Hi everyone,
I am 21 and found out I am pregnant about 3 weeks ago. at first I was happy, a little nervous, but still confident that keeping it was the right choice. Let me just say that I have had two abortions in the past. the first was the best choice of my life and I never looked back. The second was with the same guy I am with now, and I was a mess afterwards. I promised myself I would never do it again.
Now I am terrified. terrified of never being able to go to university like planned, back pack europe and all the other things I still want to do. Being a mother terrifies me! I don't want to lose friends and become the boring one. I hate the thought, all of a sudden, of having a baby.
I don't know what to do, adoption is definitly a no for me.
Abortion used to be a no but now I am leaning towards it. I am scared, though, that I will damage myself somehow and tempt fate by having so many.
Oh, let me say aswell. My boyfriend is 28, has a steady job and loves me to death as do i to him. He was ecstatic when I told him, and can't wait. Now I feel like maybe I am only having the baby becuase 1) I don't want to lose or dissapoint him and 2) I have a history with depression and maybe felt like this would make my life better somehow.
Please, if anyone can help. I don't know what to do. I am so lost.
-TiffanieToronto
Follow-up post: http://choicetolivewith.blogspot.com/2006/02/hey-everyone.html
Thursday, February 2, 2006
What should I do!!?? Scared and Lost
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Hi Tiffanie - welcome!
Is it possible that you're just having "cold feet"? Maybe the reality of deciding to have the baby is setting in and it's making you a little nervous. But you know what? Every mom gets nervous about it. Even when the child is planned for and wanted. Those thoughts go through everyone's mind, I think. My life will never be the same, which it won't, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. And it sounds like your bf is excited and anxious to be a daddy. That's awesome! And that's telling you that if you choose to have the baby that you won't be alone in taking care of it. That would be a huge relief!
I would give it a little time, talk about with your bf, talk with us, talk with a counselor if you need to. Those hormones are way out of whack right now and that could be contributing to your wavering thoughts, too. We're here to help you sort things out, so feel free to stick around for awhile and we will support you in making the decision and be there to help you through it, too.
Let us know how you're doing.
(((HUGS))),
Chris
Thanks so much for the advice
I was thinking that maybe this was cold feet too, but then I thought what if it is not and then I make a choice that I have to, literally, live with forever? I don't want to have a child and then regret having it, but there must be some reason as to why the last time I had an abortion, I promised and swore to my never again.
I am just so frusterated because I went from so excited, I bought clothes and little shoes and everything, to being like " I hate this, I am not ready I don't want it" and I try to avoid babies everywear, it is almost like they drive me crazy.
It is also very hard because I have depression mixed with some anxiety and panic disorder just in general, and the hormones and all that have made it worse.
Anyways, I have an appt. on Monday morning to just discuss the possibilty of another abortion. Maybe they can give me some insight aswell.
Hi Tiffanie... ((((hugs))))
Gosh, those emotions sound soooo normal to me! I remember feeling the same way when I was pregnant with my wanted child...lol. "There is no way I can do this. I am not resposible enough to be a mom. This is insane. I feel horrible. I am not at all good with children." Especially since you've had past abortions, these thoughts are magnified in your own mind.
You know...I have never known a mother to regret parenting. Finances, relationships, etc., might be stressful, but if you ask a struggling mom, "Would you rather not have your child?" or "Do you regret not having an abortion?" I think that you'll find that that is 99.9% of the time not the case. Abortion, however, well...you know all about that. Not to mention that every choice is a choice you would have to live with forever. Wink
Unless something drastic has happened to make you change the way you feel, I think that this is cold feet, and prepare to have it several more times before you have the baby as well. I don't want to short-change you though. I am not making light of your fears. I just want to encourage you to remember the time not too long ago when you were excited. That feeling will come back if you give it time and simply talk about your concerns with us, your BF, your parents, your friends, and other moms.
((((Hugs)))))
Thanks again for the kind words all!
Here is the thing about friends and family. My mother doesn't know. I am terrified to tell her even though I am almost 22 and not a teenager anymore, nor do I live at home. She will freak, probably not support me at all and end up not talking to me. you see, the first time i was pregnant when I was 19, I wanted to keep it. I told my mother, she lost it and called me every name in the book, and told me I HAD to get and abortion, so I did. Don't get me wrong, after I did it I didn't regret it at all, I just know how she will react this time. Also she is getting married in May and I know she will think I am stealing away from her thunder.
As for my friends, well they are all excited for me, but for some reason have stopped inviting me to do anything with them! It is very hurtful, and it doesn't make the future seem any brighter. This is all except my one friend, my angel, Sarah. I have known her since I was 7, never fought once, and could trust her with my life.
How do you know for sure if having the baby is the right thing to do?? I cannot seem to find the right answer. I dont even have a gut feeling, I sort of feel numb. Is there a twinge of something that will make me feel either way? I don't know.
This is especially hard for me with all my other problems, and i NEVER make decisions well.
Hope to hear from you guys soon! ( even though i probably sound a little crazy! lol)
It sounds like your mom is someone that you should not rely on to tell you what to do, since she is not a very helpful person. Please make your choice before telling her, and don't let the unseen pressure affect you one way or the other. You're a big girl...you don't need her permission to do something that is already in the works. Someone that is going to call you every name in the book is not someone I want you to depend on in times of stress and indecision. She is not looking out for you if she is treating you that way. ::: Stepping off soapbox :::: I know she's your mom, and you would probably love to have her support...and might even have an abortion just to get that support, but it sounds like it's one of those situations where it'll just never be enough.
Friends...yes...I can understand that. And if you do parent, you will develop friends in addition to the ones you have now. Don't forget that in the next few years, your friends will also be having children, and then you'll have that in common with them right now. If I were you, I would invite myself to hang out with them. If they are your friends, they won't care, right? Just say "Hey...I might be pregnant, but I'm not dead!"
How do you know if it's the right thing? Gosh...that's a hard question to answer! It's one of those things that you really don't know until the baby is here and you fall in love. Since the baby is so much of a concept right now, it's hard to understand how fun and exciting motherhood is. I could blubber about it for hours, but I'll spare you. Wink Much of pregnancy is about a fear of "Am I going to do this right? I have no freaking clue what I'm doing!" It is the time for cold feet. I think if you're looking for an idea or feeling to pinpoint and say "There...that tells me I'll be okay." you're not going to find it. Even the most wanted pregnancies are wrought with fear and anxiety. But, that does tell you that what you are feeling is normal and along the lines with someone who will make a great mother. You wouldn't be this concerned if you weren't going to care about this baby.
Since you know you don't handle decisions well, please give yourself LOTS of time to decide, okay? (((Hugs))) You're not any crazier than any pregnant woman I've ever met. bigwink
So, I am no closer to my choice. Still going crazy. I have never felt sooo depressed in my whole life, I don't know why. Isn't this supposed to be a happy thing? I dunno.
I have taken your suggestions into though, Rose, about the whole 3 days each thing that you told me about. I think maybe that would be a good idea.
I also have the worst indegestion, and bad taste in my mouth ever!! I hate it, I haven't felt this sick in along time. Not since my other two pregnancies. Now I know why after each time I was pregnant, I said " NEVER AGAIN!" lol
Anyways, My appt. at the clinic for abortions is on monday. Its just an assesment, so we'll see how I feel after I go.
Thanks again all!
Ditto to everything Rose said....she took the words right out of my mouth! Let us know how it goes on Monday. Just don't let them pressure you into scheduling an appointment right away. Let them know you're there for information only and haven't made a definite decision yet.
(((HUGS))),
Chris
Quote:
Isn't this supposed to be a happy thing?
LOL...nope...it's usually wrought with fear, fear, and more fear. Depression, well that probably isn't supposed to happen though. (((Hugs)))) Have you been able to explore why this time the choice is so much harder then before? Or were you this indecisive the other times?
Are you taking anything for the indigestion. I took over-the-counter ranitidine when I was pregnant. As for the bad taste, buy some hard candy and keep it near you. Peppermint helps nausea. Wink Remember, the ickiness usually only lasts through the 12th week.
What "3 day" plan are you trying first? How is it going?
Lol, I know this fear thing would never go away. It is the unending feeling of doom that has been engulfing me that is the problem. Sooo depressed.....Anyways. I think that maybe the reason why this is such a hard decision this time is because I actually wanted it at first. I even went out and bought stuff and all. Now it is almost like I feel it was a game, like ok, that was fun and now it is not anymore. Like, I am so young and at first didn't think about what the full ramifications of having a baby are. There is still so much I want to do, and I know people say that you can still do them, but I think that is a little bit balogne. My mom had two children by age 23 and never did anything ever! She couldn't travel even though she had a good job, and couldn't go back to school. After she got her college degree, she wanted to go back to university and couldn't. These are all things that terrify me to lose. I have been saving forever to take a back pack trip through europe and the thought of having to use that for a baby makes me sooo sad and panicky. And I was supposed to go to Africa on a mission trip to help sick children, and won't be able to do that either.Also I was accepted into Ryerson University for a four year Journalism degree and I want it sooo bad, i write for the paper now, but that will have to wait and in order for them to use my current college credits, it can't wait. All of my dreams are slowly fading away, and I can't handle it.
Maybe I am just so selfish, which scares me too because I have never thought of myself that way.
I have been trying the abortion option for three days so far and I have mixed feelings. One minute I feel relieved and like a weight has been lifted and the next minute I feel like I am having a panic attack. I don't think it will be any different when I think of having the baby either though.
Also, My doctor really thinks I need to be back on anti-depressants, and talk to someone again and all that. Those meds are not good for a developing baby, but I really feel maybe I need to get that part of my life in order before I even have a baby.
AAGGHH!! So Coooonfuuuusiiiing...........I feel drained. 100% drained.
Wow, you certainly have a lot of big plans for the near future. I am sorry that you have been battling depression Sad . My friend is pregnant and her doctor put her on prozac with no ill effects to the pregnancy or baby. Perhaps for the time being you could inquire about that? Just an idea. I don't think you are being selfish, just human. It is never easy to sacrifice our wants/needs for the welfare of another. Multiply that when the "other" is someone we havent even met yet and who demands our resources physically, emotionally, and mentally; rather or not they were invited ;)This is a huge decision and no one will fault you for being distraut about it.
Remember, this has to be a choice YOU can live with. If you suffer from guilt the rest of your life, would that dampen your spirits as you pursued all those other goals? I mean, if you went through with the abortion, then felt guilty for being "selfish" after? That could make the fun stuff you wanted to do rather lackluster. In your mind, is that worth the risk?
I'm not implying that this will happen, but based on your PP, it seems as if this is the battle you are facing. How will you feel about all the things you bought for the baby? How would you deal with small things like that? Also remember that when your mother was raising you, there were far less resources available to help her. Back then it was still taboo to be an unwed mother and society had a much more "youre on your own" mentality. Things and times have changed nowadays. Some company's offer flex time, job share, even child care subsidy/onsite daycare... If they didnt, you could help start it Wink As for traveling, you could still travel but with a companion. It would be delayed a little until jr. could walk/potty by himself but could be a great educational/bonding experience. I am not saying all this to disuade you from abortion, rather, just as food for thought concerning the possibility of parenting. I was a single mom for 4 yrs and while it was hard, it was equally rewarding. Best of luck with your decision making. Are you spiritual at all? Could you perhaps seek guidance from a pastor/priest/clergy of some sort? Many crisis pregnancy centers are run by one church or another. They could offer some practical assistance perhaps.
There are anti-depressants these days that you can take while pregnant....I know many women who have done that. If it helps give you some stability or make you feel better, I'm all for it. You're dealing with enough right now, you shouldn't have to deal with depression on top of it if there's something you can do about it.
Hi Tiffanie,
Yes, there are a few anti-depressants that can be used for pregnant/nursing mothers. Check into them with your doctor. Smile I believe that Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro, and Paxil are safe.
I can understand what you mean about wanting to do so much before you settled down and had a baby. I think most of the moms would agree with me when I say that while we all had things we wanted to do before we wound up pregnant, once the baby arrived, those things didn't matter anymore. And it wasn't like there was a feeling of "Darn it...it just isn't going to work." It's more of a "That isn't what I want to do anymore...I'd rather do this because it's more important to me now." From where you are now, with the baby such an abstract thought, you might not be able to see how that would be an okay thing, but I know it was true for me. And you can still do a lot of what you wanted to do...there's no reason you wouldn't be able to continue to save and take your child with you when you go. I would think it would be so cool to be able to show my daughter those things. It always opens my eyes so much more to teach her. You're right...the journalism degree it sounds like might need to wait. Unless you have enough support around you to do it while you're pregnant/parenting.
I wish it didn't seem like your dreams were fading away. ((((Hugs)))) Could it be instead that your future is changing but not necessarily in a bad way? Or does it all look bad? It's not wrong to be selfish, but you do need to consider what Christine said...is this what is best for you emotionally? It just seems like, to be struggling with this decision despite all of the "drawbacks" to parenting, another abortion might be hard on you emotionally, and then those dreams that can be filled because of the loss of this pregnancy, would they still mean as much to you? I hope that made sense. Razz
Big big (((Hugs))) to you. I'm sending you some energizing thoughts so you aren't so drained. bigarmhug
Hi all,
Thanks so much guys for all the encouragement. I just don't think I will ever feel right in either decision I make so I might as well make one and live with it. This is so hard for me, I don't know why.
Another thing that makes me think that I am not ready is that when I frist found out and was happy and all, I started taking my pre-natal vitamins and I stopped smoking. Then, a couple weeks later, I stopped taking the vitamins and started smoking again and that is strange, because I know the effects all that can have on a developing baby. It's like I either don't feel like there is something inside me or I just don't care. Then to add anti-depressants on top of all that? I am just asking for trouble.
In answer to your question, no I am not religious. I will not seek aid from any sort of religious entity, I don't really believe in that stuff. I had a pretty liberal artsy style life, and religion wasn't ever an issue.
It is my friends that usually help me through stuff, but they have decided that I am not worth it I guess. One of my best friends refuses to talk to me, and when I did talk to her and try to explain how I am feeling, she brushed me off as some crazy pregnant girl with hormones. That may be true but she could have still been there.
Anyways, I have been trying to think of the reasons why I would keep the baby. Like, things that are stopping me from aborting, and they don't seem very hopeful. They are 1) so I don't have to have an abortion 2) babies are cute 3) so my boyfriend isn't upset 3) so I don't ruin the relationship between us and 4) so that I don't have to face telling everyone that I "lost" the baby.
Those don't seem like pretty good reason's if you ask me. None of them are because parenting is amazing or this is an amazing miracle inside me etc. etc.(because I can do it later) I feel not maternal AT ALL, and it makes me feel awful.
Hi Tiffanie,
I think the first reason you listed - not having to have an abortion - is a pretty huge one. That makes it sound like an abortion is something you really don't want. And the issues with your bf - if this is a relationship that you want to last those are big reasons, too.
The reasons for wanting an abortion, school, your career, things you want to do, etc., like Rose asked - are those things you could still do with a baby? Or things you could still do later? Like she said, maybe it just means changing your future a little bit, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I know when I got pregnant it was the last thing I wanted. But I decided to keep my baby and somehow the things I wanted changed. Even though it was hard and something I did not want at the time, it was the best thing that ever happened to me and I do not regret it for one second. I don't think any mom ever does.
I'm so glad that you are sorting through your feelings here. I'm sorry that your friends aren't being the kind of friends you need right now, but I'm glad you found us so we can help you work through this. Keep talking.
(((HUGS))),
Chris
I do agree that those are big reasons. However, I do not want to have a baby because I feel my boyfriend will leave me. If he loves me and our relationship is strong, then he will love me no matter what I chose. I am a strong and independant woman and if he chooses to leave me for something like that, it is his problem in the end not mine. I will be hurt and sad, but I will survive. The fact that I just don't want to have another abortion doesn't make me any closer to my choice either, because I want to want to have a baby. I don't want it to just be plan B, because plan A is hard. Sometimes life is harder, and I have been through much much harder and it only made me a stronger person.
I do think that some stuff I wanted to do could still be done. But not to the full potential that I believe I have inside of me. I will compromise myself to have a child, which is fine, if you are ready. I would not ever bring my child or baby back-packing around europe or other, I think that would be selfish and mean. And anyways, I don't want to bring anyone. I always dreamed to take off for a month by myself and just explore the world. Sleep on trains, hardly eat and meet all sorts of strange and interesting people. These things are not suitable for small children. There is also no way I would leave my child with someone for a whole month, and I wouldn't want to go for a shorter time because it is pointless. I also am not keen on waiting for 10-15 years to do it either. I want to do these things before I have children, so that I have something to show for my life and to tell them stories about.
I have nothing against people who have kids young, I think it is wonderful if you can give yourself wholly and selflessly at such young ages. I also know some girls who do it at my age and ended up being terrible mothers, I see them drunk at bars every weekend, I see the resent on their faces when they speak of their children. I do NOT want to be that person, it terrifies me to death, and it already seems like I am resentful and it is not even born yet.
Anyways, I have my abortion assesment tomorrow morning. I will be able to get a better idea then, because I have been through all this before. If I am panicky and just want to leave (which I never was before) then I will know. I will also be able to ask the counsellor questions and so on.
Thanks again for everyone listening to me and being there for me. I really need it right now.
Tiff
How'd it go this morning? Thinking about you.
(((HUGS))),
Chris
I hope all went well. You were in my thoughts. Please update as soon as you are able. (((hugs)))Christine
Hi Tiffanie...please post when you can about your appointment. I think we're all trying to be patient...lol. pacing
I'll wait to hear how it went before I comment too much on your other posts. I don't want to bore you unnecessarily. Wink
Hey everyone,
So I went to the appt. It went fairly well, considering what it was for and all. The counsellor I talked to was great, she let me talk for so long and didn't push me for a decision at all. She actually said I was the most logical woman to come into the centre in a long time! LOL, I don't feel logical at all, I feel like a babbling mess. So anyways, we talked. I explained to her how I was feeling and she answered some questions for me and so did the doctor. They told me that the abortions, if they never posed any problems for me in the past, should have no future effect on my fertility. They said I am young and young people tend to bounce back quicker than if I was older. Also, the doc said that the most common place for scarring is the cervix and she said mine looked nice and healthy. So, in short, I really shouldn't worry about the fertility part.
They did say, however, that I could have the sadness and depression after, but that I can't have it all. Both choices have their negatives and positives and I have to chose what is more important to me.
So, I also asked about these feeling of resentment, anger, hostility and entrapment. I asked if they were normal for someone wanting to have a baby and really loving it. The counsellor told me that she often sees fear, trepidation, misgivings in pregnant women, but the difference usually is that there is always atleast a little bit of protectiveness and maternal instinct. I do not have any of that!!, i even saw the ultra sound pic today, and I was like...mmm, thats cool... I guess....I don't care what anyone says. That is not cool, the ultrasound didn't even make me a teeny tiny bit happy, not at all. I didn't look at it and think "ohh look at that tiny little life" or " omg, that is so amazing" I didn't even say "wow, cool" I only thought "omg, its getting bigger, get it out now". It only looked like a tadpole to me.
I NEVER in a million years though I would be talking like this ever. I feel wrong and gross and mean. I though I would love it and I just don't. Maybe I will never be able to be a mother. It was always my dream, and now I am so terrified to bring a child into the world because I resent them right from conception. God, I am awful. I feel like crap.
I rushed into this, thinking I was ready. I am clearly not. I made the appt. for the actual abortion for Friday morning. Until then I am going to think about it a little more. The nurse said too though, that if I change my mind or it is too soon I can always call and reschedule or cancel. This is not set in stone. Its just that so far it is not looking so good right now.
I am going to take some more time. Talk about it with my boyfriend and my best friend Sarah, maybe they will have some more insight. My boyfriend is so great. I called him after the clinic and he was like " no matter what you choose, I will love u forever. You are the most important thing to me, more so than this. I loved you before this and will love you after and that we have been us two for this long. It wont change anything if we dont have it, so stop beating urself up about it no matter what u choose". He is great, especially when I know that he deep down wants to keep the pregnancy. My best friend also is so good she just said to me on saturday " no matter what you choose, I think you are a strong enough woman to get through either, you will survive no matter what" That made me feel a little better.
Anyways, cant wait to hear back from you guys. Please dont think I am terrible because I am talking so coldly about this pregnancy. I can't help it, and I feel like I can only let these frusturations out online.
Thanks all!! Bye!
Tiffanie
I must say I am impressed with how the people at the clinic handled everything. Normally they are not so sympathetic. Usually, it seems, they're anxious to get you in, get your money and get you out. You have obviously chosen a clinic that is not so "cold".
I don't think you will be a terrible mother. The feelings of resentment are probably due to the situation. You weren't planning on a baby and it doesn't fit into your current plan and that is probably why you are feeling that way. I was very resentful that I was pregnant, too, the first time. It wasn't planned and, although my goals were not nearly as magnificent as yours, I still did not want to have a baby. I think anything that forces us to change our mentality is difficult to accept. I am sure this is probably the case for you.
So your appointment is for Friday. Keep talking things out, make sure you're absolutely positive. If not, like the nurse said, you can reschedule or postpone until you are.
(((HUGS))),
Chris
I guess my one question at this point is a very personal one...Not one I even want you to answer here. Just reflect on it and see what you come up with. How many abortions do YOU think you can get away with (mentally, emotionally, physically)? Let me try to clarify before someone gets offended. What I mean is, abortion is a legal, sometimes safe, and is a relatively accessible option. So is drinking a beer. For some, 1 beer is enough to render them useless. For others 3 or 4 and they think they can conquer the world...Once behind the wheel of a car however, they discover sadly that they are just as human as the rest of us. They are vulnerable, breakable, fragile. Life is precious and not to be taken for granted. Here is my point. You have had 2 prior abortions. You claim to not have any regrets yet now, you have complete emotional separation from this new pregnancy. This reaction is fairly common with women who have multiple abortions. Your psyche can only handle just so much trauma. Rather or not your head acknowledges those children, your spirit will. This will take its toll, one way or the other. If you choose to acknowledge it, emotions will come forward and you begin letting go, healing even. By denying it, you are forcing the feelings to come out in different ways, or in your case not at all. I am not arguing the rightness or wrongness of abortion here, so please no one get all excited. What I am pointing out is that just because something is accessable and legal doesnt make it right for everyone. I love coconut cream pie, but I know that if I were to eat one after the other, I would soon become sick. Pie in and of itself is not bad. But overindulged, it will bring detriment to my body. Everyone eventually has their breaking point. I am very concerned that if you go forward with this abortion, you could potentially stunt those maternal feelings for good. You already are beating yourself down and that is NOT a good sign. I am in no place to judge, I am post-abort myself. However, I speak from my heart and as all the other girls here can vouch, I don't sugar coat the facts. I speak straight and to the point. Please consider the road you are on and where you think it will take you. You might not see this as a life, but there are many who would gladly accept your baby into their home and love him/her with all their hearts. You would be freed from responsibility and freed from guilt about being ambivilent toward the whole situation. You would have an opportunity to move on and move toward your dreams while fulfilling some childless couples at the same time...I believe you had said once before that you were opposed to even considering adoption. However, it seems based on your latest post that you feel as if your options have come down to bad, terrible, and even worse...Why not at least research it? You might surprise yourself, never know. (((Hugs))) and best wishes either way.
Thanks guys! Those sure are long posts for people who don't even know me, I think that is great. I have read everyones posts on here, on the still deciding board, and you guys have helped each and every one of those girls. I think that is awesome.
I will reflect on that question for sure Christine, maybe it will give me some insight, who knows? I do feel for sure that this detachment from pregnancy is for sure not helped by my prior abortions. But what can I do about that now? I have never been a very "mushy" person ever. Never wanted my mom to hug me, still hate hugging and kissing family and stuff. Although, I am 100%sure that my mother completely mauled me as a baby, she is like that. Anyways, what I am trying to say, is that whenever I try to think about those other two "babies" that I terminated as lives and children and stuff, I can't see it that way. Not because it is too hard, but because i do not see those little tadpoles like that. I have tried and tried and tried. I feel like healing is different for everyone. My mum had two abortions and I asked her once if it was hard for her, did she regret it or ever think about it at all? she laughed a little and no to all of those, not for one minute. She would never lie to me, and she is a very well rounded woman. I don't think abortion is this long drawn out painful thing for everyone, for some people it is just that easy.
The counsellor also told me though, that every pregnancy is different. What I felt the first time may not be for the second or third and so on.
Anyways, I am going to take these few days I have to think about it and see how I feel as it gets closer. I keep waiting to have one of those moments of clarity that drug addicts or alcoholics have, where they see their life in perspective and understand finally what they should do, lol. I doubt that will happen. By the way Chris, Yes the clinic is amazing. It is the same clinic I have went to each time. Maybe they are like that because it doesn't cost me any money, I live in Ontario and abortion is covered by OHIP. It is a very nice clinic. Every single person who works there is female. EVERYONE, and I think that makes it a little more comfy for us girls.
Anyways, thanks all! Talk soon!
Hi Tiffanie
I have been reading al your posts, and I understand all your feelings of entrapment, selfishness, and confusions. I'm currently contemplating my first abortion...and I'm fairly certain that that is the right decision for me and my boyfriend at this time.
I also live in Ontario, and was curious as to where this great clinic was that you mentioned. I have yet to make an appointment but I still researching different clinics in my area? Your clinic seem to be sympathetic and understanding, and definitely a place I would be interested in contacting.
And again, bet of luck in making your decision. It's very difficult, but I feel that we are both intelligent and determined individuals who will in the end make the best choice for ourselves as well as our little tadpoles.
Best Wishes
Lilly
Hi Lilly,
It's nice to see i am not the only one in this situation. It is so hard to be in this position but i, like you, feel like we will all make the right decisions for ourselves.
: Edited out by Rose...Lilly, please email Tiffanie at her email address below to talk about the clinic information. Thanks ladies for understanding! :
You have to make an appt. so call whenever. Remember though, if you would like to talk to someone first, tell them that and they will be happy to sit down with you and listen to everything you have to say.
Where abouts in Ontario do you live? Do you live close to Toronto?
Anyways, how far along are you aswell, this makes a difference in whether or not they will accept you. You see, in Canada we can have abortions until pretty much whenever we want. However, The Bay Centre only does it until 14 weeks. That is their personal choice, and I think that is pretty good. This is why they have such a great reputation, because complications go up as you get furthur along.
Also, they do not do the procedures there at their clinic. They do not do any local anesthetic or medical abortions. They think both are not as safe. So, when you go there, they do all your blood work, chest xrays, heart echos or ekg's just to make sure you are all good. Then they make your appt for Womens College Hospital just around the corner. You go there and are put under general anesthetic and then you wake up. ALL the nurses are amazing there. This one male nurse who takes you down to surgery and wheels you back up tells jokes the whole time, or talks about the leafs! He was so great. The nurses were rubbing my head, and talking to me and they don't rush you out. The first two I had were great experiences in that sense. Just remember though that even when this decision was the best thing for you or you felt comfortable with it, it can be hard to get over for a bit after. The first couple weeks for me were and emotional rollercoaster, but then I bounced back pretty good.
If you wanna talk about the procedures or anything, please feel free to email me at tiffanieyarema@hotmail.com
It might be good to know exactly what happens before you make your final decision.
wow, this was a long one.
To everyone else, hope to hear from you guys soon!!
It certainly seems like that clinic has their stuff together...Sadly, in the states, many clinics are more like slaughter houses...Women get rushed in, counseling is a joke, they herd you in like cattle. Then once its over, they shove some juice and crackers at you and send you on your way. If you get put completely under, then I am sure that helps with the trauma I had mentioned in a PP. It certainly sounds as if they are more about quality care and not their wallet. Since abortions are funded (i'm guessing by the govt?) that eliminates shady motives for abortion providers in Canada? Is that how it works? Either way, I am glad we can support you. I will still worry of course, but you have to make a choice for you. What ever you do, make sure that it is 100% you! (((hugs))). P.S. You might want to PM or email that clinic info directly to Lilly. I think that the site mistress prefers that women go to their doctor for referrals rather than finding them on the board...KWIM? Well, best of luck to you. Keep us posted ok?
I am sorry, I didn't know that about the referrals and stuff. I just didn't want her to feel alone and maybe end up going somewhere that is not so good. Also, she is registered as a guest, so I though that maybe I couldn't PM someone who isn't a member. Sorry, i will remember that next time.
So, so far today has been a "keep the baby" day. Don't anyone start getting excited though because this happens frequently and then just as quickly changes into a "have an abortion" day. I am so messed up. Today I tried to reflect alot on the whole thing, and how I would really feel deep down in my heart about having a baby. Now, I didn't get the warm and fuzzies (i am just not like that) but I did feel a teeny teeny bit of attachment. You know, it's wierd because I said in a previus post that the ultrasound didn't make me feel a thing, but since yesterday I cant seem to get the pic out of my head. It definitly is not what people tell you it looks like. Either side both pro-choice and pro-life. Pro-choice claims it to be a blob (so not the truth) and pro-life claims it to be this itty bitty but fully formed baby waving at you and crap like that ( so not the truth either). I don't know what to think anymore.
I had a great conversation about it today with my best friend. I asked her a million times what I should do, what she would do and she kept not giving me answers because she said she wants to have no bearing on my choice, which made me mad but it is true. Anyways, she finally said to me " Tiff, whatever you choose will be right for you. I will love you either way. But this is what I know: You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. However, you also have this little bean with a spine and that is special too (that is how i described the ultrasound to her..lol) and that might not be the case in one year or five years. And Chris loves you no matter what, even if you don't stay together. And if you have problems with the baby he or I will be happy to step in" So, that is what she said. She is a pretty smart cookie, has been there for me since age 8 and I take what she says very seriously.
It still doesn't mean that I know what to do, but I will take it into consideration. Anyways, I am trying to open myself up and stop being so hard and cold. I have been like that my entire life, maybe thats why abortion is so easy for me and being a mummy makes me want to gag. So much loveyness and kisses and stuff. lol. I havta stop thinking like that!
So, anyways, my bf and I or going out for coffee tonight and we are going to have a nice long talk. Maybe that will sort some stuff out for me. I hope so.
Yes, Christine, our government health plan in my province covers every medical thing known to man. Abortion included. It is called Ontario Health Insurance Plan. The clinic is amazing for sure. They are so funny and nice. I wish they rushed a little bit more, Lol. Just the assesment alone is a four hour appt.!!! that is just to check you all out and make sure your not there because someone is making you. Then the day of the abortion goes from around 8am to 4 pm. It takes so long, but I guess that is better then getting herded like cattle.
Anyways, talk soon
Tiff Confused this is me today and always
Don't worry, i am not a looney pro-lifer Wink but since you did mention the ultrasound and fetal development, I did come across some interesting info. You can take it for what it's worth and see if it inspires any feeling one way or the other.
Day 21 heart is beating
Day 35 fingers can be discerned on the hand
Day 40 brain waves can be detected and recorded
Week 7 the embryo moves spontaneously.
Week 8 Everything is now present that will be found in a fully developed adult.
Week 9 Fingerprints are evident in the skin
Week 10 Fetus can squint, swallow and wrinkle its forhead
Week 11 Fetus can urinate
Week 12 Fetus sleeps, awakens, and exercises. Also, "breathes" amniotic fluid
Week 13 Sexual differentation is apparent.
taken from A Child is Born, 1977 Dell Publishing co.
Pretty active for a "blob" huh? Laughing As for it being a tiny human, that is up to you to decide. Obviously it has some great potential though. While no one can argue that it is capable of surviving without you, it is surely a unique individual. All it needs is nurture and opportunity to continue developing. If we think about it rationally, when are any of us ever fully human? If the defining factor is completed develpment, then our parents could have easily disposed of us before puberty! Laughing The fact is that human life cannot be defined by what stage of development it is in...We all are in a constant state of change and maturation. From embryo to elderly, we are all human, just at different stages is all. You have a tough choice to make and I just hope that you don't too quickly discount the opportunity you have been given. While the previous abortions don't seem on the surface to have harmed you, don't assume that the 3rd will be as uneventful. It could go fine, which I would hope for, but I still can't shake the feeling that you might be doing it simply because it is what you have always done and are afraid to confront motherhood. I could be way off base here but if any of this has helped please let me know...I dont want to ramble uselessly. Wink I am also glad that bf is being so supportive. Again, take care and God bless.
So I went out for coffee with the boyfriend. It didn't go so well. We ended up fighting about it which is probably mostly my fault. he ended up getting frusturated with me and saying " ok, then don't have it, u r obviously NOT ready" and then i freaked. I said " who r u to tell me that im not ready?! you can tell me it looks like im not ready but don't tell me that I am not ready!!" It was a little ridiculous if u ask me. He still supports me though. It just didn't go as planned.
I ended up taking in to account a little of what Christine said. I feel like I am totally detached from pregnancy. Like all my pregnancies end up in some sort of loss, so basically to me pregnancy equals bad times. I fear that if I keep doing this I will eventually give up and never have children. As soon as the tough gets going, i give up and run to the nearest clinic to deal with it. I don't know if that is rational or what but it gave me a little something to think about.
Right now I am leaning a little towards keeping it. I am not 100% yet, but I am trying to get my head around reasons that make it ok. I think that I am a negative person and only see the negative in everything.
So here are my reasons:
1) My bf loves me and wants to marry me
2) we are getting a house in a few months, so no worries about where to live.
3) I am a published writer and am almost done college, so I am not totally uneducated.
4) My bf has a great full-time job, has been working there for years, and has full benefits and everything.
5) I am not a mean person always. I am compassionate and kind and I feel that if I give it time i could grow to love this little thing.
Thats about all I can come up with right now but here are some reasons to not keep it:
1) Abortion may mentally ruin me. Not because thats just what it does generally, but because of how I am.
2) I still wanna travel and stuff.
3) I still wanna go to UNI.
4) I dont want to be the boring friend, who cant go shopping w/ everyone and who doesnt have a nice body anymore!!!!LOL Very Happy
5) Can I really take care of a baby?
Anyways, i just wanted to get that out! lol, talk to yas later Wink
tiff
There is something incredible about giving birth, that one cannot possibly describe. All the doubts, fears, and even the pain all seem to melt away when you first hold that messy, screaming baby. You have lots of reasons to go either way. I do agree with what you said about perhaps just giving up. I will share something that I read in a book from a woman's testimony. Granted, she was on the pro-life side, but ONLY after having 4 abortions. When she gave birth to her 5th child, she wrote this "I was terrified during the entire labor...I wondered how I would be strong enough to push out life when all that had ever passed through my birth canal was death and sorrow." Her sentiments were so moving...She was so afraid of being entrusted with a new life, simply because she had destroyed all the previous ones. I don't know if on some level that rings a bell with you, but I thought it worth sharing. You surely have some strong reasons to consider parenting, but you have to decide that on your own. Also, take into consideration BF and his needs and desires. If he deep down wants this baby, do you feel that your relationship will still be rock solid if he feels that you took away his opportunity to be a daddy? Some men will end up resenting and taking out their bitterness on the woman. They may even turn on them and say "you werent' strong enough to keep it, why should I respect you?" I dont condone such behavior, but the reality is it COULD happen...Are you prepared to lose baby and bf if it came down to it? I am not saying that you should keep it just to pacify him, what i am saying is you have to prepare for worst case scenerio. KWIM? Hope this helps. Be strong sweetie. I think you underestimate your abilities as a woman and yes, even as a mother. (((hugs)))
Oh my gosh...I'm so far behind on these conversations. d'oh! Let me see what I can add to the mix...
Don't dwell on the not feeling maternal thing right now. You are in major "protect myself" mode, and it's likely that with your past abortions, you aren't letting yourself be excited or happy. You were at one point, right? Then as you started to reflect on your past pregnancies and your future, that was when the happy feelings started to vanish. Right? I didn't turn to mush at my first ultrasound either. I didn't really bond with my baby (even though she was wanted) until I could feel her move, knew the sex, named her, and could "play" with her a little bit. (She would kick my hand, etc. Rolling Eyes ) They do look "tadpole-ish" at this point, but they aren't tadpoles ladies. Shame on you LOL You will survive no matter what, sure. Smile But think that through...that means if you choose abortion or parenting you'll survive. I think there's a tendency to think in terms of only surviving if you have an abortion.
I wish that I could show you how being a mommy to someone feels. I often think that pregnant women are at such a disadvantage because all they get to experience is the nausea and the fear. puke LOL. The best thing I have ever read that describes it is here. It probably still won't completely click until you experience it though. That's the way it's supposed to be. You don't get all "mushy" until you have something to be mushy to. I remember being in a complete state of panic because I was not good with kids and didn't like them much! But once she came out...well...it was just completely unbelievable. love4
Don't forget that alcoholics and drug abusers have to hit bottom for their moment of clarity. Anxious We don't want you to hit bottom first.
I am going to pull that address from your post, but if Lilly emails you, you are welcome to give her the information if she hasn't seen it already. Wink
How far along were you at the ultrasound? I think you were like 10 weeks, right? What did the ultrasound look like? By that point, there usually are arms and legs visible...although you're right...not waving yet...lol. Oh...read a little further - bean with a spine, huh? Maybe you aren't 10 weeks yet then?
Reading further...gosh...your reasons to have the baby sound lovely to me. And of course you're not a mean person. Is that how you feel when you think about not wanting to parent? That must be a horrible "shadow" to live under if that's the case. ((Hugs)) If BF has a good job, couldn't he support the family while you go back to school? I think the "boring" friend thing is their loss...they don't seem like such great friends to up and leave you alone through this. Sarah sounds like she's a great friend, and she'll still be there regardless. You can still have a nice body. Wink You can still travel. (BTW, I didn't comment on traveling before. Yes, you can't go partying like you had wanted to, but I don't think that taking your child on an educational trip is selfish...it could be fun! Once again...one of those things you just can't grasp unless you have one.) Can you take care of a baby? Most moms can. Wink I swear it just comes naturally after birth...not before.
Christine has done a great job, and I do wholeheartedly agree with her about only knowing abortion up to this point. That quote she gave from the book in the PP really rings true for a lot of women I think. I also think that fear and the "unknown" as well as the possibility that you might be able to be "mushy" to your baby one day might be making you panic. pale It's good to consider all this. You're doing a great job! Keep thinking!
Hey guys!
Thanks for all the feed-back, I think it is incredible that you care so much about us crazy pregnant girls! LOL.
Rose, I am pretty sure that there were no arms or legs. Not that I could see anyways. The bottom was all one and it kind of curved like a bean and there was a little tail, and a ginormous head...lol. I am positive I am 10 weeks, actually I was 10 weeks and 3 days the day the ultrasound was taken.
I agree that if I chose parenting, I would survive. I 100% agree. It is just hard to kind of let go and, I guess in a way, mourn that life you have or had prior to becoming a mom. And just accepting that people change and evolve and grow-up. God, I still feel like I am 15 walking around with a fake ID! I guess it kind of scares me to grow up, but everyone has to right?
LOLOLOLOLOL I JUST noticed the vominting smiley and he/she is thoroughly the most disgusting and funny thing i've ever seen!!
Yes, Rose, I was happy at first. I bought baby UGGS in La, I bought lots of other clothes and I even picked out names. If it was a boy it was going to be Owen Seamus and if it was a girl it was going to be Ava Katherine. Yes, I am Irish. But then that happiness faded. I think I can think of why too. It prolly started with my friend Keith telling me that my life was over and I am a retard blah blah blah. He did call to apologize, he was worried for me, Ive known him since I was 10 and he is kinda like a really annoying pesky brother. Anyways, that is where it started. Then I wasn't invited out with the girls one night and I always was before. But u know what? I honestly think they are just jealous. They are all older than me and want to get married and have kids and their bf's will NOT commit. Now here I am, my bf has been with me not as long as their's and he wants to marry me and have a baby. Maybe thats why they dont want me around. i dunno, I just think those things got the ball rollin.
There is one thing I wanted to ask you guys though. Is it normal to all of a sudden hate your bf? It was like overnight, when I became pregnant, I couldn't stand him. Still can't. I don't want him to touch me, he annoys the crap out of me constantly and I just friggin hate him most of the time. But immediately b4 I was pregnant, he was my fave person. I would have married him in a heart beat, my head hurt just to think about how much i loved him. is this normal!!?
Anyways, talk to u guys soon.
tiff
lol...yes, it's normal! Laughing Those hormones do some crazy things to us when we're pregnant, and just about anything is normal! For some reason, it does affect how you feel about being touched, about sex, and just your feelings in general. No worries...you're normal!
Chris
okay good. i was really starting to worry that maybe I didn't want to be with him or something. That is really scary to me because, I do love him so much. Phew! Glad im normal!
We actually planned my latest pregnancy so that my DH would be overseas for the majority of the pregnancy. I get crazy when pregnant and even once he got back, I was so finicky! One minute i couldnt get enough petting, the next I was like devil woman! The hormonal upheaval should begin to level out as you finish the 1st trimester. As for the ultrasound and you being 10 wks, remember they measure from the 1st day of last period, so technically it JUST became a fetus( "offspring, young one" in latin) at 8 wks gestation. this could explain the absence of visible hands and whatnot. Your friends telling you your life is over is so far from the truth. Me and Dh go out at least 2x each month and we just swap sitting with friends so no one has to pay for it! Joining a parents support group should hook you up with other young families in your area. Just an idea. Once you become a parent, some of the desire for party life goes away naturally anyway. I still go out for drinks with DH, but i dont ever get drunk cuz i am afraid that if the sitter called, I would have to drive on a moments notice...Things like that. You just kinda mature overnight when you have a new life to be responsible for. So while you mourn your losing freedom now, when the time comes, most likely you won't miss it. Just my $0.02 for what its worth
I know what you say is so true Christine, but some girls tell me they do miss their freedom. That they would have waited had they had the choice. What can be said about all those girls that I see drunk every night at the bar while their babies sit at gramma's house? They were once excited pregnant women too. Maybe it turned out not how they expected, so I know it is possible that I might not be happy about losing my life. Although, I am not a party animal. I do not drink ever actually, let alone after I have a baby. I choose not to drink or do drugs.
Ah well, I guess you always have to wait and see. So tomorrow is thursday, Friday is my appointment day. I have all day tomorrow to think about wether or not I want to go through with it. If I have even a 1% doubt, I will call and either cancel or reschedule. I want to be 100% sure either way I go. 99% just won't cut it for me.
I don't know about you Christine, but I don't like to be pet ever. I am mostly a constant B*%#H if you know what I mean. Everything is ew, ew ew. I never have a moment of bonding with him like other women claim to have during pregnancy, i just want him to dissapear, but on top of that I still do love him. Wierd huh?
Anyways, talk to you guys soon. Wish me luck with my thinking. I think tomorrow I am going to wake up and pretend like I had an abortion. Then I will go through all my baby stuff and see how I feel. I know that sounds like torture, but I want to know how I'll react.
K, nite all!
Tiff
Hi Tiffanie,
You're wise to wait if you have even 1% doubt. How are you feeling today?
Today I am feeling ok. Last night was a more "keep the baby" night. So, I don't know. I am just nervous, that's all. I really don't want to make a wrong decision, so I am going to have to think about it more and more. Why is it that I cannot make up my mind? Everyone else on here made their mind up in a few posts, some kept, some aborted. I've read absolutely everything in the still deciding board, and I seem to be the only one taking this long to decide.
Here is what I know: The last time I aborted I swore to my self up and down, I would NEVER do it again ever. You couldn't pay me to do it. Now, I can't seem to put myself back in that place, that place where abortion was the last thing I would ever do again. I can't even remember why I said it. It must mean something though right?
I did what I said I was gonna do. I woke up today, pretending like I had an abortion. I took my baby stuff out of the closet, and I felt really angry. Or maybe just empty, which made me feel angry. This was all mixed with a tiny bit of relief though, just not enough to go on for sure. Gosh, what to do!!!???
TTYGL
Tiff
I absolutely believe that if at that time you felt so strongly about NOT ever having another abortion, then you should proceed with great caution. You may not feel that way now because you are in the midst of the trial and are in "self preservation" mode. You are not capable of being completely objective. After your last abortion, some part of you inside, somewhere deep down was screaming "don't hurt me again like this" .Perhaps that still small voice is being drowned out momentarily by your fears of parenting but if you go through with another abortion, you will be violating yourself in the worst way. You made a promise to yourself based on the deep pain you were feeling at the time, now you are ready to compromise yourself. Is it worth the risk? Hear my heart sweetie, there are huge red flags waving frantically somewhere in your heart and if you don't heed them, i fear for you. I am not one to beg or plead with you to give your child life, that's not my style. I am however imploring you to give YOURSELF a chance to prove how strong you are...not to take the "easy" way out. If you felt angry and empty just pretending, how much more will you feel that way after the real thing? What would your feelings be if you knew that this was your last chance to ever be a mom? I think I may have asked you that once before, but the feelings you are bringing up just really make me wonder. As for taking a long time to decide, you are perfectly ok. making quick knee-jerk reactions almost never work out well in the end anyway. You have a lot of history to deal with also, whereas many women who come here it is a first pregnancy. You cannot afford to be flighty about your decision. Your emotional/mental well being depends on it. I am sending big (((hugs))). Is this helping? I don't mean to be repetitive but the longer you talk it out, the more strongly i can't help but feel. Sorry, that's just me...It is almost as if I can see the pain between the lines of type...a pain buried and supressed so deep that just getting to it is a challenge I'm going to stop rambling now...ttyl
Hey Christine, Thank you so much for caring about this. That is really great and hard to find right now. I am thinking that I will keep the baby. I have always wanted to be a mom and that chance is not gaurunteed to me 100% forever. I could be in an accident next month and my chances could disappear. That scares me even more than having the abortion scares me. There are absolutely no gauruntees in life., so why risk this one? I still have so many hopes and dreams for myself, but I plan on sitting down and kind of re-working those goals, and see how I can change them to where I am still happy and my child isn't resented.
All have to do now is call the centre and cancel, I am sure they wont mind, people prolly do it all the time.
Anyways, ttyl!!
Hi hon,
Based on the things you have been saying I really think you'll be doing the right thing for you. And don't worry about taking a while, sometimes it takes longer for us to be able to think clearly, and, like Christine said, you have a lot riding on this decision, physically and emotionally. You are a strong woman, I know you can do it.
(((HUGS))),
Chris
I know you said you arent religious, but if you don't mind, you will be in my prayers ok? You really need support and strength and no matter where it comes from I'm sure you won't mind. Try to find some local support, perhaps a crisis center could offer referral to a new mom/expectant mom group. I am so glad that you have taken the time to think this out and also to listen to all of us rant and ramble. I just hope that the things we said helped you to gain a better perspective and insight into yourself. (((hugs))) Christine
Hi guys
Thanks for all the support. No, I do not mind you putting me in your Prayers Christine, not at all. I need all the help I can get. I think I will be making the right decision for me too, I feel that in my heart.
Everything people have said have made me look into myself a little deeper. I didn't look at it from any point of view but negative. I seem to always do that. I look at two options and only ever see the negative in both so I have to stop because it always always leads to some sort of trapped feelings.
There are always positives in life, you've just gotta find them in your heart.
You guys are like my guardian angels even though I am not religious!
Love Tiff
Now THAT's more like it! The glass is half full! We are all rooting for ya! And you would have been in my Prayers like it or not LOL I think you are stonger than you give yourself credit for! Remember that the darkest hour is always just before dawn.
Once again I'm behind, and I missed all the fun! Oh well...I read all day yesterday and the day before and said prayers for you throughout, but I just didn't have the time to post.
Like the other ladies said, it is normal to be grossed out by BF. A lot of that is hormones, and when you hit the 2nd trimester you might find yourself head over heels again. I'm sure some of that was that self-preservation stuff...as in "If I'm going to have this abortion, I need to distance myself from him since he's the father."
As far as missing your freedom and not having fun...I think a lot of the girls you see in the bars that have kids might have never grown up..that or they grew up too soon and are going through their wild years now. It is unfortunate...but I don't think this is going to be you because you are thinking about it now. Those are the marks of a good mom. Wink The other girls might have been excited pregnant women, but I don't think they did a lot of thinking...you obviously have.
How are you feeling today now that the appointment has passed you by? I know that's a scary choice, especially since it's one that you haven't chosen when faced with it before. (((Hugs))) It's normal to not be thrilled overnight, but I just know that you are going to be thrilled once the baby is here. I just think you have been so strong through this whole thing...really willing to do some self-exploration, and I'm so happy that you did that for yourself. I hope that we helped, and I hope you'll stick around and update us! Like Christine said, the glass does sound half full...you have sounded much more hopeful and positive in the last couple of days - have you felt a change too?
Post soon. Smile Let us know what BF says too!
Hi Everyone!!
Yes, I also feel that I have been more positive lately. I am just starting to realize that it is not as bad as I thought it was. Although, if this nausea and indigestion doesn't go away soon, I will for sure die! It's like the more I eat, the hungrier I feel.
My Boyfriend is happy but a little apprehensive, of course. He isn't going to get all excited again yet, and I don't blame him. This whole thing has been like a rollercoaster ride. I keep yo-yoing up and down. But once he sees that things are sticking, then it will be ok.
I feek ok today, better than I thought. I thought I would wake up in a panic because I cancelled the appt. and I would be kicking myself, but I am not at all. I feel deep deep down that I am making the right decision.
You can't always take the easy way out, life would suck if that's what happened all the time.
Thanks again for all the support!
I guess I should continue to post in the pregnancy board, but I am scared to move there!!! It's like I am finalizing it!!!!LOL, oh well, If I post there it will be under the same name!!
Love: Tiff
Congratulations, sweetie! It sounds like you have made the right decision and that you are happy and at peace. That doesn't mean it will all be rosy, but at least you have done what is right for you. I am so happy for you! It would be great if you'd stick around on the pregnancy board and keep us updated. We love that!
(((HUGS))),
Chris
Tiffanie,
I just want to say congrats to you really quick. My daughter needs to use the computer for homework and she is breathing down my neck
I am very happy for you and I can feel the relief you have just by reading your posts. You sound so good. Give BF some time and I believe he will in time become very excited about the life inside you.
Keep us posted on how you are doing.
Love,
Ruth
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