctant Smallfry
((((Hugs)))) I'm so sorry Smallfry isn't hear yet! I remember going nuts, and Evie got induced at 38 weeks! Did your doctor try stripping your membranes? That sometimes gets things going. You could also tell him you'd like to try nipple stimulation. That often starts contractions. The other stuff generally doesn't work. Wink
I hope today is the day! You'll be in my prayers hon.
Kaitlin,
You sound great and at the same time exasparated Very Happy
You are so right, that smallfry will come when then time is right. All these things you are doing may help in the length of delivery though. But this is only a maybe. Otherwise try vaccuming. I did that when my labour first started, and it helped to bring in on stronger, but then again this was with our sixth child, that may make a difference.
Just remember nobody has ever stayed pregnant forever, so it will come and you won't be in this for too much longer.
She had to have had the baby by now! HURRY and update Kaitlin!
*deep breath* Embarassed
Well...on Wednesday I was out for a short walk pregoo (since that all I can manage these days) and started to feel contractions....but I didn't want everyone to get too excited since I'm had a couple of false alarms...so I went straight home and took a shower (because I wasn't going to the hospital with greasy hair and all) so I had a hot shower, tried to relax a bit and then got out and decided that I was going to call my Mom and Mike. So I did and both of them got here in record time. So while I was waiting, my Dad kept saying, "you should be lying down, or at least sitting!!", but I couldn't sit, I was having an adrenalin rush, yahoo woohoo so I went upstairs, made my bed, packed a few last minute things (toothbrush, pillow, etc.) while I waited (and my Dad hovered in the background). Then when both Mike and my Mom were here we went to the hospital.
I was surprisingly calm the whole time...Angel...so we got to the hospital and I was admitted because of my age and because I'm past my due date, and hooked my up to a fetal monitor and they told me that Smallfry's heartbeat was strong and regular and to not worry because the baby is fine, and to worry about myself and getting Smallfry out into the world safely. So the doctor came in and did an exam and said that I was 2 cm dilated...that's it. So I got ready for the long haul...pulled out my iPod, a good book, and started breathing through the contractions. Pray They weren't as bad as I thought they would be, but after a few hours I was still at about 2-3 cm... cussing bandhead angryfire ...so they decided to keep me overnight to see how things progressed, and let's just say that not much happened and the contractions eventually went away to my shock and, I'll admit it, my dismay. Crying or Very sad So they decided to send me home and wait until next week and then they're going to induce. So that's going to be on Tuesday. Hopefully sooner!! Needless to say, no one got much sleep that night and I'm disappointed. And impatient. Even though Tuesday is only three days away, it feels like forever.
Gosh...I don't know what else to say...I'm sorry I didn't write sooner, but I haven't had a lot of energy as of late. So to answer your questions, no Smallfry hasn't been born, and it looks like it intends to keep it that way. At least until Tuesday. But I'm not going out for walks anymore...I haven't gotten the time or energy for that right now and I'm nervous that I might go into labour while on a walk. Which is stupid, especially since I know that I won't suddenly be into the third stage of labour, but still...I don't want to risk it...you know? My whole family is home...my sister is done university for the summer, so it's nice to be around family. But I've decided that I want my Mom, Dad, Mike and my best friend, Victoria to be there...that's it. I don't know if my Dad wants to be there, so I've made it clear to him that if he doesn't want to be there then that's fine, but he said that he was there for all of our births, so he's used to it. He's so cute.
A friend of the family was just told that he has 6-14 months to live. He has cancer and they just found out about it a few months ago; however it spread to some vital organs (his lungs, stomach, liver, etc.)...but, they really aren't sure when the "clock" started ticking, but we are all really worried about him. His son is only 8. So that's proving to be stressful on everyone. He doesn't deserve it. He really doesn't. But I'm still in shock about that. I'm not feeling much (emotionally) at the moment about his cancer news...and I do feel guilty about that...but I'm trying to stay positive because the thought of him dying....has made me really scared...I remember my grandmother telling me about how her first child was smothered during the birth...and I hear stories about mothers dying during labour....and yes, I do know that that doesn't happen nearly as often today...but I guess that's just my mind messing with me. Do you think it's too early to make a will? I know I'm only 18, but I want to make arrangements for Smallfry, just in case. I think it may give me peace of mind. Does that sound stupid? I'm not sure anymore. I'm over thinking everything at this point. That seems to be all I can do these days...think. Think
I'm going to go take a shower...calm down. Relax. I'll keep you all informed and I'll post before Tuesday since Smallfry seems determined to be forced out... whistle
Thanks for the thoughts/prayers.
Talk to you soon!!
Kaitlin & Smallfry
You poor thing...well smallfry will come when he is ready. I had the same thing happen where i was in labor FOREVER, except they didnt send me home, they did a c-section because I never got past 3 cm. However, in my case they had already broken the water so they had to get him out or risk infection. I hope that doesnt happen to you but if it does, no worries. It could have been much worse. I am so sorry to hear about your friend. He will be in my prayers for sure. Try to rest as much as possible and remember, he cannot be in there forever
I remember being a week past due with my daughter and how miserable it was. Hopefully you go into labor on your own, though, and hopefully before Tuesday. As miserable as it is, try to remember to just relax and take it easy, because once Smallfry makes his/her appearance, there won't be much rest and relaxation for awhile. I think the thoughts you're having about a will, etc., are normal for when you have a baby, but probably more so since the news about your family's friend. Since you are 18 you can legally have a will drawn up, maybe you don't even have to be 18 if you're a parent....I don't know. It never hurts to be prepared, although at age 30 with 4 children, I still haven't had one done. I wouldn't be too stressed about it. And yes, the chances of something happening to you during childbirth are rare. Everything will be fine and you'll do great. I was surprised to hear that even though you're past due they didn't just keep you and induce you. Oh well, like the others have been saying, he/she won't stay in there forever. You're in my thoughts and prayers, hopefully things happen soon and go very smoothly. Post again when you can.
Well—today is the day!! Yeah!! I can’t believe it!! I’m waiting to go to the hospital to be induced. I’ll be heading over there in about 45 minutes…the strange thing is that I’ve been feeling a bit of tightness in my lower abdomen/groin area. Is that on of the beginning stages of labour? It’s just a dull aching…more like discomfort then anything else…but I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Maybe that means that they won’t have to induce me. Needless to say I didn’t sleep much over the past 48 hours…I’m worried, but I’m even more excited. The nursery is all set up, everything is ready…so to pass the time I watched a movie and then “Grey’s Anatomy” with Mike…do you guys watch it?? I was crying so hard!! Maybe it’s the hormones, maybe it’s just because it was such a touching episode…I’m not sure. But afterwards, I had a nice long cry. I haven’t had a nice, long cry in a long time. It was when I told Mike about the rape…And when the episode ended and I was still crying Mike got a bit nervous. He thought that maybe I was in labour, or that I was having second thought about having a baby (even though it’s a little late for that…) but when I told him we just laughed. But he let me lie there and cry while he stroked my hair and said comforting things. Afterwards I felt a lot better…but a little foolish. But of course I couldn’t sleep…so we sat up and talked for a while…it was HOLY SHIT!!! I think my water just broke!! Jesus!! It’s all over my chair and the floor. Oh my god! I have to go. I’m going to change…Mike’s running into the room. Oh my god. This baby is coming. Wish me luck!!!
Oh my goodness! Smile That was pretty exciting! LOL! You'll be in my thoughts and prayers today hon. How cool your water broke on Choice to Live With...lmbo.
I can't WAIT to hear all about Smallfry!
How cool! I wish you a quick easy labor sweetie! God be with you and baby. Have Mike update ASAP! Luv you.
Woohoo! Dancing I'm so excited!!!! Can't wait to hear the details! Hope you're all well. Post when you can.
I can't wait to hear that smallfry is finally here! Although by now, he/she probably already is! Post soon and let us know all about him/her!
kaitlin,
How very exciting and to happen while writing to all of us. This is definetly a first. Let us know. We can't wait to hear. I hope you didn't have to be induced after all.
Our hugs can be a little smaller now, we just need to give two of them Laughing
Okay Kaitlyn...starting to get impatient over here! Hurry and post about the birth already. Smile ((((Hugs))))
AAAGH! i want to hear from Kaitlin! It's been over a month already! I know it's a busy time but come one!! I'm dying of anticipation!
Hey everyone!!!!
These are the two posts that I wrote a long time ago...so I just put them together in one post. I always write them and then get busy and forget about them...sorry!!!
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Wow!!!!! I can't believe that it's been about two months since I last wrote you guys. Sorry. Things have been crazy (as you can imagine!!) I just wanted you to know that it's taken me about a month to write all of this. I would start and finish a few sentences and then the baby would be up screaming…or I'd try and squeeze in a quick shower or nap…or try and chill with Mike, my parents, etc. I'm sure that you all know what that's like!! Lol!! Hmmm….my last post my water broke while I was writing. I started freaking out and called Mike over…tried to finish my post…but it probably didn't make much sense. I sent it and then called my Mom on her cell and asked her if she knew where my Dad was, but she didn't. Needless to say, I started to freak out!! Thankfully, Mike was almost totally calm, so he told me to go and lay down and start timing my contractions (which had started…) so I sat down (since I was too pumped up to lay down) and started timing them. I made the decision to stay at home until my Mom got home which was about 45 minutes since there was an accident on the highway. By the time my Mom came running in the door, Mike has put my bag in the trunk of the car, grabbed my iPod, book, toothbrush, and other last minute things and my Mom and Mike were trying to convince me to go to the hospital, but I wanted to wait for my Dad. It's not like the baby was just going to pop out or anything…I waited an hour, but then decided that I was just going to go.
I got to the hospital as the contractions were making themselves known…it wasn't too bad…just painful…but manageable. I checked in and was brought into my room which had two beds, but the other one was empty because apparently it was a slow day…The nurse strapped a fetal monitor to my stomach and put in an I.V. and checked my vitals, etc. The doctor came in and checked me and I was about 4 cm dilated…so I was getting ready for a bit of a wait, but kept asking for my Dad…I wanted him to be there. So Mike asked the doctor how long it was going to be and his response was "it'll be a while yet" so Mike went to try and find my Dad (his cell phone was off…grrr!)
So my Mom was telling me all about her three deliveries to try and pass the time…then we just talked…well, she was talking and I was trying to convince myself that the contractions weren't that bad. About two and a half hours later I was only 4.5 cm dilated, so the nurse asked me if I wanted to have some medication to make my labour progress faster, but my Dad wasn't there, so I said no, but chose to have an epidural. So the anesthesiologist came and put the epidural in…which was painful because he had to stop every time I had a contraction, but he did an amazing job…and then we waited. And waited. And waited. Two hours later I wasn't progressing anymore.
About a half an hour after the Smallfry's heart rate started to drop so the nurse rolled me onto my side and tried to make it go back to normal, but it kept dropping…I was so scared that my baby was dying. After all that I had been through, the rape, the discovery of my pregnancy, telling all my family and friends, the nine months of pregnancy and growing so attached to the little one growing inside me I started freaking out. I started to recognize the signs of a panic attack coming on and I couldn't stop it for the life of me. I was hyperventilating and crying and then my hands and feet went numb. The nurse kept telling me to try and calm down, but I couldn't breathe or think and worst of all: my baby was in distress. So they immediately decided that for the health of my baby and I, that they were going to do an emergency C-Section. My poor mother was so scared. She was totally white, shaking and looked 20 years older in those minutes. But the nurses were so nice! Since it had been pretty quiet, two nurses prepared me for the C-Section and got me to sign a release while a third nurse held onto one hand and whispered comforting things to me. She stayed by my side the entire time. Her name is Julie and she calmed me down (which calmed my Mom down) and then told me that they were going to wheel me into the O.R. while my Mom changed into scrubs. Julie held my hand the entire time while my Mom was gone. But even when I was being rushed into the O.R., Smallfry was still in distress. The whole C-Section took about five minutes to get the baby out. Then all was quiet in the room for what seemed like forever (but it was only about 10-15 seconds) and then I heard my baby cry…a quiet squawking and then a beautifully loud scream. That's when I started crying. Mike was there in the room on my left side and my Mom was on the right…it was such a beautiful moment when they doctor said, "Kaitlin, you have a beautiful, healthy baby girl!!" And while the doctor finished the C-Section, the nurse brought over my daughter. And I have to admit that I was really apprehensive…what if I looked at my daughter and there was my rapist looking down at me…but you were right…I saw no trace of him whatsoever!! That was the biggest relief that I think I may have even let out a sigh.
But she is the most beautiful baby that I've ever seen!!!!!! (And yes, I know that every mother probably says that…but she is!!!!) She was 6 pounds, 4 ½ ounces, has eyes the colour of blueberries, a tiny bit of light brown hair and she had really long fingernails. My Mom and I laughed about that…it's odd….but it just fits….she's odd (just like her Mom!!) After the doctor was finished with the C-Section, I was wheeled into recovery and crashed. I didn't realize just how tired I really was until I couldn't keep my eyes open. But thankfully everything went off without a hitch!
The next morning came one of the hardest things: picking out a name. I had thought that, if the baby was a girl, I was going to call her Abigail Marisol (or the other way around…depending on how she looked), but it just didn't fit. So my Mom broke out the worn baby name book, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't pick a name. All I wanted was to cuddle with my little one and try to get to know her. My Mom (being the considerate woman that she is) ushered my Dad out of the room so that I could be alone with her. I spent a little while with her, just cuddling and holding her when my nurse came in and tried to show me how to breast-feed the baby…yeah, *snort*, riiiiiiite…needless to say it was a total disaster and I couldn't get the hang of it for a while….but it eventually worked…on the third try. After another one of those sessions we cuddled…it seemed like only minutes, but it had really been a lot longer then that. Finally the door opened and I heard a lot of voices …and in came my lunch, so I fed the baby (who was allowed to stay in my room for the days), ate my lunch and then came that people. My brother, sister, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbours, friends, classmates, co-workers…pretty much everyone and the kitchen sink came to say hi to the newest edition to my family in the first three days. Finally after a while a nurse came in and shooed everyone away in order for me to feed the baby and get a nap. When I woke up from my nap, I opened my eyes and the baby wasn't in her little hospital issue bassinette…and I freaked. I sat up way too fast (which KILLED!!!) only to find Mike sitting beside the bed holding the baby and talking in one of those strange baby talk voices. I slowly lay back down and just talked to Mike while he held my daughter. Then I pulled out the baby name book and we started to go over names. After over an hour, I had decided on her name. *drum roll, please* Her first name is Elena (which means "the bright one") and her middle name is Charlotte (which means "petite and feminine"). They fit her so perfectly. Thankfully, Mike was there to bounce ideas off of…otherwise I might have made the wrong choice. Then, while I was eating my cold dinner, I realized that visiting hours were way past finished, so I asked him how he was still there, and he told me that my Mom had told the nurse that he was the father of my baby when they tried to kick him out!!! MY MOTHER of all people!!!! But I guess that just goes to show how much my parents accept Mike as a member of the family…but still it cracked me up. When I asked her why she didn't just say that he was my brother….she looked at me and said, "does he look like a brother….he looks nothing like our family". Julie came in soon after and took Elena Charlotte off to the nursery, I said goodnight to a tired Mike and fell asleep…but Mike waited for me to fall asleep before he left.
So now that I've bored you with all of these details, I'm going to let you go…mainly because Elena is up and I don't want her to wake my parents (it's a little bit after 1 a.m.). Take care and I'll try and write soon…
Kaitlin & Elena Charlotte =-D
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Hello everyone!!
I just put Elena down so I have a few minutes!! I haven't been able to make it onto the Choice to Live With site, so I've been sending my updates to Rose.
So what's new with us?? Where to begin?!? Elena it growing more beautiful each time I blink. Tomorrow morning we have a check up with the doctor, so I'll let you know how that goes!
Prom was amazing!! I actually fit into my dress and looked pretty good (if I do say so myself) and Mike took me!! Needless to say, I called the house a million times to check on Elena...my Mom eventually said that she'll call me if anything goes wrong and reminded me that she's already successfully raised 3 children and that we all turned out okay. It was really sweet...the night held a lot of great memories that will last me a lifetime. I took a million pictures and most people seemed fairly excited to see me...there were a lot of questions about the labour/delivery, Elena, my 'hectic' life (that was their term, not mine), etc. Of course I brought a few pictures of Elena (what new mother doesn't have a picture of their newborn/kids??). Some people were really fake about how "happy" they were at seeing me. Those were the people that dropped me as soon as they found out I was pregnant...but as soon as I started to get bothered, Mike took me aside and told me just to forget about them--that they weren't worth getting upset over...I already knew that...but I guess that I just needed to hear it from someone else. Dinner was pretty good...the hall looked amazing!! Then they had the first dance which was "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain (one of my favouite slow songs), so Mike and I danced to that. It was an amazing feeling. It was like there was no one else there. Everything just fit at that moment. Listen to me--I sound like a 13 year old girl at her first school dance...but it's like we just…fit. The rest of the night I spent dancing my heart out--I didn't care what I looked like, I just had an amazing night!!
After the actual prom finished, we all went back to Mike's place and had a party. Some of us went swimming in his pool, while others just chilled in the hot tub...it was a lot like old times, which was really nice.
After the party I went home and checked on Elena (who was fine, of course!) and then took a shower (since I couldn't sleep) and packed for the weekend. I decided to go to my friend's cottage with about 10 people (Mike was going too), so I pumped enough breast-milk for the weekend (and let me tell you...that was...odd), and it turns out, I pumped too much (there was extra left over...I was only gone Saturday morning to Sunday night, but I thought better safe then sorry), left my cell, the cottage number and the cell numbers of the people that were going to be there, made some last minute arrangements and then went to my friends house and we all got into her van (Mike included) and hit the road. To tell you the truth, I didn't want to go, but my Mom convinced me to do this--she said that if I didn't I would regret it, plus, the cottage was only an hour and a half away.
On the way up, I was awake for the Timmies run (your equivalent to Starbucks), had my morning coffee and then chatted it up with my girlfriends and for a while there I forgot about every bad thing that had ever happened in my life. I felt like a normal 18 year old girl sitting in the back of a van with the guy I was crushing over and talking to the only real friends I have. I felt like my rape, pregnancy, birth, baby, stresses/problems were a thousand kilometers away. I felt free. Free of responsibility. Free of worries. Free of drama.
We stopped about half way there to stretch our legs and take a bathroom break. I was walking through this field (behind some old diner) soaking up the sun, smelling the fresh air...just generally enjoying myself--when my girlfriend Jackie came jogging up beside me and asked if I wanted anything from the diner, but I didn't and neither did she. So we walked for a bit and then she turned to me and said something like, "You know, Mike's been pretty quiet on the way up...is he feeling okay? He hasn't even talked much to Matt." I thought he was okay, but he had been a bit quiet, so when we got into the van I asked him if he was okay and he said that he was, so I left it at that. If he wanted to talk he could do that at anytime, and I knew he knew that too. Eventually, I fell asleep for the rest of the way up to the cottage, but I assumed that I would be woken when we got there. But that wasn't the case. Everyone got out and unpacked the van while I was sleeping, and then Mike woke me up...but he had this weird look in his eyes. I don't know how to explain it, other then to say he looked...like he had a lot on his mind and he couldn't make a decision...
So we went into the cottage and everyone wanted to go for a swin in the lake, so we did and it was great! The guys played water football, some of the girls came swimming, others tanned, some madee lunch (we all ended up making one meal and cleaning after one meal). After lunch, I took some time tanning, since my legs are SOOOOOOOO white, but tanning isn't for me...too....slow paced. So I went into the cottage, called home (for the third time since I had gotten there), and went into my bag to grab some nail polish and magazines, and when I turned around Mike was there....with that look. I asked him if everything was okay and he said to ask him tonight (which completely puzzled me-->I know I'm a bit slow at times Smile ) Then he started to say something, mumbled a few words and said "never mind" and to just "forget about it", then he turned around and walked away. So I did that and went outside, painted my toes, and gossiped with the girls about celebrities, etc.
Then it all came together in my mind when I was almost asleep in a lounge chair--Mike wanted to ask me out...but I wasn't sure. I never am. Not that I've dated a lot of guys...but you know how it is when you're 18. lol!! But I think the reason he was so conflicted was because we had agreed to stay friends for the time being and because I am still kind of messed up about the whole rape...but I'd been thinking of maybe wanting something more. I mean, the guy is always at the house, he knows about everything about my past, he just adores Elena, but the biggest thing--he's never left my side as a friend. He never once said, "this is too much for me" or "the guys think it's not cool to be around you, so bye". Not once. He never pitied me, he never felt sorry for me, he was one of the only ones to still behave/act the same way towards/around me. We were kind of flirty with each other before all of that drama, but as soon as he found out about the rape, etc. he was the perfect friend. We talked and agreed to only be friends until after things settled down with the baby. Now things had settled down, and I did want to date him. I've always wanted to date him. Even when we first met all those years ago. Am I making sense? Maybe, maybe not...my thoughts kinda jumble when I think about him. *ahem* So I realized that he wouldn't ever make a move because he wanted to be sure that I was ready to move on from friends. But, I'm not brave enough to make a move. At least not while I'm completely sober.
So as it got dark, Mike and Matt built a fire, while the rest of us got ready (A.K.A. got long clothes, bug spray, made drinks, carried food/drinks down to the campfire, while I called my Mom AGAIN, etc.) Then once we were all down at the campfire we started about high school being over (for most of them), summer jobs, and so many other things. We were there for at least 3-4 hours just talking about anything and everything. At some point, I caught Mike's eye and pointed to the dock. Once we were out there, I sat at the edge of the dock with my back to him and said that I thought that maybe we should try being a couple, if he wanted...and then there was this horrible silence for about 10 seconds and I honestly thought that he was going to say no and that it was going to be weird the rest of the weekend. But he sat down beside me and said yes.
So basically the past 5 paragraphs can be summarized as, Mike and I are a couple!! We both agreed that we are going to take it really slow. I don't want to rush anything…and he knows that and completely respects that too.
Well—it’s now September and I’m really sorry that I haven’t written/posted. Since then Elena has continued growing like a weed!! I still cannot believe that I have this beautiful, perfect little person. She is just amazing. I love waking up with her and holding her until she goes to sleep at night. Mike and I have spent a lot of time together (which is no different from before we were a couple), but it’s been great. Everything has fallen into place. It’s absolutely perfect. It honestly is. Hmmm…I’ve decided to take two courses back at high school so that I can come in the afternoon for a couple hours and then I’m home. This way I’m there when Elena wakes up and I can feed her and get her bathed and dressed, then we go for a walk and come home and feed her again, get some lunch and get ready for school. My Dad takes care of her while I’m at school since he’s off work. Things with him have been really good since Elena was born. He just worships her. I’ve been seeing a whole new side to him ever since I gave birth to her.
Okay—I have to get going. My class is going to start soon. Talk to you all later and I really am so sorry that it’s taken me so long to write…I know that you’ve all been waiting to hear from me. Thanks again for being there for me over the past year. Words cannot express what you love, friendship, thoughts and prayers have (and will continue to) mean to me.
Love,
Kaitlin & Elena
Kaitlin! Thanks for the update! I've been wondering about you. I'm so glad to hear things are going so well. It does sound like things have just fallen into place....with Elena, with Mike and your parents. You sound so happy, and I'm so happy for you. You've been through a lot in the past year, and you have handled everything with such a positive attitude - you're an amazing woman! Thanks again for remembering us - we love hearing how you're doing every once in awhile.
All i can say is WOW! ive just sat here and read all of your posts here kaitlin and im crying still! Youve really made a wonderful story out of what was a bad situation in the beginning! I think of all of my problems and they seem so small compared to what you've been thru. Youve really inspired me! I think someone should write a screenplay about your story, or i think maybe you already have! I wish you all the best, and i must say how impressed i am at your maturity and strength and only hope i can have a fraction of it throughout my pregnancy! thanks for the inspiration and allowing me to share in your joys! Very Happy
Hey everyone,
How are you all?? I’m okay…things at home have been going pretty well…I’ve been taking two university courses at the University of Toronto which has been hard trying to balance Elena, home work, school, etc. Elena is four months old and I still cannot believe just how amazingly blessed I am to have her!! She is the most spectacular baby that I’ve ever met. She sleeps through some of the night…I’m still getting up one to three times a night; most of the time she just wants to be cuddled, which I love. She will settle down as soon as I have her in my arms and we just relax in the rocking chair that my Grandmother gave me. I has been one of the most thoughtful yet practical gifts I have received. It’s a very sentimental rocking chair, but it’s also sooooo comfortable and calming to both Elena and I. I know that there were definitely nights where she was screaming, even after I fed, changed, burped and sang to her…and then I would sit down and rock her for hours—because as soon as I stopped she would start screaming. I would sit in that chair and cry with her because I didn’t feel like I was being a good enough mom to her. But that chair has so many good memories too. I love to sit there rocking her and just watch her sleep with a tiny smile on her lips…or to see her looking around with her big blue eyes…and she would reach out and feel my face—like she was trying to remember what I look and feel like. She loves to be held and spoken to, especially by Mike. When I can’t seem to get her to settle, he just picks her up and murmurs little things to her and she instantly chills out. But what I love the most is her laugh: this tiny, little giggle that makes everything okay. I used to hear about mothers “knowing” their baby’s different cries and I thought that that was a joke. How could they possibly know? But it’s true. I know when she’s hungry, needs to be changed, burped, rocked to sleep, when she wants to play or when she just wants attention. I know them all and I’m totally thankful because right after she was born I had no clue and panicked every time she cried and I didn’t immediately know what was wrong. But now, for the most part, I do.
The real reason I’m writing this post is because I want everyone to pray for both my Mom and my Grandfather. (And even if you don’t pray—please keep them in your thoughts). Last Thursday my Mom told me (on the same day) that both she and my Grandfather have cancer. She has non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and will be going to see her oncologist for the first time on Thursday. She’s having a C.T. done today…probably as I’m typing this. She also has to undergo chemotherapy and will lose all of her hair. But the doctors believe that she will completely recover and we are all trying to keep a positive mind. I know that she will be fine—she’s too damn stubborn to die. (Thankfully!!)
It’s my grandfather that I’m really worried about. The cancer is in his lungs, chest lining and in his bones. So basically—it’s terminal. And I know that he’s had a nice, long life (he’s 89)—but it doesn’t make this burden any easier to bear. I love him more then life and I don’t want to have to say goodbye to him. I want him to be around for Elena’s first birthday…I want him to see her learn to crawl and walk and all of those things. Originally I was going to finish off high school and then move to the city they live in (about an hour from home), but then there was the whole rape, pregnancy, birth, etc. and I thought that my plans has to change, but my grandparents’ health is failing them and I don’t know if they will be able to remain in their home without me until next year. So I’ve decided that if worst comes to worst, then at the end of this semester I’ll move to their house (since they have a bedroom in their basement) and take care of my grandmother. Unfortunately, on Friday he was rushed to the E.R. because he wasn’t able to stay conscious. He kept passing out and my Grandmother was so scared. So he was in a bed in the E.R. from Friday afternoon until Sunday afternoon, but was moved up into a ward on Sunday evening. So on Monday, my Mom and I went to see him in the hospital (I left Elena at home since there are so many germs, etc.) and I couldn’t believe my eyes. His skin is translucent, he’s lost a lot of weight, he was in so much pain that he can’t even move anything except his head, he developed pneumonia and is coughing up blood. He can barely talk. His words come out in short, gasping whispers. But the worst part of this entire thing is that he looks like he’s given up…like he’s too tired to carry on anymore. While I was there I fed him his lunch and a cup of tea, but he barely had any soup. He’s not eating anymore, so he only drinks water or a cup of tea. I’m so scared that he’s going to die. I know that his time is coming. I know that he’s not leaving that hospital alive. I know that it going to happen soon…but I’m still really scared about what his death will mean. My Grandmother, on the other hand, seems like she’s on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She’s so disoriented that she was in her home and looked up at me and said, “where am I?”…and this is the house she has been in for over 49 years. She is also forgetting to eat, she rarely sleeps (like me), and she’s constantly confused about anything and everything. She can’t stay in her house much longer, but she told me that she’d rather die then leave her house. I don’t know what to do. And I feel so bad for Elena because I didn’t sleep for more then 5-7 hours over this entire Thanksgiving weekend. I’m a total grouch…I’m also really emotional one minute I’ll be laughing, the next crying, then I’ll fly into a rage…it’s just so hard. My Grandfather and I are so close…I don’t know how I’m going to hold it together when he passes away…but if things get really bad and my Grandmother won’t be able to stay in her home then I’ll move up there…that way she’ll both be able to stay in her home as long as possible…my Dad isn’t sure that it’s a good idea, but it’s something that I need to do. They have always been so good to me and this is the one thing that will really make a difference. But please keep both of them in your thoughts/prayers for the next little while. Please pray that we (as a family) will be able to have the strength to take care of both my Mom and Grandfather. I don’t know what else to do. I feel completely helpless about the whole thing.
Needless to say, I’m under a lot of stress and could use your support.
I have to go—Elena is up from her nap—thanks for listening.
Kaitlin & Elena
(((((Kaitlin)))))) That's so much for you to be dealing with right now! You must feel like you have the world on your shoulders. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers hon. Please post ASAP when your mom's test results come in, okay? And let us know how your grandpa is doing. I know it seems like he's given up, but maybe he's just ready. There's a difference, although it's hard to see it when you're up close to the situation. Do you know if he's a Christian? If he is, he might not see death anymore as something to fear...he might just really be ready to have a better life.
Are you going to be able to take a break from school when/if you move to live with your grandmother? I hope so. I moved in with my dad when he was passing - only for a few days - but school was really hard to keep up with then. I'd imagine it'd be much harder with little Elena to take care of. Is Mike coming too?
Please post again soon hon. (((Hugs)))) Thank you for letting us know what is going on.
Agh! I can hardly imagine how hard that would be! You are ALL in my prayers.
This is a really hard decision, because my immediate thought is to you-to finish high school. That's so important. But i know how important family is too!
Oh i dont know what to say! I'll just pray for you.
Ok, well post soon!
Hello again everyone,
Last night my mom got a call from my aunt because they got the results for my Grandfather’s C.T. scan. It turns out that the cancer has metastasized in his lungs, stomach, liver, etc. His cancer is spreading so quickly. Only 5 weeks ago he was riding his bike, going for walks everyday, etc. And in less then 5 weeks he can’t even feed himself…it’s so hard. He and I are so close…I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. And I don’t know what my Grandmother is going to do without him…She’s so stressed out that she’s forgetting to eat…she’s also losing weight, too. *sigh* I don’t know what to do…I feel completely helpless.
I think that I might just transfer my courses to the local college/university. That will hopefully work, but if not then that’s fine. I’ll drop those courses and take them again later on. I don’t care.
My Mom saw her oncologist yesterday and she has follicular lymphoma stage two. So he needs to do more tests, more scans, and he also wants to remove some bone marrow to make sure that the cancer isn’t in her bones. Then in early November my Mom will start chemotherapy (hopefully). I’m just so thankful that we have health care that’s covered by OHIP (a.k.a. the government). I know that we wouldn’t be able to afford to treat my Mom’s cancer…let alone paying for my Grandfathers hospital bills.
I should get going…Elena is waking up (I can hear her moving around on the baby monitor…)
Take care and I’ll post again soon (hopefully!!)
Major thoughts and prayers coming your way hon. What a stressful time for everyone. Hopefully Mike is being nice and supportive. ((((Hugs))) Please post again soon...vent as much as possible.
Oh my! My heart goes out to you Kaitlin! You are soo strong and very admirable! You are all in my prayers!
Morning,
I just wanted to let you know that my Grandfather passed away on Sunday night at 10:30. The funeral was yesterday (Wednesday). The last time he said he loved me was on Thanksgiving Monday...and he's never going to say it to me ever again. I feel like my heart has shattered, but I don’t know how to pick up the pieces. The only things that are holding me together are: Elena, my family and Mike. Take care.
Kaitlin,
I am so sorry honey. I know you're in a lot of pain right now. Nothing will make you feel better for awhile, but if you just keep moving, you will get through this. You'll be in my prayers. Please post again to let us know how you're doing when you feel up to it. (((((Hugs))))
Kaitlin,
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandpa. It is so painful to lose someone you love so much. I lost my dad to cancer, 7 years ago now, but I remember feeling the same way you do. That my world would never be the same and I didn't know what to do. I know it sounds like the textbook answer, but it's true....time will heal. Your life won't be the same....you'll always miss him, but eventually it will get easier and you won't be sad everytime you think of him. Eventually you'll just remember the happy times and the only thing sad is that he's not there for the things you know he'd love to see. I'm glad your family is sticking together and helping each other get through this. It will bring you all closer together. How's your grandma? Do you know what you will do with school, etc. yet? I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
My heart goes out to you Kaitlyn. That kind of pain is so hard to deal with.
Hello everyone!
Sorry I haven't written in so long...but as you can imagine...things are really busy!! (I seem to alway write that...but it's true!!) Elena is doing great!! She's so cute and she's getting so big!!!! Everyday I look at her and it seems like she’s grown again! She’s started teething and I feel so bad for the poor girl... Sad …she’s having a rough time with it! She has started crawling a bit here and there...needless to say I’ve made everyone crazy while I baby proofed the house. Elena is seven months old. Wow. I say it, but I still can’t believe it!! She’s the sweetest baby!! She just loves to be held and cuddled. I always look forward to mornings because when she gets up we just cuddle for a while. I have to admit that the rocking chair that my Grandmother got for me has been a huge lifesaver!! Especially in the beginning when she was up every hour or two!! Everyone says she looks just like me, except that she has eyes that are the same shade of blueberries…mine are green. But you were right when you said that when I look at her I wouldn’t see my rapist’s face…I look at her and all I see is a beautiful, happy baby who loves my unconditionally. I try to make her sleep in her crib every night, but sometimes I have to take her to bed with me…those are the nights when she just won’t settle down and I’m completely exhausted. But I figure that it can’t hurt since it’s only once in a while. I’m still breast feeding... bfing …but it’s not easy. My boobs are really sore…I don’t know how women do this all the time. Oh my God! Seriously!! And I hate when I leak…it’s just embarrassing!! I want to become invisible when that happens…especially in public!! Embarassed
My parents have been amazing!! wav They were (and still are) so incredibly understanding and caring. They have offered to stay home with her while I go out to work, have to do homework, or just need a break!! I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have them by my side. My grandmother is 90 and she was so excited to see a great grandchild in her lifetime. She’s been great to me…and she has a magic touch with Elena. She can be screaming until she is blue in the face (usually because her gums hurt) and she’ll pick up Elena and she immediately calms down and falls asleep. I wish I had that kind of touch. I hate seeing Elena in pain. She had her first ear infection about a month ago and I was completely panicked. She wouldn’t stop crying and she kept tugging on her ear crybaby . So I took her to the doctor’s and he gave me some medication for her…but it kills me when she’s in pain. I would do anything to take that pain away for her. I would do anything for her. Anything. It scares me sometimes to know how much I love her. It even hurts when I’m away from her at times.
My Mom is doing well. She saw her oncologist and he said that she has non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma and that the cancer is in her blood too…so he sent her for a C.T. scan last week to scan all of her vital organs to make sure that the cancer isn’t there. He said that he’s going to hold off on treatment (E.G. chemotherapy, radiation, etc.) until he has all of her results. In the meantime, she’s going to go to Princess Margaret Hospital (in Toronto because it’s a hospital that specializes in cancer) for a second opinion…but she’s in high spirits and we are all hoping for the best. Pray
Mike has also been a godsend. He’ll come over and help me cram for tests/quizzes/mid-terms/finals or vice versa. I love how he doesn’t pressure me into doing anything I don’t want to. If I want to stay in on Saturday night, then he’ll stay in with me. If I’m sad he cracks some corny joke that always makes me smile. He’s one of the only people that can know what I’m thinking/feeling, even if I plaster on a fake smile and pretend that everything is okay. He tells it like it is and doesn’t sugarcoat anything…I love his honesty. But what I love the most is how he’s really grown up with me. I feel so much more mature and responsible then all of my friends…except him. He’s really stepped up—even though it’s not his job. He still comes over at least 5-6 times a week to check up on everything and we talk everyday.
My family has been so supportive. I feel like things are clicking into place…and even though it’s been a bit rough lately (with my Grandfather’s death and my Mom’s cancer) I feel much more capable in coping with things. And I now look at my rape in a more positive manner. It gave me Elena, it gave me so many life skills, it helped me to see who my real friends are, it helped me get your support and help and it showed me that I can open up my heart to those around me without getting hurt. Sure it happens, but not nearly as many times as you find love and support.
I wanted to give you all an update on everything in my life that is going on right now. I’m totally looking forward to Elena’s first Christmas! It’s going to be so special!! I can’t wait!! I hope that all of you have an amazing Christmas santa and a fantastic New Year’s!! occasion5 God bless you and all of your families. You are all so kind. I couldn’t believe all of the love and support that you have given to me—a complete stranger. It blew me away to see that all of you opened your hearts to me and you helped carry me through this whole ordeal. So thank you!!! I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
Love, Kaitlin & Elena
Hi Kaitlin,
Wow! I can't believe she's 7 months old already! And getting ready for her first Christmas! What fun! I'm glad to hear things are going so well for you. What a blessing to have such wonderful people in your life to help you through this.
Have a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
I am so sorry to hear of all the trouble that has come to your family. You are most def in my prayers. It is amazing isnt it how the whole world can be so devastating and your child's smile can make it all disappear...My husband is going to the war...again...I am heartbroken when I think of my babies tears while he is away but I know he will smile too...I have to keep reminding myself that "this too shall pass". Keep your chin up hon and give that baby girl a hug. (((hugs and aloha))) Mele Kalikimaka to you and yours.
Hiya Kaitlin...so good to hear from you sweetie! Although you must start another thread on the parenting board...lol. This one has too many pages and responses already. Wink
Elena is 7 months already! Wow! And she's starting to move...that's just the beginning. Enjoy those cuddles now - when she's a couple of years, she won't want to cuddle any more. My dd just turned 4 yesterday. Gosh...time just flies!
I'll say a prayer for your mom, but I'm glad to hear that she's in good spirits. That's half of the battle I think.
It sounds like things are drifting together for you, and I'm so happy for that hon! ((((Hugs))))) Post again soon!
Hey everyone!!!!!
Kaitlin sent me the following last night and ask that I post it for her. Smile Thanks Kaitlin!!
Wow!!!!! I can’t believe that it’s been about two months since I last wrote you guys. Sorry. Things have been crazy (as you can imagine!!) I just wanted you to know that it’s taken me about a month to write all of this. I would start and finish a few sentences and then the baby would be up screaming…or I’d try and squeeze in a quick shower or nap…or try and chill with Mike, my parents, etc. I’m sure that you all know what that’s like!! Lol!! Hmmm….my last post my water broke while I was writing. I started freaking out and called Mike over…tried to finish my post…but it probably didn’t make much sense. I sent it and then called my Mom on her cell and asked her if she knew where my Dad was, but she didn’t. Needless to say, I started to freak out!! Thankfully, Mike was almost totally calm, so he told me to go and lay down and start timing my contractions (which had started…) so I sat down (since I was too pumped up to lay down) and started timing them. I made the decision to stay at home until my Mom got home which was about 45 minutes since there was an accident on the highway. By the time my Mom came running in the door, Mike has put my bag in the trunk of the car, grabbed my iPod, book, toothbrush, and other last minute things and my Mom and Mike were trying to convince me to go to the hospital, but I wanted to wait for my Dad. It’s not like the baby was just going to pop out or anything…I waited an hour, but then decided that I was just going to go.
I got to the hospital as the contractions were making themselves known…it wasn’t too bad…just painful…but manageable. I checked in and was brought into my room which had two beds, but the other one was empty because apparently it was a slow day…The nurse strapped a fetal monitor to my stomach and put in an I.V. and checked my vitals, etc. The doctor came in and checked me and I was about 4 cm dilated…so I was getting ready for a bit of a wait, but kept asking for my Dad…I wanted him to be there. So Mike asked the doctor how long it was going to be and his response was “it’ll be a while yet” so Mike went to try and find my Dad (his cell phone was off…grrr!)
So my Mom was telling me all about her three deliveries to try and pass the time…then we just talked…well, she was talking and I was trying to convince myself that the contractions weren’t that bad. About two and a half hours later I was only 4.5 cm dilated, so the nurse asked me if I wanted to have some medication to make my labour progress faster, but my Dad wasn’t there, so I said no, but chose to have an epidural. So the anesthesiologist came and put the epidural in…which was painful because he had to stop every time I had a contraction, but he did an amazing job…and then we waited. And waited. And waited. Two hours later I wasn’t progressing anymore.
About a half an hour after the Smallfry’s heart rate started to drop so the nurse rolled me onto my side and tried to make it go back to normal, but it kept dropping…I was so scared that my baby was dying. After all that I had been through, the rape, the discovery of my pregnancy, telling all my family and friends, the nine months of pregnancy and growing so attached to the little one growing inside me I started freaking out. I started to recognize the signs of a panic attack coming on and I couldn’t stop it for the life of me. I was hyperventilating and crying and then my hands and feet went numb. The nurse kept telling me to try and calm down, but I couldn’t breathe or think and worst of all: my baby was in distress. So they immediately decided that for the health of my baby and I, that they were going to do an emergency C-Section. My poor mother was so scared. She was totally white, shaking and looked 20 years older in those minutes. But the nurses were so nice! Since it had been pretty quiet, two nurses prepared me for the C-Section and got me to sign a release while a third nurse held onto one hand and whispered comforting things to me. She stayed by my side the entire time. Her name is Julie and she calmed me down (which calmed my Mom down) and then told me that they were going to wheel me into the O.R. while my Mom changed into scrubs. Julie held my hand the entire time while my Mom was gone. But even when I was being rushed into the O.R., Smallfry was still in distress. The whole C-Section took about five minutes to get the baby out. Then all was quiet in the room for what seemed like forever (but it was only about 10-15 seconds) and then I heard my baby cry…a quiet squawking and then a beautifully loud scream. That’s when I started crying. Mike was there in the room on my left side and my Mom was on the right…it was such a beautiful moment when they doctor said, “Kaitlin, you have a beautiful, healthy baby girl!!” And while the doctor finished the C-Section, the nurse brought over my daughter. And I have to admit that I was really apprehensive…what if I looked at my daughter and there was my rapist looking down at me…but you were right…I saw no trace of him whatsoever!! That was the biggest relief that I think I may have even let out a sigh.
But she is the most beautiful baby that I’ve ever seen!!!!!! (And yes, I know that every mother probably says that…but she is!!!!) She was 6 pounds, 4 ½ ounces, has eyes the colour of blueberries, a tiny bit of light brown hair and she had really long fingernails. My Mom and I laughed about that…it’s odd….but it just fits….she’s odd (just like her Mom!!) After the doctor was finished with the C-Section, I was wheeled into recovery and crashed. I didn’t realize just how tired I really was until I couldn’t keep my eyes open. But thankfully everything went off without a hitch!
The next morning came one of the hardest things: picking out a name. I had thought that, if the baby was a girl, I was going to call her Abigail Marisol (or the other way around…depending on how she looked), but it just didn’t fit. So my Mom broke out the worn baby name book, but I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t pick a name. All I wanted was to cuddle with my little one and try to get to know her. My Mom (being the considerate woman that she is) ushered my Dad out of the room so that I could be alone with her. I spent a little while with her, just cuddling and holding her when my nurse came in and tried to show me how to breast-feed the baby…yeah, *snort*, riiiiiiite…needless to say it was a total disaster and I couldn’t get the hang of it for a while….but it eventually worked…on the third try. After another one of those sessions we cuddled…it seemed like only minutes, but it had really been a lot longer then that. Finally the door opened and I heard a lot of voices…and in came my lunch, so I fed the baby (who was allowed to stay in my room for the days), ate my lunch and then came that people. My brother, sister, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbours, friends, classmates, co-workers…pretty much everyone and the kitchen sink came to say hi to the newest edition to my family in the first three days. Finally after a while a nurse came in and shooed everyone away in order for me to feed the baby and get a nap. When I woke up from my nap, I opened my eyes and the baby wasn’t in her little hospital issue bassinette…and I freaked. I sat up way too fast (which KILLED!!!) only to find Mike sitting beside the bed holding the baby and talking in one of those strange baby talk voices. I slowly lay back down and just talked to Mike while he held my daughter. Then I pulled out the baby name book and we started to go over names. After over an hour, I had decided on her name. *drum roll, please* Her first name is Elena (which means “the bright one”) and her middle name is Charlotte (which means “petite and feminine”). They fit her so perfectly. Thankfully, Mike was there to bounce ideas off of…otherwise I might have made the wrong choice. Then, while I was eating my cold dinner, I realized that visiting hours were way past finished, so I asked him how he was still there, and he told me that my Mom had told the nurse that he was the father of my baby when they tried to kick him out!!! MY MOTHER of all people!!!! But I guess that just goes to show how much my parents accept Mike as a member of the family…but stillàit cracked me up. When I asked her why she didn’t just say that he was my brother….she looked at me and said, “does he look like a brother….he looks nothing like our family”. Julie came in soon after and took Elena Charlotte off to the nursery, I said goodnight to a tired Mike and fell asleep…but Mike waited for me to fall asleep before he left.
So now that I’ve bored you with all of these details, I’m going to let you go…mainly because Elena is up and I don’t want her to wake my parents (it’s a little bit after 1 a.m.). Take care and I’ll try and write soon…
Kaitlin & Elena Charlotte =-D
Thanks for the update, Kaitlin, I had been wondering how you guys were doing! I'm so glad to hear everything went well and I'm hoping you guys are doing fine. What a beautiful ending to your pregnancy. I can't tell you how happy I am for you that things worked out how they did. Please keep us updated.
Congratulations on your beautiful baby girl! Glad to hear that things worked out so well. You and Elena are in my prayers. Get some rest!
Awwwww! that is all just so exciting!! It's crazy how fast time flies by!! I've been waiting to hear from Kaitlin! It all sounds like it's going well. You're both in my prayers!
congratulations and glad everything is okay!!!!
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