hi...im a married mother of 4 and just recently found out I was pregnant again although i had not had unprotected sex. Me and my husband were both very upset about it and i have not decided what to do. He doesnt want me to have the baby because of the financial hardships we know its going to cause and he already works very hard to support four. I also have health issues that he is concerned about ( i have severe dyplasia of the cervix that is borderline on being cervical cancer and was supposed to have a leep procedure in june to remove all the abnormal cells) He really does not want me to have the child. Im afraid if I dont go through with an abortion that i will lose my husband. But whenever i even think about having one it really makes me almost sick to my stomach..Ive always believed that abortion was wrong for me but thought that it was each womans personal decision. Im afraid if I go through with it that i wont be able to live with the guilt.We are already so finanically strained that we cant barely make it and my husband thinks that if i have it that it will ruin the rest of our lives and that we will never be able to get anywhere. My problem is that I do want the baby even though i know its very bad timing and that we really dont need another child. I just dont know what i should do. When i got pregnant with my last child my husband wanted met o get an abortion too but i didnt and we have raised her and he is a wonderful father to her and the 3 children i already had before we got married. I also had a miscarriage on my birthday in 2004 and i still to this day wonder what the baby would have been like and I didnt even know I was pregnant when i had the miscarriage. THis is a very difficult time for me and im just not sure what the right thing is too do.
-syndi
Tuesday, May 2, 2006
not sure what to do
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Hi Syndi,
Welcome to Choice to Live With! I'm glad you found us - there is a lot of great support here.
The first thing that jumped out at me while reading your post is how much you do not want an abortion. The second thing was how good of a father your husband is to the baby he wanted you to abort previously. He doesn't want this baby either, but do you think he will accept it and be a good father to it if you decide to have it? Like he did the other one? Men usually see abortion as an easy way out. Which it is - for them! He doesn't have to go through the procedure, he doesn't have to deal with the emotions and possibly guilt afterwards. He doesn't feel the presence of a new life inside of him. Most men don't realize the reality of a baby until it's born, or at the very least, until they feel it moving. If you were to say to him "I don't want an abortion, I can't go through with it, I want this baby" what do you think he would say? Do you think he would come around like he did with the other one? I know you don't want to lose your husband, and I can appreciate that. But don't you believe that he loves you enough to want what's best for you? Because this is what it's all about right now - what's best for you! Coming to a decision that is right for you, what you can live with! It is not his decision at this point - his decision will be to stay and love you and the baby, or leave.
You said that he is already working long hours and you are strapped financially. Would you consider assistance? Either government or private parties?
As far as your medical condition - have you talked to a doctor yet about your pregnancy? Have you discussed what this means in respect to your condition? If carrying a baby to full term is possible? I also have had severe dysplasia of the cervix, and the leep procedure done, and my doctor did not mention anything about pregnancy not being possible. But then again, I didn't ask Smile
I see a lot of valid reasons for you to question whether this is a good time for another baby, but I also see how much you don't want an abortion. Sometimes it helps to talk things out to make a decision. Have you filled out the "feelings" or "beliefs" page on this website? That might make things a little more clear when you read the answers that you gave.
I hope that you will continue to post here and let us help you in your decision making process - it sometimes helps to have unbiased people to talk things out with.
Well there is no doubt that your situation is less than ideal, but remember...this too shall pass. Your husband seems to be looking out for the best interests of the family's future and his own sanity. You are the one who has the final say though. I saw that you posted under medical abortion also. You seem really concerned about the fact that you might be ending a life. I am no expert but I believe that the embryo has a discernable heartbeat from day 21 on (Keeping in mind that you don't miss a period until day 10-14). Ultimately, no one can convince you that you either are or are not taking a life. That conviction will be a personal one that will be based on your beliefs, morals, and thoughts. It is not an easy decision to come to, no one will argue that point. B4 you make the choice, list the pros and cons for both abortion and parenting. Research what help you could get from local sources like church, crisis pregnancy centers etc. You don't have to live on welfare in order to love your kids. I know you are afraid of going broke, but is that worth sacrificing your baby? Have you any items left from your previous children? Could you take advantage of area garage sales or thrift stores? WIC is a wonderful resource that supplements your groceries and gives you milk for baby after the birth. I used that and was greatful for the help. I guess my point is that while raising this baby might not be easy or timely, but if you abort to make your hubby happy, it could end up driving you apart and destroying your family. Resentment and hurt will kill a relationship faster than anything else I can think of. Take your time and make the choice that is right for you sweetie. Hubby can come along for the ride or he can leave...When it comes right down to it, do you really think he would do that or is he just afraid right now? Men often want to solve the problem when all we really want is for them to listen. I also am eager to hear your answer to the PP's ? about rather or not you can even carry safely to term with your medical condition. This should weigh in on the outcome of this situation also. Best wishes with whatever you decide...Wish i could be of more help. Stick around and keep talking. It helps.
Hi Syndi,
Welcome to CTLW...I'm glad to see you here! I ditto all that has been said, and I'm looking forward to hearing more from you. Remember to just take your time and make the choice you can live with. (((Hugs)))
Thanks for your replies..as far as the assistance..we are already on food stamps but my husband just got a new job where he makes more money so most of those are about to be cut. My children do get medical coverage from the govt also. The only insurance i had was family planning from the govt. which I couldnt use because my primary doc took me off of the birth contol pills i was on (yasmin 28) about a year ago when my blood pressure shot up and i began experiencing horrible migraines. I havent been able to talk to anyone about it at all since I only had basically one friend left after marrying my husband(hes Muslim and not american and no one approved of it) So he really has been the only person who even knows and the first thing he told me was that I needed to get an abortion or he was leaving because he couldnt handle it finacially,physically,or emotionally. I feel so guilty that i got pregnant. The last couple of days hes acted a litttle better towards me about it but i know he really still wants me to not have it. He says that the reason he didnt want me to have our other child was because of his family issues(they have not accepted me and act as if we dont exist because they usually arrange marrriages in his culture) He didnt want them to even know about his child. I went through absolute hell in that pregnancy, he hated me and this time told me that i disgusted him because of not agreeing.
as far as the medical condition all i know is they told me they cant do the leep procedure while im pregnant and they didnt discuss any more about it since at the time i was waiting blood test results to confirm the pregnancy test they gave me in doc office(it had a very faint pink line on it and they werent to sure so they gave me a blood test) That was on the 24 of april . i havent made any doctor appointments or anything yet since we havent decided what to do.
I forgot to mention about the cervical dysplasia. This will not in any way affect the pregnancy or ability to deliver. It's usually caused by the HPV virus that is very common today. Treatment is usually deferred until after the pregnancy, which is what it sounds like your doctor wants to do. It isn't an emergency proceure, since anything cancerous takes a long while to progress. They can, however, do biopsies if you are they are worried about rapid progression during your pregnancy, and should they find cancer, they can do the LEEP on an emergency basis during your pregnancy, but I am telling you (and you can check with your doc to be sure) that this is soooo not likely to be necessary. I have cervical dyplasia too, and my pregnancy actually stopped progression, and my PAPs are now normal. One more positive for me...lol. I hope that helps you at least take that burden off of you, but if not, call your doctor and have them reassure you that this happens often and isn't a huge deal, okay? The 7-8 months left isn't going to do damage.
Don't foget that food stamps and other programs will now need to be readjusted because you are pregnant. Being pregnant counts you as "2" for these programs. Even with your DH's raise, you may qualify now. I can check or you can check into that. Pregnancy centers and churches will still help even if the government won't. I think I was only able to find one center for you when you emailed...did you want me to look for more?
As for your DH...sigh....wow...he's not sounding like a night in shining armor right now, let me tell you. If it were me, and it isn't, I'd tell him to put his money where his mouth is and get the heck out...see if he's really meaning it, and if he did leave, what was he really worth then? I know you love him, but that doesn't give him the right - no matter the circumstances of your marriage, your pregnancy, or anything else - to treat you with disgust. He is your husband...there to love you and cherish you. Do you feel cherished?
Short of telling him to take a hike, you need to at least be able to stand up for yourself (and your baby, since that's what you're feeling) just as you did before. There's no reason you can't have the upper hand here, because you are doing what is right for you. You don't need to let him control and manipulate you. You've done it before, and he is just fine with his child. You've done it before with your parents, and you're glad to have your daughter. There's no reason you can't do it now...especially if you have the support of all of us as well as some support from a local pregnancy center. Anyone else that would help/support? A church you belong to maybe?
I hope you don't think I'm being too harsh on him. Any man that would tell you he was disgusted by you deserves a little harshness in my book. Wink You don't need to defend him...just tuck what I've said in the back of your head. I know sometimes he's probably lovely and that the issues are probably more than just him. I get that. I just hate to see you unsupported in your own marriage - the one place you're supposed to feel the most love. (((((Hugs))))
Stepping off of soapbox...must've woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. Wink
I understand completely where you are coming from about my husband ...sometimes he is the sweetest person in the world but the next he can be extremely cold. the whole thing is just a huge mess. Ive looked in this area and there really isnt much other types of help available. I live in a small city ..i know that i saw someone in here that lived in Lynchburg VA..well they are about 45 min away from me and im sure they have heard of Danville..we are a small city with one of the highest unemployment rates in this whole country. It was one of those mill towns that has lost all of the textile businesses. As far as churches helping us...lol...not too many churches int his area are willing to help Muslim families.....and most here are so closeminded that they already looked down on me when I use to go to church because of my oldest child being out of wedlock. I guessits just one of those cities where time seems to have stood still although we have a large number of teenage pregnancies here. You would think there would be more services available but there isnt. I do know the one place you sent though..Its actually within walking distance of my home. Im not sure what my next step should be...i dotn want my family to break up because i know my mother would just come to me with a big " I told you so" and my kids have gotten so attached to him. i cant imagine starting over again and I know that he does love me . I think hes just scared too. He says I got my way the first time and that I should listen to him this time.
Hi Syndi,
I'm glad to see you posting here. Pretty much what I'm hearing from everyone else is exactly what I would say to you....Follow your heart. You know best how an abortion will affect you. You said your husband's just scared, too. You're probably right. This isn't about who gets their way, that's not what marriage is about. It's about doing what's best for you and your family. Does he need to be reminded how well it turned out last time? How things would be so different if you didn't have your youngest child? How does he feel knowing that you wouldn't have that child if you'd done what he had asked then? It sounds like, from what Rose said, that your medical condition should not hinder you from having healthy pregnancy, so now you just need to make your decision. Take your time, follow your heart, don't compromise yourself. He loves you for who you are, and you are someone who does not appear to be comfortable with abortion. If he loves you like he should, he should respect that. I understand that it's been difficult in the past, but would one more child really change things all that much?
Sorry for the lecture. As you may have noticed, the women here don't handle it well when a man is trying to make a woman do something she is not comfortable with, and we try to do all we can to make women understand that the decision is theirs...the man doesn't have to live with the possible emotional effects of an abortion. Anyway, follow your heart. No matter what you decide we're here for you.
Feel free to email me again, if you'd like, otherwise I'll just keep up with you here.
Hey Syndi, its Christine. My DH is from Lynchburg and I also lived there for a short time. If you are interested, I can find you some local support group or resources! Have you been to the local crisis pregnancy center yet? They might be able to help in some way. I am sorry that your DH is so hot and cold toward you. That cannot be a very soothing environment. Has he ever been physically abusive toward you or the children? If my DH told me he felt disgusted, I would have given him a swift kick in the a$$. Emotional abuse is just as damaging if not moreso than physical. Remember, the body bounces back and heals far more quickly and easily than the mind. Once you lose that, it is gone. I lived with mr. wrong for 4 yrs and suffered a great deal of trauma as did my oldest son. If he treats you like anything less than a princess, for whatever reason, get help k? Sending up prayers for ya. Could you find a moslem religious leader to counsel with him? I know that Islam generally condemns abortion unless it is to save the life of the mother. You seem pretty healthy to me. LOL. Perhaps if confronted with a respected leader of his faith, he will come around. Just an idea.
hi everyone..i couldnt get into the site yesterday so this is my first chance to reply. My husband has never been physically abusive to me or the kids. He has a short temper but has never been physical with me and i really dont think he would. My first marriage was an abusive marriage that ended with the idiot holding me hostage (while i was running a home daycare no less) so i wouldnt ever go throught that again. I dont always like the things he says to me but i try to let it go in one ear and out the other. He still really wants me to have the abortion but told me last night that if i wanted it to go ahead with it but that it would ruin our lives. He says hes tired of living the life of a 50 year old and that it would be embarrassing to have 5 kids and that we could never go out in public because everyone would look at us. He said we already never get to go out and do stuff like other people his age.(hes younger than me by almost 4 years). But then he says he still loves me and hes tired of me walking around the house looking as if someone has "died" I dont know what to think or do. I feel like this has permanently damaged our marriage and that its my fault somehow that the condom didnt work. I didnt ask to be pregnant right now ..I really wanted to wait at least 2 years if we tried to have another baby. Im not exactly thrilled and ready for this either. I dont think he realizees that if I have the abortion that im not going to just be able to ger up the next day like nothing ever happened and go out and have fun with him. Its like he thinks it will make it all go away...told me that i shouldnt risk ruining everyones life so that i wouldnt have an "emotional problem" The thing that gets me is he told me all of this on the same day that he finds out that he was getting promoted and getting a raise (it will be an extra 400 a month!) The state is taking over our house and has given us 30,000dollars to put down a down payment on a house since we were renting a house thats going to be torn down for a highway to be built. TO ME it seems as if we are going to ever do this that now would be the time . Im starting to wonder whats really going on and what the real reason is that he doesnt want me to do this. But meanwhile i went and set up an appointment for me take a placement test at a local college so i could go back to school (whether im pregnant or not I can go to school) that way ill be closer to finishing at least my associates degree. I dotn see why it would have to hold me back from that even though he seems to thnk it does. I graduated from high school pregnant although i didnt know i was at the time. I dont see why i cant do this now when other women do. oh well sorry i rambled on but there was just so much to get out!
oh by the way ..just wanted to let everyone know that i do not have a private email ..me and my husband share an email address so...well im sure you get the picture!!
Cindy,
I ditto what all the other ladies are saying. Do you thinkk it may be possible that the windfall you have gotten may be a sign of sorts? You already have 4 children, and it doesn't sound like a fifth one would make it any more difficult for you and your husband to go out and do things. I think that your husband has some of his own issues regarding his own stature and external appearances. The south can be less tolleran about nonChristian faiths. I think regardless of the outcome, you and your husband should consider counselling.. Normally if people are friendly and cordial, they eventually get accepted into a community.. I myself face some adverse circumstances, but it would be easier for me to coop myself up in the house and say how no one likes me and blame it on other people.
I want your husband and you to be proud of his wife and his family. I have had terrible problems on birth control pills so understand why you cannot take them and please don't blaim yourself for having the condom break. Things happen and it is not your fault. Have you tried telling him how this is hurting you and that he needs to decide what is more important to him. Could it be possible that he wouldn't want to support two children in the event that he leaves.
Just try to figure out what this is all about.. What it is he finds embarrassing. I don't see how having one more child could cause any more embarrassment. I think it would be more embarassing for him to not be a man and to stick up and be emotionally supportive of you.
Also, hotmail accounts are free and so is g mail so you could open up an account withou your partner seeing your personal e-mails.
I hope things start going better for you and please don't rush to a decision. We are here for you and really want you to make a decision that is good for you.
I was so glad to hear that you are going back to school. I think that is very empowering and could help you get work if that is what you choose.
i agree with you in that i dont think the 5th one is going to be that much more difficult....my husband just said he never wanted a littler..(which i didnt either but it seems God had different plans) Ill tell all of you that may sound completely stupid but with me having 4 girls all i can think of is what if this is my son. I just cant honestly imagine me going through with the abortion. I had a nightmare last night of someone tieing me down and cutting it out of me. He just thinks our other children will suffer. For me one of my closest friends growing up was the youngest of 5 (she had 4 brothers) and it seems she turned out just fine in the end. Shes doing better than i am actually. When i think about that and the fact that her parents were divorced then i see it in completely different turns. He just keeps telling me that we have a choice in this country of whether to put this type of hard ship on ourselves. Myoldest child is 10 so by the time this one would be this age hopefully my oldest 2 would be ontheir way to college so im thinking of things in the future where as hes seeing right at this moment. However I did catch him looking at bigger cars and minivans on the internet last night so maybe hes coming along. I really just cant imagine it and for some reason im starting to show already and cant get my jeans buttoned. When he came home from work and saw me in some of my pull on elastic pants and a shirt and he could see my belly rounding out he looked shocked. He even said "god this one is a big one" Im only supposed to be about 5 weeks but i know that when youve had other children you get begger faster. Now hes worried theres more than one in there too LOL My dad had a set of twin brothers and my moms mother also lost a set of twins. My father was one of 9 and my mother was one of 15 but only 10 of them survived past the age of 2. So to me it doesnt seems so impossible. Please everyone keep me in your thoughts and help me to find the strength to do whats right for me.
I may be wrong in being presumptuous, but you seem to have already bonded not only to the idea of keeping this baby, but with the baby itself. You are pulling maternity clothes out and envisioning what sex it will be. I fear that for you to pursue an abortion, knowing how you feel, could be emotionally disastrous. I am by no means an expert but if every fiber of your being says that this is without a doubt your child, then go with that. It does sound as if DH might be coming around. Are you sure encouraging the abortion isnt just his male way of "solving" a potential problem before it has a chance to become one? He may just be afraid. If you sit down together and work out a reasonable budget, perhaps trade up in cars, and you buy all your baby stuff 2nd hand or discount, you should be fine. Hang in there sweetie. The darkest hour is always just before dawn. Be strong and have faith. God never gives you more than he knows you can handle (with his help).
Be strong Syndi.
You are in my Prayers.
Love, Sarah
Hi Syndi,
It does sound like he is starting to think in terms of this being real. I think a lot of times men jump to abortion and don't really even begin to process whether or not it could work. They get stuck thinking "I don't have to think about another baby." With just about every pregnancy, there's a point of "Oh my gosh...we can't do this right now!" For a lot of men, they know that's as far as they need to think if their women will have an abortion. I'd encourage you at the very least to give him a couple more weeks, and in the meantime, keep telling him that you just don't think you can have an abortion. My guess is that the thought of an abortion will dwindle with him in time.
It sounds very much like you would be scarred from an abortion, emotionally. He might not understand that, but my guess is that it'd be easier to deal with the real problems another child might bring to the table rather than the problems of resentment, guilt, depression, etc., that an abortion might bring to you.
((((Hugs))))) How are you doing?
Sydni,
Glad that you found us. I just want to say five kids is something to be really proud of not ashamed of. My dh and I have six. and yes, we get looked at alot especially when they were all younger and I went to the store with all of them, but I figured most of them were thinking "I could never do that" and they probably couldn't. Somedays I can't do it either Confused However, I am still so very grateful for each one of them and our lives have been blessed many many many times over b/c of them.
Are times hard financially, yes, but there are many ways to have inexpensive fun. Parks, game night, playing outside. And when there is alot of kids they play with eachother and entertain themselves better when there is only one or two.
I really hope you can follow your heart and that your husband can come to terms with this. But he should never tell you are disgusting. You didn't get pregnant by yourself, right. A pregnant woman is beautiful and should be treated as such.
last night me and my hubby got into a huge fight about all of this. I was upset after coming home from my older childrens dress rehearsal after listening to a prenant woman behind me talk about how great her husband was being about having their 5th child and how he was painting the babys room and how they bought bunk beds for the other kids and all of this to make the baby fit in their 3 bedroom house. All i could wonder is why mine isnt like that. I was in tears when i came home and all my husband could say was that they were stupid to even think like that about having another child. And proceeded to tell me that i must not love him since i didnt want to have the abortion that i only loved myself and thought of myself. He told me tha the wouldnt divorce me if I went through with it but he doesnt agree with it and that things would never be good between us again. When I tried to explain to him how I felt about the whole situation and how I really thought we could make it he told me he didnt want to hear any stupid speeches and that he wasnt listening to it. He said if I hadnt whored around and had 3 children before him instead of waiting for him that we wouldnt be in this situation and that he would be happy about the baby. I just dont know what to do...hes so upset and angry about this. He says he doesnt want to sit around the house with 5 kids that he wants a life. Im so confused because i truly love my husband ...I dont understand why hes being so nasty about this to me. I could understand if I had gotten pregnant on purpose without telling him but I didnt . But after all of this he was rubbing my belly last night before I fell asleep and then talking to me as if nothing ever happened and this morning he just got up ans went to work and kissed me and told me he loved me like nothing ever happened. I cant figure this out... he loves our daughter so much even though he wanted me to abort her(he was even nastier about her) and i just never thought he would do this again. What can i do??? I feel like a horrible person and wife and like im punishing my other children by not having an abortion. I just wonder if Im not thinking straight and looking at it in the right terms. He says im living in a fairy tale land and im starting to wonder if i am.
Syndi,
You are not the one being selfish - he is!!! I can't believe that someone who claims to love you so much can treat you so horribly! He is trying to guilt you into making you do what he wants you to do. Please don't buy into it. You know in your heart what is best for you and your children. Please don't change that just for him. I don't think he should even have any say in the matter, after the way he's treated you. Sorry if I sound harsh, but I cannot tolerate men who treat women they (say) they love that way. Even though it's not as common these days, many families have 4, 5 or 6 kids. Your other children will not suffer if you bring another baby into it. Maybe they won't all get the latest greatest toys and such, but there's way more to life than what you can buy them.
Hang in there Syndi, you know that you've already made the best choice for you. Be strong. We're here for you, even if your husband can't be. And from the way he's bonded with the other baby that he wanted you to abort, there's a good chance that he'll come around with this one also.
Love, Hugs and prayers sent your way Smile
Marnie
Leave this a$$hole. I lived with mental/emotional blackmail and abuse for 4 yrs. Your husband is psychologically battering you and you need to make it stop. Call around, find a shelter and get your kids to a place where they won't have to live under his thumb. Love cannot be selfish or self seeking. Love is patient, it is kind. Love is longsuffering and never proud. The manner in which he is treating you is wretched. You had 3 kids before marrying him? So what? I had 2 kids AND an abortion before I married my husband and he would NEVER think of throwing that in my face. That is love. Him calling you a whore...Unthinkable. YOU NEED TO LEAVE. I believe I mentioned earlier how much more damaging emotional abuse is than physical. My mother lived for 17 yrs with a psychological abuser and almost was driven to suicide on 2 occasions. He brainwashed her into thinking she was selfish, crazy, etc. She lived in denial for a long time and now, 7 yrs after divorcing him she is finally normal. Sort of Laughing Do your children hear him speaking to you in this way? If so, he is abusing them because they absorb all of that and will reflect it as they grow older and seek out relationships of their own. Please consider that also. Hugs and I hope you are able to be strong.
Be good to yourself and take care of yourself and pamper yourself as much as possible. Encourage the children to help you with things. If they know about the baby things could be more real and exciting for them and it would be even harder for your bf to push abortion.
Try to do sootheing things before going to sleep; it could cut down on the nightmares. Continue to love those around you and let that validate your strength and right to decide. It sometimes seems when we get down and one more person seems to much but that person can bring joy we might have never known.
Are you wanting a boy?
Keep us posted; we are here for you and praying.
Sindey. I can understand how you love your husband and i believe that he is probably a good person at heart. I would have a talk with him and ttell him that it is never okay to refer to you as a hoar, that you are the mother of his children and that when he chose to marry you it was for better or for worse. Tell him that he has a choice to make. He can either get counselling for organizing and sorting out his feelings or join a group for men who are verbally abusive or he doesn't deserve you.
He keeps referring to a better himself or getting a life. A life is dealing and making choices for yourself and honoring your committments and loving your family. I think he needs to redirect his anger into work to make things work out for your family.
I'm not trying to sound like Women's Lib, but it really sounds that he has issues about the kids before you and isn't fully committed. I'll pray for you and hope that he is kinder to you. I know that lashing out at him doesn't help you but if you can be calm and explain his choices to him it may be better. If you can ask questions like: Can we come up with more acceptable ways for you to share your feelings or express them.
Please continue to be strong and urture yourself. You are an example of love and commitment and will be a testimony to your family.
Hi Syndi,
The others have had some good things to say. I, too, had a child before I met my husband and probably at probably at that time I might have even felt like I deserved to be called a whore. However, when he married me he accepted everything about me and it is in the past. If he were to ever, ever call me something like that I would be so hurt and angry I don't know if I could look at him the same way anymore. Whatever your situation used to be, you do not deserve to be treated like that or called names like that. You know him better than any of us, so you know what he's truly like, maybe he is just upset and doesn't know how else to vent his anger. He should apologize, though. Anyway, you know what's best for you and your family. Chances are he'll come around since he did the first time, but you never know. Just make sure you're taking care of yourself (physically and emotionally) and your kids.
Hi hon ((((hugs))))). How are you doing? How are things with DH? Where are you at with the decision? I really feel for you hon. You're between a rock and a hard place. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Sydni,
I agree with much of what the other woman said. I also want to add that he needs to take responsibility for his actions and his words. He can not talk to you like that!!! And he needs to apologize and not just act like everything is ok. Those words hurt and that just doesn't go away with a quick kiss and an I love you. He needs to take account for what he says and how he handles himself. You deserve that. We all say things we don't mean and we all have had things said to us that hurt, but that doesn't mean it's ok.
I would seek counseling for yourself or together if possible.
Syndi,
You've been on my mind today. I hope things are going well for you. Will you update us when you get the chance?
hi everyone..my internet is cut off so i havent been able to get back here ..it should be back soon....as of now im still pregnant..still fighting with the DH about it..he claims he will stay married to me but relationship is over. I have tried everything..he still is trying to force me into an abortion not sure whats going to happen..ill check back soon
We're still thinking about you, Syndi. Update us when you can.
Remember this is your choice not his. Please seek help or some type of outside mediation. If he cannot come to terms with your decision, then you should leave him or ask him to leave. Does he think he's doing you a favor by staying married to you but threatening you with no intimacy or support? Rolling Eyes You would do just as well without him. He is a devout muslim it that what you had said before?
http://www.healthsystem.virginia.edu/internet/chaplaincy/muslim.cfm
You might find this helpful. It details what the beliefs are about life, birth, death, abortion etc. according to the Kuran. It basically says that unless your health is in imminent danger or if the fetus is less than 120 days AND you have ceased lactating for another child, then abortion is permissable. In other words, you would have to be on your death bed and or have a nursing child that was losing food due to the current pregnancy in order for him to be ok with pushing you into an abortion. Not that forcing his will on you is EVER appropriate to begin with. Hope this helps.
(((Syndi))) It doesn't sound like an abortion would exactly smooth things over in your marriage. Do you think it'd really improve things? Or would you just resent him and he would continue to disrespect you? ((((Hugs)))) I know you have a tough choice. Remember though - your choice is to remain pregnant or have an abortion. His choice is to be a jerk or not. Don't let his decision impact yours. Hang in there.
hi..my internet is back...things arent going to bad here....my husband seems to be dealing with things a little better...i know he still doesnt want me to have the baby but he keeps making comments about my belly changing in the next few months. Just yesterday he actually placed his hand on my belly and asked me where was it I dont know if he is just buying time until his next paycheck (as of yet we havent been able to afford an abortion..how ironic is that?) or whether hes just given up....we recently watched big Mommas house 2 though and there is a little boy in there thats about 2 and he looked like the male version of a daugter and it seemed to affect him. Im just worried what if i find out its another girl, what if i end up on bedrest again , and having to travel and do the whole amnio thing again ..is all of this going to flare back up??????????/ i still havent told my mother who i know is going to be just as bad if not worse....but im starting to show a little bit more now....my lower belly has taken on that pregnancy bulge so right now im just hoping he will continue to come around and things will work out. I got ticked about a comment he made about me getting fat when he took me to dinner sunday and he actually apoligized and told me he would go easier on me. so who knows right now whats going to happen...
You seem to be doing better...Just keep in mind that the later you are in pregnancy, the more risks are associated with abortion. Surely your husband would not want to put you at risk...I am praying for you and hope that it all works out well for you, husband and baby.
you know he actually hasnt seem to be the slightest bit concerned about any medical risks to do with abortion...he just says he knows its safer than me having another baby but then again he has NOT BOTHERED to read any info on abortion at all..nor any on fetal development. He just seems to think abortion is a quick fix that makes it go away and doesnt understand at all that there may be some health risks physically or mentally. I think that maybe he was trying to scare me into it by being so horrible and that he thought if i might lose him that i wouldnt have the baby. But hes forgetting ive done this before i was ever with him ..at the age of 18, 20, and 22 before him. That jerk of a first husband i had left me for his mistress when i was 10 weeks pregnant because i was being too emotional (LOL) i went through with the pregnancy and had that baby even though i was completely heartbroken at the time and even filed for separation. Im not sure he really knows me....i think he was too young to get married and not ready for this responsibility. Im not sure whats going to happen but im hoping it will go in my favor because i just cant see me going into that clinic and going through with it. For some reason he just seems to think a woman cant do anything while shes pregnant ..not college, not work, no family trips .....i keep wanting to shout im not disabled im just creating a new life. Im really starting to stay sleepy all the time, having a little nausea, starting to get emotional, and my bladder is going to go into revolt soon Smile I think my other kids are starting to wonder too......oh well i guess all i can do is wait and see.....
Hang in there, Syndi. It sounds to me like he might be starting to get a little less angry about it. Just by the comments you said he made, it seems like he's getting used to it and maybe is accepting that you aren't going to do it. Don't be afraid to stick up for yourself. You're right....you've done this before and you'll be able to do it again. Just like Christine, praying that the situation works itself out with little heartache.
Sydni
You are right, you are not disabled, just pregnant. While you will be tired for awhile, that goes away and so does the pregnancy. No one has stayed pregnant forever and children do grow up very fast as you already know.
None of this lasts very long and life will not always be from paycheck to paycheck. I hope you and your husband can persevere through these times and come out the other side stronger.
thanks to all of you ....this has been such a tough time for me and it doesnt seem like its getting any easier any time soon..my hopes of things getting better kind of faded at about 2 am when my husband rolled over and asked me why i had to have another baby....he just acts like im some kind of stupid person..its really getting to me.....he keeps joking about deporting it...which i dont find funny at all....i really dont know how much more i can emotionally stand....ive gotten to the point where i just keep asking God why this happened to me .....then that seems so selfish when i know people that really have wanting a baby for a long time.....
Maybe someone's asked you already and I've forgotten, if that's the case, sorry. Have the two of you talked at all about adoption? Just curious since you mentioned all those people wanting babies.
I wish I had the right words. I don't. I feel as if nothing I could say could convey the sympathy I feel for you right now. I lived for 4 yrs with a man as bad as your husband (if not worse). My ex actually threatened to kill his 6 month old son, attempted to kill me a couple of times...God is the only reason I am here, doing what I do today. I never take life for granted. You seem as if you are caving to the abuse from this man, your husband. You were strong once before and if you look deep inside you will find that spark lives still. It will require strength and courage to fan that spark into a flame again. It sounds as if you are quite accustomed to his speaking to you with disrespect...That saddens me because I was once in your shoes. I implore you to find some help. Go to your local crisis center. Tell them what is going on. There are safe homes where women (and their children if necessary) can stay until you give birth and sort things out....With or without your husband's support. Adoption could work for you or if you wanted to parent, as you have said before, you CAN do it! If you go through with the abortion (based on what you have shared so far) you will be in for an emotional and mental breakdown. Not to mention the personal pain (both physical and emotional) and anger and contempt you will have toward your husband. Don't compromise your own sanity to satisfy his obsession with control and manipulation.
he seems to realize that im probaably not going to go through with the abortion because of the comments hes been making. Hes been telling my youngest daughter (who will be 2 in Aug) that she better get all the love she can because shes going to have competition soon its things like this that confuse me......one minute he seems to accept it and the next minute hes acting nuts all over again...he just says that 5 kids is a trashy thing and that those are the only type of people that do it......to that comment i had to tell him he did not know what he was talking about...I told him that kids were not trashy and that he really had some kind of image problems.....how can anyone worry about their image to the point where they would want their wife to have an abortion???????????? That is the craziest thing i have ever heard. Im past the point now where i can have the chemical abortion which i had less of a problem with than the surgical one. But when i could have one ironically we couldnt afford it and i tod him that i would borrow the money from my sister and he completely freaked out and told me i wasnt borrowing the money for anything and that i wasnt suppose to tell anyone what i was going to do......so if he doesnt see anything wrong with me getting an abortion then why did he care if i asked someone for help? Im at a complete lost right now...i have really come to realize how much ive depended on him and became isolated from everyone else...i practically do everything he tells me to do....he talks about us not having any money but it didnt stop him fo0rm buying his 400 dollar cell phone to which he has all the extras on his plan and a 30 dollar cell phone holder, a 500 dollar 9 mm, xm radio in his car with new speakers, a thing set up so he can craznk the car from his keychain...i could go on and on......meanwhile he complains that if it wasnt for me and the kids he would be spending his money on himself
Kids trashy Rolling Eyes Maybe if you have junk cars in the unmowed grass out front and pink flamingos everywhere Wink Arghh...This guy is a piece of work. The fact that you obey him and allow him to control your finances is more representative of a parent/child relationship than husband and wife. You should have equal say in all family matters. If he can buy all that expensive stuff but tells you he's broke, there is something shady going on. I used to live in VA and the ONLY people that can afford the kind of stuff you mentioned are drug dealers and pimps. No job in Danville VA pays enough to support that kind of extravagant lifestyle, let alone with 4 kids and wife! I am glad you are starting to see some of these red flags though. You must be careful in how he speaks to your daughter. You cannot allow him to tell her that she will have a new sibling one moment, then turn around and bad mouth you and baby in the next. This is emotional abuse and will eventually traumatize you and your kids. Remember, I lived through this type of psychological warfare from birth until age 21! First with my dad, then with "mr. Wrong". I hope this helps some, you ARE not alone. Isolation is a universal tactic used by abusers toward their victims. Make them co-dependant, afraid to seek help, afraid to rebel. You must recognize him for what he is and take action sweetie.
i have a little bit of good news...we got approved for a home loan today..finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So now ive got something else to concetrate on for a while...looking for that first home that will be all mine! We didnt even have to have a co-signer!! That takes a little of the stress away that has been hanging over our heads now if i can only find a house big enough in the right price range but the realtor assured of he was going to work hard on it (but we know how that goes Rolling Eyes ) I guess this will put an end to some of my husband extravagant shopping sprees.....lol.......I hate to leave the neighbors i have now since they have been so wonderful and there is a 4 bedroom house on our same street for sale in our price range so im actually thinking about going and taking a peek at it...hopefully my husband will have a change of heart now that he sees our life will be more stable now and that we wont have to go from one rental house to another which i have hated especially since before here we were all in a 2 bedroom apt which actually wasnt even legal and had a nosy landlord that came in our place and went through our stuff all the time.....as far as the way my husband treats me i guess i dont always see it as bad as other people do since its not as bad as my first marrige where i got my lip busted about every day(once for putting mayo on the wrong slice of bread when i made his sandwich and when asked about it i told him to just flip it over so i got whacked for it....what an idiot) but anyway i will let you all know what happens...i have reached 8 weeks now
I think that you are not seeing what your husband is doing to you as abusive because you are too close to the situation and also because he's not physically abusive. Mental/emotional abuse is so much worse than physical - the bruises heal, but the heart is a lot slower in healing. The fact that he is so disrespectful to you, and that you accept that, is the first clue. He wants you to have an abortion so that he can save his good image?? Like having children is a bad thing? His own flesh and blood! He calls you a whore??? Honey, a lot of us have been down that road before, and you, like the rest of us did, are trying to rationalize what he is saying by thinking that he's under a lot of stress, or scared or whatever. The reality is, he is a controlling jerk who is abusing you and your children. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but that's what he is. I have no tolerance and no respect for men like your husband. There is absolutely no excuse for calling you names, or making you feel like dirt, just to make himself feel/look better. You deserve so much more than that. Your children deserve so much more than that. I know you're in a tough position right now - if you admit that he is abusive, then it means it must be true, and if it's true, then you need to do something about it - very scary stuff!! I've been there, I know. But do you really want your children growing up seeing how he treats you and thinking that that's normal and the way they should/will treat those close to them? Or in the case of your daughters, having them end up with someone who abuses them because that's what they percieve as normal? You are a strong woman, a loving mother - and a loving wife to someone who not only doesn't deserve it, but can't appreciate it.
As far as getting approved for a home loan - that's awesome! It's always exciting to buy your first house. But, you mentioned that his extravagant spending will have to come to an end....do you you trust him enough to know that he will stop spending so that you can make your mortgage payment every month? It's a tough thing to finally get a house of your own, only to lose it later. Been there too.
Syndi, in the short time that you've been posting, I've come to care about you and your children a great deal. It scares me that you don't see your husband for who he really is. I know it's hard....you love him and you want the ideal family. You want him to be who you need him to be....but the reality is that he's not who you want and need him to be. Please consider what we all have been saying to you. We can find you a safe house for you and your children to stay at, we can help you find programs to help you financially. Please consider that name-calling is abusive. And so is unequal treatment in a marriage. The two of you should be working as a team to pay the bills and raise the children, not one of you spending everything and making all the decisions. We are all here for you, to help with whatever you need. I hope you will take advantage of that.
Big ((HUGS)) and thoughts and prayers going out to your family!
I wholeheartedly agree with the PP. Please get help. This relationship might be a step up from the last one, but it STILL is abusive. Just in a different way. What makes you think for one minute that he will wake up one day and change his ways simply cuz you got a house together? A house doesnt make a home and I doubt his behavior will change. If anything, the additional stress might make it worse. Please hear us. We have been there, left and survived!
first of all i want to thank all of you for your concern.....i know that he shouldnt be talking to me that way..i have told him that its wrong but i also know why he sees me that way too.....my past was right wild and although i have changed he has an extremely hard time accepting it...none of it started until we ran into an old boyfriend of mine at a friends house and i didnt tell him who this person was and they finally introduced themself to him and then we would run into another on eand another one....then my ex husband would be calling ....it was one thing after the other......and for some reason he just kind of lost it i try to sometimes take his culture into reason for part of it because most of the time hes really good(well he was before i got pregnant again) I honest to God think he has bipolar disorder ..i really think he has a mental illness and wished he would get help for it but of course thats another american invented thing . He use to treat me like gold but he thinks i treat him like crap so he said things change....i dont work ..he supports all of us but he is now encouraging me to go to try to get some type of certification in nails and skin care which is something i really wanted to do.....he usually does not fight with me in fornt of the kids but they do get fed up with him being so peculiar soemtimes but i try to see it from an Islamic viewpoint ..that the man is the head of the household but it also states in the Quran that those who treat their wives the best will enter paradise and that Heaven is at the feet of mothers.............I guess I just keep hoping he will come around and tht maybe i can talk him into couseling.....Ive been to the local shelter her for battered women..i use to go there for counseling from my first marriage..its called Doves..they are good people but are a very limited organization ....maybe i will start going back to couseling there and see exactly what is going on here....
Going to get counseling would be wise. You are in my prayers. And just for the record, I don't care if you were once a hooker who did every guy in town, twice! If a man vows to love you til death do us part, then he damn sure better mean it. That means putting aside the past, moving into the future together. I have a hellish past as well and my husband would never dream of throwing it in my face. It is exactly that : THE PAST. I encourage you to be strong and demand respect. Islamic culture has its good points I am sure, but ANY teaching that says men are more worthy of respect than women is flawed. Who gave birth to those men???? He should treat you like a queen.
Sydni,
Deep concern for you and your children. And ditto to everything else Marnie and Christine said. You need to seriously think what is best for your children and yourself.
thanks again for your concern....my husband treats my children well.....they really dont have a clue of any problems that we have been having.....for some reason hes been really good the last couple of days....not sure exactly whats going on..asked me yesterday to see the new model lol...i had no idea what he was talking about then i realized he was referring to the "baby"....my mother has started asking questions also...shes made quite a few comments about number 5 but so far hasnt been too bad...im just really hoping i can sort this all out soon
((((Hugs)))) You've been in my thoughts and prayers Syndi. I hope that things get clearer for you soon. It's hard to make the right decision for yourself when it'll make someone else mad, but it doesn't make it any less right for you.
Ok guys i think i have made my decision...at least im pretty sure....i really think im going to have this baby ...i cant see myself not having it....my husband seems to be coming to terms with it as well and im hoping that i have the strength to stick to this...i will keep you updated. Im supposed to be putting an offer today on a 5 br house thats absolutely perfect for us....im really hoping this works out because i think that seeing this house in our price range and all the room in it has really made me think that its possible. If i change my mind ill tell you but im going to try to get medicaid for myself today and see what happens.
I'm so glad that you were able to come to a decision that you can be happy with! And it does sound like your husband may be starting to come around. Good luck with the new house - that is so exciting.
I hope you will continue to post and let us know how you are doing. We're here for you if you need any help, support, or just to vent
That's great! Congratulations (at least 99% of them - I'll reserve the other 1% until you're absolutely sure). Be sure to let us know when you do decide for certain.
I hope it goes well at the Medicaid office. (((Hugs))) I know that stuff is a pain, but once it's done, you'll be glad you did it.
I know that you have the inner strength to do whatever it is in your heart to do. With or without hubby's help. Best wishes and congrats as you push forward. We are here for ya. (((hugs)))
Congratulations, Syndi! I read some of your other posts, too, and it really sounds like you are happy with this decision. You sound like a burden has been lifted. I will pray that things go well for you and that you will be able to get this house. That would be great. I'm glad to hear your husband's coming around, too. Hopefully the emotions remain positive. Best of luck and do keep us posted. We do like to keep in touch during the entire pregnancy. I hope you'll do that!
just wanted to let everyone know that everything here still seems to be going well....hubby got another speeding ticket and it was all i could do to bite my tongue ..lol...want to talk about someone being responsible..how about not going 64 in a 35 zone....but he said he was never speeding again not even when i went into labor...so i guess that means he has finally excepted my choice...unless he flip flops again soon.....i have to meet with the realtor again monday about the house...i am so hoping that our offer will be accepted but we do know our loan and everything has been approved....i am ready to tear into flower beds and get some walls painted ..lol...its right down the street from my mothers and huge ...over 2200 sq ft and only going for 109,900....it was unbelievable find !!!!!!!!! I guess soon ill be moving into the pregnancy section unless something radically changes....im really praying it wont....im 9 weeks now and growing and NO MORNING SICKNESS...in al the other 4 i threw up constantly..this one is different which scares me since i had that miscarriage....still no appt for the doc but when i get it ill let everyone know...i think i finally feel at peace...
That's terrific Syndi Smile I'm eagerly awaiting your first post on the pregnancy board!
guess what...I just talked to the nurse from UVA because they still sent me the letter about my leep procedure...and i told her i was pregnant and it would need to be cancelled and she told me that wasnt good. She said "hon your dyplasia isvery severe...you are right at cervical cancer " I asked her if it was safe for me to carry the baby and she said that they never tell women to terminate because its such a personal decision but that my cells would change much more quickly during pregnancy and she was going to have to talk to the doc that was supposed to perform my procedure because If i chose to carry the baby i would have to be monitored very closely throughout the pregnancy at UVA which is almost 3 hours away..she also recommended I get with a doctor here very quickly that can understand my situation. Why didnt they make this clear to me how serious it was when they first found out i was pregnant? Now here i am almost 10 weeks pregnant....and had my hopes up. My husband is going to have a fit when he finds out that this is going to put me at a high risk . I understood that it was severe but i didnt understand that it was this bad or had progressed this far. I already have high risk pregnancies because of past gestational diabetes and pre-term deliveries. Now this is going to be added on top of it....im supposed to find out Monday what the other doctor says about my situation. Im not sure i can risk my life for one child when i have 4 to take care of..it just wouldnt be fair to them...but i cant see myself aborting at this point. arggghhhh
Gosh honey, so sorry to hear of this new trouble in your life. I honestly couldnt begin to tell you what I would do, never been there... I would encourage you to prayerfully consider what it is you should do. While you might be at greater risk, not all hope is lost. Talk to the doctor and get 2nd and 3rd oppinions if need be. Dr's can be wrong and it is important to get multiple oppinons when possible. It seems as if a 2nd abortion would cause you great personal trauma while at the same time, the thought of leaving your 4 existing children behind is painful as well. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Would it be possible to carry baby until it is viable then deliver early? That in itself would present its own set of worries and risks, but you would have your baby and then could carry on with treatments for the cancer...Just an idea.
If i havetoterminate the pregnancy it would be my first but it would kill me....from what i have read is that if its diagnosed before 20 weeks that many docs will advise you to terminate but if after 20 they try to wait until the baby is viable. I just talked it over with my husband a little while ago and i let him know that I would go back tothe doctor and get an exam like the doc wants and make anotherappt here to see what another doc says. The doc im supposed to see at UVA is one of their topdocs that deal with cervical cancer and OB/GYN. My husbandseemedsupportive of meat least going and talking to the docs. If it has spread past the 3rd level of my cervix (thats where it was at when i had my last biopsy) then im hoping they will let me carry until viability and then do the hysterectomy..one of the things she suggested they do if it spreads. My orginal appt was for the 20th to go back there and shes supposed to call me and let me know whther i can still come in and be examined and talk with him. by the way my space bar is broke so thats the reason behind all these run togther words(LOL) oh and a little good news ..our offer on that house has been accepted so now we wait for the inspection and the loan!
Sorry about the mixup on # of terminations Embarassed Guess I got you confused with someone else. Do keep us updated about how things turn out. It seems to me that the extra couple of weeks waiting for viability wouldnt do that much harm...I could of course be wrong but if they are going to do the hysterectomy anyway, perhaps all the more reason to do all you can to keep this baby. It being your last and all...I would hate to see your last chance at having a baby be cut short, perhaps unnecessarily.
It is my understanding that you do not yet have cervical cancer, right? You have cervical dysplasia that is not yet cervical cancer. In this case, even if you do a search for "cervical cancer pregnancy" you will find that even in early stages of cancer (which you do not have yet) you can continue the pregnancy and have a cone biopsy following the delivery. I encourage you to do a bit of research. The suggestion of possibly having an abortion is only mentioned in advance cases of cervical cancer, and you aren't there yet.
Remember that many doctors in the medical community will not hesitate to recommend an abortion because they do not think it's a big deal. You might have to get a couple of opinions. But it sounds like they would be pretty dramatic to suggest that you have an abortion based on cervical dysplasia alone.
Let me know what you think.
I completely agree with Rose. I also have had severe cervical dysplasia, and have had the LEEP procedure done. In all the research I did for that, I did not find where a pregnancy should be terminated just because of the "threat" of cancer.
I also agree with Christine, get a 2nd or 3rd opinion if necessary. Most doctors are wanting to help their patients, but many of them are, unfortunately, out for the money, and will run every test and do every surgery they can. Just my opinion, but unfortunately, is somewhat substantiated in my dealings with doctors. What I'm trying to say is, doctors can be wrong or just misinformed also, never just take one person's word on what is best for your situation - especially if it's life-altering like this would be.
Also, like a PP said, do your own research. Check everything out so you can go to the doctor with your own information. Question what they say. If you've researched this issue yourself, you will feel more confident and understand more of what they say and can truly help manage your care and your baby's care.
I pray that all goes well and you are able to carry this baby to term. Please let us know what you find out!
i will let you know..i think what they are worried about is it advancing..they called it carcinaoma in sittu which i think means cancer in waiting but i think mainly they will just have to watch me to make sure it doesnt progress. But me and my husbnad talked about it again last night and he told me that it really made him kinda sad to hear me bring up termination because he kinda was attached now and then told me he hoped I didnt have to have a hysterectomy because what if we wanted another baby. I immediately turned around and looked athim as if he had grown 3 heads....i asked him did he mean if we had to terminate this one and he said either way because we are going to have a big enough house now. I reminded him that we had made plans for me to get my tubes tied. Talk about a change of heart....lol.....
Here are a few links for you to check out Smile
http://www.womenfitness.net/cervical_cancer_preng.htm
For example, If your cancer is a very early cancer, such as stage IA, then most doctors believe that it is safe to continue the pregnancy to term. (You're at stage "0" Syndi.)
http://www.meds.com/pdq/cervical_pro.html#6
During pregnancy, no therapy is warranted for preinvasive lesions of the cervix, including carcinoma in situ, although expert colposcopy is recommended to exclude invasive cancer.
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/cri/content/cri_2_4_4x_cervical_cancer_in_pregnancy_8.asp?sitearea=cri
If your cancer is a very early cancer, such as stage IA, then most doctors believe that it is safe to continue the pregnancy to term.
http://www.gyncancer.com/cervix.html
When an abnormal Pap test is obtained on a woman who is pregnant the evaluation is modified. In general, the pregnancy has no effect on the cervical problem and the cervical problem has no effect on the pregnancy. However, the cervix is best not manipulated or biopsied during the first trimester because the risk a spontaneous miscarriage is about 20%. Should this happen, the biopsy will be blamed, although it will not have been the cause.
There is no urgency to diagnose a premalignant condition during pregnancy. All that is really necessary is to exclude or diagnose an invasive cancer. Often this can be accomplished by a colposcopic examination, without the need for any biopsy. The premalignant conditions can easily wait until 6 weeks after the baby is born to evaluate and treat. Sometimes however, biopsies and even cone biopsies must be done. The best time for these biopsies is the early second trimester because the risk for a spontaneous miscarriage has past and cervical manipulation during the third trimester risks premature labor.
If an invasive cancer is diagnosed during pregnancy, the treatment is the same as for those not pregnant. Except, treatment can be delayed until the baby is sufficiently mature to be delivered if the diagnosis is made after the 24th week of pregnancy. The baby will usually reach lung maturity sometime between the 32nd and 36th week.
hanks for the links they had a lot of great info......at least i know now of the different options i have available....I had dysplasia while pregnant with my youngest daughter and all they did was the colposcopy..they were supposed to treat me after her birth but they never did it because i had lost my insurance....that doctor was one of the biggest idiots id ever had ..he did my colpo at 16 weeks with her and a couple of days later my cervix thinned and i was on bedrest.....i dont trust him at all.....i think i saw him 3 times the whole preg. most of the time i saw his midwife even though i had gestational diabetes and prior preterm births where one child was born with resporatory distress and quit breathing and then i had one with ttn...they actually thought she had pneumonia at birth.....im hoping i can find a good doctor!!
It sounds like you're feeling less panicked now, and that's a relief. After all hte ups and downs and finally reaching peace with keeping the baby, I didn't want you to feel pressured to run out and have an abortion just because a nurse was a bit dramatic. Wink I'm glad you're looking for information, and I'm happy your husband is being decent about this.
Is the idiot doctor the same one you'll be seeing for this?
If I can help it i wont be returning to that doctor LOL....a nurse ended up delivering my baby anyway since he wasnt there Confused but UVA has said that i could always go there for my care if i chose to. Im thinking about taking them up on it because they are so thorough but its so far away !! There is one place here that I went for my 1st 3 pregnancies and they have a female doctor now so im thinking about trying to go there if they will take medicaid. But thats why i ended up at that last place...they were horrible !!!!
just wanted to let everyone know ive posted my ultasound pics on the preg board
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