I have not yet confirmed that I am pregnant, but I am a few days late. And I am considering abortion. However, in Indiana and Ohio (i live in Indiana), you need parental notification or a judicial bypass. My aunt lives in Ohio, and I'm wondering if I went to a clinic with her, if they'd let her be my "adult person."
-Notorious Voice
Saturday, April 9, 2005
abortion laws
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18 comments:
I would say your first step should be to confirm whether or not you are actually pregnant. After that you should take some time to consider your options and take your time making a decision as to what to do. I don't know the abortion laws, maybe that's something Rose can help you with. There are others on this site that have been through that also, and I think they would say, too, to make sure abortion is what you really want. This is a scary time, with some huge decisions to make, and I want you to be absolutely sure you're doing what's right for you. Remember to check in here often, as there's lots of supportive people to help you consider your options, maybe help you make a decision, and to support you and be here for you whatever you decide. Let us know how things are going for you when you can.
I agree with the PP...and I doubt that you are pregnant, so I'm not going to research this too much. Find out first, we'll look into the technical info if we have to. :wink
Most likely though, it's only a gaurdian that can sign for your abortion, and crossing state lines might have it's own problems, especially if your parents found out.
thanks for replying and being so honest. I really appreciate it.
Hey sweetie, welcome to CTLW! I hope I'm not intruding but I wanted to throw in my $0.02 :smile If you were to discover that you were pregnant, I would encourage you to at least consider sharing the news with your mom. Even if you decided that abortion was the choice for you, it would be in your best interests to confide in your parents. The reason I say that is 2-fold. 1st, abortion can be an extremely emotional ordeal what with hormones and all:woohoo ...Your mom would undoubtedly notice that something is up :wink and you would need a loving woman to support you. She would probably be very hurt also, if she found that you didn't trust her with such a life altering choice...2nd, for your own safety. Abortions performed by a qualified, reputable doctor are usually uncomplicated, however, like any surgical procedure it does carry risks. Your parents would need to be aware of your situation so that they can be looking out for you...Parents want the best for their children and I think you may be surprised at how supportive they really can be... Unless of course they are abusive in any way. Have you thought about talking candidly with your mom about your sexual activity and getting on some birth control? Also, STD screenings are not optional! Every girl/woman who engages in sexual play should get them frequently! I might add that it is possible to give and receive STD's without having actual intercourse. Many pass from skin to skin contact. I have talked too long as usual. Hope some of this helps. Good luck sweetie! Take care of yourself, as women we owe it to ourselves. Luv, Christine
My mom and dad got pregnant with me at 17. And they're still married (which is amazing in my view). My mom won't put me on BC because she thinks I'm going to go around and have sex. Ironic huh? Both my mom and my dad like my boyfriend. They let him come over all the time, and my mom trusts us. my mom has said that she trusts me but she is still so damn skeptical. I really don't know what I'd do. I mean, she wouldn't want me to have an abortion because my dad's mom wanted her to get one with me. I've thought about what I'd do if I were, and I kept the child. I know I could have a career at a hospital because I almost took an internship offer for respiratory therapy. I don't know.....This is getting more and more difficult.
It sounds like your mind is racing a million miles an hour. I think you need to slow down a little bit and take one step at a time. If you are, in fact, pregnant, then you can start to think about what you will do. If you are not, I think your mother would rather you on BC, not pregnant than not on BC taking that chance anyway. I know it's difficult, and I would not have done it either at your age, but it could save you a lot problems in the future. It's good to hear that your parents are still together. I obviously don't know her, but your mom sounds like she'd understand your situation if you talked to her about, since she's been there herself. In any case, you can continue to chat here, since we've been in your shoes before, too. Let us know how things are going.
We're here for you.
I STARTED MY PERIOD LADIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOODNESS!!!! I am so happy. Jermey (the boyfriend) came over today (after I took a pg test but the results never turned out.) and we "had fun", but no sex because we didn't have a condom. :satisfied I just got off the phone with him.. I had to pee and lookie there.....aunt flow!!!!!!!! YES! I am definately continuing to chat here. This place is too wonderful to leave. Thanks girls for being so great to me
Although I do encourage open dialogue between parents and teens, it does seem like you intend to continue having sexual relations with bf...In that case, it is possible to obtain bc without your parents knowledge....I couldn't tell you exactly where, but if you have a school guidance counselor or nurse perhaps they might be of assistance. You seem pretty resourceful anyway since you were ableto get a pg test :wink Better safer than sorry. Obviously the only 100% bc is abstinence but you should protect yourself better if you plan to continue on...Too many things can go wrong with condoms, they slip, break and leak...Plus if you wait too long to put it on, pre-cum has mighty strong swimmers also. In the heat of the moment it is way too easy to say "oh just this once". Trust me, I played that game and lost. I now have a 6 yr old little boy as a result. He is a blessing but I was young...very young.
Have to second (or is it third?) what everyone else has said. LOL. If you're going to keep having sex before the "right" time to get pregnant...it's best you take care of yourself by getting on birth control. You can usually do so without your parents knowing, but I really do encourage you to talk with your mom about this. She obviously can't judge...she may have high hopes for you, but I think she'd want to be sensible if she knew what was going on. I only speak as the mommy of a little girl who I hope would trust me in the same situation. :wink ((((Hugs))))
You said your mom says she trusts you but she is skeptical. You say your mom won't put you on birth control because she thinks you will go around having sex. You find that ironic. It sounds to me that mom is right on both accounts. How do you suppose that she knows these things? How does your boyfriend really feel about you? Does he care enough about you to stop putting you through these anxious moments or does he only care about the sex? If I was betting, I would bet on the sex because that is where the odds are. Where do I get off writing these things? I was a young man once.
You should give your mother more credit and communicate with her. She only wants what is best for you while others only want what is best for themselves. If she didn't love you and care about you, would she have had you? I am sorry if this sounds harsh and uncaring because it is only supposed to be thought provoking. Please also consider pregnancy resource centers in your area if you think you may be pregnant again. They generally offer free pregnancy tests and have a lot of information available about abortions, adoptions, and parenting for your choices. Is your future worth a few moments of fleeting pleasure?
I became sexually active at 16 and now I wish I had waited a bit longer. I think that Onelifetogive is partially correct. While some young men really do care for their partners, many young men pursue a relationship simply because their needs are being met:wink I would suggest a little experiment. Tell bf that you feel you need a break from the sex play for an indefinite amount of time. See what his reaction is...Is he supportive, or does he look like a whipped puppy dog and try to dissuade you. Many young women whom I have talked to say they are in love and later realize that their bf was merely in "lust". Sex is a wonderful thing but used out of context can have devastating effects. Condoms can protect your body(sometimes) but there is no protection for your heart. Your sexual essence is a gift and every time someone unwraps it, there is a little less of you. When or if you plan on getting married, do you want your spouse to get an abused and scarred present? Just food for thought from someone who has lived all the pain that sex too young can cause. No one here will judge you or tell you what you should or should not do. We just share from our own experiences.
Such wise advice you can get here! I agree with everyone else. Talk to mom about BC, if not, find a way to get on it if you are going to continue to be sexually active. It doesn't pay to take the chance. I, too, thought it would never happen to me and now have a 7 year old daughter. Anyway, I'm happy for you that you got lucky this time. Think about what others here are saying. They know what they're talking about! Best of luck to you!
Chris
Funny that you mention what you did about my bf and I. I told him that I had started, and he was relieved as was I. I finally told him that I was stressing out a lot and it delayed my period. He's like, " Why didn't you tell me?" And I said, " I because I didn't want to scare you." He said in a serious voice," Do you want to stop having sex that way you won't stress yourself out so much?" HE was willing to stop having sex for my benefit. I think that qualifies as true emotion. When we met, he was TERRIFIED of sex. I am talking so terrified because he didn't want to lose his virginity to someone who was just going to use him. He was either going to wait for marriage or a girl whom he really loved. He got both with me. He and I are planning on getting married, we're not engaged or anything yet though. He gave me a promise ring though. Yeah, I know how teenage boys can be because when I was 13, my bf at the time wanted to have sex and have a baby. I said hell no and dumped him. Jermey ( my bf now) is not dating me for sex. If he really was, why would we have stuck around for 4 months before we had sex. And why would he still be with me? He turned down his last gf for sex because he didn't want it and wasn't ready. I love this guy with all my heart and I really cannot wait to marry him. We're going to wait til I'm either half-way or all the way done with college. I'm one of the lucky girls who found the right type of guy....
About my mom....I know she wants the best for me and doesn't want me to make the same mistakes she did. I've always had a level head on my shoulders, with the exception of my 3 1/2 years of teenage rebellion (smoking, drinking, drugs, but never sex.) I've made plenty of mistakes in my life. I know what it's like to give myself to someone and be crushed by it. The first I experienced oral sex (with my first love Michael who later turned out to be gay haha) I gave him oral sex out of obligation and I knew that that's what he wanted and that's what I should give to him. the next day I felt so horrible and obviously the relationship didn't last. I've experienced a lot more than someone who's 17 should have. I am going to talk to my mom about going on birth control, or even just go to planned parenthood. This scare taught me a lot.
Thank all you for being so great to me
Wow! It sounds like things are going a lot better for you. Your boyfriend sounds like a GREAT guy! I'm so glad that conversation went well. And I'm glad you're going to talk to your mom about BC. I think you're right - you did learn some things from this scare. And that's what's important. Now you know what you need to do, and you're doing it. Your message this time sounds like you are happy. I'm so glad for that. You've been in my thoughts a lot the last few days. I hope things continue to work out for you. Sounds like you're on the right track.
Your bf seems to be a nice guy. Consider yourself blessed:smile We are glad you found us and that you feel welcome and able to share your thoughts. Stick around as long as you like. What did you say when he asked about not having sex? It doesnt sound like such a bad idea...I mean until you get on reliable bc...
Let us know what you end up doing - talking to your mom or going to get the BCP from a doctor. I'd again encourage you to talk to your mom...at the risk of sounding mother hennish (is that a word? :rolleyes ). It sounds like you're a sensible young woman, you've been around long enough to know what's what, and you have a pretty clear plan for the future. If I was your mom I would enjoy that you were coming to me woman to woman for advice and support.
Nuff said, and I won't say another word. :whistling ((((Hugs)))) I'm so glad you're happy and not having to deal with a world of problems right now.
hanks you guys. When he asked me if I wanted to stop having sex, I said I didn't want to stop. And that I just scared myself into being late. I mean, as any other human being, I enjoy sex especially when it's with someone I love. He's my first, and I'm his. (obviously the first time wasn't as enjoyable but trust me IT GOT BETTER!:woohoo ) Today, I had the WORST cramps ever. I've never had them so bad. I was almost in tears so the nurse sent me when I went to her office the 2nd time. I spent almost an entire class in her office the first time on a heating pad. I'm going to try and get my mom to make me an appointment with the doc about BC....because 1) don't want another scare 2) I am not about to deal with cramps like this anymore. I was bleeding very heavily. I went to the bathroom after I got out of the nurse's office and I swear at least 1-2 tbs came out.
But anyway...back to my boo (haha). He really is an amazing guy. I'm definately planning on keeping this one. I don't know what I'd do without him. Those of you who are happy in a relationship/marriage would know what I'm talking about: I tried to imagine my life if things ended, and I don't know what I'd do. He's done a lot for me. If it wasn't for him, I'd be into drugs again. Here's that story: During the first few months of our relationship, I was offered cocaine and vicodin. And I wanted to try it just out of curiousity but I thought of Jermey and I knew that that would ruin our relationship so I said no. I'm quitting smoking. I don't drink that much anymore. There's a whole nother story about my drinking problems that I had a couple years ago. But this post is getting a little long now...so I'll talk to y'all later. *mwah*
(((((Hugs))))) for the cramps!! I know they can get terrible. The first through third days are usually the worst...so you're over the worst of it most likely. Taking ibuprofen helps the cramps, as does the heating pad. I use those Thermacare heating pads...the abdominal ones are perfect for "those" days. You can wear it all day.
I'm glad the two of you are so very much in love...I remember feeling that way about my DH. :biggrin I'm glad to hear you'll be talking to your mom and getting on something to protect yourself. ((((Hugs)))) Let us know how that goes.
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