hi my name is eric, im 23 years old. for the past few weeks my girlfriend had been feeling sick and had wierd eating habits and what not. she is also a very slender girl and was getting a little belly on her. we joked a few times about her being pregnant, but never believed it. she has endometriosis, and that causes her cramps from time to time and swollen breasts and such. well last night she started to throw up and we decided it would be smart to finally take a test. she took one and it was positive. we waited a day and she took another, also positive. i called the help line her in grand rapids and the woman referred me to this forum. heres the deal. neither of us are ready for a kid. i dont feel abortion is right, but im just not financially ready, or mentally ready for a child, neither of us are. were highly considering abortion, id say basically decided on it but im scared. im planning to propose in july, have been planning it for awhile, so im not scared for our relationship but her health. we believe she is 5-6 weeks pregnant. what are the risks here? i understand the mental risks, living with it and everything, but what about the physical? and how common are these bad things to happen?
-jdmfastdc2
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
i really really really need advice for my girlfriend and i..
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Hi Eric. I really admire you for coming here to talk about this and for caring enough about your girlfriend to really think this through. There are a few things I'd like to caution you about. You said you don't feel abortion is right.....what exactly do you mean by that? It's not right for you and your girlfriend? Do you believe it's morally wrong? I guess I'm asking what you have always believed about it. If you believe it is morally wrong and you would be compromising your/her beliefs by having an abortion, I would caution you that many times, it is difficult to handle that after the fact. Also, because you said you want to propose to her anyway, I will assume you really love her. I'm not sure on statistics, but many relationships for one reason or another, fall apart after the couple has been through an abortion. Maybe it's because one person wanted it and the other didn't, I don't know. But I do know that's common. How does she feel about it? What are her beliefs? Please make sure you really talk this through and do what's best for both of you. Don't make a quick decision just to "get rid of the problem". Have you visited a local pregnancy center to maybe talk this through with someone there? Does she have a good support system or someone she can talk to? Just throwing this out there, it is an option......have you talked about adoption? I guess the biggest thing is to talk through this and make sure you're 110% certain that you're making the right decision. Keep us posted, okay? We'd love to talk with your girlfriend, too, if she'd like.
i basically mean i dont feel abortion should give ppl an out.... like if a person gets pregnant it is their fault and they can use abortion just to get out of it, if that makes sense. weve talked this through, she has a support system in her sister, and we've called help lines. we both just feel we have more to accomplish in our lives before we are fit to raise a child. i love her with all my heart and i would give up my goals in life if it meant not risking her health, that's why im wondering the risks. i currently have her overthinking everything to make sure she can handle it after the fact, although im sure she really really wont know until it happens. i just want to know the side effects and what not. also, what are the probabilities of a false pregnancy?
Hi Eric,
Glad you're here! It's refreshing to see a man that cares about the pregnant woman for once. Wink It sounds like you're doing a lot of thinking about this, and that's wonderful. Do you have an appointment scheduled yet? What kind of abortion are you both considering? Each one has it's own risks, of course.
A false positive test is almost never possible, especially twice, so I'd say you could put that thought out of your mind. An ultrasound might help you know for sure if things are developing normally though. If you called the PRC hotline locally, they do them for free...just a thought though.
You can read about the different types here: http://www.choicetolivewith.com/Abortionprocedures.html - all of the complications are listed for each type. There are also a few questions you had answered on this page: http://www.choicetolivewith.com/decisionmakingworkbookconcerns.html#anchor_78 where it talks about fear of the procedure, risks to future fertility, etc. These will be good for you to study, and if you have any follow-up questions, we'd be happy to answer those for you.
I'd say that the greatest risk she (and you) might face would be the emotional response. You're both young, and you seem so in love...often an abortion has a tendancy to dampen those feelings toward eachother, since it isn't a happy way to start out a life together. You and she may want to sit down and fill out the Risk Assessment here: http://www.choicetolivewith.com/PASSchecklist.html as well as the workbook: http://www.choicetolivewith.com/decisionmakingworkbookintro.html to get a better feel for how she will respond, and we'll be able to help more when we know the background answers. Wink
The very fact that you're here and debating this so much and seem to be against abortion for the very reason you're considering it leads me to believe that you aren't sure if you're on the right road. I know that the though of a baby screws all your plans up. My only advice is to wait a few weeks...at least 2. Let the shock wear off, and start to think through the posibilities. Sometimes those accomplishments - when they are bought at a price that neither of you wants - don't seem so important once it's too late. I don't want to see that happen to you both. So as I said, give it a couple of weeks to get through the shock of it. In the meantime, keep coming back here, and we'd love to see you both through this no matter the choice you end up making.
((((Hugs)))) to you both. I encourage your girlfriend to visit and chat with us too. Several of us have Yahoo, MSN, or AOL if you have any of those. I hope to hear back from you soon. Smile
I just have to say, how refreshing to see a guy who actually gives a damn. I wanted to touch on an angle that no one has mentioned thus far. Men react to an abortion in different ways than women. We have discussed the physical and emotional risks for a woman ad nauseum here, so let's address you the man. From the beginning of time, a males' primary role in any given society(animal and human) has been to procreate, further his species and protect mother and offspring. The ultimate mark of manhood if you will is the ability to do these two things successfully. Men traditionally are not allowed to deal with feelings and are expected to "fix" problems, not really deal with them. As some of the PP's mentioned, this guilt can be internalized and turn into an irrational anger, resentment etc. both toward self and partner. I believe it is this phenomenon that causes so many couples to split after an abortion. You lose respect for yourself and for the other partner. Questions come up...How could you be so careless, how could you have gone through with it, the list goes on and on...I know you say you love her but I want to challenge you on two counts...Love is not self seeking and if you and her are both more concerned about fulfilling your own life goals, perhaps you are not ready to settle down. You and she have created something that has the potential to be a greater blessing than ever before. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Your plans, goals, hopes, dreams could change, adjust, waver etc. Abortion is forever. It does not change, it cannot be undone. Do you want to start out your lives together on such a note? How will you and her feel when you do decide to continue a wanted pregnancy? When you are preparing the nursery? These are important thoughts to consider. Also, if she has endometriosis, it is a miracle she is pregnant to begin with. Consider that as well. How would you feel 5 or 10 yrs down the road if she was told that she could no longer conceive or safely carry a baby to term? Try to eliminate the what if demon now and make a wise decision. I admire you seeking advice and hopefully I have not offended you. I am 6 yrs post abort myself and my ex couldnt have cared less. I just was concerned for you as no one had previously tackled the male issue. Hope this helps. Blessings to you. P.S. I strongly recommend going to a crisis center and view an ultrasound before deciding one way or the other. Better to go in with both eyes wide open. That way, neither of you can say you didnt know, later on down the road. KWIM?
we have an ultrasound scheduled next tues.i understand the fact that we will have to live with our choice. let me add a few other reasons we discussed into the "why nots" one is the fact that the child will be unwanted. im gonna be honest, i do not know how im going to react and father a child that is unexpected and unwanted. will i resent him/her? i've always dreamed of the day i find out becki is pregnant we cry tears of joy and call all our relatives and so on... not cry tears of sadness. let alone we are not married, and this goes strongly against family values. but most of all our ability to raise a child. on a very happy note suddenly i was offered a 40k a year job yesterday... out of the blue at a place i have been applying for 5 years, kinda seems like an act of god, or a sign to me. but i do not have the job for sure, but i am gonna wait and see if i get that to help decide too, but that still isnt gonna help that much, the baby is still unwanted. becki and i have only been together six months. known each other a little longer than that. we are very in love and it's not puppy in love, its true love and i know that, but we still have so much we never would get to experience together if we have a child. i feel our marriage would be ruined. wed be under the microscope as a couple getting married in a wed-lock style. i dont like that.
WOW..its nice to see a concerned guy....first of all try not to care about how other people view what your future marriage would be.....as far as being scared of raising the child and resentment..i think every future parent goes through this..when i got pregnant with my first child i was 17 and not thrilled with it at all...but i bonded with her immediately and even though my children have kept me from being able to do some silly things i wanted to do i have no resentment....im 28 years old ......and pregnant with nubmer 5 and what will be my last. Its normal to be afraid!! With her having endometriosis i think she is lucky to have conceived ...what if she cant get pregnant later on and you two had made the decision to terminate this pregnancy will she be able to handle that??? Its a difficult decision but it sounds like you are a very mature person who wants to work and take care of the person he loves and to me you sound like you would be a great husband and father....only one of my children were planned....i think thats the way GOd seems to give them to us most of the time..lol....so as far as it being unwanted..do you think you would ever be able to come to terms with the child ???? Take all these things into consideration.
Congrats on the job offer. Perhaps eliminating financial hardship from the equation will help you as you make your decision. You have given some other reasons why not to have a baby.
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Goes against family values
Are you living together? Is your friends and family ok with that? Premarital sex is also traditionally considered to be contrary to family values also Wink If they are ok with your current relational status, I doubt they would be shocked that a baby was the result. Smile You mentioned previously that you don't think that abortion should be used as an easy out. I will say this about that, abortion is never easy! It can and often is used as a last resort to escape or postpone taking responsibility for ones actions. If you choose abortion based on other people's preception of you and GF, guilt could be more of an issue later on. As for the baby being wanted or unwanted, you must decide for yourself what you believe. Who or what decides the "wantedness" of a person. In our society, the terms wanted or unwanted describe things we desire. A vacation, a new car, a raise...by using mere wantedness as criterion for rather or not to continue a pregnancy, reduces our offspring to mere objects, to be emraced or disposed of at our convenience. Please dont get me wrong, I am all about freedom of choice. BUT, you guys seem to have something really good here and I guess that makes it harder to wrap my mind around. You really seem to love your girlfriend and you have hopes and dreams together. I would hate to see that fall apart because of a decision that you made that could pose great physical and emotional effects. Bear in mind also that endometriosis causes extensive scarring and like we have said before, really a miracle that she was able to conceive. The risks for a surgical abortion also include possible scar tissue, punctures of the uterus etc... How does your girlfriend view this pregnancy? Do you guys call it a pregnancy, a baby, a fetus? Just trying to get an idea of where you are in the bonding arena....Also, one other thing that no one else has mentioned. What are your religious beliefs about abortion (if any?) If you make a choice that goes against your previously held beliefs, this can pave the road for regret later, as you will be compromising yourself to "fix" this problem. If you do have a religion, I strongly recommend sitting down with priest, pastory, minisister etc to discuss this. I am going to stop rambling now as I fear I may have overstepped my bounds as it is... Embarassed I guess it is easier to be straight forward with a man than a woman. Don't know why. Perhaps cuz we typically view men as being the "tougher" one. Laughing blessings to you and yours
we are both "christians" i guess. we dont make it a point to go to church every weekend or anything, but we are. and we both said if we went through with an abortion we would be at church every weekend from then on begging for forgiveness. i just do not know what to do. this is something that i would really love to talk to my father about, but obviously i cant. to be completely honest... if becki and i were married, i doubt we would be debating this. she is juts very much against children before marriage, i honestly think more against that than abortion. i already had plans to propose before we found any of this out, i actually told my brother sunday i was planning on it, and we found out monday..... i guess were just debating if the physical/emotional hardships of having an abortion will or will not outweigh those of having a child when we are not married. she still hasnt had the ultrasound, she going tomorrow morning now. im told there is a chance its a miscarriage or something, i didnt really understand what i was told. another thing is.... we go to bars on the weekends, and she drank almost everyweekend for the past month and half... which means she drank some while pregant... Sad
Hi Eric,
Congratulations on the job offer. I hope that it works out for you.
You mentioned that one of your concerns is that the child would be unwanted. It's true that the pregnancy is unplanned and unexpected but I don't think you'll consider the child unwanted if you and Becki decide to keep it. I've never met a father who resented a child when they were born, even if the child was unplanned. You don't seem like someone who would resent your own child when he or she is born.
I'm wondering what things you are worried about not experiencing as a couple if you have this child?
Does Becki know that you are planning on proposing? I'm asking because her feelings about the pregnancy may vary depending if she does or doesn't know about your proposal plans.
My wife and I also fell in love very quickly. I proposed at 5 months and we got married at 10 months. When you know you've found the right girl you know, right?
I wish you both the best and would also concur with the previous commenters that this shouldn't be a decision you rush into either way you go.
she does know im going to propose, and the main reason im having so much trouble with this is just her. i would prob. do an abortion in a second if there wasnt any risk of physica/emotion trama afterward, but im really scared for her. i dont want anything to happen to her. as for the things we would miss if we had a child, like u asked, these are things i consider are secondary reasons i feel we should possibly abort. we havent had time to really date at all. we havent done the romantic things, just the two of us, like i would like. her parents like less than 2 miles away, and mine less than 10, and we both have brothers and sisters so it would be no problem getting a sitter, but i dont want to be a parent who gives there child to someone everyweekend, although im sure they would all love to have it, lol. i mean, if we got married, how would we have a honey moon? and another fact, i just dont think ive given enough to becki to turn my attention away to a child. i havent been able to take her on a vacation or anything. we both like to go to bars and have fun, and i understand a baby could go on a vacation, but i would not feel comfortable with both of us drinking with a child. i know these sound like petty things, but remember i said they were kinda like secondary reasons, other small ones that come up.
Hi Eric,
I agree with the PP's who think it's great that the guy cares enough to come to this board and question things! That makes you excellent husband and father material in my book!
I also agree that if your gf has endometriosis, this could possibly be the only child that she can concieve. I know it's been asked, but how would you (or she) feel if you aborted this one and never had the chance again to have a baby of your own?
You are right, a baby would certainly make it harder to travel, and go to bars, etc. A lot of people give up things they like to do in order to have a baby. But it's not forever - babies grow up and get independant and then you could do the things that you weren't able to do early on. And as far as not giving enough to Becki yet, well, just being there for her while she's pregnant and in the early months of the baby being born would probably bring you closer together.
You said that you are both christians, and would make a vow to attend church every Sunday after the abortion to ask forgiveness - this tells me that an abortion is not what you really want, or feel is the right thing to do. And besides, God forgives the first time you ask - if you feel you need to ask several times, it's probably your own guilt coming through. I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to show you that maybe you need to think more about your decision and make sure it's the right one and one that you both can feel okay about. Not only now, but in the future. A big stress decision like this one is not usually a good way to start a marriage.
Another thing I wanted to throw in there is.....could you get married now? It sounds, from your posts, that the biggest thing is what people will think, you being parents before you are married, or getting married while she is obviously pregnant. Could you elope now, and maybe have another ceremony with friends and family after the baby is born? That way you could have a real honeymoon (leave the baby with your parents, in-laws, etc).
You seem very tormented by having to make this decision, and I would hate to see you make a decision that may, someday, come between you and Becki and cause problems for you later.
Please keep talking this out and weighing all your options. Don't give in to your fear, make sure that whatever decision that the two of you make is mutual and the best decision for both of you.
i wouldnt do the elope thing, i wouldnt want to lose a real wedding ceremony because of this also, i think that makes it worse. we want a ceremony and we want it to be real. if we did keep the child we would get engaged and get married after its a few months old atleast. i just dont know what to do. this is killing me. i understand that everyone has there problems wondering if they are ready for children, but this isnt jitters. i dream about us getting married and having our few years as newlyweds without kids ya know? ill let you all know how the ultrasound goes tomorrow; currently it doesnt feel completely true. i was completely wanting an abortion until i realized the risks. as for how would she feel if she couldnt have a kid after? i think it would be horrible but that is a risk. we could always adopt which i wouldnt want to do, but i guess that's putting having a child to early vs. having a child that isnt our birthchild and i dunno what's worse. does anyone now statistically if 23 is really that young to be having a child? well 24 after its born....
If you are in love with her and want to have children with her someday anyway, what difference does age make? I was 21 when I had my first one, I had 4 by the time I was 26. The only thing I think now (I'm now 30), is how young I will be when they're all grown. When my friends are still at home with their kids, my husband and I will be out having a grand old time doing the things we didn't have a chance to do when we were younger and we'll still have the energy to do them. I have a cousin who is marrying his girlfriend after finding out she's pregnant and he's 18. Do I think he's too young? Maybe. Do I think he's being responsible? Yes. He might be growing up a little sooner than he'd planned, but I think he's doing what he believes is the right thing to do. And that's what you need to decide. What's the right thing for you? No one else can tell you. I'm interested in hearing how you are feeling after you have the ultrasound. Let us know how it goes, okay?
Hi again, sorry if I came across as harsh before...chalk it up to PMS i guess LOL. You seem very concerned and I agree with a PP that God is forgiving and you dont have to earn His grace after a mistake...However by the same token you can't take that grace for granted and use it as a "get out of jail free" card when you do something that you believe is contrary to His will for your life. I heard it said once, "If you want to hear what God's laughter sounds like, just tell him YOUR plans." All joking aside, you mentioned concerns for the baby's well being due to her drinking early on. No worries man! The baby feeds solely off its yolk sac until the placenta forms around week 5 or 6. After that, it does draw its nutrients from mom's bloodstream. Seems like our creator installed a natural buffer from our stupidity. I smoked pot and drank b4 I knew I was pregnant with my 1st. He is now a healthy 7 yr old. No delays, defects or anything. I am young, 25 and I agree with the PP that you can still have fun even with a kid, or postpone it until the child is older and more independant. My hubby and I do sitter swapping with friends of ours and therefore it is free. This could be a possibility. Then you could still go out from time to time. Travel with an infant is actually easier than with a toddler or preschooler. They sleep most of the time and you can plan low budget trips that would be fun as well as practical. I guess what I am getting at is that where there is a will there is a way. You just have to decide what is more important, your plans and ideas of how life is supposed to be, or accepting this suprise and rolling with the proverbial punches...Food for thought, best of luck with the rest of your decision making process. The ultrasound might help make the "baby" seem more of a reality. It is hard for men (i am assuming) to relate when it isnt your body that is changing daily. Seeing it will be beneficial no matter which choice you end up making.
Hi Eric,
I did a little searching regarding age of the parents at birth. According to the web site below the average age of first birth for mother was 24.9 in 2000.
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr51/nvsr51_01.pdf
I couldn't find the average age of first fatherhood but I'd guess it would probably be similar or slightly higher than the number for women.
becki is only 21 Sad well she went to the ultrasound, she's about 6 weeks, the baby is healthy. the told her with her endometriosis it would be really risky for her to get an abortion. were still discussing, i havent all the facts yet, but i wont let her risk anything severe. i dont know what to do
Did you go to the ultrasound, too? Just curious what your and her thoughts were after that. How's she feeling after seeing it? Sometimes that makes the decision easier, sometimes harder. I'm thinking about you guys.
it has a hearbeat and that really got to her. i cant let her risk anything, so were gonna have it and keep it. we do have the means, im just scared that its too soon and im too young, but my brother said, ill be 24 when it is born, and that isnt that young to have a child. im upset about not being married, but im gonna go on as planned and ask her to marry me next month. anyone have advice on how i break this to my parents? is 24 out of the normal young to have a child? someone boost me up here pleeeaaaseee
Eric, from everything that you've told us about you and Becki, I really believe that you are doing the right thing. It will be tough sometimes, and there are things that you will have to give up, or at least postpone, but the blessings of a baby are so great, and it will most likely bring you closer together. 21 is not too young, I had my first when I was 21. Actually, I think it's easier than for those who wait until they are in their 30's to start having babies - I'm 37 now and can't imagine being a full-time mom to an infant - I'm not even sure where these mothers get their energy from!! As for telling your parents - I hear you there! Been there, done that! I got pregnant with my 2nd when I wasn't married and was scared to death to tell my parents. Like you, I had been dating someone for a little while, we had talked about getting married and having a family, but obviously, we weren't there yet when I found out that I was pregnant. My advice to you is suck it up and just tell them. It's not like you're 16 and way too young to even think about it (although you may feel that way while you're telling them....lol). We waited until we were engaged to tell my parents. And basically, I just told them I was getting married, and then told them I was pregnant. They weren't all that thrilled at first, but soon after they came around and started buying cute baby things and all. And now they love him just as much as if I had been married when I concieved. I have never met grandparents that could look at their new grandchild and walk away. What matters most is that you and Becki agree about what to do about this, and know that you've made the best decision for the two of you. If you're parents don't warm to the idea right away, give them room to get used to the idea, I'm sure they will come around.
Good luck and God Bless...I'll keep you and Becki in my prayers. I hope you will continue to post and let us know how the pregnancy is going. And we're still here for you if you need any answers or just want to talk
You are not too young and believe me, who wants to be old and tired with a kid anyway? LOL. Congrats on healthy baby so far. I was 17 when I had my first son. I find that age has little to do with maturity and vice versa. You were responsible and mature enough to seek out good counsel and support, I think that makes you excellent dad material! As for telling your parents, I agree with the PP. Get engaged (assuming she says yes Wink ) then tell them that you are prego. Or better yet, make it cute. Take them out to dinner and give them cute presents. For your dad, a Worlds best Grandpa t-shirt, and for your mom an inspirational book about grandma's...Let them figure it out and enjoy the looks of shock, then joy! I dont think they will flip out. Why should they? You guys are mature adults, not teenagers still trying to graduate highschool. KWIM? Best of luck.
thank you all so much. ive started to tell a few people, just my close buddies that would be considered uncles, and the three i told were excited, lol. my buddy travis the one i would expect to be like "dude, you're gonna have a baby? that's not cool, how are we gonna go to the bar?" was actually like "you're gonna be a dad! and me an uncle!" haha, peoples reactions like that help, but im still scared and upset, but again thank you all. i will continue to post, she has an appointment here pretty soon. one problem is, she doesnt have health insurance yet, but were figuring that out. she'll have it in a month at her new job. even tho i dont believe in it, were gonna get her on medicaid until then. still shaking about the parents thing.....
Hi Eric,
24 is definitely not abnormally young to have a child. I would guess the average age for a first child for a man is something like 25 or 26. So 24 is actually probably pretty normal especially considering that some men wait until they're 40 or over to have kids and that totally throws off the average. You can think about it this way - when I was growing up my dad was a little older and didn't have the energy to play sports and hang out with me. When your child is 16, you'll only be 40 and you'll have plenty of energy. Becki and you will be the cool, younger parents when your child is in school.
Another way you could tell your parents is with a picture of the ultrasound. My brother-in-law and his wife gave my parents-in-law a picture of their ultrasound in a cute baby frame and they absolutely loved it.
the problem is we are not married, and i dont think they will agree with it. i was planning on proposing next month, but does anyone on here think it would be a problem if i did it next weekend? i, and i know becki does, we both feel more comfortable telling people were engaged and pregnant, rather than dating... the engagement will still be long, prob. not till next march or april, since the due date is feb. 11th
Hi Eric - I've been following along, and I'm excited to hear you've decided to parent. I know you're still freaked out, and trust me...that is a normal part of any unplanned pregnancy. I'm 20 weeks pregnant with a shocker right now, and it took some adjustment time. I'll bet that in 2 weeks, you'll be comfortable and a bit excited about the idea. Think of all the firsts you'll get to share soon...the first time you get to feel the baby move is always a special moment (although don't be like my DH and say it feels creepy. Razz )
I don't think there's any problem with you proposing early...I think it's sweet. What special memories you're creating! There's also nothing wrong with getting married while she's pregnant, if you decided that might be an option.
I understand your worry about your parents. They're probably Christian, and they frown on premarital sex...but that means they would also frown on abortion, right? When you tell them - however you decide to (with an ultrasound picture, shirts, positive pregnancy test, etc.) - make sure you stress that Becki means the world to you, and you wanted to do the right thing by her and start your lives out right. Mention how this is a blessing from God, and that sometimes they come in disguise. Wink Keep stressing things that you know they believe...but they might forget in the heat of the moment. Wink It's easy for parents to do that. Do you think that's manageable? Lets hear some of your ideas. Wink
I agree that if they are the type to look down on premarital sex, they should also support your giving life to this child. Some of life's greatest blessings have been unplanned. Also, while they may be opposed to sex outside of marriage, do you really think they are naive enough to believe that their 24 year old son is a virgin? Wink If you were 18 maybe but 24? That would be a rarity for sure Very Happy I think you might be pleasantly surprised by their reaction. Very few grandparents will be upset about a bundle of joy coming their way. If they are initially disappointed, they have every right to be. They did their very best (i'm assuming) to raise you with a firm set of morals/beliefs. They will have to come to terms with the fact that you are a man and have made your own choices and although they may not line up perfectly with their ideals, that doesnt' mean you love them less. Perhaps writing a letter could work too if you are not the confrontational type.
***update***
well, let's start with the bad news. i didnt get the job. i dont know how that was possible, i was over qualified, but who knows. Sad
as for the parents, she told hers. dad seemed to be ok with it, her mom seemed upset but now is ok.
we just got back from telling my parents and you were all right. i was suprised. my mom actually seemed excited, my dad was weary of me being able to afford a child, like i am, and like i expected, but seemed happy and excited also. now, my anxiety just lies in having the child, mainly being able to afford it.
does anyone on here know any places hiring that are career type jobs?
thank you again everyone
I'm so glad that things went well with all the parents. You have just about the scariest part of the whole thing over with!
As far as jobs - google "careers", "jobs", or even be more specific to whatever field you would like to work in. Monster.com is good for jobs. Also, here in Michigan we have MichiganWorks.com - maybe your state would have something similar - try (whatever state you are in)works.com. Ours is a government based program, so you might have something like that in your state also.
Have you, or would you consider financial help from an outside source if you cannot get a job right away? There is always FIA (Family Independance Agencies) which could provide you with Medicaid (for Becki and the baby, both pregnancy and labor and delivery and then beyond). I know some people really have a hard time with taking assistance, but by my way of thinking, if you've ever worked at all, you have been paying into the "system" and now it's just your turn to be helped, instead of being the helper. There are also other agencies that can help. And if you are really against this, just know that all a baby really needs is love, shelter and food. You can look for used baby equipment and clothing (babies grow so fast, that most of this you can buy for almost new at a big discount) at second hand stores, rummage sales, etc.
Let us know if we can help you in any way!
www.craigslist.com Add to your favorites immediately! Go to the link, click on your city or the one closest, and shop til you drop! You can find new and nearly new baby items CHEAP! and its all local so no shipping fees! I am a total CL junkie! BTW, you can also use CL to look for jobs! Also, never underestimate the power of coupon clipping for things like diapers, wash, wipes etc. They really help. Rose is right, a baby doesnt have to have every single new gadget that comes on the market. The only high dollar item I would encourage you to invest in is an Ocean Wonders Aquarium Swing! My son had colic and for 2 mos, that was the only place he or us got any sleep at all. It is worth its weight in gold. LOL. I am so glad that you were able to tell your parents and they were cool about it. Start preparing now and the cost will not be so great. Also, 1st babies usually get really big baby showers Wink Think GIFT REGISTRY! Toys R Us, Babies R us and Walmart are the best places to do them. Good luck!
i do currently have a job and everything, i just need a new one. i need to make more money, plus i am not happy. I am in grand rapids michigan. i checked out that craigslist! thanks a lot! looks awesome! anyway, if anyone knows of any places hiring, please let me know. until then i will continue to post with updates, thanks everyone!|
Eric,
Rose, Ruth and I are all in the GR area, we could do some checking around for you - what type of job are you looking for, in what field? I'll keep my eyes and ears open.
Congrats on the response from the parents! That is the worst part! Knowing you have their support makes everything else a little easier. My parents were the same way.
Keep us updated!
Hi, i've just joined and been reaing ur situation. i'm 6 weeks pregnant feeling alone and lost. How very lucky ur girlfriend is to have such a caring man like you, my decision would be easier if the father of my baby was half the man u r. Did you come to a decision? Remember, no judgement, just support
Hi Kat, I saw your post. Perhaps if you start your own thread we can support you better. You are not alone, no matter how it may seem so. My ex was not supportive and I have been through parenting, abortion, and open adoption. There are many choices, many pros and cons. Take the time to work through all of them and try not to make a knee jerk reaction ok? Abortion is forever, so is parenting. Take your time and be true to you no matter what your bf does or does not do. Your only concern is taking care of you and your baby. Feel free to PM anytime. you can read my story here on the site or contact me via my website at www.openarms.homestead.com best wishes and (((hugs)))
**update**
hey everyone, sorry i have not posted in awhile. well since my last post a lot has happened. I did get a job as a manger at the new harold ziegler lot in grandville! i start that next monday, so that's exciting. Becki and I are also engaged. I proposed two fridays ago, July 21st! the baby had nothing to do with it, that was the day i was planning on the entire time, i decided to not let the baby effect anything. so right now, im starting a new job, planning a wedding, and planning for a child! crazy life! anyway, thanks again to everyone, we have an ultrasound coming up when we will find out the sex of the baby, i will update you!
Thanks for the update, Eric! I'm so glad to hear things are going so well. Congrats on the new job and the engagement! That's awesome! When are you planning to get married? I can't wait to find out what you're having!!!! Keep us posted!
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