I have never used this board before but as i just discovered i am pregnant with my second child, i thought it would be a good idea.
I will start by saying that i am only 18 years of age. I fell pregnant with my first child when i was just 16 years old, his dad dissapeared and i chose to have my baby whom is now 15 months old (was born in january of 04) I love him dearly and i am very glad i have him.
I have however found parenting somewhat of a struggle lately, i have suffered from depression my entire life and seem to be going through a relapse. I am managing the best i can, although single parenting is difficult.
I am now in a new relationship with someone whom i have known for 4 years and have loved for as bout as long, unfortunately it is long distance, we live at opposite ends of the country and i do not get to see him as often as i like. I took a pregnancy test on wednesday and the result was positive, if my calculations are correct i am about 5 weeks pregnant, almost 6.
I am not sure what to do, a part of me wants this child, i wonder what he or she will be like and other things, though the rational part of me is saying 'no'. Bearing in mind i already have one child, and i am still very young and in a long distance relationship, it doesnt seem like the best idea. i am very scared, it is not something i have felt before, with my first child, despite my age, i was very happy and looked forward to his birth. This is something different, i am worried about so many things, if i kept it, where i would live, how it will affect my elder child, how im going to cope. If i didnt keep it im worried about what having an abortion would entail, whether i would be able to go through with it, what effect it would have on me, mentally. Up until recently i would have never ever have considered an abortion, it is not something i imagined myself ever doing, it didnt seem to be for me. Now i am not sure what to do.
Any help you can offer will be greatly appreciated. I hope i have provided the information you need, if you need anything else, please ask.
-NightAngel020104
Friday, March 4, 2005
Second Child
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Boy can I relate! I had my 1st baby when I was 17 and like you, I am so glad I have him. Single parenting is a struggle and you are brave to be doing it. I also found myself pregnant for a 2nd time. I chose to abort even though I had always been against it before...You never truly know how you feel about something like that until you are in the situation. Anyway, I aborted at 7 wks and I have never been able to forget it. I remember feeling relief and sadness all at the same time. I did not feel all the emotions until months later. I gained weight, battled depression, and cried every time I saw a baby. I would really give it careful consideration and a lot of thought before making a choice, simply because you sound like you are already kind of bonding to this baby in a way. Besides, if you have never liked abortion before, just because you are in the situation now won't make it any more right if you always believed it to be wrong...does that make sense? I compromised my beliefs in a moment of panic and regret it now. That all being said, I also had a 3rd baby and placed him for open adoption. This was by far the hardest thing I ever went through but also the most rewarding. Open adoption is awesome because you can be involved in his/her life and they will always know that just because they were unplanned, didn't mean they were unwanted! If you feel like parenting would be too hard, but aren't sure you can live with abortion, consider adoption. There are wonderful agencies who can provide long term counselling and their services should be free to you. Believe me, when my step mom first suggested adoption to me, I was like no way can I do that. However, I went to the initial counseling session just to get all the info and they made me feel so wonderful about the whole thing. I wasn't giving up a baby, I was giving him the 2 greatest presents! His life, and terrific parents who love him so much! No matter what your choice is we are here to encourage and support. My final word of advice for what its worth, is explore all 3 options thoroughly. You already know what parenting is like, but talk to women here on the board who have had abortions, and you can talk to me about adoption if you want. Good luck sweetie! Luv, Christine
Hi and welcome to the board! I hope you find the support here that you need. :biggrin
First, I'd like to recommend that you do the Decision-Making Workbook here, and the Post-Abortion Stress Assessment as well. These will help you to gauge what you are feeling and thinking.
I often say that it's easier in the long run to deal with the "tangibles" (housing, money, space, etc.) rather than the "intangibles" (regret, second-guesses, etc.) It's also very important that previously you had been opposed to abortion for yourself. Changing your viewpoint on such a big issue while in the middle of a crisis can spell disaster for you later on when those original feelings come back to you.
Could we help you find some counseling? It sounds like you know you're having a rough time, and sometimes it helps to be able to talk about it. Are you getting financial help? Do you know of pregnancy centers nearby where you can get free baby items? Can I help you find maternity housing or HUD housing? Your son will be fine with another child. He will be 2 when the baby arrives, and he'll have a lot of fun playing with him/her. Children are naturally loving toward eachother, and while there might be a short adjustment period, things will get into a routine.
Here are some links for you:
www.sheknows.com/about/look/42.htm
ks.essortment.com/newsibling_rcvn.htm
www.ababyresource.com/Preparing_for_Baby/Preparing_Siblings
As for how you'll cope? You'll need help. Do you have family and/or friends who would be supportive? Are you a member of a church? Do you know of local pregnancy centers? Mommy and me groups? You need to feel emotionally supported. That will take a large weight off of you. We care, but people in real life are even better! I can help you find some resources if you give me your city and state as well as some nearby cities within driving distance.
I look forward to hearing back from you, and if you do decide to have an abortion or place for adoption, we're here for you in that case too, okay? I just got the feeling you're leaning toward keeping it. Do you have questions about abortion we can answer? ((((Hugs))))) hon.
Thank you for your kind replies, before i continue, rose, i completed your decision making workbook, well, not all of it, but some, you emailed me and directed me in the email to this post, i probably should have stated before that i was completing that, as it we are actually the same person.
Thank you for your offer to find counselling and so forth. The problem is i actually live in england, so that may be a difficult task for you.
I think you are both right about my hesitation towards having an abortion, im not strictly against it, i beleive it is a womans right to chose, although like i said, i could never imagine myself being able to do it before, i couldnt imagine being able to live with my self with that over my head, with the knowledge that i had killed my child, although i am in a very tough situation and it is something i had to consider, as at the moment, it seems like the sensible option, but like i said before, im not sure if i could deal with it. I am concerned more for my partner then i am for my self, he is currently at university and has a bright future ahead of him, i dont want to be responsible for ruining that. He says to me that the having a child part of things is not what scares him the most, he worries about loosing me, although im not sure he could cope with a child as well as hes saying he could. He mentioned taking a year out at uni, and so by the time he went back the child would be one, but as i said, i will not run the risk of ruining his life. I am not convinced he means all the things he is saying, i beleive he is trying to make me happy, i dont think he wants this child. Adoption is something i havn't considered, i breifly thought about it, however i dont think i would be able to give a baby up once i have seen it, i realise it doesnt seem like im leaving myself many options, i think at the moment that i need to think things through more thoroughly.
I also have another question, my previous pregnancy didnt go to well to begin with, i was getting cramping pains and spotting and the doctor told me that i was threatening misscarriage and put me on bed rest. And now the same thing is happening again, only worse, i am getting cramps, feeling extremely nauseaus, i cannot keep a thing down, i am dizzy and i am getting very bad lower back pains, although, as yet, no spotting, and im not sure if the same thing is happening again, or what. can you help?
Thanks for clarifying how you feel about abortion for us. I too am pro choice in that as women we should be in control of our reproductive options and decisions. We also owe it to ourselves to get all the facts in order to make well informed choices. Many of us make choices quickly based on fear and then grow to regret them. Adoption can be a horrifying thought at first glance. I felt the same way you did about seeing the baby, then being able to hand him to someone else. It took a lot of preparation both mental and emotional. I won't lie and say it was easy but looking back, I have a peace about it that cannot be compared to anything else. Speaking only for myself, as a post abortive woman, I had a much better experience by placing for adoption than by having the abortion. Ultimately you have to do what is right for you. I am concerned that you mention his future as your responsibility. No one, not you or a baby, can ruin his future. We all have choices to make and there are plenty of people who manage to go to school and be parents. Only he can be responsible for his success or failure. Please don't make your decision based on how you think it may or may not affect his life. This is your body, your child, your future. Only you will have to deal directly with the long term effects of your choices. What he thinks and what we think really isnt what matters. What does your heart tell you? As for the complications remember every pregnancy is different. Consult with your doc and he or she can come up with a plan for you to stay healthy. Luv, Christine
Thanks for the advice. I made, sort of a discovery last night, as concerns about my health came up, i have ITP, which is an auto immune disorder, i had complications with it during my first pregnanny, depending on the severity of the case, it can cause spontaneous fetal abortion and stillbirth. My blood platelet levels are extremely low at the moment, which means for now, i am in a bit of trouble regarding the pregnancy and im going to have to stay under careful observation, but i found myself crying at the prospect of loosing my child, which tells me that i really do want to keep it, and i shall, assuming everything goes well from now on.
Though the doctor may recommend an abortion due to medical reasons, as he did with my first. He suggested i have a late abortion on medical grounds, i was 22 weeks by then. so i refused, despite the dangers to my health... there was a risk i could have bled to death. I am going to see him tomorrow, and then on to my heamatologist. I was told having another child could kill me, i have been so busy worrying about other things regarding the pregnancy i forgot about this! I will have to wait and see what is said. Im not sure what ill do if he recommends abortion again.
I am so sorry to hear that you are in such a rough situation...My $0.02 is that if you really want this baby, then stay strong and continue on. After all, you were told to abort the 1st time and you are still alive and so is your child. This one could be the same way. Doctors are educated and may have lots of experience but only God is the author of life and He loves to make our intelligence seem foolish. If this baby was meant to be, it will be. If God decides that now is not the time for this new life, nature will resolve it all by itself. You would mourn for your child of course but you would also be able to walk away from the experience knowing that you were not responsible for the outcome, and without the guilt and "what ifs" running through your mind. There was another girl on the board just a few weeks ago who had a very similar situation. She decided to carry her baby but ended up miscarrying. Perhaps you should read through some of her posts. You may find them encouraging. We are here for you no matter what! Luv, Christine
Hi there hon :)
Thanks for clarifying about the posts/emails. I wondered when I was replying to the email if you were one and the same. LOL. Glad we cleared that up. :wink
Even in England, I can find at least some pregnancy centers that offer counseling and other assistance if you'd like. I just need to know whereabouts you live. You can email me with the info if you don't want to post it. Give me the names of nearby towns so I can search them too.
I read through your post on the 5th, and how you aren't opposed to abortion but wouldn't want to do it yourself, etc. You mention how you don't know how you could live with yourself after an abortion but then mention how you don't want to ruin your partner's life. Hon...you need to look out for you, okay? It sounds like you might put his feelings before your own - which is noble, but it's also a recipe for regret later. ((((Hugs)))) Remember to think about him, but then ultimately you need to do what is going to work for you and you alone. That means being strong enough to do something that someone else disagrees with if it's what you want.
The cramps can be normal as your uterus adjust to the baby. So can some spotting. It's only if your cervix opens that you'd need some help. Perhaps they can stitch your cervix closed this time? If the doctor recommends an abortion, you can always seek a second opinion. There really isn't a medical condition that calls for abortion - maybe early delivery, but not abortion. Maybe you would need to find a doctor that is against recommending abortion? I can help you find one if you'd like me to. Sometimes doctors just don't consider the emotional impact of abortion for some women, and that's unfortunate. ((((Hugs)))))
Will you let us know what happens at your appointment? I'll be thinking of you hon.
My doctors appointment has been held back until tomorrow, where i will be talking to the nurse also. She assumed i wanted a termination on the phone and when i told her i didnt, she seemed a little surprised. i get the impression shes going to try to talk me into an abortion tomorrow... she has been our family nurse for as long as i can remember and is probably trying to look out for my best interests because of my age. Shes started suggesting that the reason why i am pregnant yet again is because of my childhood (very long story, i grew up in an abusive family..not my parents, my brother..) she seems to think im trying to subconciously create the family envirmoment i never had, and im making a mistake, i can tell im not going to have much fun tomorrow, ill just have to see how it goes. There is so much pressure on me to have an abortion, from my mother, my grandmother, the nurse, and most likely the doctor also, and as soon as everyone else finds out they will probably say the same thing, i tend to crumble under pressure, i hope i have the strength to get through this.
Edit: Rose, i forgot to tell you where i live, its a town called Grimsby, In the north east of england (North east lincolnshire may bring up better search results) Nearby towns, Hull, Scunthorpe, Leeds.
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
I had a crappy childhood as well and I guess I could see her point about trying to recreate a family blah blah blah:blink ....I will just encourage you to follow your heart. Others may be well intentioned and they may try to save you from what they see as a mistake (having another baby) but remember, they cannot live your life for you. They will not be the ones feeling your feelings and going through these trials with you. This has to be your choice not anyone elses. You alone will have to live with the consequenses (good, bad or indifferent). I will say a prayer for you. Do you have a church or pastor or priest whom you could seek counsel from? Just curious. Make sure you get facts and not their oppinions. Abortion is forever and like Rose said, you can always get a 2nd Dr's oppinion. Good luck sweetie. Luv, Christine
Rose, you offered to help me find help in my area, would you be able to find any information on adoption? i have looked, but i cant seem to find anything. I still feel as if i want to keep the baby, but i feel i need to look into adoption also, as im not all that sure that keeping it, will be best for the child, and since i have ruled out abortion, its the only available option. Im am very unsure of my ability to look after 2 young children, and so, after furthur thought about the idea, this is something that might be worth considering.
Big ((Hugs)) to you. Just a quick note to let you know I read your posts and I'm thinking about you. Hang in there. :wink Please let us know how things go tomorrow.
Hi there :smile ((((Hugs))))) I'm so sorry that you feel you're going to be pressured into getting an abortion by the nurse tomorrow. Is there someone you can bring with you that will stick up for you? You could arrange a "signal" so the other person could butt in if it got too tough for you. I'd do it, but well....England's far. :rolleyes I hope you will be able to stand your ground, and just remember that there's nothing wrong with building a family - that's not a mistake. I had a crappy childhood too, and one of the benefits of having my DD is raising her better than I was raised, KWIM? (((((Hugs))))) Hang in there hon, and remember that you are the one that will have to live with this decision - not us, not your mother, your grandmother, or this nurse or doctor.
Okay - I found some pregnancy centers in Lincolnshire, so I'll go ahead and give them to you. If these aren't close to you, let me know and I'll keep looking.
Alternatives Crisis Pregnancy Centre
2 North Rd
Bourne PE10 9AP
ENGLAND
01778-394935
Alternatives PCC
Warf Rd, Grantham Baptist Church
Grantham NG31 6BA
ENGLAND
01476-591807
LIFE Pregnancy Care Centres
26a Guildhall St
Lincoln LN1 4QP
ENGLAND
01522-535396
LIFE Pregnancy Care Centres
53a Oswald Rd
Scunthorpe DN15 7PE
ENGLAND
01724-863020
These centers will be able to help with lots of things. They can probably even help you find a doctor that will help you have this baby. Their services are free. They also help you find financial aide if you need it, and supply material support (diapers, clothes, etc.). There's often counseling/support there too. They will know of the adoption agencies near you, but I did search a bit online and found these websites that should help you find more info about adoption:
www.adoption.org.uk/Organisations/page1.htm
www.adoptionuk.com/
www.baaf.org.uk/info/firstq/pregnant.shtml
Let me know how the appt goes tomorrow, and let me know if you'd like me to find more pregnancy centers for you, okay? ((((Hugs)))))
Thank you rose. I may be being a bit dumb but what does KWIM mean. I use the internet alot and still i have never heard it.
The appointment went well, the nurse was very understanding actually, though there was a "if you change your mind" remark, its not what she said, its the way she said it, if you know what i mean. I took my mother with me, she seems to have had a change of heart over the last couple of days, and is now encouraging me to move so my partner and the children can be together as a family... im starting to warm to that idea too. Im still going to take a look at the adoption info, as i still have some doubts, and i need to be completely sure. Ill keep ya posted!
I was wondering what KWIM meant myself:whistling Anyway glad the appt went well. I just got your msg and tried to add you to my MSN...however as I am computer illiterate it didn't work. I will have my DH do it when he gets home. TTYL luv, Christine
KWIM means "know what I mean?" :biggrin
I'm so relieved to hear that there wasn't too much pressure put on you to have an abortion. I do know what you mean about the "unspoken" words though. And how cool to have your mom supporting you now! Yay! Do you live far from your partner? It sounds like that would be a good idea to get together to have a family. :smile
You have a good 7-8 months before you need to decide about adoption, so don't hurry. Let us know if you have questions, and it looks like you're hooking up with Christine to talk about that some, and that's a good thing. :wink
(((((((Hugs)))))))) Give us an update when you can, okay?
How are things? Anything new going on? We love updates - so please get back to us when you have a moment, okay? ((((Hugs)))) Hope you're feeling well.
Hi, sorry it took me so long to reply. i have had my boyfriend over so i havent been online in a week, and we have had alot to talk about. My boyfriend lives directly across the country from me, he lives in the north west and i live in the north east, it is quite a distance, although it is begining to look alot like im moving. Which may be a good idea, although it has given me something else to worry about as it will be very difficult.
He wants to have a family with me, which is a good thing, as my first childs father dissapeared the moment i got pregnant, so i think i might have finally met a decent guy. His family are also supportive and have offered to help as much as they can, they are letting us live with them until we find a place of our own, and his mum offered me a job at one point so at least for the moment i wont have to worry about financial issues.
Im not sure when im going as of yet, i do hope it is soon, as it is getting harder to say goodbye to my bf at the end of every visit. I think thats a good sign. He is already thinking of names for the baby, i think hes getting ahead of himself there, im only about 7 weeks gone!
Things are looking good. :biggrin
I was beginning to wonder if you were ok. I am so happy to hear that things are beginning to look up for you! Do keep us posted on whatever you decide to do. Yes, there are good men out there and if yours is supporting you then he is one of them. Good luck sweetie!
Oh I am so glad that things appear to be working out so nicely for you! You sound peaceful and even a little excited at the thought of being with your boyfriend. THings seem to be workign out hon! That's terrific!
Please keep us posted, and let us know how things work out, okay? We live for the happy updates. :wink
Thanks for the updates! I've been thinking of you. I'm so glad things are going well for you!
Thanks! Ill keep you all informed, though nothing seems to have happened as of yet. :biggrin
Today has been the WORST DAY!!
It all started this morning, at about 4am, when i was just getting ready to go to bed, when the switch on my fire broke, and because it was a stupid gas fire, i couldnt turn it off. So i had to wait til 7 in the morning for the gas to run out before i dare leave it alone and go to bed. At about 1pm i go on my usual tuesday shopping rounds to find only a quarter of the money i usually get is in the bank, so this week it looks like im not going to be eating. I had just had enough money to buy my sons toddler food jars (i cant cook...) so then i leave, and wait 45 bloody minutes for a taxi, at this point, with my fire, and no money and no food, and waiting for 45 mins in the worst weather i have ever seen, i was pretty pissed off. so then eventually i get home, put the baby jars on the chair in my kitchen while i started putting them away.... and i knocked the chair, they all fell off and broke all over the floor... i had taken my shoes of, and i got my feet all cut up, huh, so then i had a mixture of glass, food and blood to clean up, and then, when i finally think its over, i get my landlady round for rent i didnt have, and she took, what was literally the last few pounds i had left... then i dropped my lucky tea cup, and it broke also. Guess im all out of luck now then...
It has been a very bad day for me. i needed to vent.
You poor thing! Sounds like you need to take a bubble bath and relax a little. I have had days like that and sometimes you just have to laugh...:blush Otherwise you might go crazy! :woohoo If you need help with money or food is there a local food bank or social agency that could give you temporary assistance? Maybe one of the pregnancy centers....I know our crisis pregnancy center often has baby food. It's worth a shot...Was there a reason for the money shortage? Do you think it was a bank error or have you been out of work? Maybe your bf could wire you some $$$. I hope you get things figured out soon...Good luck sweetie. Luv, Christine
Oh my goodness! :crazy What a horrid day! :unsure Big bear (((((((((Hugs)))))))) to you dear! You must really be at the end of your rope after a day like that. Tomorrow just has to be better!
Definitely check into those pregnancy centers I listed for you earlier on this thread, okay? They will be able to help with some baby food and other items you might need. I hate to think of you going hungry - do you know of any food banks near you? Would you like me to look for some? Is there a nearby church that offers assistance? Could a family member/your BF help you? There is often government help for pregnant women as well - since they want you to be healthy so that the baby will be. Here they call it WIC - do you know of anything like that there? Let me know what I can do to help, okay hon?
::::Sending you a virtual bottle of Calgon to take you away:::::
Rose, could you help me find some information on private hospitals round my area? you already know where i live. I have tried looking, but either there isnt much out there, or im a terrible researcher. its probably the latter.
Im looking into booking my self into one for my pre natal care and the birth of my child, it will cost alot, but somehow im going to do it, ill probably need alot of financial help from my family and my bfs family, my mother is considering remortgaging her home for me. See the thing is, their has been an increase of a bug called MRSA in our government hospitals, and theres not much that can be done about it, plus, there is a cover up that has just come into the light. Quite simply, its killing babies, children, people, thousands of them around the country, a 36 hour old so far has been the youngest victim, i do not want to take the risk. Also, being as i have an autoimmune disease i am at grater risk of catching it, there is no cure, and it kills everyone it infects. you can see my predicament, so i am doing just about what every other expectant mother is doing and not taking the risk! can you help.
It is harder to find info online about privately funded hospitals in England. What you might try doing is to get a list of all the hospitals near you, then cross reference that with the hospitals that are for certain NHS (look here www.nhs.uk/England/Hospit...als.aspx). I only found one hospital online that is private: www.lonclin.co.uk/service...ction_id=3
I did want to mention though that MRSA (medically resistant staphylococcus aureus) would still be in a private hospital as much as a public hospital. To be as safe as possible, I'd check into a nurse midwife/dulah. That way you could deliver in a birthing center and/or at home. Here are some links for that:
www.midwiferytoday.com/ar...irthuk.asp
www.birthchoiceuk.com/Frame.htm
www.radmid.demon.co.uk/
www.homebirth.org.uk/
www.aims.org.uk/
HTH! Let me know if there's more I can do. :biggrin
NightAngel,
Unfortuantly I'm going to have to agree with the PP, infectionous disease can be transmitted in any hospital. However, by staying calm and educating yourself of risks and prevention, you can take steps to protect yourself. Here's some info you might find useful:
www.cdc.gov/ncidod/hip/ARESIST/mrsa.htm
www.cdc.gov/ncidod/hip/ar...public.htm
www.mrsa.uk.com/
Hi there Nightangel! I emailed a pregnancy center on the other side of the pond, and they had the following general suggestions. I thought they might help? I didn't give specifics, just that you had a 1-year-old and you were in the UK. Hope you don't mind hon. :wink Let me know if you'd tried all this already.
Is she a UK citizen? If so then she should be in receipt of a basic child benefit for the one year old, which will increase following the birth of her second child. If she is unable
to work then there are other types of benefit available to her, and she is entitled to claim support from the father, although this is proving difficult to enforce and may not be appropriate
depending on her circumstances. If she is working at the moment she is entitled to working tax credit and help with child care costs. For free advice on what is available to her she should contact her local Citizens Advice Bureau, their address and telephone number will be in the Yellow Pages
Directory. We do have a fairly complex welfare system in the UK and those in need can be referred to Social Services to have their needs assessed. Has the client already explored these avenues?
Christians Against Poverty is an organisation that offers help and practical support to people in debt and struggling to feed themselves and their families. They can be contacted on 01274 760720, and the address is Jubilee Mill, North Street, Bradford. BD1 4EW. In Lincoln, Credit Action offer similar advice. They can be contacted at Howard House, The Point, Weaver Road, Lincoln, LN6 3QN.
How are you hon? Haven't heard from you in a bit...I'd love an update. :biggrin
BTW, the pregnancy center counselor in your area I spoke with wanted you to contact her so that she can set you up with some assistance where you live. Just go here for contact info: careconfidential.com/
Hope this finds you well hon. :wink ((((Hugs)))) to you!
Thanks for the advice guys. i have been gone for a while but now i am back. I have looked into these options, and i am in receipt of the benefits they speak of. Though they dont really have a great system here, im managing the best i can with the resources i have available to me. Unfortunately that is not much at the moment, the system we have here is not that great, the child benefit they speak of is only £16 a week, all in all, not a great amount. I shall continue to look around to see if any more help is available. im not to sure it will be, but all i can do is look at the moment.
Hi NightAngel,
I'm new to this site, but I've read about what you're going through and I'm happy to see that you're exploring ways to help you in having and raising your baby. When I was pregnant I was amazed at the possibilities - all the free food for the baby and myself while I was pregnant, clothes, etc. I was very scared to be in contact with the church I had grown up in, but when I was they were so supportive, paying for food, clothes, they even helped me with living expenses. I don't know if there's a church in your area that does anything like that, but it may be worth checking into, too. They may even have some kind of support group or at least people willing to help.
I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.
Good to see you back. :biggrin Did you get to vist the FOB? None of my business of course. :blush Just curious.
You could always email the lady that I spoke with - it seemed like she new of some other organizations/people who could help in your area, but was anxious to speak to you instead of through me. :wink
((((Hugs)))) How about we move you to the "Pregnancy" board from now on? Feel free to post there, now that you're not "Still Deciding." :biggrin
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