Hi everyone. This is going to be a long one! I am new to this board and looking for some help!!! I am a 28 yr old single mom of 3 children. I have a 12 yr old and 9 yr old to my ex husband... and my first "whoopsy" is now going on 4. Her father and I lived together for 2 yrs. He then became really abusive.
I have been dating a man (quite older than myself) for about a yr and a half. I love him and everything about him. A little background on his life... He just came out of a 26 yr marriage. He was literally raised in the church - son of a preacher. His divorce took a major toll on him. We have worked together for 6 yrs. When I found out he was getting divorced, I pursued him like you would never believe. I was so determined to date him and then become serious with him. He was (and sometimes still is) hesitant. I just wouldn't let up.
We talked about children. We both knew where each other stood. His youngest is 20 and he, at the age of 47, doesn't want to go back to "baby days". Me, having 3 already and struggling day to day as a single mom don't want anymore either!
In January, I had my anual gyne exam. I schedule to have my tubes tied on Jan. 29th. The dr. office called me and said I would have to hold off on that surgery because it was elective and I had an abnormal pap. I had my biopsy done in the middle of the month.. and schedule a LEEP (minor sugery of the cevix) for FEB. 21st.
I was all prepped for surgery and the nurse came to me and said 2 urine tests showed I was preggo! I wanted to DIE! I took my birth control pill every single day. DID NOT MESS IT UP! Pulled the pill pack out of my purse just to show everyone and then cried and cried. Dr. said I was that 1 out of a 100!!!!! Needless to say they could not do surgery that day considering I am now pregnant.
I scheduled an appt. to see a dr. that would both tie my tubes and perform an abortion at the same time. It is scheduled for Tuesday at 3:30.. which is less than 2 days. Now, I am so beside myself. I don't want to do this. I want this baby. However I know what is best for myself, him and my children. I am just having a lot of trouble coming to terms with and accepting what am I about to do.
I did have an ultrasound. I will be 7 weeks 6 days when I have the procedure done. I am just so afraid I will never forgive myself.
-MumOf3
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Will I always regret this?
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Hi!
I'm glad you found us here. Your head seems to know what you want to do, but your heart seems to be telling you something different. It must be a shock to find out that you're pregnant when you were being so careful not to get that way!
A couple things I wanted to point out to you: you want this baby and are afraid you will regret having an abortion (your words). You might want to take some time to think about it before having the procedure done. If you go into this wanting the baby and not being sure that you want the abortion, chances are good that you WILL regret it! The other thing is, your bf was raised in the church - how do you think abortion will sit with him? Most churches believe that abortion is wrong, and if he is that connected to his faith (or even his upbringing), an abortion may not be something he believes in. He said he didn't want any more kids, but what do you think his choice would be if it was between no more kids or you having an abortion? Ultimately, the choice is yours, but you don't seem to be sold on the abortion idea either.
You have a lot of time to decide - please postpone your appointment until you know for sure that you want to do it. You may regret your decision if you run off and have the abortion done, but if you take a few weeks to really search your heart, then you can go ahead with whatever decision you decide is best, with no regrets.
I was 7 wks pregnant when I had my abortion and while under the best of circumstances early abortions are less likely to be high risk physically, that doesn't make them any less emotionally damaging. I would not make this decision without at least talking with your bf. True love requires commitment and trust. I am all about a woman's choice but I also believe that men at least have a right to know what has become of their child. If your heart tells you what to do, then you should follow it. Your mind can change as feelings are fickle and change based on circumstance. Your heart is a constant. If it hurts today, chances are it will hurt tomorrow. Also, I would advise against doing two life changing procedures on one day. That could present its own set of conflicting emotional issues. Any thoughts from you other ladies on that thought? I got "fixed" just recently and after much soul searching. Even though it was a solid decison, it still was emotional. I cannot imagine compounding the loss of a baby with the absolution of never having another....Hope some of this helps.
He is all for the abortion. Yes, he is battling with it himself. This is to be kept a BIG secret. His problem is that we are not married. He never even wanted to sleep with me for that reason! I pressured him into sex.. I told him he needs to quit living the old school days and get with it. Now, I am the one feeling pressured!
I hate the situation I am in right now. I want to curl up in a ball and die! I never thought I would be faced with having an abortion. I was all for a woman's right to choose. I supported many friends through their abortions. All of which were relieved when it was over. I just never thought something like this would happen to me.
I have babies! I know what my body is doing right now. I know why my breast are so big and sore! I know what that sharp cramp is when I suddenly switch positions. It hurts so bad to know that this little life will be sucked out of me tomorrow.
I also know that this is the right decision. I hardly take care of the 3 I have. Since he and I started dating, I have been a horrible mom! My ex husband has the 2 older kids at least (if not more) 50% of the time. The little one goes to my mom's every chance I get. I have become all about myself.
I missed out on so much having my son on my 17th birthday. I am now trying to live a little. If I don't take care of the 3 I have, I have no right to have a 4th. What happens if I do have this baby??? My mom takes my daughter twice a week. Is it fair to ask her to babysit 2 kids overnight twice a week?! I know myself well enough to know that I'm not ready to change.
It just hurts so bad!!!! Yes, I feel like I am murdering my own child! I know I am way to selfish to give this baby up for adoption. I am hurting so bad, I would rather carry this baby full term and see a stillborn than have this abortion...but I know what's right and what's best for all of us.
As far as the tubal ligation... I did have it scheduled for Jan. 29th. I am glad I found a dr. that will do both at once. I don't think I could make it through an ordeal like this again.
Hi Mumof3, I'm so glad you're here! I hope you've found some support here.
I want to gently encourage you to postpone your appointment that is scheduled on Tuesday hon. There's no reason to rush through this when you still aren't sure and have been feeling very hesitant about it. You'll thank yourself for taking the extra time.
I had to chuckle that he is morally opposed to the abortion but doesn't want the baby because you are not married. There's a lot of conflicting points in that statement. Either he's manipulating you into blaming yourself for this or he's just not thinking clearly. It seems that an abortion would not be his best recourse to cover up the fact that he had sex out of marriage. Know what I mean? Wink
I think that should you go through the abortion feeling the way you do now, you're likely to regret it. Like you said, your first "whoopsy" is 4 now, so that is what is going to live on with you forever...the thought of what this child would have been like. I know you say that it is the right decision, but I don't see how it can be when your heart is so painfully against it. Perhaps you mean it's the "logical" decision, but logic really has nothing to do with matters of the heart, does it? Please don't try to talk yourself into this by saying that it is the right decision even though everything in you is screaming it's not...you need to pay attention to those thoughts and feelings hon.
It sounds like this also might be the turning point to being able to give more to your kids, since you mentioned you feel you've been neglecting them. You don't want to reach a point of blaming your current kids or your lack of a life for an abortion...that will also set you up for difficult emotions later.
We'll be here for you no matter what. We're in your corner and don't want to see you get hurt. (((((Hugs))))) Post again soon.
Well, the hospital was calling the wrong number to give me pre-op instructions. I was so relieved when I didn't hear from them by 10:00 last night. I thought maybe something changed with the doctor's schedule and I would get that call today.
Make a long story short... My boyfriend said a few times, "you better call them"... I kinda blew it off. I felt soooo very relieved and I didn't want that to change. So, I waited till 11:30 to call. Thats' when I found out they had the wrong number.
I told him how difficult this is for me! Given the fact that I didn't go today; nor did I call to see if I was still on the schedule, he said he is just going to resign to the fact that there is another baby on the way.
That's not necessarily the case though. I wish I could say, "YES YOU'RE RIGHT!". I just know that it's not in our best interest to have a child. I am so torn and so emotionally distraught!
Yes, Rose, you hit the nail on the head about his moral issues. I have gone through that in my mind a million times! With his father being a preacher, I asked him which his father would consider lesser of 2 evils - Having sex before marriage or abortion. I may be wrong (because so much has been said between us) but, I think he blew that question off.
So now, I have to decide by tomorrow if I want to call this doctor and reschedule to have this done next Tuesday - or call my OB/GYN and make a prenatal appt. I am soooo confused and scatterbrained right now! I just don't know what to do.
Not to mention, I am soooo very petrified of having an abortion - PHYSICALLY. I am afraid to go through with the procedure. Afraid of any pain following it. With having my tubes tied at the same time, am I in for double recovery? Who knows???
I have also totally tormented myself with these pro-life sites. BIG NO NO!!! My regular OB/GYN told me to stay the hell off the internet. I saw pictures step by step of an abortion in process. WHAT WAS I THINKING WHEN I CLICKED ON THAT?! Those sites are horrible! I typed in abortion at 7 weeks and just started clicking away. That is enough to turn anyone's stomach! I am just a mess about EVERYTHING right now.
Unplanned pregnancies sometimes equal unplanned joy. You are right, pictures don't lie and while I don't like them (and I'm glad Rose doesnt have any of them here) they do represent the truth. I wouldn't suggest beating yourself up by obsessing over those pics though. I disagree with your dr. who cautioned you not to seek out the information you so desperatlely want/need. My biggest pet peeve is dr's who think that they are doing humanity a favor by keeping women in the dark about what is about to happen to their body and that of the fetus. Knowledge is power. How would you have felt if you had the abortion in ignorance then saw those pics 10yrs down the road? Food for thought...If you missed the appt, there is a reason. Nothing happens for no reason. Why do we care what his dad's opinion is in the matter? why are we basing life and death decisions on a 3rd party judgement call??? You sound like you would be an absolute wreck after an abortion...not judgement just an observation. Physically, they are no picnic. Yes, it is painful unless you pay extra for sedation and recovery should take a couple of days of downtime. There is nothing wrong with being pro-choice. God is pro-choice, He gave us all free will. I had to chuckle when you said you felt guilty for guilting your bf into sex...He is a man with male testosterone, I am sure you really didnt have to twist his arm too hard. Just because abortion is a viable legal option doesnt mean it is always the right one for every woman. You can support whole heartedly the right to choose and still give life to your potential child.
Well ladies.. I have made my final decision today. I talked to my boyfriend. Since he is every bit as much of an emotional basketcase as me, I am going through with the abortion. I know how strong he felt about NOT having more children long before this "crisis". We were, at one time, on the same page. Prior to getting pregnant, I abosultely beyond the shadow of a doubt never wanted more children; hence my decision to have my tubes tied back in Jan.
Before calling him at work, I actually called my regular OB/GYN and am waiting on them to call back. I talked to the nurse there about when I should come in for my 1st prenatal. She said in about 2-3 weeks. I asked for an ultrasound now to make sure everything is okay and to put my own my mind at ease that baby is alright. She was calling the ultrasound imaging place to set it up. I guess I won't answer my phone when she calls.
I called the abortion dr. He said that in order to have my tubes tied he needs to perform both this week. Now I am back on the schedule for Friday.
I know I am making the WRONG decision for ME. There is just no easy answer in any of this. The easy answer for US is abortion. The easy answer for HIM is abortion. An easier answer for ME is adoption. And probably the hardest answer would be to give birth and raise yet another child.
I blame him for me making this decision. He already had off on Tuesday to go with me. His schedule is totally booked a week or two in advance. He cannot be there with me on Friday... nor do I even want him there. Hopefully I can find someone else to take me. I will not be able to look at him when all is said and done. I am just glad that I didn't put my own house on market and sell it as planned. I already have most of my stuff packed. When all is said and done I am going home!
Did you ever love someone so much that you'd sell yourself short for them? I do truly love this guy. I feel his pain. I feel horrible about the whole situation. He is pressuring me - but not being pushy at all. He is making himself physically (literally) sick over the thought of resigning to being a dad again. I can't do that to him. I can't live with the burden of ruining this man that I love's life. I just know how strong I feel right now about aborting this (MY) baby. I don't think I will ever be able to move beyond it once all is said and done. Especially if I have to look at him afterwards.
I do hope that changes over time. I do hope and pray that I can get beyond this abortion. I will never find a man like him again. He is very unique. After 28 yrs and quite a few relationships, I have finally found happiness. Happiness I never imagined were in the cards for me. I am not ready to give that happiness up. However, I do know myself. I am in touch with myself (usually).. and I know I am not going to be able to face him after this. To be honest, I think I better start looking for a new job.
Thanks for everything ladies. This is a great board for woman faced with unplanned pregnancies that are looking for support. This is now my final decision. I am going through with it on Friday. You all have been great
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I know I am making the WRONG decision for ME. The easy answer for HIM is abortion. An easier answer for ME is adoption. I will not be able to look at him when all is said and done.
So if you aren't planning on being with him after because you won't be able to look at him, why not do what is right for you and look into adoption? Maybe this would even allow you to be able to remain with him.
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He is making himself physically (literally) sick over the thought of resigning to being a dad again.
And you are probably getting yourself sick over the thought of having an abortion. What has the most likely chance of changing over time? If you parent, do you think he will get sick every time he sees his child? If you place for adoption, do you think either of you will be sick about it? If you have an abortion, do you see yourself being sick over that choice long-term? I think the choice with the biggest chance of long-term emotional issues would be the abortion.
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I don't think I will ever be able to move beyond it once all is said and done. I have finally found happiness. Happiness I never imagined were in the cards for me. I am not ready to give that happiness up.
It seems like you will be giving that happiness up by having the abortion and never being able to look at him the same. I don't think you'll be able to remain as happy if you know the cost that the happiness came at.
In any case, this is your choice, and we'll be here for you. If you don't want me to waste time trying to point out these thoughts to you, that's fine. It sounds like you're trying to bury your head in the sand and go through with it without resolving your emotions. This is a dangerous way to go, and I don't recommend it, but like I said, we're here for you hon. You can read a bit more about this here: http://www.choicetolivewith.com/AbortionConcerns/concern2.html
Post again soon. ((((Hugs))))
I have to agree with Rose at this point. If you plan on not being with him anyway, why abort? It just doesnt make sense...I am sorry that you are forcing yourself up against a brick wall here. I am happy however that you at least put some thought into it and that you found us to be of help. Best of luck to you and do post again.
Ok ladies.. here we go again! I can't go through with this tomorrow! Is it normal to go back and forth and back and forth?! I just don't know what to do?! And that video on abortionno.org is really tormenting my mind!!! It should be illegal to show that kind of stuff!
So anyway, here I sit again in limbo. I think I am leaning to keeping this baby. I even called my OB/GYN to see if Prilosec is ok to take during pregnancy...lol... Who knows, I still have the rest of today to decide.
I want to lash out on him right now! I want to scream I hate you! I seriouslly feel like flipping out on someone.. NO I feel like flipping out on HIM!
I wish I didn't feel so bad for him. I wish I didn't have to take his feelings and thoughts into consideration. I wish this were all about ME MYSELF AND I! I hate this whole situation! Why does it HAVE to take two to tango!!!!!!! I don't "want" this baby... but I don't want to abort it either! He sees 1 solution and 1 solution only!
Ladies.. I think I am going nuts! I'm thinkin' maybe a state institution in a straight jacket! lol
Ok.. now here's another thought. I keep saying I wish this would all just go away. Well, if I had a miscarriage now, I would be devastated!!! I would feel like I am to blame if it happened just for saying that! See how nutso I am becoming with all of this?!
You're not being nuts...you're being torn in two by what your heart wants and what your logic mind wants. It doesn't often happen where the two are in major conflict. But for instance, if you were in a boat with someone you love and there was a major storm and he/she got knocked off, would you try to rescue him/her? Your heart would say yes, but your logic mind would say "save yourself!" What would you be able to live with though knowing that you didn't follow your heart, kwim?
Perhaps it might help to do a little exercise - a shortened version since this is so rushed. Pretend for 3 hours today that you are doing each option. (1) Pretend that you are going to have the baby. Look at baby names, baby items to purchase, make plans for your home, etc. (2) Pretend you had an abortion. Pretend the baby is gone and there are no more plans to be made. (3) Pretend you are going to place the baby for adoption. Look at adoptive family profiles, choose the qualities you'd like in a family, etc. Then think over what you've been through and decide which left you feeling the best? The worst? Let us know.
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I wish this were all about ME MYSELF AND I!
It is...or it can be. It will be all about you if you have an abortion you don't want because you won't have the baby or your boyfriend it sounds like.
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Well, if I had a miscarriage now, I would be devastated!!!
That's pretty revealing, isn't it?
((((Hugs))))) I wish you didn't have to go through this hon.
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It should be illegal to show that kind of stuff
This is a very deep statement. While we here at CTLW are neutral on the legality of abortion, there are many others who would say " which should be illegal, the sharing of truthful pics or the action of abortion itself?"
I found this quote by an abortion provider to be quite moving myself...
"Abortion is undeniably the taking of a potential life. It is not pretty. It is not easy. And in a perfect world it would not be necessary (Dr. Bart Slepian OB/GYN Marie Claire, October, 2006 )."
Those pics are ugly but it is better to know ahead of time, then get blindsided later in life. KWIM?
I would not encourage your obsessing over them though. You have seen one and you have seen them all.
This should be about you. He and his mind and body won't be the ones to deal with this for the rest of his life. YOU and only you are ultimately going to suffer. Why make yourself a martyr?
Flip flopping is normal but you have to realize that once you have aborted there is no going back. If your heart isnt in it, you can only regret it. Have you read through all the stories here at CTLW? There have been many women who felt the same as you, went through with it, then had a tough time dealing after the fact...Learn from those who have been before you. Be strong.
What is kwim?
Ok had dinner tonight with BF and daughter. He knows I'm not going to be able to follow through. He is now trying to accept and deal with raising a child at his age. He even cracked a few jokes - One being "I'll be 72 and probably in a wheelchair for college graduation." (In a joking tone)
So what does he say next? You better consider marriage. If you keep this baby, I have to do something to try to make things "right". WOW! I was shocked!
I am going to doc. in 2 weeks. Baby is due Oct. 30. That seems so soon!
Thanks for everything.
Wow! Was that an official marriage proposal?? How awesome would that be?! So are you officially canceling/postponing the appointment tomorrow? It sounds like it...in that case I am officially relieved that you won't be putting yourself through what would have been heartbreaking for you. (((Hugs))) I know it isn't going to be easy, but emotionally, I think it will be easier for you to deal with. Keep us updated!!
I am so glad it looks like things are looking up for you. KWIM=Know what i mean? Keep us posted ok? I am eager to hear if bf meant that as a real proposal or what...(((hugs)))
Official proposal? Not sure. Scare the hell out of me.. definitely! LOL ... I was married once and always said NEVER AGAIN!
Yes, I did cancel today's appt. I am scheduled to see my OB on March 26th.
BF's divorce was just finalized in Aug. Originally the house was to be sold and the profit split. Well, once the house came under contract, I convinced him do all he had to do to keep it (long before we got the news of pregnancy). The closing was set for today, but he just ran into a BIG bump in the road with the real estate agency.
I felt so good about everything yesterday until he said what he said today... "I feel so powerless! Everyone has a hold of my balls right now but me!" OMG! WHAT?! I took it personal and it was meant to be taken personal! Then, stupid me says, "This time next year everything will be somewhat normal again." He asked what I meant by that.. I said, "Honey, this too shall pass." Well, in a nutshell he said I should take my own advice and look at things that way. Referring to having an abortion.. and that too shall pass!
He owns a 4 bed 3 bath house. Yesterday, after dinner, he said we should go furniture shopping and get beds in the bedrooms for all these kids. He wasn't optimistic about having a baby and our lives being grand.. but he seemed to be a little accepting of it all. He has totally changed his tone today though! Crying or Very sad
That's where I stand. I guess it's time to quit posting here because my decision has been made. I cannot follow through with having an abortion. I guess than answer to my own question is YES - Yes I will always regret having an abortion if I do so.
Now comes the hard part. Breaking the news to everyone...including OUR place of employment which has no clue he and I have been dating. He has been there 19 yrs - me 6 1/2 yrs. Here's something funny... very degrading to me, of course. He went to lunch with our boss about 2 1/2 yrs ago... Told our boss that his marriage was shot and he was considering a divorce. My BF cracked a joke about finding himself a younger woman.. someone about my age (never thought it would actually be me, of course.. just used my name to give an age illustration) so he could mold her to his likings... My boss turned to him and said, that's fine as long as it's not her because any man that looks at her knocks her up.. Then she looks at him as a monthly source of income! How embarrassing this is going to be! I am even considering finding a job elsewhere with medical benefits (even if it means less money) just so the baby can be put on my health ins. and our employer will never have to know a thing! We do both make very good money there though! UGH!!!!!! Nothings easy! LOL
Don't feel like you are required to inform your job of your pregnancy right away. In fact, it is recommended that you wait until at least the 2nd trimester due to the increased risk of miscarriage in the 1st...Also, I would encourage you and bf to be discreet about your relationship at work. No one there need know who the father of your baby is. It is none of their business. You have enough going on in your life without getting in hot water for an affair with a co-worker. LOL Besides, if they were to fire you or harass you about this, you could sue. Just food for thought. I am sure bf will come around once his new bundle of joy is here. Men are visual thinkers, not abstract. They don't get it until it is something they can see, touch, smell etc. You can keep posting here under the pregnancy board. We would love to hear any updates you have to offer. Good luck sweetie!
Hahaha... I already thought about that whole thing you said about them not knowing who the father is. One SMALL problem. Ummm.. whose health insurance does the baby get added under??? LOL Either way it goes...it's a small company and everyone knows his last name!!!!! I really did think about that... give birth and never tell whose baby that is.. Then I just laughed to myself cause I pictured adding the baby to my health insurance.. then watch my boss and the controller's faces turn white!
And one last thing. I want to say THANK YOU LADIES FOR YOUR SUPPORT!!!!!! I am so glad I found this board. Granted I think BF would have reacted as mommyof2's hubby did, but you all have helped me greatly. Reading through everyone else's posts and experiences alone has helped. This is a wonderful place to turn when faced with an unexpected pregnancy and you just don't know what to do!
If you add the baby on your insurance, there should be no need to name a father..they will know you are pregnant but you can keep them guessing about the father...
Hi there! It's pretty normal for BF to feel up and down about the baby. Just like you probably will. Wink He probably doesn't realize how his words hurt when he is not 100% supportive, and at the same time, you're overly emotional right now being pregnant. So when he starts to freak out, just politely excuse yourself from the conversation. He'll gain control in a little while, and then you can feel good talking to him again.
PLEASE don't quit posting just because your decision is made. Wink We'd love it if you stuck around and posted on the pregnancy board as well!
At least you have some time to figure out the work issues. Maybe leaving for another company would be easiest. Maybe you'd be able to stay home with the kids now that you are going to be splitting the costs with someone. You have time to think this stuff through.
I'm so glad you were able to feel supported here when you weren't really getting it anywhere else! Yay!
OK...so decision has been made on my end... after this idiot tells me adoption is out of the question, I come to terms with the fact that I am having and raising another baby. Ladies... he comes to me today with ADOPTION! He doesnt want this baby no matter what!!! Sooo.. now what to do????
You've made your decision - now it's time for him to make his - either stay and support you or leave. Unless, of course, you want to re-open the idea of adoption. This is really all your decision. If you truly want this baby (which I think you do, since you decided to have this baby!) then what he wants is irrelevant. Just because he changes his mind every other minute, doesn't mean you need to be sucked into that too. Once you make your decision, stick with it.
It sounds like he's just freaking out like many men tend to do. It doesn't make sense that one minute he'd be against it, the next for it, the next wanting adoption, etc. unless he was just really confused and didn't know how to react.
As for your job- just don't tell anyone he is the father! There's no rule that you have to disclose to them who the father is. It's none of their business and if they are rude enough to hound you about it, then it's not a very nice workplace! I would think a simple "my boyfriend" would do if you really want to answer to who the father is.
Health insurance- I don't know how your company is run, but usually there is a benefits person or HR person that does the insurance stuff. There is no reason why your baby's last name should leak out. Sometimes with insurance companies, you fill out a form that goes directly to the health insurance company rather than your workplace and all the workplace gets is notification that you have added a member to your policy. Maybe you could look into that if you are worried about it.
Keep posting! We're all here for you no matter what stage you are in- whether you've made your decision or not- you can hang out as long as you want!
Good luck!
We work for a very small company. There is no HR dept. We have 2 women that work in accounting (I am one of them). We handle everything. Unfortunately, the other lady handles all the insurance stuff.. she's also the one with her nose up the boss's a$$ all the time. No way around it. Baby will have to have my last name if we want to pull that one off.
Ok... now on another note. I am back home. I packed up everything and left. This is all too much for him to handle. He needs time to think and sort through things. Our relationship was doomed, I guess. Had I aborted, I would have never forgiven myself and always blamed him. Having it just makes him "blame" me for his problems in all of this.
This is my 4th child. Has anyone here ever felt their uterus hardening this early on? I'm about 8-9 weeks now. I have never felt it this early on.
I can understand the small company deal. That would be a challenge, but maybe you want baby to have your last name and it won't be much of an issue? I don't know how you'd keep it a secret, but I suppose it could be done.
I'm so sorry that he's needing space right now, but you know, a lot of guys seem to do better when they've had space and time alone to process thoughts and come to grips with it. So I don't necessarily think it means the relationship is doomed just yet. Give it some time with him. Give him necessary updates about you and the baby, and otherwise, try to have him make the contact. I know that's hard though.
It can be normal for you to feel pregnant already. 8 or 9 weeks means the baby is getting bigger, and you're probably more "used" to being pregnant, so you notice things.
((((Hugs)))) Update again soon hon.
You don't have to name the child until after you give birth. This would allow you to get the insurance and have the pregnancy covered. You can cross the other bridge when you get to it. FYI you can still file for child support order if the baby has your last name. Also, if you ever marry and want the child to have your husbands last name this will not be an issue. I made the mistake of naming my son for his father and lived to regret it. When I did marry, my hubby had to officially adopt him which required the biological father consent...big mess. We did finally get it done but not without some heartache and stress. If you and bf are over, give the baby your name then no worries.
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